A/N: Sorry for the wait but this was the soonest possible time I could post this chapter as my life has lately been both hectic and extremely time pressed. In fact there's 3405980384 things (that exact number, I promise) I need to do as soon as I post this. Enough rambling, though, continue on and hope you enjoy the chapter!
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters created by J.K. Rowling, quotes from Everybody Loves Raymond, "Flipped," by Wendelin Van Draanen, and "Great Expectations," by Charles Dickens. Only the plot is mine.
xXxXx
Everybody's screaming, I try to make a sound
but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge, I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered – Simple Plan
Hidden Sorrows: Chapter Five
I awoke the next morning to the shrieking sound of my muggle alarm. Muttering a few well chosen curses, I slammed my hand on the blasted clock and sat up, rubbing the sleep from my bleary eyes. My article for the Romance Section of the Daily Prophet was due by the end of the day and I had yet to even begin it. I didn't even know what to write about, and found it strange that Malfoy should pick me, of all people, to advise others on subjects such as, how to find 'the one,' and, how to know that love is real and out there for all young witches still searching, and, most sardonic of all, how to make relationships last. I would have laughed had it not been so depressingly ironic.
Sighing as I realized that I had already wasted five minutes of my day dwelling in self-pity, I placed my feet tenderly on the cold wooden floor and took the few steps to Ron's closet- er, I mean my extra closet that I'd recently acquired, yes that closet. Looking forlornly at the numerous business dress suits Ginny had bought me as a welcoming gift for my new job (hopefully), I finally decided on a black button-up collared shirt with a matching knee-length black skirt, mostly because I thought the color suited my mood quite well.
Still, I wanted to make a favorable impression when I handed Malfoy my article at the end of that day and I didn't want to look like I'd risen from the dead, so I switched the shirt to a white button-up and then matched the no longer somber outfit with some black heels and a knee-length black jacket that buttoned in the middle, Ginny's selections of course.
Struggling to walk in the kind of shoes that I hadn't the confidence to wear since the breakup, I made my way (slowly) to the bathroom. I looked at my reflection and scowled as it told me to snap out of my gloomy mood and fix my appearance. Apparently it was embarrassed to be seen looking so bleak and the other reflections were starting to talk.
Resisting the urge to throw my brush at the mirror in a heated tantrum, I instead determinedly pulled it through my curly locks, effectively smoothing them down. By adding a light layer of cover up, I noticed with a satisfied smile that my face no longer looked splotchy from tears shed the night before. With practiced hands, I applied my much loved mascara and finally declared to my reflection that this was as good as it was going to get.
Noting that she had lost interest in the case after briefly saying that I looked pretty, though I had a suspicion she said it only to please me, I walked to the front door, retrieving the things I would need on the way. I passed the kitchen and dismissed the idea of eating breakfast, knowing that I wouldn't be able to taste any of it anyway. Leaving, I closed the door to my flat with a triumphant click. Maybe I could get through this after all.
xXxXx
"Have you gone completely bonkers? You can't publish stories like this in the Daily Prophet!" Draco yelled incredulously, throwing the said story harshly upon the desk for emphasis, though it wasn't my desk, nor was it my story. I had walked in from the crowded bustling streets thinking that I could finally get some peace from the hectic last-minute holiday shoppers only to walk straight into a war between my boss and Pansy.
"Of course I can, I'm a Malfoy, remember?" Pansy shot back haughtily knowing that she was using words Draco himself used numerous times a day.
I took this statement with surprise, as I hadn't known that Draco and Pansy were married. I guess I always pictured Draco as the permanent bachelor sort of fellow, but now, glancing at both of their hands, I saw the most beautiful rings I'd had yet to lay my eyes upon. Though his was a simple gold band, it had engraved on it in silver both his and Pansy's names and the date of what I could only assume was their wedding day. Pansy's was also a gold band, though hers had a circular diamond stone resting promptly in the middle of it. How could I have missed something so obvious?
"Darling," Draco began delicately, picking up the paper Pansy had written again. "I don't think the benefits a divorce will blend in too well with the Romance Section. People look here for positive articles to make them feel better about their own failing or struggling relationships. I have the feeling that you reminding them that the divorce rate is up and continuing to grow won't exactly cheer those lovesick readers up." He finished with a scowl.
My face flushed as I remembered that I too had searched the papers a week after the break had begun for any scrap that could possibly help me get Ron to forgive me.
Pansy sat down with a huff into her chair and ripped the paper out of Draco's hands, throwing it in the trash, and beginning a new story with a fresh piece of parchment and purposely dragging her quill across the clean page with a painful screech.
Taking notice of me, Draco walked over as he rubbed his temples tiredly. "Morning, Hermione." I nodded in greeting. "Have you got your paper for me?" He asked expectantly. I stuttered a reply that I still needed to make a few corrections before he interrupted me. "Bloody hell Granger, just sit at your desk and start it already. I don't care when you write it, I just need to know that it'll be in my hands before you leave this afternoon."
"Don't you talk to her like that Draco Malfoy!" Pansy spat, standing and walking over to him. "It's one thing to talk to your wife in that manner, but one of your new employees?"
"It's just a testing week, she's not an employee yet," Draco muttered though Pansy seemed to have not heard him.
"No, I won't stand for it," She continued on, muttering things that really had nothing to do with me. I had a feeling that she wasn't so much defending me as much as she wanted to have a reason for arguing with Malfoy. I watched alarmed as Draco rolled his eyes, never a good sign in our Hogwarts days.
"Will you SHUT IT?" He snapped. Ginny and Padma hurriedly rushed over to me and led me towards my desk, as it had the best view of Draco and Pansy. We looked on with suspense as Pansy opened and closed her mouth in outrage, trying to word her emotions correctly.
"Oh, he's in for it now," Ginny whispered with a smirk. I allowed Padma to sit in my chair as Ginny and I leaned against the desks to watch the married couple's ongoing battle.
"Don't worry, they do this just about every morning," Padma reassured after seeing my worried look. "Immediately afterward, he calls her into his office and…well, things are back to normal." She said with a wink as Ginny laughed in agreement. We silenced as Pansy finally spoke to a now nervous looking Draco as he too realized his mistake.
"Don't you tell me to be quiet! I have a mind of my own you know, I can contribute when I feel it's necessary. I'm not just some…some trophy wife!" She yelled shrilly as Draco's scoffed.
"You're a trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?" He shouted back. I smothered a laugh as Ginny snorted and earned a glare from the two Malfoys. "What are you three ogling at? Get back to work," Draco ordered before storming down the hall and slamming the door that led to his office. Pansy glowered at our apparent amusement, tossed her glossy black locks over her shoulder and stuck her nose indignantly in the air as she went back to her desk to finish writing her new story.
"'Spose he's right," Ginny said dejectedly, as the idea of actually having to work was not extremely appealing. Padma sighed but nonetheless agreed and went back to her own desk, wishing me good luck on my article as she went.
I pondered for about ten minutes but still had no clue what topic I should share with the thousands of clueless readers who read the Romance Section in the Daily Prophet every week. Exasperated, I wandered over to Ginny's desk where I found her sleeping face down on her finished article. Somewhat shocked that she'd managed to finish it in that short amount of time, I nudged her awake. She sat up with a jolt, before focusing on her surroundings and finally looking up at me.
"Something you needed?" She asked me tiredly with a yawn. Not knowing how to put it, I simply gestured to her completed paper with a look that said, 'Help me.' Ginny chuckled as she stretched.
"Writer's block?" She asked with a familiar tone as I nodded. "I have plenty of experience in that department, so I think I might be able to help you." She looked thoughtful as I waited for her to continue. "You need to think of something that inspires you. And by inspire, I don't mean something that makes you feel exceedingly cheerful or something that causes you to laugh. Do you see what I mean?"
I didn't see that, but I didn't say so. At my silence, she continued.
"I mean something that sparks emotion from deep within you. It doesn't have to be remarkably complex or anything," She added fleetingly as I began to suggest something I'd read in Hogwart's, A History.
"For example, about two weeks ago, I took inspiration from a quote that Harry found engraved on one of the bricks on our flat building. Let's see," She said trying to remember its exact words. "Right, it said, 'The toughest part about getting to the top of the ladder is getting through the crowd at the bottom.' That one sentence led me to think, what is that ladder, what does it stand for, can it stand for more than one thing? At that moment I knew I had an inspiration to write about, yes?"
I saw that, and said so.
Ginny smiled kindly, said she hoped that helped me and hurried over to gossip with Padma as Pansy was called into Draco's office. A few moments after she entered his office, enraged shouting could be heard, and a few moments after that, a couple seconds of silence ensued before both Pansy and Draco walked out with wide grins and declared they were going out for some tea.
Something that sparks emotion…yes, this would be difficult. And suddenly, I had it and I slapped myself on the forehead for being so daft. The breakup with Ron! Who better to help other women who were broken-hearted than someone who was still trying to pick up the pieces?
After sitting at my desk a couple minutes started fruitlessly at a black piece of parchment and unused quill, I finally decided on a topic and began scribbling my ideas down. I continued in this fashion, drawing out how I wanted the paper to go, crossing out the things that wouldn't work until finally I was satisfied with the outline. Whispering a spell to make two extra copies of the parchment, I placed one in front of me off to the side and put the others in separate files, just in case I should lose one and for some reason lose another as well.
Seeing that everything was organized around me, I took a deep breath, glanced at my outline, and started the article, making sure to pour out my every emotion into each adjective, conjunction, pronoun I wrote.
XxXxX
A few hours later, I found myself out drinking tea with Ginny at my new favorite café. We had been chatting aimlessly about things that didn't concern work or relationships, wanting to keep the moment comfortable for the both of us. It was out of strict manners that I didn't ask Ginny questions that had been on the bridge of slipping out since I'd finished my article and sent it in for editing before I gave it to Draco for the final decision. When Ginny began telling me a humorous story about her and Harry that made my stomach give a familiar lurch for longing, I couldn't help but ask her one last question; how did she know that Harry was the right one for her?
"Every time I saw him, I would get nauseous and tingly all over. Either I was in love, or I had small pox." She said with a smile and I laughed. Taking on a more pensive look, she then answered more truthfully. "I don't know how I knew, but I think I just felt it from deep within me. One day, he looked into my eyes and my heart stopped. It just stopped beating. And for the first time in my life, I had that feeling."
I raised my eyebrows in confusion, indicating that no, I did not know what 'that feeling' was, and took another sip of my tea.
"You know, like the world is moving all around you, all beneath you, all inside you, and you're floating, floating in midair. And the only thing that's keeping you from drifting away is the other person's eyes. They're connected to yours by some invisible, physical force, and they hold you fast while the rest of the world swirls and twirls and falls completely away." I sighed somewhat dreamily, a tint of sadness and regret mixed in along with it, as Ginny smiled in a lovesick manner that almost made me sick.
"Right," Ginny said suddenly, snapping out of her reverie. "What were we on about before that?" I chuckled and told her I couldn't even remember but told her with a tone of awe that I realized now why she was one of the best writers for the Romance Section. She rolled her eyes disbelievingly but looked pleased just the same. Glancing at her watch, her face switched to one that held an anxious expression.
"I promised Ron he could meet me here today, and I hadn't even thought to ask you if that would be alright…" She trailed off woefully, but I shook my head as if to say, nonsense, and quickly assured her this was fine, as I wouldn't be staying much longer anyway. I said I didn't care, but the tightening in my chest that made it harder to breathe as Ron soon came walking into our view from around the corner told a far different story.
It let me know that I was still very much in love with Ronald Weasley, but it also reminded me that he was very much in love with somebody else.
Ron came to the table and gave Ginny an affectionate kiss on top of her head before nodding politely at me and taking a seat across from where I sat, making sure to avert his eyes from mine. Not wanting to have to sit through this any longer than I had to, I stood and said I'd get them some tea but then I had to be off. Ginny gave me a meek, apologetic smile, while Ron just nodded, looking around at other customers instead of meeting my awaiting gaze.
His lips tipped downward as he saw a waitress beginning to lose her balance, but just as it looked like she was about to fall, she righted herself and he went back to observing the café. All at once I had the urge to kiss those tender lips, something I should've taken advantage of when we were still together. Tearing myself away from the table with all the free will I had, I forcefully placed one foot in front of the other and walked to the counter, ordering two cups of lemon tea and two crumpets. While waiting, I became immersed in my thoughts.
I wished that I could hate him. Then I wouldn't have to suffer by looking into his eyes, those beautiful, deep blue eyes which never seemed to connect with my own anymore. Then I wouldn't want to cry simply because he smiled and I knew that he was happy while I was not. Then I wouldn't want to melt whenever he laughed because each laugh brought back a memory of when it had been so easy to make each other fall into a fit of laughter.
If I hated him I wouldn't get butterflies every time I saw him walk around into my view because then I would wishfully think, maybe when he sees me, he'll get butterflies too, and then be disappointed when it became obvious that he didn't. Then I wouldn't want to kiss his lips every time they so much as twitched, because with each twitch, I'd feel an ache in my heart as I recalled how good it felt to release your feelings not into words, but into a heated, passionate kiss.
I wished I hated him because then I wouldn't love him as I do, yet still have to make up silly excuses to leave simply to avoid his ever averted stare.
"Miss?" The cashier prodded and I realized she'd been waiting for me to take the tea and crumpets for the past two minutes and I'd just been standing there. Feeling my face begin to heat up, I quickly snatched the offered tray and carried it to the table where Ron and Ginny sat. They were both eyeing me curiously so I chuckled nervously and told them I hadn't been able to decide if I wanted something or not and that the cashier was simply impatient. I doubt they bought it.
Telling them once more that I had to be off, I left some sickles on the table to pay for the tea, nodded at Ginny, glanced once more at Ron (who was now looking stubbornly at the tablecloth), and all but ran out of the café. I rounded the corner to begin my walk back to the office, but not before I heard Ginny chastising Ron.
"The day you realize who you should really be with might just be the day she tells you you've waited too long. I suggest you read through the Daily Prophet tomorrow." She snapped heatedly as she stood.
Throwing some more sickles angrily on the table as Ron looked shocked at her behavior and walking out of the café in a furious manner, she tossed her hair over her shoulder just as Pansy had done earlier. Catching my eye as she exited, I stepped to the side to avoid people passing by us and waited for her to catch up. As she came close enough, I began walking again, wanting to get away from the blasted café, but allowed her to match my pace.
"Sodding git," She muttered under her breath and I smiled gratefully at her but refused to look over my shoulder as I heard Ron shouting for Ginny to come back. In response, Ginny turned her nose in the air and continued walking with me, and I was struck with how much she looked like Pansy at that moment.
"I see Pansy do it so often, it sort of catches on, you know?" She said with a smile as we entered our office building and I nodded, trying not to laugh as I too now stuck my nose pompously in the air. Ginny and I must've looked like quite the pair, too snobby writers heading to the Romance Section as if we were about to set fire to the whole building. The people we passed eyed us warily.
"Er, Miss Granger?" A gawky looking intern asked suddenly. I almost snorted at the look of fear in his face as Ginny and I both turned and looked down at him superiorly. "You're article's been edited," He squeaked. "I just wanted to tell you, it was…er…one of the best pieces I've edited so far." He added hastily before running back to his cubicle. My nose quickly dropped from the air and I felt shock enter my system.
Well of course it was the best piece he's ever read, he's an intern, he can't have read that many articles right? That was what I told myself as I walked back into what the Prophet had nicknamed, Lover's Corner, and picked up my article that had been placed on my organized desk. It had a couple minor adjustments, but other than a few grammatical errors, everything was just as I had written it and for this I was glad. It was with shaky legs that I entered Draco's office and with shaky hands that I handed him the paper. Would he treat it as he had Pansy's earlier?
I sat down tiredly in the white leather chair as I waited for him to finish reading it over and searched his face for some kind of reaction. His gray eyes traveled quickly over the lines, yet I could tell they were taking in every word with extreme scrutiny. Absently, he picked up a quill and began twirling it idly in his hand. I tensed as he paused at one sentence and reread it a couple of times before letting out a small sigh of relief as he continued. Not wanting to watch his reaction anymore, I stood and walked over to the floor-to-ceiling windows, moving the transparent white curtains that obscured my view of the streets of Diagon Alley.
A couple moments later, I heard Draco clear his throat and I quickly walked back to the chair and sat down, looking nervously at my hands and waiting for him to say how much he hated it. When two minutes had passed and nothing had yet been said, I finally forced myself to look up into his waiting eyes.
"I'd like to officially welcome you as a new employee to the Romance Section of the Daily Prophet." He said clearly as a smile I didn't think possible for a Malfoy to hold graced his face.
Standing up, he moved around his oversized mahogany desk and held out his hand to shake my own. Finally comprehending what this meant, I jumped up from the chair and pushed his hand away as I shrieked giddily and hugged him with all my might. He laughed, albeit a bit uncomfortably as I was still clinging onto him, and patted my back in an awkward manner.
"Right, do you want to go and break the news to the girls?" He asked straightening his tie as we finally parted. I nodded jubilantly and hurriedly exited his office, rushing back to my new office. Ginny, Padma and Pansy similarly shrieked when I told them the good news, and they each congratulated me while I made my way back to my desk to gather my things so I could leave. Though I was overjoyed at the news, I was also very emotionally drained and wanted nothing more than to go home, eat dinner, and go to sleep.
As I was getting ready to walk out however, Pansy called me back saying there was an owl waiting for me on my desk. Thanking her briefly, I walked back to my desk and took the letter tied to the owl's outstretched leg, conjuring some water for it as I opened the letter addressed in an elegant scrawl that I didn't recognize. It read;
Dear Hermione,
I haven't heard from you since Ginny and Harry's engagement party and I was just wondering whether you would like to meet for breakfast tomorrow morning? If you can't, I understand, just please write me back as soon as you get this so I can make plans.
Love,
Blaise
I wasn't sure how to respond to this. Had he really signed it, 'Love Blaise'? What did that mean? Love as a friend, love as in 'I like you love', or love as in 'I-always-sign-my-letters-with-love-Blaise' love? Casting all this to the back of my mind, I quickly wrote a reply back saying, yes I would love to meet him tomorrow morning for breakfast, and gave the letter to the awaiting owl. Watching it fly off, I was left to wonder not only on what the love in his letter meant, but also the love in mine.
xXxXx
The next morning, Ron opened his eyes in a lazy fashion and slowly stood from his bed at the Burrow. He was reminded of the fact that he was the only Weasley who still lived with his parents each and every morning as he stood and walked past his Chudley Canons posters to the window for the routine of watching the sun rise. This was something he had taken from Hermione as she too used to do it every morning.
There was a deviant, almost mysterious feeling of calm that took over in watching the sun rise. It was as if observing something so much greater than yourself fight its way slowly into the sky every morning gave you inspiration like nothing else could. This particular morning, the sky was breathtaking. The sun, just beginning its journey, was already luminous and giving off an iridescent glow.
Though Ron was half-asleep still, even he could detect the beauty of the scene, and he realized that this feeling must be why Hermione had always insisted that he watch it with her, because alone, you felt extremely vulnerable. Pulling himself away from the vivid scenery, he trudged down the steps until he arrived in the kitchen. His mum had left him a note saying that she had gone to Diagon Alley to pick up a couple of things for some people from the Order, most of whom she stayed in contact with even after the war. This meant that he had the house to himself, as Arthur was unsurprisingly at work.
Sighing, Ron began the search for breakfast, checking every cabinet until he found the right one stocked with food. Deciding to keep it simple he chose some eggs and bread and with a swish of his wand, the eggs were being scrambled and the bread was toasting. A few short minutes later, all was ready and cooked and the aroma of food fully woke Ron up. His stomach growled as he carried his plate of food the short distance to the table.
Just before he could take his first bite, the loud cracking sound of someone Apparating just behind him startled Ron so much that he threw his fork across the room as he jumped up from the table, quickly turning around with his wand in hand. He was met with a rather breathless Harry and rolled his eyes as his best mate promptly sat down in his now empty seat and began eating the breakfast that Ron had made.
"Oi, I don't supposed you came over here just so you could eat some of my cooking. That's what Ginny's for." Ron complained. Harry nonetheless kept eating, but handed Ron the Daily Prophet that he'd folded and stuffed into his pocket before Apparating.
"Right, Ginny told me to read this today. Anything good?" Ron asked. Harry paused in his eating to quickly turn the page to the Romance Section before resuming in finishing off Ron's eggs. "Harry, I don't need advice on romance." He said bewildered. Harry sighed and pushed the now clean plate aside as he forced Ron to sit down across from him. He then took the paper from the redhead's fumbling hands and proceeded to read him the article Hermione had written.
Take a Chance
Written by Hermione Granger
For all the broken-hearted out there desperately searching for answers, I think I might just have some for you. Recently, I was involved in a serious relationship that ended on a sour note. Many of you read about our break-up in the tabloids, but I want to give you the real story. It was not Ron who ended the relationship, but me. This happened for reasons too complicated and too stupid to even begin to explain, but the point is, I ended it, and now I live with regrets, and it's all because I fell in love.
Though love itself is a complicated issue, I'll try to efficiently explain my meaning of the word. Love does something unexplainable to you. It gives you feelings of effervescent joy, making you feel truly alive just by spending time with that person you love, but it can also make questions arise at the worst of times, questions that probably shouldn't be asked or answered. In realizing my mistake of allowing the one good thing in my life to disappear, and finding out that it was too late to change anything, I began searching for answers. Was our relationship really worth all the pain in the end? Allow me to explain further.
We all want to fall in love, but why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened, every emotion magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we're flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, or an hour, or even an afternoon. Time doesn't diminish its value though, because no matter what, in the end we're left with memories that we'll treasure for the rest of our lives.
A famous muggle by the name of Mel Brooks once said, "As long as the world is turning, we're going to be dizzy and we're bound to make mistakes." What she didn't include is that even though we make those mistakes, we can also make those mistakes worth it, and sometimes, we can even fix them.
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, take it. If it changes your life, then let it, nobody said love would be easy.
The kitchen was filled with silence as Ron took it in, trying to comprehend what it all meant. Looking at Harry as he got up to leave, Ron opened his mouth to protest. He needed Harry here to help him think things through, but his friend interrupted him.
"This is up to you, mate. It's clear that Hermione still loves you, and she probably always will, but it's also clear that she's on the verge of having moved on. You love her? Then go get her." The raven-haired boy said simply before Apparating away and leaving a thoughtful Ron at the Burrow. And suddenly, Ron knew what he had to do.
xXxXx
A/N: That was a long chapter for me! I hadn't planned on it going so far in depth but I think it worked out pretty well…what do you guys think?
About the slow updating for this, I'm sorry! It really was the soonest I could do it and I hope you all understand this and continue reading. I missed a couple days of exams while I was on vacation so I'll have to make those up over the next two weeks, but I should still be able to update on time.
I also know that the last chapter had a bunch of misspellings and other things that just weren't working, so I changed it up a bit, and if you'd like you can go back and reread it. It's not a serious change though, so I'm not sure if you'll notice anything different.
Thanks to my reviewers, and a special thanks to Natalie. I'll be answering any questions by hitting that new nifty reply button that I just found, so I hope this is alright with everybody. If a question is really important and needs to be answered for everybody, I'll answer it on here instead..that work?
Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Please review, I love feedback!