CHAPTER EIGHT

Revelations

Alex was lying on her bed, staring out the window at the early morning sunshine. She heard Olivia puttering around outside her door.

Alex sighed heavily. She needed to get up and start the day. There was a soft knock on the door, which she ignored. A few moments later, she heard the front door of the apartment close. Sighing again, she dragged herself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom.

Bracing herself on the sink, she stared at herself in the mirror. Her face was splotchy and her eyes were rimmed red. She had spent what was left of the night crying, distraught over her behavior. It wasn't like Alex to lose control like that, she had spent her entire life perfecting the icy demeanor she was now known for. Some people thought she was cold and unfeeling. Others thought she was a bitch. Neither were true as it turned out, it was merely a means of survival. Kissing Olivia had been a mistake, one she was going to pay for dearly. Who was to stop Olivia from outing her?

Alex squeezed her eyes shut in agony. She didn't even want to think about that. There had to be a way to convince Olivia that she was not a lesbian. Thinking swiftly, she thought of Ken Briscoe.

"Perfect," she whispered to herself. The young detective was awestruck with Alex, and made no attempt to hide his puppy dog crush. Even better, he worked with Olivia.

Alex pushed herself away from the sink and headed for the shower. Switching on the faucet, her relief was mixed with melancholy.

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"Maybe you should take another day…"

Elliot smiled, patting Kathy on the rump. "No, I have to get back. Can you wrap me up some of those sandwiches you made?" They had spent the last two days together while Elliot recuperated, making love and reconnecting. While the time had revitalized Kathy and made her hopeful about their relationship, Elliot had been plagued with sporadic thoughts about Olivia. What the hell is wrong with me, he thought, watching his wife bustle around the kitchen. I have a beautiful wife, the mother of my children, and I'm thinking about some other woman?

But it wasn't just some other woman and Elliot knew it. It was Olivia. Olivia, the passionate, determined and intelligent woman who had changed his views on women police officers, shit women in general. When he first met her, he never thought she would make it in the Special Victims Unit. But what he would come find to out later, Olivia was a fighter, not one to back down from a challenge or a less than supportive partner. She was a complex woman, yet so simple, and it was that mix that was intoxicating to Elliot. Sometimes he thought he could detect a restlessness in Olivia, a sexual charge about her that lied just beneath the surface, threatening to expose itself one day.

He felt awful about hurting her, but he took a vow to stand by his wife for life. He was a good Catholic and he took his faith very seriously. We have to make sacrifices in this life, and for him it was to deny his feelings for the other woman.

Kathy had been talking about taking a trip up to Maine. When her ramblings garnered no response from Elliot, she turned from the sink and caught him staring off into space. The past two days had been wonderful, but this wasn't the first time she had noticed him daydreaming, his mind a million miles away from her. She fought the uneasiness.

"Earth to Elliot," Kathy sang lightly.

Elliot glanced at her quickly, startled. "I'm sorry baby, I gotta go, I'm going to be late." He stood up and with his good arm, pulled Kathy to him, kissing her passionately, forcefully pushing away any thoughts of Olivia. Kathy wrapped her arms around him possessively.

"See you tonight," he said huskily, before heading out the door.

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Olivia pushed through the doors of the squad. It had taken all of her willpower not to feign sickness and call off work. It was Tuesday and Elliot was scheduled back to work. She walked up to her desk and put her stuff away. Stabler, Munch and Fin hadn't arrived yet.

Sitting at her desk, she turned her thought towards Alex. She wasn't quite sure what to think about that situation. Olivia was sure that her new friend was indeed a lesbian. But that wasn't the problem. Olivia could care less what Alex did or who she was, she had always been an open-minded person. Obviously it wasn't something that Alex was comfortable being open about. It was her own feelings towards Alex that had thrown her for a loop. After they had kissed, Olivia had felt wildly thrilled, a feeling she had never felt before. She had never felt like that about a woman. What did it all mean, Olivia didn't know, but she did know that she wanted to explore this newfound piece of her sexuality. And she was pretty sure she wanted to explore it with Alex.

"Olivia, good morning," Cragen said walking up to her, holding a stack of files.

"Hey Cap, what have we got going on today?"

He shuffled through his paperwork. "Uh…Cabot is coming by to interview you and Elliot on the Pine Hills case…she got what she needed from Fin and Munch." They had arrested Dr. Hanson and Drew Farrow shortly after Elliot and Olivia were rescued. They searched the warehouse and found traces of both Tina and Gloria's blood on the concrete. Fin and Munch confronted the duo with this information, the camp leader stoically refusing to talk. Dr. Hanson on the other hand became a victim of his own ego, boasting that they had to kill the women for discovering their operation.

Alex walked in a few minutes later. Spotting Olivia, she threw her a brilliant smile. Wow, Olivia thought.

"Hey you," Olivia said smiling. "You look happy."

"I am," she replied. "I have decided to stop being such a chicken shit and get myself a date."

Olivia widened her eyes. "Really?" she asked, suddenly alarmed. "With who?"

Alex smiled wickedly. Then she turned around and marched over to Briscoe's desk, where he was unsuccessfully trying to disguise the fact that he had been staring at her unabashed.

"Hey Ken," Alex said flirtatiously. "Do you have a moment?"

Olivia watched as Ken stared up at her, mouth slightly agape. Olivia rolled her eyes, but kept watching. "Oh…of course Cabot, Alex…Alex," he stammered.

"Are you busy tomorrow night? I was wondering if you would like to take me to dinner?"

Olivia and Ken both started in shock. To his credit, Ken recovered more quickly. "Of course!" he said enthusiastically, standing up. "Where would you like to go?"

Alex pursed her lips thoughtfully, staring at the ceiling. "Ummm...how about you just surprise a girl?"

"You got it, it's a date," he said, smile wide. Alex patted him on the arm and walked past Olivia. "Liv, I'll meet you in Cragen's office when Elliot gets here."

Ken beaming, turned to Olivia. "Can you believe that? I'm going on a date with Alex Cabot!"

"No, I can't believe it," Olivia said upset. Was she wrong about Alex? She could have sworn by it, the woman was a lesbian. Why did she kiss her? And why was she so upset about being wrong? Her aggravation intensified as Ken skipped around the office telling everyone in sight. And why the hell would she want to date Ken?

Elliot passed by Ken as he rushed out of the squad, glancing at him. "What's up with him?"

"He's got a date," Olivia said irritably.

"Who would go out on a date with him?"

"I'm sure he'll tell you, just wait your turn."

Elliot cleared his throat. He stood behind his desk, facing Olivia. She looked upset, which he could understand. "Listen," he said in a low voice. "I'm sorry about what happened the other night. But let's not let it get in the way of doing our job."

Olivia was so preoccupied with Alex, she had forgotten about Elliot. She looked at him squarely. She would not give him the satisfaction of knowing that she was still hurting. "No, don't apologize," she said brusquely, "you were right. It was wrong and it will never happen again. Don't even bring it up."

"Olivia," Elliot pleaded. He tried to look in her eyes, but she was having none of it. "I can't do this to my wife. You have to understand that."

"But you can do this to me. Oh, that's right. She deserves better than me. You are a real asshole Elliot. Obviously things aren't as peachy at home if you felt the need to come to me."

Elliot felt himself getting angry. "You know what, it's easy for you to sit and judge. Try getting married yourself, you'll understand then. But we all know that would never happen."

Olivia froze. "Excuse me?" she asked in a deadly calm voice.

"You can't even keep a date, much less a boyfriend, even less a husband," he snapped. "All you do is wallow in your past. No man would ever want all of your baggage. You act like a victim."

"Domestic dispute?" Munch had walked in and heard the last of Elliot's words. He had no idea what prompted them, but he was pissed all the same. "Why don't you back off a little bit there, Stabler? You've only got one good arm."

Olivia was breathing hard, stunned. "Alex and Cragen are waiting on us." She stood up and rapidly headed for the interview room.

Elliot stood there for a second, staring at her vacant chair. Shit. Why did she always have to force him into hurting her? Slowly he followed her.

Olivia walked into the interview room and plopped down in the chair, shaking. She refused to look at Alex, who was staring at her quizzically. Elliot walked in and slowly shut the door before leaning on it.

"All right Alex, what do you need to win this case?" Cragen asked, oblivious to the tension.

Alex tore her eyes away from Olivia, switching to lawyer mode. "Well, I need both of you to testify to the chase and what you saw, but Elliot I need you to authenticate some of Hanson's statements so we can nail both he and Farrow with them."

"You cut Hanson a deal?" Elliot asked, trying to focus on the matter at hand.

"No, he's rescinding his confession and wants his day in court," Cragen said wryly. "More like he wants to hear himself speak."

Alex went over the basics of the case. Olivia tuned her out, fuming over Elliot's words. How dare he speak to me like that? And Alex? How dare she lead me on? Neither one wants to have any claim to me, she thought bitterly.

"Olivia?"

Her head snapped up. Alex and Cragen were staring at her. "What?" she snapped. Alex looked over her head and threw Elliot a look. He just shrugged and looked away, the guilt plain on his face. What did he do? She seems almost mad at me too, Alex thought. It couldn't be…

"I need to schedule a time to go over your testimony in the next few weeks."

"Yeah, whatever," she said standing up. "We done here?"

"They are, Olivia you stay."

She clenched her jaw as Alex and Elliot left the room. Alex tried to catch her eye, but failed.

"Is there a problem here Olivia?" Cragen asked after the door closed. "Your attitude is about four feet in front of you."

"I've been under a lot of stress lately," she said. How could she tell him that she was may be in love with her married partner who treated her like shit at every turn, or that she may be developing lesbian tendencies and her friend, who she believes to be one, just asked out a man? And that it was royally pissing her off that she had been rejected by both?

"Do you need to speak to Huang?"

"No." She took a deep breath. "I'll be fine Captain. I'm sorry if I was rude."

She left his office and headed for the roof. She needed some time alone to think.

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"How long do you plan on staying up here?"

Olivia had been staring out at the city skyline, trying her best to shut out Elliot's words. As cruel as they were, they rang with more truth than she was willing to admit. And Alex was the last person she wanted to speak to at the moment. "Until I'm good and ready to leave." She said sarcastically.

Alex crossed her arms and rocked back and forth, her heels clicking on the rooftop. Good lord, wasn't it Spring? "Well, I suggest you hurry it up. I'm already late getting back to the office."

Olivia turned around. "I'm not in the mood Alex. I really don't need you right now."

Alex stepped closer to her. "What's going on with you and Elliot, Olivia?" She asked softly, looking into her eyes. "I assume he was the reason you were so upset at the hospital?"

Olivia stared at the ground. "I don't know, maybe our time together is up."

Alex frowned at the vague answer. "Okay, let's try another one," she suggested. "Why are you so upset with me?"

"Don't you have a date you need to get ready for?" she asked sugary sweet.

Alex stared at her, unbelieving. That would be a cruel joke Olivia, don't do this to me. "That's it? You're mad at me for having a date."

Olivia sighed, miserable. "I don't know why I am mad at you Alex. I haven't figured that part out yet. I haven't figured you out yet."

Alex swallowed. "What is there to figure out? I've been completely honest with you and I value your friendship."

Olivia finally looked up. "Have you?" she asked evenly.

Alex could feel the tears coming. "I don't want you to hate me…"

Olivia grabbed Alex's face and kissed her. Then she kissed her again. And she kissed her until Alex had melted into her arms and wouldn't let her go. She worked her way down Olivia's neck, planting a trail sweet kisses, Olivia's moans egging in her on.

"I guess I'm canceling that date," Alex mumbled, her lips on Olivia's collarbone.

"I guess so."

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