Disclaimer: Naruto not mine

Rated: T, for language only

Notes: And now for Sasuke's oddness. This chapter is a little different, he's quite confused, so there's a lot of thinking. And he's "out-of-it". Obviously a bit OOC. Sorry.
Who knows if/when I'll finish. Doing some thinking myself. Ah, well. Whatever.
Again, no grammar or spell check, so probably some mistakes. Also re-uploaded Ch. 7, but only changed very little.

Anyway, this is for DesperateMeasures, because you asked for it. Hope you still like it!

Blessed Be Those Who Mourn

Shades of Red

He'd been lost in his darkness a long time. Longer than he could really remember. And at some point he couldn't place, he lay dazed in that oppressive night, staring into his emptiness thinking he had nothing left, nothing to lose or gain, nothing to hold onto.

But then there appeared the red, red, pink.

It had been there all along, but he had stubbornly refused to see it. Even when stupid blonde loudmouth ninjas consumed more of his mind than his brother, he fought it. Even when little annoying green-eyed girls cried and begged, he ignored it. In fact, that's when he needed to escape it the most, had to try to kill it, had to leave it all behind.

The red, red, pink.

He wanted to believe he fought the boy because he had to, wanted to believe he dimissed the girl because he didn't care. He wanted to believe it was easy to leave everything that was once important to him behind. But left with no distractions and only time to think, he found that simple lies didn't hold much power. There was no point in commanding a heart that wouldn't listen.

He'd always assumed his future was formed by vengeance and hate, a red destiny written by death. But perhaps the red of his destiny lay elsewhere, in bonds made thicker than blood and ties grown stronger than hate.

Perhaps his destiny was as a red of the red, red, pink.

And he still wanted his vengeance, still wanted to kill his killer brother, wondering if he did, would Itachi finally see him? But now those goals would remain unfulfilled, his every ambition unattained, leaving him with nothing but a string of regrets. It seemed he'd be forever left isolated in the cold, hollow darkness.

Though maybe that darkness was a better friend than he reckoned. Because it showed him something he'd never seen before, something new. Something that it felt he needed to know.

For the first time in his life he was really alone. Though he'd long been and loner and so often been lonely, he'd never once before been alone. There had always been people there, surrounding him, paying him attention, ignorant and unwelcome perhaps, but still there. This was the first time in his lengthy brief life he truly had no one but himself.

And he realized he didn't like it.

It was a difficult pill to swallow, the need for someone else. But all those he once had paraded through his mind, ghosts who would always haunt him, maybe even into his death. His mother, his father, his family, his friends.

Those two who somehow wheedled their way in.

The girl who made him think, the boy who made him feel. Making him do things he didn't want, things he didn't need, especially not when in the blank darkness. And yet it was now that he saw the truth most clearly. He could see what had been chasing after him all this time, and what he'd been chasing back unknowingly.

There were some places to which you could never return, places you no longer belonged. But he found himself clinging to it anyway. The only real thing he'd ever truly had.

At last he could accept it, at last he was ready.

And though he knew he could never have it, still, he wanted it back.

The red, red, pink.

He was jolted awake quite suddenly by a sharp clang of metal on stone. Still groggy, still dream-heavy, he slowly lifted his head to see the rude awakener. His eyes half-lidded in an exhaustion that never left, he caught sight of the two, the ever faithful lapdog and its odious owner.

Then he was hefted ungraciously onto a shoulder, wincing at both the pain of the motion and at his inability to even put up a fight. That irked him more than anything else. He was not one who sat and did nothing, he always fought, even when it was useless, even when he had no chance of winning, he fought. And they'd taken that away. The one thing that stayed with him through everything, his fighting spirit.

No, that wasn't altogether true. The spirit was still there, it was the body that was incapable. And perhaps that was worse. If he'd given up his will, maybe he wouldn't feel so absolutely frustrated, so utterly defeated. He narrowed his eyes in anger at the thought. That bastard promised him everything, gave him nothing. Teaching him just enough to keep him, not enough to make him a real threat. And so he remained, holding on to a baseless belief. That, and his stubborn mind refused to admit a mistake.

But that had changed, after them. And he cursed them, for giving him an epiphany when it was no longer any use. Soon he would be the vessel for Orochimaru, and in his state, he was trapped like a rat in a cage. If the snake didn't kill him, the strain surely would.

He was completely useless and he hated himself for it.

Then he realized he was moving, being carried along like a sack of potatoes, down another hall, still deeper into the snake's lair. Through his drowsy, thought-numbed mind, he barely made out the conversation taking place just outside of him.

"But Orochimaru-sama, there's no point in moving him now. Look at him, he can't even walk by himself." The distinct sound of Kabuto's voice echoed in Sasuke's ears. "Before, he would've tried anything to prevent being carried like this. Now . . ."

"Are you questioning my decisions?" Sasuke felt the Sound-nin flinch at the dangerous edge to that voice. "No, he needs to learn his lesson."

The black-haired teen felt sickly cold fingers gently lift his chin so that he would look into the disturbing face of his one-time teacher. He sent a glare of daggers, as menacing as he could produce in his position, the only act of defiance he could make. The man's lips curved into a serpentine smile as his face leaned in closer, his deadly eyes piercing right back. "I do not like that look in his eyes." Then the snake turned to his dog. "If you hadn't let him see that boy, he wouldn't have to suffer like this"

Again, the medic-nin flinched. Sasuke continued to glare, defying in any way he could. He had to add another name to his list of revenge: Orochimaru. But the reality was all he could do was stare and seethe. When he tried to raise his arm to force away the hand on his face, it only twitched and fell limply down. It was absolutely frustrating to be so helpless and a tear sprung up unwillingly in his eye.

The serpent's grin widened in unmitigated amusement. "Oh yes, my dear boy, it will be so much fun to break you."

And suddenly, the hand that had held his chin jumped to his throat and began squeezing painfully like a python's grip. The boy gagged and hacked, choking for a breath he couldn't catch and the tears came more freely now. He couldn't do anything.

He couldn't do anything.

The last thing he heard before he finally blacked out was the cruel laugh of an inhuman monster.

When he woke up, it was to a familiar scent, a familiar feel, something he'd thought he'd lost forever. And he didn't know whether to be relieved or furious. He hated to be found in this state, cast aside like trash, unable to even wake himself. It was pathetic, to have to be helped as if he were some newborn baby. He didn't want to be seen like this. It was humiliating.

Again, as though still in his dream, he could catch little snippets from a faraway conversation. "jutsu that's draining his energy . . .Tsunade-shishou, she's the only one who'll know what to do."

Inwardly, he sneered, even the old lady probably couldn't do anything, his fate was now tied to a snake, his coils wound tight around his nonexistent future. And here in his darkness, no matter how much he might secretly want it back, in his heart he knew it would never be. He would never escape the snake, never be able to reclaim a home, never deny what had been done. Even if Orochimaru died and Sasuke lived, the curse seal would be forever on him, if not on his skin, then on his soul. There was no way to escape your past and he knew that better than anyone.

So what was he supposed to do? He wanted it back, he really did, but now that it was here, he felt he didn't deserve it. But he knew he couldn't stay either. He hated being so damn pathetic!

Then he was again lifted, his arm across a warm familiar shoulder, noticing when that person tensed at his side. The uneasiness practically spilled off the boy in waves. Shortly, Sasuke was being dragged along, towards a door that led nowhere and a sudden fear gripped him. He couldn't go back, he couldn't, there's no way he'd be able to face them. Pooling what little energy he had, he forced himself to speak.

"Don't go out there."

He sounded terrible, raspy and old, though the other two didn't seem to notice.

"We have to, Sasuke-kun," He heard the girl say. "You need help."

Then the blonde decided to start yelling. "Stop fighting us. I'm not letting you trick me into getting involved in your damn drama. You're coming home right now, whether you like it or not."

He never liked being bossed around, and for the past however long, that's exactly what had been happening. Everyone always trying to tell him what to do, first his brother, then his "teacher", and now his supposed friend. He was so sick of it. "You can't tell me what to do."

Then somehwere he sensed him, lurking in the shadows beyond like the predator he was. None of it made a difference, he was damned either way, into a hell of his own making. "Doesn't matter now anyway."

"What is your problem?" He winced as the idiot shouted straight into his ear, practically shattering his ear drum.

What was he going to do? Stay and be used, leave and be scorned. It really didn't matter anymore, one hell was much like another. He looked up, completely at a loss. He had no choices, but really had he ever? Yes, yes he did. It was his own damn fault if he made the wrong ones. There was nothing to be done about that now. The past is the past and even though he may hate it, even though he may wish to change it, it shapes who he is, forever stalking his every move. He was trapped either way, and it irritated him to think they somehow thought he wasn't. Were they fucking blind!

"Why'd you even bother coming? Just leave me and go."

But Naruto wouldn't accept refusal. "What do you mean 'why'd we bother coming'? Idiot! We came to get you, so there's no way we're just gonna leave you here now. And why are you acting so damn weird anyway? Did you get hit in the head or something?"

"I didn't get hit in the head, you moron! I'm just saying I won't be able to help you. And he's been waiting for this. Don't you see?" Even he knew he wasn't acting his normal self, but that's what happens when you no longer know where you stand in your own life. And was of no importance now, anyway. Why the hell wouldn't they just listen? "You'll be better off without me."

"Well, guess what? We don't need your help! And we didn't come all this way to save your sorry ass just to leave you behind! We can handle things on our own, you know! So just shut up!" So the blonde dobe was angry, so what? What right did he have? Sasuke hadn't asked them come. Sasuke hadn't asked them to risk their lives. Sasuke hadn't said he wanted to go home.

Had he?

Sakura held one of his useless hands on her own strong one and spoke gently. "Just accept it, Sasuke-kun. We're not leaving you here this time, no matter what. It's time you came home."

Maybe there was no use in fighting an apparently losing battle. If they thought they could handle it, then fine. Who was he to care if they got killed in the process? He wasn't a real person anymore, only the shadow of a boy once known as Uchiha Sasuke.

"Do what you want." He could sense them lighten, as if conceding their pointless demand meant something. Then he felt the girl pull his other arm over her shoulder so that he was suspended between them.

Pathetic.

That's what he was.

Live or die, all he was now was an audience member.

Orochimaru would come and they would be killed or by some miracle, the snake would be defeated, but regardless the outcome, the betrayer would still have no place to go. But even so, for just this moment at least he had his other destiny back, and if he were to admit it, he was content.

Then they dragged him out and immediately he felt it, the surge of chakra he'd come to know almost as well as his own, the presence of creatures who'd become his keepers.

On pure instinct, he summoned enough strength to push the girl away from him and out of the path of the crumbling ceiling. At nearly the same time, he was grabbed roughly and jerked out of the way, crashing hard against the wall, a buffer in between by the name of Naruto.

For a moment, he was relieved to see that Sakura seemed unharmed, though she had her work cut out for her, avoiding the cascading debris. There was another shock, hitting them all with its reverberation.

Then again he sensed the spiraling presence, and would have shouted a warning, if only his voice would obey. But the giant ebon tail moved too fast, and hit her forcefully enough in the stomach to send her flying straight through a wall which then caved in after, hiding her from sight.

He barely sensed her weakened chakra, but knew this meant she was still alive. A part of him was relieved to note this, but the rest of his body, too weary from that little effort, simply fell to the ground in a heap. His mind became fuzzy again, only vaguely hearing Naruto shout Sakura's name into the broken cavern.

"Well, that's one out of the way." Slurred a thick, oily voice through the gray smoke.

Sasuke just barely noticed when Naruto snapped his head around to face the new opponent. The raven-haired boy closed his eyes, too weak to even watch anymore. But he still heard the cruel slither of giant snakes as they wound around Orochimaru like some undulating cage. It made him sick.

With an effort, he pushed himself up the wall until he once again was standing, his breathing once more labored, almost too much work to even bother with. Somewhere in the distance, he could hear another battle being waged on the outside of the compound. It was closing in quick, but he couldn't seem to care.

Closer by, while he stood and did nothing, his friend engaged a personal war against the serpent, throwing out everything he had. Sasuke could just make out the sounds of famliar jutsus, each one ending without apparent effect, could hear the crunch of bones as blows were struck. Mostly he heard curses cast by a little blonde genin, who was evidently not faring too well. In his haziness, it was too tiring to try to figure what exactly was happening. All he knew was that Orochimaru was only toying with the boy, cackling as he played his little game.

And all Sasuke could think of was 'why?'

Why fight a losing battle?

Why try to save a murderer?

Why bother trying to reclaim something that had long since been gone?

But maybe he already knew the answer to that.

And all he did was nothing. Useless. Pathetic. Worthless.

You do not hate enough, little brother. No, he did not.

He leaned heavily against the stone wall, weak and only half aware of his surroundings. The sound and feel of battle hit him only on the edge of his senses. He was much too weak and tired. But hen he felt 'it' again, that angry red chakra that wanted to swallow Naruto whole. With the little bit of strength he could muster, he reached out and snatched his friend's hand, catching those red-tainted blue eyes with a naked appeal in his own black ones. Sasuke only stared into the blonde's face, demanding without words, making his thoughts known through their strange inexplicable connection. If he was to be dragged back, he was damn well striking that deal with Naruto and the boy would not be using the Kyuubi's power. It seemed silly to be worrying about something like that at a time like this, but to him it was vital. If Naruto were now consumed by the demon fox, then Sasuke would have no reason to go home.

It was a double-edged sword, as everything was between them.

Despite the worried and confused expression the blonde wore, he understood the request and complied, reharnessing the Nine-tails' chakra. Finally having achieved one tiny triumph, Sasuke let go of Naruto, feeling both relieved and vindicated. Until, that is, he felt another, far more sickening force. The chakra of the snake, coiling in rage, preparing to strike his best friend. It seemed he'd had enough playing and was ready to put the game to an end.

He would take the only things the raven-haired boy had left to hold onto: the shades of red.

This is what it meant to break Sasuke.

And though he knew what it meant, that same boy now finally refused to be broken.

He would not just sit by and watch those precious to him be destroyed, not again, not ever.

And maybe for the second time in his life, he did something he wouldn't regret. He reached deep down to the depths of his self, to where it somehow always lay. That last bit of power, the last shred of determination, that last little something he didn't know he had. That tiny reserve that could be pushed to the surface, push him past his limits, make him do things he didn't even know were possible until the situation demanded it.

In a single, lightning fast movement, he was on his feet and in threw himself in the way of the attack meant for his best friend. The pain was quick, but almost dull to his already numbed senses. He'd used the last of what he was in the one action, his body had already gone numb and the throbbing, warm wetness that flowed from his gut was nothing more than an annoyance. He was entirely spent, the everything of Sasuke was gone and he knew in his heart that no matter what they tried, it was over.

Perhaps this was how it was meant to be. Perhaps he was really meant to die on that bridge those three years ago and all this time fate had been hunting him down like a dog. Reminding him of who he really was. Making things right.

And despite himself, he was relieved.

There would be no more hate, no more fighting, no more conflict within himself.

No more denial.

Sasuke could be Sasuke, finally free from all the pressures that weighed on him.

And that was not as horrible thing as he'd once thought. He'd remembered what was most important, even if it was only at the end. And in the process, he'd finally proved himself worth something.

Somewhere he had heard a howl of frustration and somewhere he heard the gentle call of his name. In his mind, he felt a certain satisfaction that he'd managed in some small way to spoil the snake's plans, that he was no longer a tool to be used on someone else's whim. Close to his ear, he could feel the flutter of Naruto's breath as he mumbled frantically little things that made no sense. He doubted his friend even realized he was speaking.

And all he could do was hope that something would happen to make his effort worthwhile. Because the snake was still there and they were even more vulnerable than before. Perhaps somewhere, somebody listened. Because just when there was about to be another attack, this time with nothing held back, the outside battle finally reached them. The remainder of the ceiling crashed in, and soon Orochimaru was pushed back, engaged in a new battle, leaving the boys alone in the crumbling dust of the hall.

The raven-haired boy stayed motionless, letting releif wash over him now that the immediate danger had passed.

"What did you do that for?" An emotion-laden voice said, breaking the heavy silence.

And Sasuke answered as truthfully as he could. Even now, it was hard to say everything. Because I had to." But he shook his head, that wasn't entirely honest. "Because I wanted to."

He knew there was another 'because' in there, but left it unsaid.

Then he felt himself slipping away. Losing his balance, his head fell forward to finally rest lightly on Naruto's collarbone as his hands still sat on his shoulders.

His mind was going fuzzy. Everything seemed to blur away as a darkness began to envelop him. But it was not that same darkness he'd known, not a sharp and bitter darkness. This was a darkness that was soft, warm, almost sweet, one that welcomed and comforted him.

He'd accomplished something. Not what he sat out to do, never had he killed his brother, never claimed his vengeance, never even proved he was stronger than Naruto. But he realized now that all those goals slipped through his fingers the moment he he become a traitor and joined the wrong side. As soon as he made that choice, he'd doomed himself to failure.

But it didn't matter now, a strange realization to his mind. Now he felt the warmth of someone else, felt what it was like to belong, heard the sound of his name, and knew that he was no longer alone. There were those who'd risk their lives for him and whom he'd risk his own for, and now that he saw what that meant, he saw that it was not a bad thing. He only wished he'd seen it before.

But it no longer mattered.

The warm sweet darkness was calling him and so he let himself fall back into it.

OK, yeah. We'll see what happens. . .