Sorry this is so late, wouldn't let me post it last night! Anyway, when I started this story I had a clear idea ofhow I was going to end it, but now that I'm writing it, I'm not sure if that's the way I want to go. Does that happen to any of you other authors? Enjoy.

CHAPTER 11

Shock and Awe

"Shhh, we don't want anyone to hear us," Elliot warned breathlessly. Olivia's answer was another drawn out moan as she braced herself against the wall, Elliot thrusting into her from behind. He and Olivia had snuck up to the crib for a little playtime. They were both on duty and the squad room was full of busy detectives. The daring move was like an aphrodisiac to Olivia and she wanted more.

They had been involved in a torrid affair for the past two and a half months and Elliot still could not believe this side of Olivia. She was like a tigress, sexually charged and uninhibited, never getting enough. He just could not get enough of her, eager to explore more of what she was capable of.

They clumsily finished, Olivia laughing at her less than lady like ways. Elliot plopped onto one of the beds, pulling Olivia into his lap, facing him. They stared at each other like that, peppering each other's faces with kisses.

"I love you Olivia Benson," Elliot said.

Olivia smiled sadly. Both he and Alex had professed their love, but because of her relationship with both, she didn't trust herself to echo it to either of them.

Olivia was certain that the whole situation was out of control. Elliot and she had gone so far, there was no turning back. She was having an affair with a married man, and she was a threat to a stable home life. Alex was under the impression that she was the only one in Olivia's life and that she had turned her into a lesbian like her. She couldn't bring herself to admit to either of them that she was cheating on them, afraid of losing them both. She was playing with fire and it was almost a matter of time before she got burned. My God, is it possible to be in love with two people?

He stroked Olivia's back with strong hands. His touch sent shivers down her spine. Lord, bless this man. "How does it feel to have both arms back Mr. Stabler?"

He pretended to think. "Well, you aren't able to take advantage of me anymore."

She laughed. "You like it, don't deny it," she teased.

"I love it, I love everything about you," he corrected.

Olivia was uncomfortable. "Right…"

"Who is he?" he asked, looking her square in the eye.

Olivia blinked. "What?"

"You have a boyfriend," he said calmly. He held up his hand to stop her from protesting. "Don't lie Olivia, I know there is someone else who calls you, who spends time with you. I just want to know who he is."

Technically speaking, Elliot didn't have the right to forbid her from seeing other people. But she would not out Alex. That wasn't her decision to make. "Elliot, I'm not seeing anyone else," she lied. "Even if I was, you really think you have a right to ask me?"

Elliot's jaw clenched. "No," he admitted. "But I just like to know who I am competing with."

"Can't be any worse than competing with your wife," she shot back. This wasn't the first time they had brought up Kathy. By all accounts Olivia actually liked the woman. She would be lying if she said she didn't feel as if she were betraying her and that it hadn't kept her up a night or two. At least with Alex, an innocent party wasn't being hurt. Selfish Olivia wasn't as easy she had thought it was going to be.

"Let's not bring her up," Elliot suggested. He leaned in to kiss her but Olivia held back.

"Elliot," she said searching his face. "What is going on? What is so bad at home that you feel the need to have an affair?"

He didn't like talking about Kathy, because talking about her made the affair real. "I can't connect to her," he whispered. "I'm a different person than I was when we met. The Marines, this job…" he shook his head helplessly. "It takes a piece of you away, bit by bit. She'll never understand and I don't feel close enough to share it with her."

Elliot looked at Olivia. "I'll always love her Olivia," he said truthfully. "I just don't know if I am still in love with her. If the kids weren't still in the house…I would leave her for you."

Olivia was shocked. There it was, out there in the open. Elliot tried to explain. "We can't deny what we have and what we have shared the past few years."

It was official. She was a homewrecker. She pushed off his lap. "Let's get back to work,' she suggested. "Why don't we go talk to Warner about Riddley?"

Elliot let the matter drop. For now.

XXXXXXX

Alex knocked on the door to Olivia's apartment. She had spent the better part of the week with her parents and had finally had a moment to slip away. She was worried about her father's condition, but she needed a break to see her girlfriend.

"Well, well," Olivia said sarcastically, opening the door. "If it isn't my favorite closet homo."

Alex sighed. "I know you're angry Olivia, I treated you badly," she said. "It's been a tough week…I just needed to see you.'

"How is your father?" Olivia asked softening.

Alex shrugged. "We haven't had the best relationship," she admitted, "but he's still my father and I love him. I'm worried."

Olivia gave her a reassuring hug and kiss. Externally, she was the picture of calm. Internally, she was freaking out. Elliot was due over any minute, the plan was to curl up and watch some movies together. She really needed this time with him to sort out her feelings about his feelings towards her. She wasn't expecting to see Alex for another few days.

"Thanks baby, I needed that," Alex said smiling. "Are you going to invite me in?"

"Sure," Olivia said brightly, "but just for a minute because I'm on my way out…I promised Fin I would go out for his birthday."

Alex gave her an appraising look. "Dressed like that?"

Olivia looked at her worn sweats and oversized t-shirt. "After I change," she said hastily. Alex followed her into the bedroom and the couple caught up on events. Olivia quickly changed her clothes, following through with the charade.

"Do you need me to give you a ride to the bar?" Alex offered.

"Oh no sweetie," she said, putting on earrings. "I can just take the D. You should get home to your papa."

Alex knew she was right, but she was still disappointed that she couldn't spend more time with her. "I'll walk with you downstairs."

Olivia smiled tightly. She was going to have to walk towards the subway then double back when Alex pulled out of sight. She followed Alex out of the apartment, locking the door behind her. She grabbed Alex's hand and walked to the elevator.

"I'm thinking about dying my hair dark brown," Alex said, staring at her self in the mirror as the elevator sped to the first floor.

Olivia slapped her playfully on the butt. "Don't you dare," she said in mock anger grabbing Alex for a kiss. She giggled, grabbing Olivia tighter. They were so preoccupied that they didn't notice when the elevator had stopped and the doors whisked open.

"Hello Olivia, Alex."

The two women flew apart in shock. Olivia's eyes widened in fright. Holy shit!

Elliot's face was unreadable. He held open the door and handed Olivia a bag. "Here are the videos you wanted to borrow. Take your time with them. I'll see you tomorrow." He nodded to Alex, his face still a stone mask, and headed out of the building. As devastated as she was, Olivia was grateful to Elliot for not giving her away.

Alex put her hand over her heart and fell back against the wall of the elevator. "Oh my God, Olivia," she said, her breaths coming gasps. "What am I going to do? Oh my God…."

Olivia pulled herself together. "Alex," she said sternly, "Elliot is a stand up guy. He won't tell a soul. I promise."

"You promise," she said in disbelief. "The whole world is going to know about us by tomorrow morning!"

"Alex look at me-"

"No!" she yelled, forcefully pushing Olivia away. "It's over, I have to go. I can't handle this right now."

She tearfully ran out of the elevator, leaving Olivia alone once again.