Alright, short chapter but we are nearing the end here. Time for Olivia to make a damn decision!

CHAPTER 15

Desperation

"I need help doctor."

Dr. Huang smiled benignly. "Okay. Lie on the couch."

Olivia smiled ruefully. "I'm serious," she whined.

"So am I," he insisted. "I can imagine you've been under a lot of stress lately Olivia."

Olivia paused after taking her seat. Her personal life was still a hot topic in the precinct and even after all this time, she wasn't getting used to it. She and Elliot were back on the squad, but they had swapped partners via Cragen's commands. She was teamed up with Munch, Elliot with Fin. Olivia was grateful, because it still allowed her to see Elliot everyday even if it meant they no longer had much alone time on the job.

"So, what would you like to talk about?"

Olivia still hesitated. "This is confidential correct?"

Huang smiled again. "Of course, you know the drill."

"I've gotten into a bit of trouble with Elliot, as I'm sure you've heard."

Huang leaned back in his chair. "Is that what you want to talk about Olivia?"

"Somewhat," she hedged. "…It's bigger than that though."

"Are you still pursuing a relationship with him?"

Olivia crossed her legs. "Yes," she said firmly.

"So…what is the issue?"

"There is someone else."

Huang nodded slowly. "And you are worried about how this other relationship will affect you and Elliot."

Olivia sighed, tired of her own cat and mouse game. She explained to Huang her turbulent relationship for the past seven months with Elliot and Alex. Olivia was amazed at Huang's ability to control his emotions and keep his face impassive.

"In other words, they are fighting over me," she said in conclusion.

"Do you feel that is right, Olivia?" he asked. "Does it excite you that they are both vying for your affections?"

"I guess," she shrugged, tapping her fingers on the arm of the chair.

Huang tried a different tact. "How would you feel if they both decided today that you weren't worth the trouble?"

Olivia chewed her lip thoughtfully. "I've never had someone…desire me in such a way. It's a new feeling and I like it. Why shouldn't I be someone worth fighting for?" she asked indignantly.

"But both have…other circumstances that make being with you a difficult choice," he pointed out.

"Well, yeah. Elliot is –was- is married and Alex was in the closet."

"And how do you feel about that? How do you feel about the fact that they both sacrificed something to be with you?"

Olivia could see where the doctor was going with this and she didn't like it one bit. "So what?" she snapped. "I didn't force anyone."

Huang smiled benignly. "Olivia, I think you need to make a decision. Both are giving up their way of life for you. While it is their decision to do so, you need to be fair and not put them through this."

"I can't make a decision," she said helplessly, "I can't let them both go."

"You mean you can't let the attention that both of them give you go."

"No I can't, I'm so tired of being alone, I'm so tired of being expendable," she said. She was angry. Angry with the situation and angry with Huang for being right.

"How important is the sexual aspect of the relationships?" Huang asked abrubtly.

Olivia, caught off guard, sputtered to a stop. "Well…it's very important. I mean it's obviously very different with both of them, but it's very good." She couldn't believe she was talking to one of her colleagues about her sex life, doc or no doc. "I can't get enough of either of them."

"Has sex always carried such weight with you?"

Olivia nodded. "Of course. That's how I show…my affection. Show that I care about someone more than just platonically."

"Why?" Huang inquired.

"What do you mean why?"

"You could always just tell them that you loved them."

"Words don't mean shit Huang." Olivia said bitterly.

"They don't?"

"No, they don't," Olivia jumped out of her seat and started to pace the room. "My mother never told me. You have to show someone."

"So…how did your mother show you?"

Olivia turned to face him. "She never did."

Huang nodded and checked his watch. "I have another appointment," he announced, standing up from his chair. "But I want you to do something for me tonight. On a piece of paper, I want you to jot down the response to this question: If you were to take away the sexual relationship with both Elliot and Alex, what would you have left?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX