Truth or Dare
Pol woke to see Mission Vao and Zaalbar hunched over a Plasteel container dealing Pazaak. Mission noticed her first, "Hey Pol, you sleep ok?" She chirped falsely trying to stay positive. Pol took in the vista of grief that shadowed Mission. Her world is gone. That poor kid, I won't mention it till she does. She might not be ready to face it.
"I guess." Pol, mumbled as she sat up carefully on the low bunk her sleep, as it had been since the crash, was plagued with dreams and she barely felt rested at all.
(I'd hope so. You were out long enough.) The Wookiee groaned.
"How long have I been asleep Zaalbar?"
(The whole day, we're nearly at Dantooine.) Zaalbar rumbled.
"Last hand Zaalbar I have to tell the others Pol's awake." Mission said. The Wookiee and the Twi'lek completed their game and rounded up their respective side decks.
"I think I'll get cleaned up." Pol said with a stretch and a yawn. Zaalbar and Mission left her alone in the dimly lit bunk room to change and freshen up.
Barely seconds after she was done Canderous came knocking against the door frame. "You decent?" He asked as he entered the room, not bothering to wait for a reply.
"Jeesh don't wait for an answer or anything…" Pol complained, although she was decently dressed.
"I don't need to; I have eyes I can see for myself if you're not." Canderous drawled.
"Ha. Smart Alec, so you're feeling better?"
"Yeah, thanks to you."
"Anytime, it was kinda fun actually just like a real life game of 'junior alien autopsy'" Pol joked, swinging her legs against the bunk.
"Well I'm glad you enjoyed yourself…" Canderous drawled. He half filled the small cabin from where he was standing. Pol tried to estimate his height; she guessed around 6'3. About one foot taller than me she assessed.
"So what can I do for you Chief?" Pol asked feeling small by comparison.
"It's truth time." Canderous, said with a crooked grin.
"For you or for me?" Pol sought clarification, but laughed good humouredly.
"Both I guess. It's killing me that I know so little about you." Canderous paced the floor restlessly looking serious again.
"Well maybe if you asked the right questions instead of sneaking through my Republic files you'd find out more." Pol suggested amiably.
Canderous paused in his progress to face Pol. "You know about that? I thought you were sleeping."
"No actually I didn't, it was just a guess. But I know Carth still has them so I figured you would eventually find them." Pol admitted. "So what do you know, and what do you want to know?"
"Mostly I know the stuff from your service records. That your real name is Polly and that you were supposedly a scout before you joined the Republic war effort. You were accompanying Bastila on the Endar Spire when it was attacked by the Sith off Taris. You came down in the same escape pod as Carth."
"You don't think it's strange that, of the Republic's newest batch of recruits, I was the only one they sent with Bastila?" Pol asked with a sidelong glance. She had been eager for a second opinion since Carth had raised the issue.
"Perhaps the Republic recognized your talents? Or perhaps they know something I don't like what you really did before you joined them."
"I'd like to think so, but Carth had his skivvies in a twist about it. He seems to think it's strange, that there is some big conspiracy, and I am not sure there isn't, given the way Bastila treats me." She said.
"Hmm it could be worth further consideration. If you're honest with me I'll see if I can find anything out for you champ. But before joining the Republic, what did you really do? C'mon I know you weren't a scout."
"I was too a scout! I scouted new hyperspace routes. 'At home on the fringes of space' that's me!" Pol, drawled unconvincingly.
"Bomadust I have never met a scout that could fight like you before. I'd say you have many more years of combat training than I can fathom and almost as much experience in battle as I do. A scout has no need of such discipline." He took a deep breath and counted out the remaining inconsistencies.
"Not to mention you have the hands of an experienced field surgeon and from what I've seen a respectable aptitude for conflict strategy. Another thing that doesn't seem right is that your service records put your age at least a decade older that I would have guessed. Some one is lying, I wonder though is it you?" Canderous raised an eyebrow in question.
He was more concerned for Pol; Mandalorian's having no love of Republic, whoever this fine warrior is… Or was… She is being taken for a ride by the Republic and presently I'm in the fracking passenger seat.
"Lying huh? You sound like Carth." Pol slouched, still fatigued and disgruntled to be drawn into a conversation she felt less than qualified to talk about.
"Ok answer me this, how old are you?" Canderous leaned against the wall for a second.
"37 years." Pol answered truthfully.
"You look 25." Canderous growled accusingly.
"Well I'm really 37, but thanks for the compliment."
"Explain yourself then Polly, cuz I don't buy this scout story one bit."
"Ok-ok just don't call me Polly. I hate that. Lemme see…It's dangerous on the fringes of space. In my travels when I wasn't meeting aliens and butchering them in self defense I learned their languages. I had to sew myself up a time or two. So surgery and strategy, all of that comes from my travels. And if I look good for my age it's because I cleanse exfoliate and moisturize religiously! So tell me have I lost my girlish appeal now you know I am not drastically younger than you?"
"Ha, this 'likely' story would probably make more sense if you actually sounded like you believed in it yourself." Canderous remarked, showing a rare depth of insight. "As for your age, I find you more appealing. I've no time for foolish girls."
"That's good, to know. But yeah I guess I'd like to believe I was a scout." Pol sighed sadly.
"But you don't? Damnit Pol I am confused, do you know your past or not? " He prompted.
"It's not what you think."
"You don't know what I think Valor!" Canderous snapped defensively.
"Well then tell me."
"Given your age and level of experience I'd almost swear you were a veteran of the Mandalorian wars, but you're no Republic trained soldier. I should know I have fought and killed every kind there is. The level of secrecy that seems to surround you could mean that you're some type of felon. Maybe a convict, they let out of the slam for a secret assignment… Or you could have been relocated at some point given a new identity…You could be ex-Sith intelligence bah I don't know." Canderous grumped rubbing his hands over the stubble on his face. "Why are you laughing?" He demanded grouchily.
"The truth is kind of embarrassing. Canderous I don't know if I am a convict or veteran or anything. I don't know who I am. I thought I knew, I thought I was just a scout, honestly believed it. But now I am less certain. I am really confused Canderous and getting more so daily." I want to tell you that I have dreams where I get strange impulses but you'll take it the wrong way… Pol thought to herself. "Damn I hope no one can hear this." She said aloud looking about the room apprehensively.
"Ok." Canderous said pausing politely to await Pol's response. When it wasn't forthcoming he lost his patience and growled. "You going to tell me or am I going to wring it out of you forcibly?"
Pol took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling for answers. Tears formed in her eyes and her head began to throb as the first kiss of a migraine embraced her. This happened whenever she tried to think of her past. "I don't know if this is a good place to talk…" She whispered.
"Kid we're on a ship…In space… Nothing to do; no where to go. If we are going to work together I would rather we got this out in the open now!" Sensing her distress Canderous took a seat beside her. Nice going jerk now you've upset her. He scolded himself. "You ok Pol?"
"Yeah mostly. Look I don't really know what to think of my past. A week ago I could have told you every detail of every lame adventure I had on the outer rim. But after that crash landing on Taris…I have been having these dreams, some are flashbacks. I KNOW it. I see things I don't recall being present for. Places I don't think I have been…They seem so familiar. Its like I am remembering things from someone else's past."
"Who's past, are you sure it's not your own? Give me an example." Canderous tried to rationalize the information. Why is it always the crazy ones?
"I have vivid recollections of key battles I couldn't have possible be present at, between the Sith and the Republic. I checked and my records place me somewhere near Endor at the time, but I don't remember Endor… It makes no sense. The worst thing is that Bastila is in one of my recurring dreams."
"Well now there's proof that dreams aren't always good and they aren't meant to make sense." Canderous reassured leaning closer to hear Pol who had gone impossibly quiet.
"These are visions. More like memories. Definitely NOT dreams." She stated blankly.
"If Bastila is in them, maybe they are her memories some Jedi persuasion thing? Some kind of Jedi mind trick?" Canderous tried to focus, but the proximity of a hot woman was making his mind lazy. Ordo keep your mind on the job… damn she smells good.
"That's the weird thing; they are not from Bastila's point of view. I can see her in them. The same things over and over, I'm fighting Bastila."
"I hope you're kicking her ass." Canderous chuckled dryly. "You're sure they're not just dreams?" Could her neck be any more graceful…Great Frack's balls I have to get out of here.
"Positive. So you believe me?" She asked.
"Of course, but I am definitely baffled. I appreciate your honesty though." Canderous looked to the exit eagerly.
Pol pleaded quietly. "I'm not sure if I should speak to Bastila about this yet. Don't tell anyone ok?"
"Of course not, what do you take me for? Look if you need to talk I'll be in the garage." I better scat before I do anymore damage. Canderous left the cabin in a hurry, seeking both distraction and distance to recover his composure.
May the Force Bear With You
Pol did speak with Bastila about it. After a light sleep in deep space that sent both women leaping from their bunks in alarm they met in the cargo hold for a midnight tête-à-tête. Neither wanted to wake Mission, and after the nightmare both knew there would be shouting.
"What the hell is going on?" Pol yelled, for once uncaring who she woke. It had been that kind of vision; the kind where she did unspeakably cruel things and laughed.
"You had another bad dream Pol…"
"Because you sent it to me! Bastila, what the frack are you doing to my mind? The more I am around you the more I seem to lose myself. I'm losing my memories daily. Whatever mind trick you are pulling out of whatever sick revenge this is you better stop… Before I forget who I am!" Pol was desperate.
"Pol calm yourself. There is an explanation for this. You are highly Force sensitive…"
"Oh so that means you can easily foist your crap on me is that it? Why me? What did I do to you? Or is it just that I am dumber and more open to mental suggestion than the rest of the fracking crew?"
"I am not doing anything to your mind." Bastila reassured Pol as best she could, without the right kind of training. The gravity of duty weighed about Bastila's neck till she was sure she never walk free of it again. The raw emotion coming off Pol was swamping Bastila, despite her Jedi training.
"Why did you send for me to accompany you on the Endar Spire? Tell the truth Bastila, I'm a green recruit."
"You were sent for because your Force sensitivity was noted. I was the nearest available Jedi who could offer support to you until such time as the Jedi council were able to speak with you."
"You're hiding something Bastila." Pol wiped angry tears away.
"Pol, I have these dreams too." Should I tell her this?
"You losing your history too?" Pol snapped savagely.
"Pol, they are visions and you know it. In times of trauma Force sensitive people even those untrained in the Force may form connections as we have, through the Force. The crash of the Endar Spire, the destruction of Taris. Force bonds always happen for a reason. I will speak to the council when we arrive on Dantooine, they will be able to advise us further. Other than that I can not offer you any consolation at this time." By the time her last words were out Pol had already left the cargo hold.
She slept on a chair in the communications room, it was desperately uncomfortable but she did not want to be near the Jedi.
If she wasn't who she was and if she wasn't so frustrating I could almost feel for her. Bastila thought as she resumed her hollow rest in the dorm.
Dantooine Day One
(Things are so quiet now.) Zaalbar said happily to Mission. They were seated outside the Jedi enclave on Dantooine, 'catching a little sun' as Mission called it, and playing Pazaak.
"Tell me about it, with Bastila off with her Masters' at the enclave a person could get real used to all this relaxing." Mission flipped through her side deck thoughtfully selecting the most adaptable cards; you never knew what hand a Wookiee would play. She had been carefully keeping her mind on the game as a way to escape the pain that filled her in moments of inaction. A shadow passed over her, it was a very large shadow, and a very dark shadow, it 'ahem-ed' at her. Mission lifted her chin and squinted up to see Canderous looking a tad peeved.
"What are you two doing? Put those Pazaak cards away the stores need re-stocking and I'm not doing it alone." Canderous ordered gruffly.
(Where's Pol?) Zaalbar asked with a wail. He was looking for a way out of the laborious task of carting foodstuffs. Big Z was more interested in emptying the stores than filling them. If Pol needed him for something else he figured he could 'life debt' his way out of the task.
"She has an audience with the Jedi council." Carth, said, he had joined them to help restock the Ebon Hawk.
"Huh? That's weird." Mission said conveying everyone's thoughts in three simple words of galactic basic. "So she won't be helping then?" Mission watched Canderous trying to gauge his reaction. Canderous's frown deepened. So that's why your so grumpy old man. Mission laughed to herself. Men are so dumb.
Enclave
"I am Master Zhar, with me are Masters Dorak, Vrook and Vandar, Padawan Bastila you already know."
Pol found it impossible to keep her mind from wandering through the tedious introductions. Master Zhar Lestin, that name is familiar wonder, where I heard that before.
"We would like to thank you for rescuing Bastila from Taris." Master Vrook said succinctly.
I told you I saved you! Huzzah! I have been thanked at last. Pol caught herself day dreaming and snapped to attention in time to hear Master Zhar say: "… Your bond with Bastila and …That you are very strong in the Force, and we are considering training you in the ways of the Jedi."
"I thought…Why can't you just sever the bond? I thought you only took kids. Are your numbers that low now? I am really not sure this is right for me." Pol struggled to come to terms with the bombshell. Bastila had already spoken to her of a tenuous Force bond they shared after Pol had accused her of Jedi mind tricking her the day before.
It wasn't the first time Bastila had claimed Pol was Force sensitive. She had mentioned it several times on Taris, but it was the first time Bastila had admitted to dreaming of her as well. Pol's first reaction was utter disbelief but Bastila had depicted aspects of the dream with unerring accuracy over breakfast. Since that 'discussion' Pol had been avoiding Bastila. Pol felt tremendously guilty about her blow up. Bastila is only doing her job. I'm such a fool. At what point did I become the spoilt brat?
"As we said you are a special case, nothing has been decided, we must discuss this in detail. Return with Padawan Bastila tomorrow at first light."
The conference over, Pol staggered out into the sunshine feeling as though she had been whacked in the face with a hydrospanner.
"Do you want to talk?" Bastila asked holding out an olive branch cautiously.
"No thanks, I feel bad enough already." Pol almost dry retched at the thought of another confrontation with Bastila. Their last conversation had been a bigger disaster than the med bay incident.
"I was trying to be civil." Bastila said though clenched teeth.
"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that." Pol answered automatically.
"Yes you did." Bastila corrected her picking up the lie as it fell.
"Ok you got me. But you have to admit our last two conversations haven't been much fun."
"You refer to the med bay where you crucified me and the cargo hold where you fumed at the discussion of our visions and accused me of messing with your mind…" Bastila looked haunted.
"Yeah well you also serve up a mean sandwich of 'I'm the Boss / with sauce / on wry' fairly regularly too I may add. It might be time to invest in a new cook book Bastila."
"You're trying to be funny?" Bastila asked. She was unsure she could fulfill the request of the council. The council had asked her to test Pol to see if she could become a Jedi. Apparently they intended to decide what to do about Pol's training, based in part, on the outcome of the discussion and Bastila's findings about her character in general.
"Trying? I need to work on my act then, cuz I thought I was pretty good. Look Bastila I don't mean any harm. I have no desire to usurp your position; it's a tough job doing what you do. I'm just a thug I know that. I'm beginning to think serving in the Republic's army isn't even right for me. The Taris thing only went against you because you were so well known there." If I am nice to you maybe they will cut the bond and set me free… To go do scouty things again…Whatever scouts do…Cuz I forget now.
"That's rich coming from you! Pol you left the planet a celebrity with your Pazaak scams, Swoop racing, professional dueling, not to mention dating an infamous Mandalorian bounty hunter."
"I didn't date anyone." Pol colored slightly.
"You were seen with Canderous in cantinas all over Taris. It was common gossip that you were his new 'friend'."
"It was meant to be common gossip; it was part of our plan to get me into Davik's estate. Besides Taris is gone now." Pol sat down below a tree in the courtyard feeling saddened. Poor Mission…
Unexpectedly Bastila joined her. "If that's so, then why are you still seeing him?"
"Is this a trick question? Umm because he's on our ship? O hang on I got it yep. Its cuz I have eyes!" Pol played the fool dodging Bastila's questions like a court jester.
"Pol stop fooling about, you have been avoiding me." Bastila, complained but she was smiling for once, well just a little.
"I have, but only because I see you every time I sleep. Ask me what you want to know and I'll try to answer."
"You're being honest now." Bastila said, looking all Force sensitive.
"I usually am. Could you stop that you're giving me the creeps?" Pol swatted a fly.
"Stop what?" Bastila asked from beyond the veil, she was immersed in Pol's thoughts.
"Feeling me out with the Force or whatever the frack it is you're doing."
"My apologies that was wrong of me. But that you detect my influence confirms the theory of a bond between us." Bastila had not even noticed she was doing it.
"Bond or no, you just keep yer Forces to yourself Bastila!" Pol scolded childishly. "I'm still not convinced that it isn't the only reason I dream about you."
"You know it's more than that. It's ridiculous. Not to offend but why would I want you to dream about me? Your Force sensitivity is what causes us to commune in this way. Our shared trauma of the Endar Spire tragedy has built this bond between us. The Force works in mysterious ways. Yet there is purpose to its every action. Despite this bond I feel that I barely know you." She said wearily.
"What do you want to know?" Pol asked again.
"I would like to know what you see in the Mandalorian. He's not a good man, and people are often judged by the company they keep, especially Jedi's."
"I'm not a Jedi Bastila. They'd be foolish to make me one. I'd be a terrible Jedi."
"Why do you say that Pol?"
"You know I don't have your righteous moral compass, and I'm not about to change my friends." Pol admitted.
"It is a struggle for us all, choosing the light path can be as simple as making the right choices."
"I don't need to be a Jedi to do good things; I don't need to be in the army to fight this war." Pol defended herself. "I think I'm doing ok."
"Actually so do I you are an excellent soldier Pol. Whatever happens here do not give up this fight when the Republic is in such dire need. You know being a Jedi isn't all bad," Bastila said looking apologetic.
"It's starting to sound like you want me to become a Jedi. As for the Republic thing, I will make my own decision about that. I can't even remember when I signed on now, let alone why."
"Pol you are …Essentially…a good woman. You have shown great self control, excusing our confrontation in the med bay and your outburst in the cargo hold and the gooey sandwich of martyrdom you trot out every so often…"
"Ha-ha. Oh Bastila!" Pol laughed wiping a tear from her eye. "I didn't think you had it in you!" What a hoot! I could actually like this girl!
"I know I may have contributed to these 'episodes' of yours, but you really do have quite the temper." Bastila sighed and soothed herself with a quiet smile. "Pol I've seen you defend all kinds of people in our time together, even the unworthy and I admire that about you."
"Define 'unworthy'. Is this about Canderous again?" Pol's eyes darkened and her mouth set in a hard line.
"Unworthy, some one who can defend themselves I guess, not some one who kills millions in war and calls it a lark."
"We all need defending some times Bastila, even Jedi's. I don't think it is fair to judge Canderous by his past any more than it would be fair to judge you by yours or me by mine. We are all good people potentially; we just some times do bad things. If the Jedi don't believe in redemption, it's no wonder your numbers are dwindling."
"There is a kind wisdom to your words Pol, though you know not what you speak of. I wish you well." Bastila left Pol by the tree.
Pol was beginning to think the tree looked familiar when she heard Zaalbar's speech from across the courtyard. I wonder what that's all about, thought Pol as she went to investigate.
The Wookiee hailed her once they were in shouting distance, which can be a very long way if you have the vocal capacity of a Wookiee.
"What's wrong Zaalbar?"
(Mission is trouble.) He grumbled noisily.
"Yeah I know." Said Pol. "Oh wait is she causing the trouble or in the trouble?"
(Both.) Zaalbar answered. Pol knew it couldn't have been too serious, because there was no way Zaalbar would have left her side if it was. This was clearly a matter that caused for tact and conscientious diplomacy beyond the talents of a Wookiee.
"You haven't torn anyone's legs off have you?" Pol asked her furry companion as they hurried to the scene.
(No.) Zaalbar replied with a groan.
"Just checking."
Mission was making quite the scene, with another Twi'lek female. They were arguing about Mission's brother Griff. Pol intervened around the time Mission called Lena a 'brother stealing home wrecker' and got that 'I'm a-kick-yer-butt' look in her eyes.
"Hey hey, whoa what's going on here?" Pol asked.
"This hussy stole my brother and left me stranded on Taris when I was just a kid!" Mission accused.
"Hey now Mission you have some bad information, it was Griff's idea to leave you there, not mine. He left me too as soon as my money ran out!" Lena wailed prying her lekku from Missions grasp.
"Oi, no hair, um head pulling." Pol ordered she was a little unsure of Twi'lek alien biology. "Look before you two get into it I think we should hear from Griff. See what he has to say for himself." Pol suggested once the two girls were apart.
"Good idea, you do that. Mission I am sorry about what happened. I hope one day you can understand. I wish you the best of luck girl, and I want you to know I hold no hard feelings about today." Lena said her piece and left swiftly.
"Could she be right Mission? About Griff I mean. Guys do some dopey things for what they think are the best reasons…"
"That's true, but he wouldn't leave me like that! I don't know, if only I could speak to him."
"I know how much this means to you Mission, first chance we get I'll take you to Tatooine to find him I promise." So much for blade shopping with Canderous in Nar Shaddaa thought Pol.