TITLE: Babylon
AUTHOR: Caroline
SPOILERS: Just be familiar with the series.
RATING: K+
KEYWORDS: GCR
LYRICS: "Babylon", by David Gray, which I take no credit for.
SUMMARY: Grissom scrambles to keep Catherine from leaving.
Gil Grissom pursed his lips as he sighed, waiting for the light to change. He glanced down at his watch exasperatedly, almost swearing he'd been at that same light for over two minutes.
Friday night I'm going nowhere
Not that being late for work was such a big deal... he was the boss, after all. It was what would be waiting for him when he got to work... Catherine Willows.
All the lights are changing green to red
The epitome of his every fantasy, his every wish. She'd been offered a job at one of the top crime labs in New York City, an incredible opportunity that everyone assured her she'd be stupid to pass up.
Turning over TV stations
She'd asked Gil if there was a reason she should stay... and he could've sworn she had something specific in mind. And he had a fabulous reason for her to stay... he was completely in love with her. He was so deeply in love with her, involved in her life, that he would've dropped everything in that moment and asked her to marry him.
Situations running through my head
But what did he do instead? He'd just shrugged his shoulders and told her that no, there was no reason why she should stay. It was an incredible opportunity after all, he'd pointed out. And the look on her face in that moment shattered him.
Well looking back through time
She looked crestfallen, her strawberry blond hair falling in her eyes as her head tilted down. And that was the moment he knew... he knew he should've said what was on his mind.
You know it's clear that I've been blind
He should've known. Why else would she make a point of asking him if there was a reason for her to stay? She returned his feelings... he felt it, he knew it now. And he ruined everything.
I've been a fool
His foot practically stomped on the gas pedal as the light flashed green once more, and he tore off for the crime lab. He had to tell her. He had to stop her from taking the job, from packing up herself and Lindsey and fleeing his life as quickly as she entered it.
To open up my heart to all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule
He ran through the halls of the CSI crime lab, his eyes moving in every direction.
Saturday I'm running wild
She had to be here, she just had to. Even if she'd already taken the job, she would still show up for work. That was Catherine. She wouldn't leave him in the lurch... would she?
And all the lights are changing red to green
"Grissom, where the hell have you been?" Sara demanded, almost angrily, when he reached the break room.
"Stuck in traffic," he replied as he stalked toward his office, taking quick, long strides.
Moving through the crowds I'm pushing
"Catherine's already been here," Nick yelled after him, stopping him in his tracks.
He slowly spun to face them. "What?"
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
"She's already been here. She's gone," he stated simply.
"Well where did she go?" Grissom demanded of his younger CSIs, feeling his life flash before his eyes. He didn't need them to answer... he knew where she went.
Only wish that you were here
"To the airport, I think," Warrick replied softly. "She had Lindsey with her, they had their bags, and she was crying."
"Catherine or Lindsey?"
You know I'm seeing it so clear
"Both of them, actually." Warrick gestured to his office door. "She left something for you in your office."
I've been afraid
That was all Grissom needed to hear. He tore off for his office, pushing everybody that got in his way. Upon entering the room, he slammed the door shut and glanced wildly around his office, his eyes finally settling on the plain white envelope on his desk, addressed to him. Gil. His first name, that simple gesture of intimacy between them.
To show you how I really feel
As he read each line, his eyes grew bigger and bigger, his heart pounding faster and faster.
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made
Gil,
Please consider this letter as my notice. I know it's not the customary two weeks notice, and I'm sorry. It has taken all my strength just to get up the courage to write this to you. From the way you responded to me yesterday, I now know what I have been wondering all eighteen of these years we've known each other. I now know that you feel nothing for me... while I feel everything for you. Gil, you have to understand that I'm not doing this intentionally. I'm not leaving to spite you, or because I'm mad at you. You were right, this is an incredible opportunity for me, and for Lindsey. An opportunity to start over, to start our lives anew. It's funny to think back on it now, but whenever I would imagine what it would be like if I had a different life, you were a part of it every single time. I never thought things would've turned out this way.
I thought that yesterday you would've begged me to stay... that you would've told me you loved me. That you would've told me anything other than what you actually told me. Perhaps it was just wishful thinking on my part, but whenever I would question what was happening between us, what I was feeling for you, I never once questioned how you might be feeling about me. I knew you felt the same... I could feel it. But I was wrong, and yesterday I made a fool out of myself by the way that I reacted. I've been just a friend to you all these years, and, with a job like this hanging inches out of my reach, being 'just a friend' was no longer a good enough reason to stay. If you don't feel the same, I have to get on with my life. Or at least try.
As you read this Lindsey and I are at the airport... or maybe even on the plane. She wants you to know that she loves you, that you're her favorite 'uncle', Uncle Gil. And, I want you to know that I love you, too. I love you for everything you are, for everything you've done for us, always and forever. You'll always have a special place in my heart, Gil Grissom, no matter if I hold a place in yours or not.
All my love,
Catherine
P.S. Tell "the kids" that I love them, too.
His heart wrenched with strangled sobs, and his eyes were filled to the brim with unshed tears. Without another word to anyone else, without so much as a second thought, he raced back out to his car, bound and determined to find her, and say what he needed to say. The younger CSIs just watched him run back out, exchanging knowing looks as he did so.
If you want it, come and get it
He ran for the Tahoe and hopped in, starting it quickly and peeling out, heading blindly for the airport. He had to stop her. He had to find words grand enough to stop her from getting on that plane with Lindsey... from taking his heart and soul right along with her.
Crying out loud
Her and Lindsey were his life... his entire world. Aside from them, he only had his work. He had nothing to hold on to... at the end of the day, without them he was terribly, utterly alone.
The love that I was giving you was never in doubt
Surely she knew how he loved her. Surely she knew by the way he treated her. Sure, he'd always favored her in a way... she'd been his best friend forever. But it was different with her. She knew things about him that nobody else did... that nobody else ever would. He told her things about himself, about his life. She broke through the protective walls he built around himself, so surely she must know how special she really is to him?
Let go of your heart, let go of your head
He pounded his fists angrily on the steering wheel as he was stopped at yet another red light, then sighed with relief as it almost immediately turned green again. Maybe Fate would be on his side, tonight.
And feel it now
He reached the airport in record time, flying up the parking ramp at an alarming speed. He was so sure he would've gotten a ticket for the way he was behaving, but he didn't care. There was one thing that mattered most to him right now... and at that moment that thing was probably getting on a plane with her little girl, about to leave his life forever.
Let go of your heart, let go of your head
And feel it now... Babylon
Upon entering the airport, he scanned the flight monitors for the earliest flight leaving for New York City. His blood pressure shot sky-high as he realized that plane was already boarding. Quickly double-checking the gate number, he tore off once again.
Sunday all the lights of London shining
Sky is fading red to blue
And, just like back at the crime lab, he pushed past anyone that got in his way, shrugging off the glares he got in return. Hell, this was Vegas, they'd get over it. Surely it wasn't the worst thing he could've done, after all.
I'm kicking through the autumn leaves
And wondering where it is you might be going to
Upon rounding a corner, he realized in vain that he was going the wrong way, and spun to check the signs that would correct his mistake and lead him in the right direction.
Turning back for home
You know I'm feeling so alone, I can't believe
They'd been so close. Ever since he'd had surgery on his hearing, and especially after Eddie died, they'd grown so close. Why the hell did he have to mess everything up by closing himself off to her?He ached to see her face... to see her smile. She had the most wonderful, most dazzling smile he'd ever seen in his entire life, and he suddenly felt as though he'd had the wind knocked out of him when he realized... he may never see that smile again.
Climbing on the stair I turn around to see you smiling there in front of me
His eyes nearly bulged out of his head when he spotted her, waiting in line to give her ticket to the flight attendant with her daughter clutching her hand. He fought to call out to them, but his breath caught in his throat, his nerves choking him up.
And if you want it, come and get it
Crying out loud
As if sensing his presence, as if she knew he was there, the little girl turned, both her eyebrows shooting straight upwards on her forehead... her eyes growing big as saucers when she spotted him. She tugged on her mother's sleeve. "Mommy..."
The love that I was giving you was never in doubt
"What, baby?" she asked, glancing down at her child, tousling her shiny hair.
"Uncle Gil is here," she announced calmly, nodding in the direction she was staring.
"What?" Her perfectly shaped brows furrowing in confusion, she turned to follow her daughter's gaze... and her heart leaped into her throat.
Let go of your heart
When Gil saw that Catherine, too, had spotted him, he resumed his frantic pace, running to the gate.
Let go of your head
She dropped Lindsey's hand, shocked to see him running toward her. "Gil..." she whispered when he haulted in front of her.
And feel it now
"Catherine," he wheezed, out of breath from running through the entire airport.
She heard her heart pounding wildly in her ears, and she prayed he was there for the reason she thought he was. "What are you doing here?" she asked, calmly as she could.
Let go of your heart
"I'm here..." he murmured... "Because..." He struggled with his words. Now was no time to lose his nerve. The final boarding call for her flight was being announced... it was now or never.
Let go of your head
"Catherine, I--"
"Just say it, Gil," she interjected strongly, reaching for his hand.
And feel it now
That simple contact was what finally broke him, her hand slipping easily into his. Without another word, he leaned forward and let their lips collide, saying everything they'd been trying to say for as long as they'd known each other.
Let go of your heart, let go of your head
Lindsey giggled as she watched her mother, and the man whom she always considered to be her 'father,' locked in their embrace, the stares of the other nearby passengers going unnoticed.
And feel it now
They kissed passionately, her arms wound tight around his neck as his flew around her waist, pulling her tight to him. A hand wandered into her hair and she sighed against his lips, feeling silly now for ever doubting how he felt about her.
Let go of your heart
"Mommy..." Lindsey murmured again, tugging on her mother's tan leather jacket. "People are looking at you..."
Let go of your head
With that, they broke the kiss, panting harshly while a chuckle escaped Catherine's lips. Gil smiled at the little girl. "Thanks for the warning, Bug." To Catherine, he begged desperately, "Please don't go... I love you."
And feel it now
"Gil..." she murmured.
"Stay," he begged again. "Come home with me... both you and Lindsey."
Let go of your heart
"You mean, move in with you?" she asked, an eyebrow arching in curiosity.
He nodded emphatically. He was no longer afraid to say what he was feeling. He knew that Catherine loved him, he knew that Lindsey loved him, and that was all he needed. "Yes. You guys can stay at my townhouse, until we can find a place of our own."
Let go of your head
"Mommy?"
"Hmm?" she replied, glancing down at her daughter, but not moving from Gil's embrace, his arms still tight around her.
A broad grin graced her daughter's angelic features. "Does this mean I'll have to start calling Uncle Gil 'Daddy'?"
Gil smiled warmly at the young girl. Though he had no DNA linking him to her, he'd always considered her his daughter. "You don't have to call me anything you don't want to, sweetheart," he promised.
And feel it now
"And if I want to call you that?" she continued.
"Then you can," he told her, meeting Catherine's eyes a moment later as he disentangled himself from her. "That is, if your mommy will say yes to marrying me."
Babylon
He watched Catherine's eyes grow wide as he knelt down to Lindsey's level, smiling up at her while he received a bear hug from the little girl. Lindsey began to jump up and down excitedly. "Say yes, Mommy, say yes!" she exclaimed.
Catherine continued to stare into Gil's eyes, either not hearing Lindsey or ignoring her, she asked him softly, "Are you sure about this?"
Babylon
He rose to his feet once more, staring straight into her eyes as he replied without hesitation, "I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life. This is everything I want, Catherine. Everything that I HAVE wanted for quite some time... I've just been too afraid to say anything. I've been too afraid to ruin what we already have."
"I just... can't believe this is happening..." she murmured, a dazed smile spreading across her face.
He reached a hand out and cupped her cheek, her strawberry blond locks falling against his hand as she closed her eyes against his touch. "I'm so sorry I took so long to tell you..." he whispered. "But," he added, louder now, "I am more than willing to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Both you and Lindsey."
Her gentle smile turned into a full on grin. "Then I might just have to accept," she sighed happily.
With an excited yell, he reached out and pulled her to him in a crushing embrace, his lips once again seeking hers. "I love you," he breathed against her mouth.
"I love you too," she whispered back, holding him close.
"And I love you guys too, but you're really embarrassing me with all this kissing!" Lindsey exclaimed, jumping between the both of them and wrapping her arms around Gil, burying her face in his side.
Babylon
He laughed. "We're sorry," he apologized and bent down, pressing a loud kiss to her cheek. "And you know we love you too, Bug..."
Lindsey wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug, staring straight into his eyes as she asked with a smile, "Can we go home now, Daddy?"
Gil fought to hold back tears as the term of endearment rushed from his little girl's lips, and he looked up to find that Catherine was crying as well. He took Lindsey's hand as he reached down and picked up their carry-on bags, then slung an arm over Catherine's shoulders as he led them away from the gate.
"Yes," he murmured, pressing a kiss to Catherine's temple. "Yes, let's go home."
FINIS
This was the very first GCR fic I'd ever written, back in '04, so obviously it's going to be OOC and saptastic, but heh... for trying to break into the GC fic writing, I don't think it's half-bad. Even two years later :)