Disclaimer: I don't own ABC or AMC. If I did, do you think the show would be in the state that it is? Plus, it would be Zendall 24/7!
Title: The Dance That We Do
Author: Jayta
Rating: PG13
Show: All My Children
A/N: Nope. Not budging. No NC stuff for me. Not even if you beg...really. No. Reaaaaally.
A/N 2: Thanks BIG BUNCHES to Liz for sending those tapes to me! Yay! Still counting down the days...;)
A/N 3: Thanks for all of the helpful, insightful and inspiring feedback.
A/N 4: Gidget, as always, quick observer. You changed the title before I even knew it ;)
A/N 5: Lastly I wanted to say that though it is somewhat original, I think I kind of stole some of the gooder parts from...oh wait, you haven't read it yet...I'll save this for the end! Mwuahahaha...
Chapter Eight: Is It Love
"Are you in love with me?"
How was he supposed to respond to that question? Honestly? Vaguely?
Of course he was in love with her. It hadn't been obvious in the beginning, but it was blatantly obvious to him now. Part of him wondered how she could not see it.
"Zach?" Kendall felt like she was on a hot-seat, waiting for him to give her an answer. Why did you have to open your big fat mouth?
"U-Uh, in love with you..." he hedged, looking her in the eye. "That...that's a good question..."
"We have arrived at the hotel, sir," the driver announced, peering throuugh the rearview mirror.
"Right," Zach said, acknowledging the chauffeur. "Great. Thanks." He turned to Kendall and gestured towards the door. "We should get out here. This is our stop." "Hey, no, no, no." She wagged her finger at him. "You're not getting out of this that easily." She had her chance to escape, forget that she asked the torturous question at all. But there was this nagging knot in her stomach that would not let it go. That, and she was just stubborn.
"We should really get out, Kendall," he said, as the door opened before them. "I mean, this guy can't sit here forever, while we hash things out."
With furrowed brow, Kendall glanced up at the eager look on the younger man's face, dressed neatly, in a clean-cut suit, knowing Zach was right...again. "Fine," she huffed. "But as soon as we get to the suite..."
"Yes, dear," Zach said with a grin. Patting her hand, he exited the car and offered his hand to his wife. As he assisted Kendall, she stumbled slightly, twisting her foot on the curb, causing her to fall forward into his arms.
Kendall swallowed slightly, as her eyes met with his, clinging to him for balance. Why did the most embarrassing, clumsy things happen to her around him?
"Are you all right?" he asked worriedly, glancing down at her leg.
Lovesick puppy dog, that's what I am. Or at least what I must look like.
"No, I'm fine," she said determinedly, as she pulled away from him slightly. When she put weight on her right foot, Kendall felt a sharp pain shoot up her leg. Biting her bottom lip, she grimaced, sucking the air through her teeth, trying not to cry.
"You're not fine," Zach said, frowning. Leaning down, he slid his hand down the calf of her right leg and gently squeezed her ankle. He heard her muffled gasp. He glanced up at her knowingly. "I think you might have sprained your ankle, if not twisted it."
"I'm FINE." She tried to put weight on that foot again, and she nearly cried out in pain. Her ankle was throbbing now.
"You're anything but fine," he growled, pushing himself up to his feet. "And if you try to walk on that, you're only going to make it worse."
Kendall could feel moisture growing from the corners of her eyes as she shifted her weight to her good foot. "I can walk..." And before she could protest any further, Kendall felt herself being swept up off her feet and into his arms. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around his neck. "What in Sam Hill do you think you're doing?" she exclaimed irritably, glancing down at the ground. "I told you I was fine. And you pick me up without a word..."
"Yes dear," he interrupted, unable to contain his amusement at the expression on Kendall's face. "Now you tell me what a horrible, horrible husband I am, while I carry you back to our room."
Kendall watched as Zach turned his attention towards the hotel, walking almost effortlessly, like she weighed no more than a bird, and to their suite. She still clung to him, though her grip relaxed slightly. When he got like this, it made her want to throttle him, yet kiss him at the same time. The man was a complete paradox - dismissive, yet attentive, obtuse, but observant.
Boy, do I know how to pick'em.
>>>
Gently, Zach set her down easily on the bed, sliding her arm from around his neck, before sitting on the edge and examining her ankle. He had spoken to the concierge about an icepack and a few extra towels. The ankle had not changed size or color; he took that as a good sign that it was probably a slight sprain.
"Zach, it's nothing," Kendall dismissed, uncomfortable and disconcerted at how gentle his touch could be. He was touching her, granted, only her leg, without thought to ask permission, as if he had a right to do with her, what he willed. "Really."
"It's precautionary," he explained. Reaching over her, he leaned in, their gazes meeting briefly, before he pulled back, taking a pillow with him. "I just want to make sure it's not twisted. You don't want a swollen ankle the size of a grapefruit, do you?"
"Y-You..." She tried to push his hand away, but he just swatted her hand away. Kendall sighed, giving up the fight. He wasn't going to listen to her. She watched intently as he lifted her foot up, propping the pillow underneath, elevating her ankle.
"How does that feel?" he asked without looking up.
"Good...good," she replied distractedly, her gaze still intent upon his face.
"No pain?" He glanced up at her, wanting to gauge her reaction as he touched the ankle with his fingertips, knowing she would probably deny any pain at all.
He was so gentle at times like these. He never panicked in stressful situations. He was always the picture of control and strength.
"Kendall?" He frowned. She seemed to be off in her own world for a moment. "There's no pain?" he repeated himself.
"Huh?" She was pulled out of her musings. "What?"
"What, are you daydreaming on me now?" he chuckled. "I didn't know I was such a bore."
"Uh, no," she blurted out, shaking her head. "I just kind of got..um, distracted." "So I take it, the pain is minimal then?" Zach rested his hand upon her leg. "Since you didn't seem to notice when I was touching it earlier," he said thoughtfully.
"Uh, no. No pain," she breathed, shaking her head to validate her statement.
"That's good," he nodded, "that's really good."
Her gaze drifted to his hand, which still remained upon the calf of her leg. She could feel the warmth of his hand creeping up her leg..."So!" she exclaimed, trying to keep her focus away from the attraction that always came when they were alone in a room together like this. "What a way to end the night, huh?"
"Yeah," Zach said, rubbing his jawline. Suddenly he became restless sitting there, with her so close. Practically jumping off the bed, Zach slid off the bed, putting a little distance between them. "It was a good night though."
"It was," she agreed, a smile played upon her lips. "Really good."
"But it's getting late," he said, gesturing to her. "And I'm sure you're exhausted."
"Somewhat," Kendall admitted, suddenly realizing how tired her eyes were.
"Well then," he said, his voice trailing off. With his hands in his pocket, he shifted his weight from side to side, unable think of anything else to keep him there. "Uh...good night. Sweet dreams."
"Wait," she exclaimed, her eyes fluttering open. The night had taken a sudden twist, which had gotten them off track about the real question. "You never answered my question." Her heart began to pound against her chest.
"Your question?" Zach tilted his head curiously.
"Yes," she said, eyeing him suspiciously. "You thought I'd forget didn't you?"
"How so?" It took him a moment, but he realized what question she was indeed talking about.
"Probably made this whole thing," gesturing to her propped up ankle, "to avoid the whole subject." Kendall couldn't believe how cunning he was. "Is it so hard to answer a simple question?" she asked slyly.
"So you're saying I made you slip and twist your ankle, to avoid answering this question of yours?" He raised a skeptical brow. "Hm, that's some theory," he said, raising himself up on his toes and then rolling back. "Did I mention, I've noticed a recent penchant for conspiracy theories?"
"You're doing it again!" she exclaimed in frustration, throwing her hands up in the air. "You're delibrately changing the subject, avoiding the question, dancing around the point!"
"It's kind of an out-of-nowhere question though, don't you think?" He knew he was stalling. But what else could he do? Zach had no idea what drove her desire to know the answer?
"How is it out of nowhere?" Kendall frowned, slumping back into the pile of pillows surrounding her.
"Well, we are here for a divorce, and as unconventional a marriage as this is, I thought we deserved a wonderful night out," he explained cautiously, as he paced back and forth. "I mean, what do...feelings have to do with this? When did feelings get involved?"
"So, you're saying that all of this," she waved her hands in the air in gesture to what had occurred that night, "was just a good time?" Suddenly Kendall had a sinking feeling about this.
"In a sense," Zach nodded. "Yes." He wasn't lying. His intentions had been honorable. He had promised her a wonderful day and night; and he wanted to give that to her after all she had been through.
"Then...then," she stammered in frustration, and confusion, verging on tears. "Why?" She looked up at him not understanding what she had felt that night - what he had made her feel.
"Please," Zach said, as he had always been unable to watch a woman cry. "I didn't mean to make you cry."
"I'm not crying," Kendall declared, while sniffling and wiping back tears. "I'm not crying." She was not going insane. She was not delusional. What Zach did for her tonight was not just about an unconventional friendship, and breaking all of the rules of a conventional marriage. "The special beach serenade, the candles and torches and romantic dinner - I did not imagine those things, did I!"
"I..." Zach did not know how that night would make her feel. He did it out of an innocent desire to keep that smile that had been on her lips all day, but now he saw that it had been a mistake.
"You want to prove that I can be manipulated? Is that it?" The thought had crossed her mind. Kendall had wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but maybe Zach had changed his M.O.. Perhaps, he wasn't the honorable guy that she thought he was, and that everyone kept pointing out to her. "You want to hurt me, Zach? Is that it?" she accused angrily. "Because I have to tell you, if you are, you're doing one heck of a bang-up job!"
"That isn't what I intended," he answered calmly, watching her unravel before her eyes. A fault he thought only Lavery could have been accused of. "I would never hurt you..."
"Oh really?" Kendall said disdainfully. "Then what possible reason could you have gone through all of that trouble for?" She shimmied awkwardly forward, trying to keep her leg elevated so she could be closer to Zach. "Because I'm such a great wife? That must be it. It was my reward for being the kind of wife who doesn't nag, doesn't bother living with her husband..."
"Kendall..." He saw the sadness and hurt morph into anger - a defense mechanism.
"Or is this payback now, for not listening to you about carrying Greenlee and Ryan's child?" she spat.
"Kendall," he said, his tone more forceful. She ignored him.
"Or maybe you thought God already beat you to the punch on that one?" She knew she was beginning to sound irrational, but it had crossed her mind that punishment from God had been due her for all the crap she had pulled. Maybe her one good deed just didn't count enough?
"Kendall!" he exclaimed loudly. "No, I didn't do it for those reasons." She stared at him, as if weighing his every word. "Do you really think I'm that kind of a man?"
"You know, right now," she scoffed, letting her hands fall down to her side. "I really have no idea what I think about you."
"Well know that I don't judge you for those things," Zach said firmly. "In fact, I admire you for the amazing heart and strength it took for you to give Greenlee such an amazing gift."
Kendall heard the words, but she could not bring herself to believe them. How could anyone? The only person who understood her gift was Greenlee. Her closest friend understood that she wanted to finally make one unselfish gesture because of their love for one another. "Why do you do that?" she asked, unable to comprehend how he could shower her with these words when he didn't even love her.
"Do what?" Zach wanted to end the pain, the second guessing on her part over his motives. He knew the truth could do that. But was he ready to tell her? Could he tell her the truth, accepting the probability that she did not want what he offered to her?
"Stop complimenting me," she cried wearily. "Saying things that someone who actually gives a damn, would say."
"But I do give a damn about you," he said softly.
"No, you don't," Kendall protested, shaking her head. She was tired. It was late and she did not have the energy to care anymore. "I don't know why you're doing all of this, but you know what? Stop."
Zach did not know how to reply to that.
"Stop pretending you care more than you do." She was insane to believe that there was the possibility of love in the midst of distrust and self-preservation. How she could love the man and in the same breath believe he would do such things to hurt her was illogical. But do you believe he said, did those things because of the reasons you accused him of?
"Okay, enough," he declared forcefully. Running his hands through his hair, his mind swirled with words and declarations of love, and scenarios of how this would play out. "You say you want an explanation - a reason why I do the things I do, say the things I say - well, I'm going to give you one."
Kendall swallowed hard, almost scared of what this next round of words would bring.
"When I, we, came into this marriage, we entered into it wide-eyed, didn't we?" He didn't wait for a response. "I really gave no thought you at all. You were a means to an end, and vice versa. But..." Suddenly the words got caught in his throat. Flashes of the pain and the suffering she had gone through and the grace and courage in which she faced it with, brought a tear to his eyes. "You were more," he breathed. "There was so much more to you than I ever imagined."
She was caught off guard. The words he spoke cut straight to her heart, as if piercing the titanium armor she had so meticulously dressed herself with. He's not saying these things to me...he's not.
"I watched as you endured Ryan's scorn and disdain. I couldn't imagine anyone surviving that, but you picked up the pieces and came back fighting even harder." Zach gazed lovingly at her. "You are stubborn and hard-headed; you are intelligent and beautiful," he said, drawing nearer to her. "You have the most generous heart, and love unreservedly. Y-You put a hundred percent into everything that you do, and that includes love. You would sacrifice anything for someone you loved, and that leaves me speechless."
Kendall felt herself begin to shake. The declaration seemed to be building somewhere, and suddenly she realized how terrified of it she was. He was standing there, speaking words she had only ever dreamed of hearing from any man, let alone Zach. "W-Wha...just what are you saying?" Her eyes were nearly brimming with warm, wet tears.
"What I'm trying to say, Kendall," Zach said hoarsely, reaching out and brushing stray locks of hair out of her eyes. "Is that I'm in love with you. I've fallen in love with you."
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A/N 5: ...as I was saying, from Zach's declaration of love. I mean it was SO good, who wouldn't want to plagarize...LOL. Hopefully it's not exactly the same...Eep. Don't report me to MMT!