Disclaimer: Don't own. If you did, you'd totally notice. Because the show wouldn't suck as much. And Babe and Krystal would have been abducted by aliens a long time ago.
Title: The Dance That We Do
Author: Jayta
Rating: PG13
Show: All My Children
A/N: Hilarious? Huh? I actually wasn't going for funny, but hey, I'll take what I can get! LOL.
A/N 2: I want to tell everyone how much I appreciated all the feedback. I was reading at work and I came off the computer, my face was beaming, I'm sure. Your kind words mean so much. Really. sighs happily

Chapter Eleven: Believe

"Stop," Kendall grumbled, throwing her purse onto the couch as they arrived at their hotel room. "I had no ulterior motive, so stop with the interrogation." This was what she had been listening to since they left the courthouse. 'Why were you acting like that?', 'I've never seen you behave that irrationally...well, maybe...' It was enough! Why did she have to answer to him?

He could not get a straight answer from her. When he moved left, she dodged right. And Zach was getting slightly tired of it. "You threw the divorce," he said matter-of-factly. It was obvious. But what wasn't obvious was why?

"'Threw' the divorce?" she exclaimed incredulously. "Like it's some kind of macho sports thrill game that you would watch on T.V., and I'm the idiot jock?" Now that was absurd.

"Kendall, you started throwing a tantrum in the middle of the hearing!" Zach pointed out, still not sure how to make head or tails of it all. "And got us thrown out of the room?"

"If you want to be technical," she said dryly, walking into the bedroom. "It was the judge who walked out on us."

"Not the point."

"Well, then what is?" she sighed exasperatingly. "We can get another lawyer. We can find another judge." She breezed past him. "I'm not sure I really liked that beady-eyed judge anyways. Like what kind of hearing was that?" She opened the door to the veranda and slowly, thoughtfully took a deep breath of the ocean air.

"I'm confused," he said, coming up behind her. "That's all. One minute you're screaming for a div..."

"Hey," Kendall spun around and locked gazes with her husband, "I never screamed."

She said it like it was supposed to mean something. Zach searched those gorgeous eyes, that could say a thousand words with a glance, for a glimpse of an explanation, a reason for the way she was acting.

"I never once screamed for a divorce," she continued on, pointing a finger at him. "All I did was hand you the divorce papers and tell you that I wanted out."

"Semantics." He was growing tired of this. He had poured out his heart to this woman. It wasn't a bruised ego that had him growing ever more tired of Kendall's head games. He loved this woman more than he could have ever thought possible - spastic melodrama included - but to be run around in circles like this...It hurt.

"You can't pin this on me," she spat angrily. Things had been tense, but they hadn't spoken about the divorce since the miscarriage. In fact she had gone out of her way to avoid it. Hell, I told him I wanted to postpone it! "You're just projecting your own feelings on me."

"Projecting?" He raised his brow in surprise, pointing at himself, before glancing around to make sure she was actually speaking to him. "I'm projecting?"

"Yes," she pouted. "Plus the fact that you see that I can't be fooled or manipulated, like you thought."

Zach closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, trying not to get sucked into the Kendall 'whirlpool of fantasy'. He had seen her logic up against the likes of Ryan, Greenlee, and Erica; but to see it up close and personal. It took one's breath away. "How," he let out a deep breath, preparing for the worst, "is it that I thought I could manipulate you? And why?" He rested his head against the palm of his hand, tilting his head slightly.

"You know," Kendall scoffed, turning her back on him. Right, play dumb. She hated that. She hated that he was making her feel like she was being irrational. "You know what you did."

"What did I do, Kendall?" he asked irritably. "Tell me exactly what it was that has got you so angry at me? How have I manipulated you?"

"You know what you did!" Kendall spun around and stared at him in disbelief. "You always know what you're doing," she accused. "Everything is a calculated move. You weigh the risks and then you pounce."

"So what are we talking about?" He shook his head in confusion. "Are we talking about that thing we're supposed to forget about?" He stepped closer to her. He could feel the adrenaline rushing through is veins. "Is that what we're talking about now?" Zach demanded, shoving his hands in his pockets. There was nothing more he would have liked to do but discuss what had happened that night. "Is it?"

Kendall jumped at the sharpness in his voice. She could see the intensity flash in his dark eyes. Never had she seen him like this; it was as if he were offended. And Zach Slater was never offended because he was always two steps ahead of the crowd. She had never seen him unable to foresee someone's attack - exactly what they would accuse him of - and unable to comeback with a witty or stinging reply. "U-Uhh," she stammered, taking a step back. Kendall was suddenly unsure of the answer to that question. His declaration of love had been exactly what she had been ranting about, but his sudden change made her re-think her desire to open this Pandora's box.

'What? Are you backing down because of Zach?' a little voice scoffed in disbelief. 'Since when did any man make you back down?'

No. I'm not. Kendall set her shoulders and met his penetrating gaze. It was like he was challenging her. And I never back down when challenged. "Yes," she hissed, prepared to stand her ground. "That's exactly what I'm talking about."

It was like she didn't even see how much he loved her. She would refuse to believe it, even if it killed her - and him as well. Or maybe that was just a perk?

"Tell me again how you love me, Zach," she offered sarcastically, taking a step closer, until they were a foot apart. "Tell me how much you care, and see if even you can swallow the B.S. that comes from your own mouth this time."

"That wasn't B.S.," Zach hissed, running his fingers through is hair in frustration. "I love you. Can you even comprehend...?"

Kendall threw her head back and laughed. "You really know how to pour it on thick," she said, shaking her head in disbelief. "It's like you've trained yourself to believe your own lies. You really..." Her voice cracked, revealing the unwanted emotion bubbling to the surface. "Y-You really...don't know when to stop do you?"

She could not believe he could stand in front of her, knowing what she knew, and still lie to her face. The man had no scruples. She felt her throat tighten, as tears began to well up in her eyes. Did he understand how much she had already endured? Didn't he understand she couldn't do this again? Oh God, please, make him stop. Her chest began to hurt, and her breathing became shallow.

"It's not a lie," he cried, reaching out to her. But she back away, shrinking from his touch. There was so much pain in her eyes, and he hated it. He hated that he was the cause, not the solution. "This," he gestured at the space in between them, "is not a lie! What I feel for you..."

"Can you just stop lying to me?" Her head was spinning. Kendall couldn't hear anymore. Nothing was making sense anymore. She didn't understand why he kept saying these things to her. What was he getting out of this? Does he enjoy tormenting me? Taunting her. Teasing her like she was a cat and he held a new toy?

"Why can't you hear me," Zach breathed raspily. "When I tell you that this is not some play in a bid to gain some higher ground? Kendall, this isn't a game."

Turning her back on him, Kendall tried to regain some composure, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. Every word tore at her heart. Like I don't want this to be true? He acted like this was all her. Like I don't want to be able to trust that what you're saying isn't masking some other hidden agenda? "You want to hurt me," she whispered, nearly choking on her tears. "Is that it?" She had asked him to stop. Begged him to stop declaring his undying love when all of it was a sham.

"Kendall," he spoke gently, his anger suddenly dissipating, as he placed her hands on her shoulders, "No."

"Yes." She turned around, forcing herself to look into his eyes, no matter how much she wanted to run. "Yes," Kendall replied wearily. "Hurt and broken. That's what I am." Worn pathways made by salted tears glowed against her alabaster skin.

"Wh-Why won't you belie..." His voice broke before he could finish. He looked away, feeling a mist creeping upon him, blurring his vision. "Why won't you believe me?" he asked hoarsely, turning his gaze back upon the trembling woman before him. Part of him didn't know if that question was meant for her or for him. "Maybe it is me. Maybe it is my fault that I got in so deep that I can't find my way out. I allowed it to happen - that is what keeps running through my head - how much easier it would be, not to love you. If I could just walk away..."

Kendall lowered her eyes, her lashes hiding the fear and doubt in her eyes, as she listened to him breakdown in front of her. She hadn't expected this. Calm, confident, assured and charming, she understood. But suddenly it felt like she was intruding. It was as if he stood naked in front of her, baring his soul. And she could find no words to speak...

"I know I can't make you love me, Kendall," he said raspily, pulling her closer by her shoulders. "That isn't even what I want from you - I know that you don't." Zach reached up and cupped her smooth face, his thumb tracing the curve of her cheekbone, while his fingers wound themselves in her hair. "But I need you to understand that I am not lying to you."

Kendall tried to pull away, but he held her close with his free arm. The usual headiness did not ensue, though there were the same physical reactions: her heart was pounding against her chest as her senses were being inundated with him - his familiar warm, musky scent mixed with scotch, his burning touch, and the heat pouring out from him. Instead, she found herself unexpectedly calm - quiet; and his words rung clearly in her ears.

"I love you, Kendall Hart Slater," he said, repeating the very words he had spoken that fateful night. "And I think I will love you until the earth turns cold and grey. You make everything brighter, more vibrant; I don't think I've ever met or will meet another woman like you." Zach studied her face once again, believing he could never grow tired of seeing it, as it always brought new and unexpected joy and sorrow. He closed his eyes, his gaze remaining upon her face until the darkness fell before him, resting his head against hers. "I hope one day you will know that," he slid his hand down from her face and rested it upon her chest, "in your heart. I hope that one day you will know with someone, the love that I have found in you."

It was like the words made sense now. Her head did not spin in the same way. Though there was a lightness, it was a completely different feeling. Her heart slowed as she felt the warmth of his palm against her chest. "Z-Zach," she whispered, finding her voice again. "I..."

Suddenly coolness filled the space where warmth and love had been. She wavered slightly, as Zach pulled away from the embrace, taking with him his strength; her body feeling cold and devoid of emotion. Kendall lifted her gaze to meet his, and she saw something flicker across the dark reflection of his eyes - it was a look she knew too well, as she saw it too often in the mirror. Disappointment and loss.

"Zach," she breathed, reaching out to him.

"I'll have my bags packed and the bellman pick them up," he coughed, his gaze downcast.

"Wh-what?" Her hand dropped to her side.

"You were right," Zach said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I hurt you. I could love you for eternity, and all I do is cause pain." This would be where it would end. He would make the right choices for those he loved. "I love you, and here you are," he gestured to her darkened expression, "in pain."

"You're n-not making any sens...," she sputtered, finally grasping that he truly did have feelings for her - even loved her.

"You deserve to find love, Kendall," he said, nodding, knowing it would not be with him. That had been made obvious. "And though you can't find it with me, I won't stand in the way of it."

Kendall was stunned. She had no words. All she could do was blink, trying to wake up from what appeared to be Zach leaving her.

"I won't file for the divorce again," Zach informed. "I know it's a stressful thing, so when you're ready..."

He knew from today's display that they had rushed into this divorce. Perhaps it was the stress of the miscarriage or even the divorce itself that had caused Kendall to lash out. But one thing he did know, Kendall would need to be the one to decide. He knew being unavailable kept her from being open to others - to love - however unexpected his falling in love with her was. Or that was how it was supposed to work.

"S-so, you're leaving," she asked in shock and disbelief. "Just like that?"

"I'll always be here for you, Kendall," he said, leaning in and pressing his lips on her forehead. "Whenever you need me." Swallowing hard, he took a step back, smiling wistfully at this woman who had made him love again.

"Y-You're kidding, right?" She believed him. She believed he loved her. But he was walking away.

'Why wouldn't he?' a small voice questioned. 'You don't love him.'

"I just think I need some time away," he answered honestly. It was like he had gone through an intense physical workout. And at that moment, Zach could have fallen over he was so tired. "It'll be good."

"But..."

"I have to make some arrangments before I leave," Zach interrupted, forcing a smile on his lips. Coming to this conclusion had cost him everything, and he found he could not be in the same room with her. It was like watching the longings and desires for a happy ending slowly fade away. He leaned in, kissed her quickly on the cheek and turned to leave.

"Wh-Wha...but..." She didn't know what to do. Kendall stood there frozen. She opened her mouth to stop him, but it was too late.

And in a split second, the man of her dreams, walked out of her life.