Darry's right. I gotta just stay out of trouble and try no to do anything stupid. But, who am I kidding? I'll mess something up eventually. But for now, I'll just relax.
So, I thought, what can I do today that wont get me thrown in jail or out on the streets again? I was thinkin of what I could do so I wouldn't die of boredom when my stomach tensed and I shot up to the bathroom.
How many times did I have to throw up until I could take a breath?
When it finally stopped, I sat back against the bathtub and cried for a long time.
I hate being sick like this. I hate everyone acting so weird around me. But most of all I hate being alone.
I reached for my razor and popped out the blade without thinking. I looked down at the sharp object and told myself not to try what I was about to do, but since when do I listen to myself? I felt the warm blood run down my arm and a sensation of pleasurable pain. The hurt my wrist took my mind off the one in my stomach. This was the most times I'd ever cut myself. I started to feel woozy and really tired. Why fight it? Just then I saw Sodapop rush over to my almost lifeless body, right before I let my eyes slide closed.
---------
For what seemed to be days, I was in an endless dream. Nothing made sense but it was exactly what I wanted. My life was back to normal, and I mean normal like, before I was a soon-to-be mother. I was out with all my best friends dancing and laughing, having an amazing time. I was actually happy, which was a big deal for me. Did you ever hear someone tell you that your dreams are what you truly want? I have, and it made sense to me now. That's all I wanted was for things to go back to the way they were. But that's never gonna happen.
As my fantasy came to a close, I saw Adam walking towards me and everything around him was blurred. He had a menacing look on his face and it looked like he was fixin to kill me. And that's when I woke up.
I looked around and I was in a white room with Darry and Jess, Soda and Lissa, Ponyboy and Kit, and Carmen and Lacy.
I sat up slowly and looked around.
"Back up and give her some room" I heard Darry say to the others.
"Sodapop?" I asked, "what happened?"
"I don't really want to talk about it" he said shakily.
"Please,"
"You almost killed yourself, Kim" he choked.
"Huh?" I said alarmed. But he didn't have to explain because when he said that I remembered the entire thing. I remember thinking there was nothing worth living for, and that the only way to stop the hurt is to slit my wrist. But, I've felt like that before, so I don't see why I took it this far this time.
"Where are we?" I asked.
"We're at the hospital, you've been here for the past three days." Darry replied.
"Wha-" I started to say before Darry exploded.
"Kim!" he said aggravated, "I've told you not to do this," he pointed at my arm, "I half knew you'd never listen, but I never thought you would take it this far." He turned away and stared at his feet in disbelief.
I looked down mournfully, "Darry," I said quietly, "are you ashamed of me?"
He looked back at me frowning and I expected the worst.
"No Kim, I'm not ashamed of you." he said and smiled faintly. "I just, question what you do sometimes. I just wish you could go more than a few days without getting into all kinds of trouble"
"I know, and I do too but I don't-I don't think that's an option for me at this point"
Soda leaned forward and embraced me.
"Kim, You can stay out of trouble if you'd just try"
"I guess," I mumbled under my breath.
He opened his mouth and began to say something but shut his it tight and cracked his knuckles.
"When am I allowed to go home?"
"I think they want you to stay here tonight and go home sometime tomorrow, do you think you can manage?" Soda informed me.
"Yeah, I think so" I lied.
The last thing I wanted to do was spend the night alone in a creepy hospital but I wouldn't tell that to Sodapop.
I looked down and sighed deeply when a doctor came in and announced that visiting hour was over. Damn.
"Bye Soda, Ponyboy, Darry, and everyone else."
"Bye Kim," they said together.
And it was back to being alone.