Disclaimer: Don't own. If you did, you'd totally notice. Because the show wouldn't suck as much. And Babe and Krystal would have been abducted by aliens a long time ago.
Title: The Dance That We Do
Author: Jayta
Rating: PG13
Show: All My Children
A/N: Thanks for everyone who reviewed. It really is appreciated. I enjoy writing this for you.
A/N 2: Thanks BIG BUNCHES to Liz for sending those tapes to me AGAIN! Here is your bribe in full effect.

Chapter Nine: Reality Sets In

"Love?" She knew she heard him right. The fact that her mind was swirling and spinning like there was no tomorrow was testimony that she had heard Zach Slater profess his love to her. "You," she paused, tearing her gaze from his, "love me." She needed to let this sink in. It seemed like some trick. A hoax of some sort. Was there a candid camera somewhere?

The declaration wasn't succinct or at all fluid. It wasn't the makings of Shakespeare. In fact, he was grateful he managed to get the words out at all. Kendall had this way of frustrating him; she always jumped to the wrong conclusions. She never seemed able to trust that the words were spoken in truth, instead of some big attempt at manipulating her for their advantage. "Yes," he said, holding his breath for some sort of reaction. "I love you, Kendall Hart Slater."

The words brought a slight smile to her lips. Love. This from a man who claimed he had no heart. Lifting her eyes to meet his, Kendall tilted her head, gazing suspiciously at the man before her. "Where did this sudden 'love' for me come from?" she asked, trying with all of her might not to freak out at him for what he was saying. "I mean, just out of curiosity's sake?"

And she begins to build her walls up again. "This isn't a game," he said sincerely. "I truly meant what I said. I love you."

"Zach, be honest," she sighed. "We went into this marriage because we didn't want love. We both knew that love just wasn't our 'thing'."

"Well apparently love doesn't quite work that way," he quipped.

"And that's another point. We don't know what love is. As attested to by our previous relationships." Kendall frowned pulling away from his burning touch. "It's this fantasy the world has built up about love. Like it's some fantastic craze we all need to jump onto. It's not real."

"It's real." He knew it was real. The inability to think while she was around, his constant need to be near her - to know what she was doing; love was as palpable as the hand in front of his eyes. "We know love makes the world go round," he said gruffly. "I saw you in love so many times, whether you were holding Miranda in your arms, or comforting Bianca or Greenlee. Oh hell, Jack and Erica are proof enough that love exists, though you never heard me say that." She didn't laugh. Turning serious again, he spoke, "You know that love is real."

"That is completely different," she protested. Part of her didn't even really understand what was happening. All of these feelings she had for Zach became mixed with her fears and doubts about ever trusting another man again. "She...she's, they're both my sisters. And Jack and Erica, yeah, that's one for the books."

"It's still love," Zach pointed out. "And you felt it. You know what it is. It's that sick feeling in your stomach when that person you care about is in any kind of pain or danger. It's that desire to fix everything wrong in their lives, unable to stand the thought of them being anything less than happy."

Kendall shook her head, sliding to the other side of the bed in an attempt to get away. But she couldn't.

"It's the way I feel about you," he said awkwardly, clearing his throat. Her back was to him, and he did not know if anything he was saying was getting through to her. "I know that part of you because you let me see you. No walls, no masks - you just let me be there for you."

"Well that was a mistake," she spat, as her eyes welled up with tears. "Because that was under false pretenses. You promised me that this wouldn't be about love. You promised me that it wouldn't be about the pain."

He knew she was fighting this. Maybe this was the biggest mistake of his life. But he had to tell her. He could no longer hold his secret close. It was too heavy a load. "I don't want this to be about pain," Zach sighed, walking around the bed, to kneel in front of her. "Love doesn't have to be about pain, Kendall."

"Then what is it supposed to be about?" she said distractedly. "Because everyone I have loved and trusted betrayed me. They threw our love out the door without a second glance. And I'm supposed to trust you?"

Her torn laughter filled the room. "I know trust is a very hard thing," he said softly. "It doesn't come easily to you or me. We've been burned too often. We keep making mistakes and that's what got us here in the first place."

"See," she said, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "You understand. You understand why this makes no sense...no sense at all!"

I should have seen this coming. Zach closed his eyes, hating the fact that he was responsible for those tears. I should have kept my mouth shut. His love could only burn.

Maybe he would stop this now. He would stop using that word as if it was cash in hand. Zach threw it around like it was money in the bank. "Take it back," she exclaimed desperately. "Take it back and we can pretend this never happened."

Zach was taken aback. He never expected that. "Take it back," he said stiffly. Reality had set in.

Kendall didn't know why it surprised her; but hearing that unexpected pain in his voice cut to her heart. She had hurt him. His eyes, which had been wide-eyed and open, grew dark and cloudy; his brow furrowed together, as if wrestling with his thoughts. "Zach," she breathed, regretting her words. Why did she always make the worst decisions? Why did she always manage to screw things up?

"Ah," Zach coughed, pushing himself up to his feet. He smiled a fake plastic smile, before nodding. "Well, then...I guess there really isn't much else to say."

"Zach, don't take it in the wrong..."

"No," he grimaced, hoping it would pass for acceptance. "Y-You've made your choice. I understand."

Understand. The word tasted like dust in his mouth. He did not want to understand. Actually more the opposite of that, Zach wanted to scream; he wanted to throw something. He had been wrong - so wrong. She didn't want him. Kendall was so far from loving him, the Hubble telescope wouldn't be able to chart it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, knowing her fear had gotten in the way. "I didn't mean it like..."

"So tomorrow," he said, cutting her off. Her voice now sounded like sandpaper on glass. He didn't want to hear her apologies for not feeling the same way. There wasn't a need to explain. It was something he would just have to accept. He smiled at her, not wanting her to feel obligated to him after his unwanted declaration. "The festival officially comes to an end."

'He is just doing as you asked. He's pretending this never happened,' a voice said pointedly.

"Oh?"

"Yes," he said gruffly. He forced the pain and disappointment from his face, placing the rampant emotions he let reign back into the neat and tidy box, locking it away where it should have stayed.

"Did you have something planned?" She stared at him anxiously. He was so calm. It unnerved her.

"Well, if you're up to it," he replied. "I mean, I know the doctor said..."

"No," she smiled hopefully, wanting deep down to know that she hadn't done to him what she was protecting herself from. "I feel fine."

"Then I offer you something to relieve your stress," Zach said, swallowing hard. He never wanted to add to her stress or confusion. It was the last thing he wanted. Now that Kendall had revealed so clearly what her feelings were, he knew what he had to do.

"W-What is it?" she asked curiously. For some reason a lump had developed in her throat and her stomach was doing flipflops, as Zach stood casually in front of her, hands in his pockets.

"Some would say a gift of sorts," he explained slowly.

"What?" Kendall exclaimed, chuckling uneasily. "What is it that you're going to give me?"

"Your divorce."