Save The Last Dance For Me
As Connie marched resolutely down the corridor to Ric's office, his letter of resignation trying to burn a hole in her palm, her rage steadily grew. How dare he, how dare he do this, walk out on her, walk out on the hospital, just when she was beginning to mould her empire to her satisfaction. She didn't care what his reasons were, all she knew that he was one of the best surgeons she'd ever worked with, and she wanted him to stay. Sitting glumly at his desk, mindlessly sifting through piles of paperwork, Ric recognised the forthright click of her heels as they approached his door. He would know that precise, authoritative walk anywhere. He'd known she would do this, and he barely suppressed a groan at the predictability of her arrival. Quite without knocking, Connie thrust open the door to his office, strolling in, as though she owned the place, which he supposed in a way she did.
"What the hell do you think you're playing at?" She demanded furiously, slamming his open letter of resignation down on his desk. "What are you talking about?" He asked mildly, her bluster never having made much impression on him. "This, is what I'm talking about, your somewhat pathetic attempt to disappear without even discussing it." "What is there to discuss?" Ric said blandly. "I'm fed up of playing hospital politics, so I quit. Where's the problem?" "The problem," She said, leaning over his desk like the predatory tiger she was. "Is that I do not intend to lose one of the best surgeons this hospital has ever had." "Connie," Ric said in growing exasperation. "I don't care whether or not my sticking around was part of your master plan, because it isn't going to happen. Now, why don't you sit down, shut up, and start listening for once in your life, and I might just take the time to tell you what you're obviously determined to know." Staring at him in complete shock, Connie did what he'd told her, moving round to perch on the edge of his desk so that she was facing him as he pushed his chair slightly back from her. If Zubin had spoken to her like this, it would have been nothing new, but Ric was different. He didn't usually achieve his ends by shouting, which meant that he obviously wanted her to heed his request. "Connie," He began, having calmed down considerably. "When I first started working here, I had a team around me whose primary concern was to save lives. That was how it was supposed to be, and that's how I hoped it would stay. But I don't feel that that's the way things are any more. Connie, I think you've forgotten what is really important in this job, I think you've forgotten why you originally wanted to go into medicine." He could see the mental hackles rising in her eyes, and put out a hand to keep her quiet, finding to his surprise that she took it in hers. "You are so wrapped up in building and expanding your empire, that you've forgotten what we are all supposed to be here to do. Hospital politics isn't what you were made for, Connie, because believe me, that isn't where your extensive skills lie. Your husband might have made a career of manipulating every person who tries to stand in his path, and he might have the politician's habit of playing people off against each other like chess pieces, but I don't think that way of doing things is really for you. Connie, carry on the way you are, and you won't have a hospital or a team left to rule."
In the ensuing silence, Connie just stared at him. Was he right? She couldn't help but wonder. She knew she could get caught up in Michael's harebrained schemes of manipulation, because it usually gave her an enormous buzz to move people around as she desired, and not as they thought best. But had she lost the true reason for her being here? She didn't think so, but Ric certainly had given her something to think about. "It's not quite as simple as you might think," She said eventually. "As Medical Director, my responsibility is to the hospital trust." "Connie, I once was Clinical Director remember, I know precisely how complicated your sense of loyalty must be. That is precisely why I gave up the job, because I was no longer allowed to give the majority of my time and commitment to my patients, which is what I should have been able to do. I hated having to answer to a group of bureaucrats in suits who didn't know the first thing about adequate patient care. The trust loathed my very existence, primarily because I always put my patients' best interests over the trust's, not something that ever made me very popular. I think that you're only just beginning to find out how difficult that balancing act really is." "I think I found that out on the day of Will's funeral," She admitted ruefully, the thought having slipped out before she could prevent it. "Yes," Ric agreed sombrely. "And you've been running away from that ever since." "I didn't come here to talk about Will," She said quietly, slightly turning her face away from his, though he could still see her pain.
"Do you want my honest opinion?" He asked, wanting to change the subject from something that was obviously still very raw to her. "I think you've already given me more than enough of your considered opinion," She said with a rueful smile. "But far be it from me to halt you in your stride." "I don't think that having Michael on the hospital board is doing you any favours," He said carefully, knowing that he didn't have anything to lose, but all the same not really wanting to further alienate her. "Oh?" She said noncommittally, one eyebrow raised. "Connie, you may think that having the chairman of the board under your thumb, will give you unlimited licence to bring in whatever changes you see fit, but I think you'll find that it will eventually work the other way. I can see it already. You thought you had Zubin all wrapped up, didn't you, you thought that all you had to do was to lean on Michael to persuade him to do what you asked, only it didn't work, did it?" "It would have done," She replied bitterly. "If you hadn't swanned in at the last minute to plead his less than worthy cause." "And do you know why I did that?" He asked, for the moment ignoring her sniping. "Because of some misguided notion of a thirty year friendship that you can't bear to let go." She instantly regretted her harsh words when she saw him wince. "No," He said almost sadly. "Because Zubin threw away any friendship we might have had when he began sleeping with my daughter. I supported Zubin, because it was the right thing to do. I might despise him for what he's done to Jess, but that doesn't stop me from thinking that he is usually highly professional in what he does. You were trying to force him to resign over a question of professionalism, something that I couldn't agree with, no matter what my personal feelings towards him might be." She was staring at him wide-eyed by this time, thinking that she had surely never heard anything quite so sincere. When Michael made his numerous protestations on everything from her management skills to his political rivals, he didn't ever sound as though he really meant any of it. But this, everything Ric had just said, had come from the heart, from the very essence of who he was.
"Is that why you're going?" She asked into the silence. "Because of Professor Khan and his dalliance with your daughter?" "Partly," Ric admitted stonily. "But mostly it's because I want to actually feel needed again. Where I'm going, all I'll be required to do is precisely what I was trained to do, and hospital politics will be a thing of the past." "Do you not perhaps think that Jess might need you to stay?" Connie asked gently, not having expected such depth of honesty from him. "She doesn't need me," Ric said almost bitterly. "She's got a godfather and lover rolled into one. What could she possibly need in a father who's never been much good at parenting? Zubin is a far better example of being a satisfactory parent." "I really can't persuade you to stay, can I," Connie said quietly, finally realising that she had lost the battle. "No," Ric told her seriously. "Though I can't imagine why you would want to." "Well, we could start," Connie said exasperatedly. "With the fact that you are definitely one of the best surgeons I have ever worked with." "Save it for your new registrar," Ric replied dismissively, getting up from his chair and beginning to file away some of the papers on his desk. "What will it take for me to convince you?" Connie demanded, finding a little bit of residual fight left in her. "You can't," He told her simply. "I outlived my usefulness in this place a long time ago." "Listen to me, you stupid man," She said, slipping off the edge of the desk, walking over to him and slightly shaking his shoulders. "Hasn't it perhaps occurred to you, that I might want you to stay?" Ric stood and stared at her, the contact from her hands on his shoulders almost burning him with her touch. He could feel each one of her fingers, and the memory of her made him close his eyes for just a second, briefly savouring the memory of that other time they'd been in this office, on her very first day at Holby. "Connie, I can't stay here," He told her quietly. "Because there are far too many reasons why I should go." "If you really are so determined, then I suppose there's nothing I can do to stop you," She said just as quietly, leaning slightly closer to him as their eyes met, exchanging so many fleeting memories that they had both tried to suppress. When their lips met, softly and lingeringly, his arms went round her, both of them stepping off life for a time, holding each other close in memory of that other time they'd been together. He could feel every one of her delicious curves as they briefly clung to each other, their actions expressing that tiny, usually buried portion of fondness they held for each other. When their lips parted, they still held each other close, knowing that when they parted, it would be for good. Eventually releasing her and gently pushing her from him, Ric brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Will you do something for me?" He asked, not really knowing where this request had sprung from. "Will you keep an eye on Jess?" "Yes," She replied. Then, as a thought occurred to her, she said, "You think Zubin will eventually screw up on her, don't you." "I've known him a lot longer than she has," Ric said matter-of-factly. "So yes, I'm absolutely certain he will." "Then wouldn't that be all the more reason to stay?" Connie asked, wanting to have just one last try. "No," Ric told her bitterly. "This is something Jess needs to work out for herself. It's about time she learnt that not everything will always go her way." "Spoken like a true father," Connie said with a smile. As she watched him collect his things together, she couldn't help but grin. "Just out of interest," She asked with a smirk. "Precisely how many times did you hear the words, 'My Grandma once told me', when you were married to Lola?" "Too many for my sanity to stand," He replied ruefully. "Why do you think I left her? By the end of your first week together, you'll be hearing those words in your sleep." "Thanks for the warning," Connie said disgustedly. "Connie, what on earth possessed you to employ her?" "That was Michael's doing," Connie said bitterly. "He wouldn't let me have another male registrar. He said that if I couldn't sleep with my registrar, I couldn't possibly bring the hospital into disrepute. "He's probably right," Ric was forced to admit. "I didn't hear you complaining," Connie said with a knowing smile. "I wasn't your registrar," Ric quipped back, thinking that Connie was going to find Michael's influence creeping more and more into her work if she wasn't careful.
As they moved towards the door, he briefly rested a hand on her shoulder. "Take care of yourself," He said quietly. Then, just before they stepped back out into the real world, he added, "Jess will always know where to find me." But as they walked out of his office, and resumed their appearance of distant politeness, it wasn't just Ric who was inwardly lamenting their having to leave the cosy confinement of that room. Behind at least that closed door, they had both been able to abandon the antipathy they held for each other in public, both being able to exchange a few true, sincerely meaningful words. As they walked side by side down the endless corridor, Ric couldn't help wondering whether he would ever come back to this place once he had left, whether or not he would again hear that voice that had the combined ability to fill him with enraged anger or intense arousal. He hoped so, he hoped that one day he would hear from Connie Beauchamp, wherever he happened to be.