Chapter Two

Melting Willpower

Harry awoke with a snap - cold, sweaty, and breathing heavily. He felt very confused and frightened. Only a moment ago he had been standing on top of the Astronomy Tower, looking down at a crumpled pile of robes that he knew to be Albus Dumbledore's lifeless form. But when he realized where he was, safe at the Burrow, he began to calm down a bit, and realized that it was just another nightmare. He was no stranger to nightmares, that was for sure, but every time he dreamed of the horrible events that occurred only a few weeks ago, when Dumbledore had been murdered, he couldn't help thinking that the real nightmare was yet to come. A life without Dumbledore was a life without hope.

Harry sat up and pushed back his covers, accepting that he would never get back to sleep now. Not really knowing what to do with himself, he quickly dressed and walked quietly downstairs, trying with difficulty to jump the squeaky ones.

Upon reaching the kitchen, he decided to make himself a cup of hot tea in order to take his mind off things. This didn't work, however, and his mind ended up wandering back to his nightmare as he sat down at the table and began sipping his drink.

How could everything that night have gone so... wrong? Nothing went according to plan. It was lucky they all didn't die.

Lucky is right, he thought. If it weren't for that Felix Felicis...

He shivered at the thought, his hand shaking and nearly spilling tea down his front. If it weren't for that liquid luck potion Ron, Hermione, and Ginny would all probably be dead. But even their luck couldn't save Dumbledore. He could still hear those words, echoing through his mind.

"Severus, please. Please..."

He kept telling himself there was nothing he could have done. He had tried to yell and break the full body bind curse, he really had. And after it had broken, there was nothing he could do. Dumbledore was dead, and there was absolutely nothing Harry could have done about it.

"But I could have stopped him from getting away," he said aloud. "I could have made Snape pay for what he did."

Suddenly a surge of anger ran through him and he clenched his fists so tightly that he broke the mug he was holding. Grumbling to himself about the mess he'd just made, he tried to piece the cup back together.

"You do realize you can use magic now?"

Harry jumped at the sound of the voice and turned to see Ginny walking lightly down the stairs.

"Oh, er, ya. I just... forgot, I guess." He quickly whipped out his wand and jabbed at the remains of his mug while muttering, "Reparo". The cup abruptly jumped back into shape and he placed it in the sink before cleaning up the spilled tea with a flick of his wand.

Ginny smiled and sat down across from him. "I don't suppose you'd fancy making me a cup?" she asked politely.

Harry sat there for a moment, staring at her. How could she act so... normal? It was as if nothing had happened between them. Did she even miss him? He knew that he missed her every day, and a battle constantly raged in his mind as to whether it was the right decision to break up with her or not.

Of course it was the right choice, he kept telling himself. You know what would happen if you two were involved again. You know what lengths Voldemort would go to in order to get at you.

He realized that Ginny was waiting for his response, so he nodded mutely and swished his wand, producing another steaming mug of hot tea. Ginny took it gratefully and closed her eyes as she gently sipped at it. Harry couldn't help but stare at her, with her long red hair lightly framing her face...

No, he thought furiously. You can't think about that. You have more important things to deal with. What if she got hurt?

"So," Ginny asked pleasantly, breaking the silence. "What were you talking to yourself about?"

Harry blinked. He hadn't realized he'd spoken aloud.

"Er..."

"You said something about making someone pay?" she said helpfully.

"Oh, I was, er, thinking aloud about how Ron owes me five chocolate frog cards. We made a bet earlier and-"

"I didn't realize Ron had changed his name to 'Snape'" Ginny said quietly and very cautiously.

Harry didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell her everything right then and there. He wanted her to know about the Horcruxes, about the prophecy, and about the feeling of anxiety and fear that never left him. But he chose not to. He would rather keep it all bottled up inside than compromise her safety. So he decided that the best way to handle this would be to change the subject.

"It was nothing," he mumbled. "So how have you been?"

Ginny looked at him with concern for a moment, clearly disapproving of his unwillingness to talk about what was bothering him. But finally she sighed and smiled.

"Oh, I'm doing great," she said brightly. "Especially considering you broke my heart in June."

A million thoughts tumbled into his head at these words. He found a little comfort in the fact that she did at least miss him, but then he felt absolutely terrible that he had hurt her so much. He could feel his willpower melting away as he looked deep into her eyes, and he found himself desperately wanting to erase all of the events of that last week of term. Then he remembered what had caused him to break it off – Voldemort – and realized that no matter how much he wanted it, he couldn't be with her.

"Ginny, I'm so sorry I hurt you," he said sincerely, "and I want more than anything to get back together, but what if-"

"I've already heard your hero speech," she said, sounding very annoyed as she stood abruptly. "Don't worry about it. You're the famous Harry Potter and can do whatever you want."

Harry's eyes widened. Her comment made his heart sink; he felt like he'd been stabbed in the gut. Did she really see him that way?

His emotions must have shown, because Ginny's face softened. She walked around the table and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Don't worry about it. It's not important anymore."

Harry looked up at her, filled with a sadness that this world had brought upon him.

"And what is important?" he asked quietly.

Ginny turned her head to the side in thought.

"I'd say that right now, it's important that you eat breakfast," she said simply, smiling at his startled expression. "Because Mum's right. You really are getting rather thin."