I was never very good at classification, so whether this is indeed a ficlet, or a drabble, or a rant, or a wazzit… I'm not quite sure and I'm sorry if I got it wrong…
Disclaimer: Own FMA I do not.
Buttons.
They were mans worst friends. They were devil spawn. They were the enemy of the impatient, which is what Edward's inner monologue really narrowed it down to.
There were thirty four buttons over Roy's entire uniform. Twenty five of which were of prime concern, because the other ones on the cuffs, extra display ones on the collars, and ones he generally left undone anyway weren't nearly as irritating.
But the rest, the twenty five sneaky little buggers, oh, they had it out for him.
Ed had practically been forced to count. In the beginning there had just been a lot. Now there were twenty five annoying ones and nine he could forgive. There were buttons on the jacket, the shirt, the top of Roy's pants… And you had to undo them individually too, none of this two in one stuff, none of this 'they slip out easily' stuff. Lord no, Ed wasn't that lucky.
When you got right down and thought about it, it took about a second and a half – no, let's say two seconds, to be fair – on average, to undo each button. That was fifty seconds of his time he wasn't spending touching things that weren't at least seventy five percent cotton.
And what idiot decided it would be a smashing idea to put double buttons on Military jackets?
Ed would hunt the bastard down and kill him. After he'd gotten the guy to redesign the entire mandatory apparel to replace over half the buttons with zips. Or even all of them; what did it matter if buttons were more attractive? They were wasting fifty seconds of his life! More on a bad day. More when you wanted it to be a good day.
Yes, buttons were the work of a psychotic heathen but tonight, Ed plotted, tonight, once he'd wasted that unnecessary extra fifty seconds, he was going to get that jacket, and he was going to read the label.
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