Busted
Trigon: Seeing as I'm the only one you like doing this, I may as well do it now before you even say "Trigon's up." All that you read in this story and all of Giovanni Inc., unless mentioned otherwise, is not owned by S. Giovanni. If they were he'd be filthy stinkin' rich.
S. Giovanni: Yes I would. Oh, Trigon? Could you pick up the mess Beebo made? It's starting to smell.
Trigon: DAMN IT BEEBO! ((Kicks a nearby Namek baby as if he were kicking for a field goal. The baby bounces clear back across the room. Into his own pile of poo.)) If that weren't so wrong that'd be funny.
Raven was meditating.
Later...
Beastboy and Cyborg were playing video games.
Meanwhile...
Robin was...WHAT THE HELL IS WITH ALL OF THESE--
Just then...
TIME WARPS? THIS IS GETTING--
Earlier...
TIME WARPS? THIS IS GETTING--
Later...
STUPID! WHO HAS THE LA--
Later...
LATEREMOTE?
Starfire floats in. "What is this strange device? It looks like a control of the remote for the screen of sound and humor, but it is not changing the 'channels.'"
Starfire, hand me that remote.
"Why? Do you know what it is, voice in the ceiling?"
Voice in the ceiling. I'm the narrator! I'm the invisible guy right in front of you!
"If you are invisible, then why can I hear you?"
Because invisible...hang on...Robin climbs the stairs to Starfire who is apparently talking to herself.
"Uh, Star, who are you talking to?"
"This strange man who claims to be the 'nair-a-taur.'"
That's NARRATOR!
"It sounds like you're talking to yourself, Star."
DAMN IT, ROBIN, I'M RIGHT HERE!
"What the...?" Robin whirls around and bumps into me. I fall down the stairs. DAMN IT! OW! MOTHER--OW! OUCH! SON OF A BITCH! I lay down, an invisible pool of blood emitting from my head. I die.
The old narrator died, so a new one comes up. This time you can see him.
"Who are you talking to?"
"The audience, Robin, I'm the narrator."
"Audience? There's an audience?"
"Well, duh, you're being..."
Later...
"Starfire, was that you?"
"I still cannot understand this device!"
"That's the Lateremote. It pushes people forward and backward in time with the push of a button. If used by a character, everyone in the scene knows time lapsed. If used by a narrator or writer, like me, only the outside forces who pay attention to this realize."
"What is this 'Fourth Wall,' and why would we break it, and where can I find it?"
"It's a metaphor for the imaginary wall between fiction and fact."
"I see. This is confusing."
"Just do what I say happens."
"Okay."
Starfire drops the Lateremote.
"STARFIRE, WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?"
"You told me to drop the Lateremote!"
"Pretend I don't say something when I do, Starfire."
"Then, was I supposed to drop the remote?"
"Yes, but your specific reason for doing something usually comes through in my lines for your actions. In that case it was supposed to be an accident. Now, let's try this again."
"Okay."
"STARFIRE, WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?"
"It slipped out of my hands, I didn't mean to!"
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL--"
Later...
"Too late. We have to get the Lateremote fixed."
"Uh, Narrator guy?" asks Robin.
"Yes?"
"Where is the Lateremote?"
"What the...AH! HOLY CRAP! IT'S GONE!"
Cyborg walks in with a vacuum.
"Hey, who's remote was that?"
"Mine," I say.
"I just threw it away, it was trashed."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Yo, man, chill, what's the worst that could--"
Meanwhile...
Slade is in his room eating a burrito, the back of his head facing me. He hears my voice for his actions.
"What the..." He puts on the mask and turns. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?"
"I'm the Narrator to this story, and the Lateremote is broken. It flipped to 'Meanwhile,' so now I have to tell the actions of something else happening."
"Oh. Well, please leave so I can finish my burrito."
"The Lateremote has to flip me back to the Titans Tower with a 'Meanwhile,' so this could take a while."
"Titans Tower? What are you doing there?"
"That's where the Lateremote was broken."
Meanwhile...
Malchior is sleeping. I appear on his head. He wakes up and stares at me.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?"
"I'm the Narrator, and the Lateremote is going haywire. So, it Meanwhiled me to your domain."
"I will be forced to eat you if you don't leave."
"That will happen with one 'Meanwhile.' Probably."
"Probably. What do you mean 'probably?'"
"Well, it could warp me over there to watch some random lizard get flicked into the lava by your..."
Meanwhile...
A lizard is sleeping behind Malchior's tail. Malchior turns to face me, flicking the lizard into the lava.
"You get the picture."
"Huh?"
Malchior looks into the lava. A lizard skull floats up before being lit on fire.
"Oh."
"So, I'm stuck here until I'm 'Meanwhiled' out."
Meanwhile...
I am sitting in Titans Tower, facing a pissed of Raven, a curious Beastboy, and three very confused Titans, Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire.
"--What just happened?" asks Cyborg.
"Damn it, Cyborg, that was the worst that could happen, the Lateremote is going haywire and YOU threw it out!"
"What? What's the Lay-tree-mote?"
"The Lateremote. It's the thing that causes scene changes in fiction and in reenactments on TV while the fiction/reenactment is written. It joins the legion of media remotes in the Media Changing Remote Hall of Fame."
"There's a Hall of Fame for that?"
"Yes, for example, there's the all-annoying one-three-three-seven remote, which turns letters and words into numbers. Like so."
1337 741K!
"533? 7H7 WU2 734 1337 RM7."
"C4N U 7rn 17 84k? 175 dum."
Regular speak!
For those out there who don't talk 1337 (Leet), that was...
LEET TALK!
See? That was the Leet Remote.
Can you turn it back? It's dumb.
"Yeah, that was stupid."
"It's best not to over-use it. But some retards decide to take it for a joy-ride. It's best just to use at random for short periods of time, but some authors just use it for the entire story."
Raven takes the script from my hands and reads it over.
"Uh, I was trying to say 'Can you change it back PLEASE? I feel stupid!'"
"I was doing a direct translation."
"Oh."
"Another famous one is the Pokeremote. Watch."
I pull out a red and white remote and type something in. I push a button and a Mewtwo floats across the screen. It pauses as it looks at me, then the Titans, then scratches it's head in confusion. It shrugs and floats on.
"Since he...I guess it's a he, he has a tail that looks like a shlong. I'll go with he. Since he's a sentient Pokemon, he can stop in the middle of motion. Other ones don't. For example..."
I type in a number and push a button.
PIKACHU!
"What the hell?"
"That was Pikachu that just whizzed across screen. Being a total idiot, he doesn't stop."
"Is there a particular list of sentients?"
"Yeah. It's in the carrying case for the remote, but I don't want to open it up, people get pissed at story writers for reading it and not adding a sentient in their opinion. So, the list tends to vary from author to author."
"Oh."
"Sentients can actually be stopped and brought in as a character, idiots like Pikachu have to be netted. And, so you know, Pikachu just isn't on MY sentient list, anyone can put him on theirs."
"I see."
"Any other remotes before I go insane?"
"The Credits Remote. Movies use them alot, along side shows. Watch."
I hit a button. The Titans disappear and the Teen Titans credits show up with Puffy Ami Yumi singing the theme.
"This is our theme?"
"It could be worse, at the very least they're the only rock band out there that actually knows what their doing. They seem to have a Beatles and Pink Floyd influence."
"Aren't they pop stars?"
"Technically? Yeah."
The credits end and the image reappears.
"What just happened?"
"Well, in some movies, it's not over after the credits roll, and something happens. For example, Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me ended with a villain who had previously fallen down a cliff shouting up the cliff some wimpy shouts. Other ones have a sequel bringer, for example, a hand coming from the rubble."
"The? What do you mean 'the?'"
"Some movies involve rubble and a hand comes from it. Since this is early on, the remote is worthless right now and just shows the credits and goes back to regular plot."
"Any other remotes?"
"My personal favorite, the pain effect remote. It causes an attack to do something plus the initial damage, for example, poison. Some video games use these, but never anything else."
"Any more?"
"The special effects remote. You know it's job. Godzilla was kind of lacking in use. The specialty in there was really more along the lines of 'special ed.'"
"Which Godzilla, the original or it's 1998 spinoff?"
"The original black and white, the '98 spinoff was pretty good on special effects. Blame the advent of computer animation."
"Any more?"
"The Thought Remote. It causes other sequences, such as dream and mental notes. Homer Simpson does it every so often."
"Any more?"
"Those are all the important ones."
"So why are you spazzing out about the Lateremote now?"
"It's missing, broken, and owned by--"
Later...
"It was going to happen sooner or later. You can't use two at once, it never works."
"What were you going to say?"
"It's missing, broken, and owned by the Hall of Fame. I could get arrested for stealing if I don't bring it back by the due date as it was (except for batteries) if the other authors don't get it first. I need it for them, so I have to get it back and in perfect shape."
"We'll help you get it."
"Oh, thanks, Robin. I forgot a remote in my list. You just reminded me."
"What?"
"You'll have to repeat yourself after I'm done. It's the Goodbye Remote, it tells us when to end. Now, repeat it for an example."
"We'll help you get it."
Okay, I think you all know what it does now. Thanks for reading so far. So you know, Lateremote is pronounced as if you're gonna say "Later," but then, at the r, you change it to "Remote." It's not as if you were saying "It was 'late' at night" and "remote."
Next up, I own the following: The narrators (you can narrate your own damn works), Kenny the Lizard (like his namesake, he dies and comes back in a never ending cycle), and the remotes.
If you want to use anything, go away. Unless you want to use the remotes. Then, e-mail me at I'll most likely say yes, but don't use them without my consent.
Although I don't mean to say you can't use scene changes and such, just don't use the remotes. Unless you change the name. If you do use them without name changesor my consent, Trigon will sit on you and unleash a big ass demon-brew fart.
Now, I've bored myself with descriptions. You know the line but I'm pulling it through anyways.
This is S. Giovanni, signing out.