This is my little tribute to the fat idiot that we all love! This is just a short ONE-SHOT!

I've always imagined Dudley as very simple minded.

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Nearly seventeen year old Dudley Dursley grinned as he watched two, bloodied, eleven year old boys run away from him and his friends. He loved beating up little kids. They were too dumb to run away. His stupid cousin had always run away, and as they got older it became even more difficult to chase the freak down. They'd always have to catch him by surprise, and the freak had learned to anticipate it.

Dudley and his friends laughed for a bit before he started on his long walk home. It wasn't really that long in a car, only a minute or two. Dudley's friends could easily walk it in five. Dudley could walk home in five minutes as well, as long as his friends were with him, but he quickly became tired while on his way home when he was alone.

He sighed as he looked at the sky. There was plenty of day left, he could have spent at least four more hours beating people up. His stupid freak of a cousin had to come home on that day. He was always ruining things for Dudley. Taking away all of his fun.

"Diddykins!"

Dudley stopped walking and frowned at the all to familiar nick name from the even more familiar voice. He slowly turned around to glare at his unwanted, unloved cousin.

"Dad was going to pick you up." Dudley stated angrily. He didn't want to deal with his cousin at the moment.

"You know, you look just like Uncle Vernon when you glare like that." Harry smirked.

Dudley's glare merely intensified. His cousin was a jerk.

Dudley's mind was distracted when a beautiful girl walked by. She was tall and slender, with long, light brown hair, and a sun kissed face. Her name was Clara Prescott, and she was a prettiest girl within three miles. Everyone said so.

His cousin turned to see what he was staring at. Dudley didn't think Harry recognised her at first, he hadn't seen Clara since before he went off to freak land. Clara had been in the same class as the two of them. Dudley had liked her since before he even liked girls.

"Clara?" Harry asked.

She turned around, and looked confused for a moment before smiling at Dudley's cousin. She had always been nice to him, no matter what Dudley had said or did. She had never actually been friends with him, and she'd defended him to the teachers when Dudley had tried to get him in trouble. She'd share her lunch with him when Dudley's mother had forgotten to pack one for him.

"Harry? I haven't seen you in years!" She walked over to the two of them, completely ignoring Dudley. Dudley glared at his cousin, he was always stealing the attention that Dudley deserved. Ever since they were little.

"Yeah, I've been off at boarding school." Harry shrugged, he seemed a little uncomfortable with the appreciative looks Clara was giving him, like he didn't want her to look at him that way.

Dudley would give up eating for a week if she'd look at him that way! His cousin really was a freak.

"St. Brutus' right?" She asked.

Dudley smiled. She wouldn't like him if she thought he went there. She only liked nice boys.

"Yeah, but I'm not going back next year." Harry looked a angry, sad, and determined all at once.

"What!" Dudley practically shouted. Harry had to go back! "Mom and Dad won't let you stay home."

"I know." Harry glanced at Dudley, and suddenly seemed to relish in Clara's attention. He seemed to realize that it was making Dudley jealous.

"What will you do if you're not staying with your family?" Clara asked, barely even acknowledging Dudley's outburst.

"I'm traveling with some friends. We've got some things to take care of." Harry shrugged.

Dudley glared at him. Clara shouldn't be looking at that freak like that. She could get hurt, or worse, a spell might make her ugly!

"Sounds nice! So... Tell me, are you seeing anyone?" She asked looking extremely hopeful.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." Harry sighed, and looked a little nostalgic, like he was looking back at a memory.

"Oh." Clara looked disappointed. She recovered quickly. "I've got to go. I'm babysitting for Mr. and Mrs. Stevenson. It's their anniversary."

"I'll see you around Clara." Harry nodded.

"Bye Harry." Clara smiled at him.

"B-Bye Clara!" Dudley stuttered.

Clara gave Dudley a small smile. "Bye Dudley."

She walked away, and Dudley couldn't help but gape at the glorious sway of her hips as she went. She was so hot!

When she turned the corner, Dudley rounded on Harry. "Why did you do that!" He shouted.

"Do what?" Harry asked, as he started their way back to the house.

"Take her attention away from me? You always do that! Ever since we were little!" Dudley growled.

"She's nice." Harry shrugged. "She's too good for you."

Dudley stopped and punched Harry in the back of the head, completely forgetting the wand in Harry's back pocket.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Dudley screamed at the top of his lungs.

Harry rubbed the back of his head, and rolled his eyes. "No." He snapped, and continued on his way back to the house.

Dudley glared after him. She was not too good for him! If anything, he was too good for her. His freak cousin didn't know anything. Dudley deserves the best, and she's the best. Therefore, Dudley deserves her. He's going to get her.

"She doesn't like you. She always used to tell me not to waste my energy being upset by you. Said your brain was too small for you to ever truly understand something. You know what? She was completely right." Harry called back, never slowing down for a minute.

Dudley balled his fists, determined to hurt his cousin. That is, until he saw the wand that the freak now held in the palm of his hand.

Dudley's hand immediately, instinctively, fell to his bottom. He hasn't forgotten how painful it had been to have that tail removed. He hadn't been able to sit properly for a month!

He started to follow his cousin home, glaring at the back of his head. She liked him! She was in love with him, and she was going to marry him! Dudley wanted her, and he got what he wanted. He'd never not gotten what he wanted.

"Harry!"

Dudley whipped around to see Clara half running toward his cousin. He followed her movements, and noted that she would be perfect on Baywatch.

"Here." She smiled. "I don't know how long you'll be in town, but I'd like you to call me. If you want to, of course. Just to hang out."

"Sure." Harry smiled at her, and she turned around and ran toward the Stevenson house.

Dudley turned to Harry, only to see an extremely smug look on his face. Dudley's cousin always did that. He always stole Dudley's well deserved attention. Harry just turned around, and went into the house. After making a show of looking at the number and putting it in his pocket, of course.

Dudley smirked. She was just playing hard to get, she wanted to make him jealous. Well! It most certainly wouldn't work. She would have to come crawling to him! After all, he was way too good for her.

He couldn't believe he hadn't realized it sooner!

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