A/N: I feel horrible for how long it took me to get this out, but hopefully it'll be worth it.
This is the last chapter to the story, so do enjoy it!
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters created by J.K. Rowling, and quotes from Grey's Anatomy, and I think there's one in there from Gilmore Girls.
xXxXx
Your life is a book;
Don't jump to the end
to see if it's w o r t h it.
Just enjoy life and
Make those pages filled with
Beautiful memories
Hidden Sorrows: Chapter Six
Fresh starts; thanks to the calendar, they happen every day. It's a chance to put your past behind you and start over. It's always hard to resist the chance of a new beginning, and I was finding this to be very true as I walked outside against the crisp, cool wind to the address Blaise had given me so I could meet him for a much needed breakfast. I hadn't been eating properly for so long since the split that I welcomed this meal, though I felt it in my heart that Blaise was not the one I should've been dining with.
It was a wonderful day. The birds had snuck out of their nests early that morning and begun chirping so cheerfully, that if I hadn't know better, I would've thought spring had already arrived, though it was still late December. But though it seemed all signs from the view of my window were pointing towards starting fresh with my life, the temperatures outside proved this theory wrong. I had stepped outside only wearing a light overcoat that barely reached my knees, and had needed to place several warming charms on the cover up as I walked. I had woken up with a wonderful sense of hope towards the upcoming day, but next ironically ended up feeling quite dismal about it instead. I started my walk at a brisk pace, deciding that the sooner I got indoors, the sooner I could begin to become optimistic again.
I searched for several minutes before finally realizing with despair that I was hopelessly lost in a city that I didn't know my way around. Remembering that I'd lived there for more than five months, nearly half a year, I almost laughed at how pathetic my situation was. Looking around for the address once more, I finally resolved to stop and simply ask someone where this restaurant was. When it came to my knowledge of things, I was always stubborn, and much like the stereotype against men asking for directions, I hated to admit to someone, anyone, that I didn't have the answer to a question. It was then when I finally discovered that Blaise hadn't given me the name of where we were eating.
"That's because there's no restaurant in that area, only the most expensive flats you could imagine buying if you were the wealthiest bloke alive." A burly looking man told me with a chuckle. "Right, that's just around the corner and up a block."
I nodded, though I was no longer so sure of my nonchalantly planned breakfast with Blaise. If this wasn't a restaurant then what was it? Surely he wouldn't invite me to eat breakfast with him at his flat…right? That was too self-assured, even for Blaise and even if we were only friends. So I had known him vaguely at Hogwarts, what difference did that make? Shortly after the Romeo and Juliet incident, we hadn't spoken until barely three days ago and not again after that. It would've been ludicrous for him to be so bold this early in our friendship, or whatever it was that we had would be called.
I continued telling myself this until finally I had arrived at the elegantly written street name. My steps faltered as I gazed amazedly at the luxurious flats surrounding me. All the outsides were made of the most beautiful brick I had ever seen, each charmed to move in random, sporadic patterns as I walked by them. The doors were all chestnut wood, with shining surfaces, and the windows all expertly clean, more so than my own, which I made sure to clean every other day in my spare time. Good Lord, it even smelled rich.
With my small black heels clicking softly on the cement steps that led up to Blaise's building, I showed the slip of paper he'd owled me to the doorman and after kindly being told that I was expected, the short, stout man suited in traditional silver and green colors led to me to an expensive, golden elevator shaft that took me to the top floor. Now I had absolutely no doubts about where I was eating breakfast. The elevator gave a small 'bing' as the doors slid opened without a sound. I struggled to keep my jaw intact as I walked into what could only be Blaise's flat. It was casual, yet carried an air of understated opulence.
The floors were all granite marble, and the walls all of the purest white plaster. Each piece of furniture looked like it cost more than my own flat, but at the same time, looked considerably used, as if each one had been bought for a specific purpose that was served everyday. The strong aroma of crisping bacon led me to the kitchen with my mouth watering. I found it to be breathtakingly furnished in it's fortuitous charm just like the rest of the flat. It was there I found Blaise, wearing a Slytherin-green apron (which could only be expected from the former Hogwarts student) and cooking some fresh sausages. My stomach growled in earnest expectancy. Hearing my light steps, he turned and sent me a warm smile.
"Morning," He said cheerfully as he began setting the food already cooked on a small, circular table standing by the window. I started to move to help him when he stopped me and instead pulled out a chair for me to sit in. "If you sit there, you can see just about all there is to see in the city." He was right. I sat in wonder, gazing out the window at the enchanting view of the city in the early morning light.
"I didn't know how you liked your eggs, so I made some in every kind I could remember. It's been a while since I've cooked anything. Four years to be more precise, so forgive me if it all tastes horrid and for my sake pretend it's the most delectable meal you've ever had the honor to eat." He said teasingly as he finished placing the silver, chrome plates on the table and took a seat across from me. I gave him a half smile and thanked him, and watched from the corner of my eye as he smiled when I picked the scrambled eggs and began loading my plate with the other savory foods he'd prepared.
"I propose a toast," he offered casually, picking up his glass of orange juice as I frowned. This was becoming too alluring all too fast. I wasn't going to drink to anything he toasted. Nonetheless, I picked up my glass hesitantly, my politeness suddenly choosing this moment to kick in.
"Here's to you." He said with a smirk, knowing that this was a wise toast. Well, if he was going to put it that way, I'd drink to it, just this once of course.
xXxXx
Ron's footsteps echoed on the hardwood floors, back and forth, back and forth, as he paced resolutely, every now and then tossing an expectant look at Harry, who had yet to reply to his suggestion.
"Have you even talked to Lavender about this yet?"
"Answer my question first." Ron said determinedly as he continued pacing. Harry worried he'd wear a hole in the wooden boards.
"Well what do you expect me to say? You can't just go gallivanting about the city looking for Hermione. You won't find her that way." Harry said exasperatedly, eyeing Ron's feet with apprehension.
"I'll do as I please," The redheaded friend returned indignantly, but then softened. "I've looked everywhere, mate. Our-er I mean her flat, here, the Burrow, all the cafés, the office, Merlin I even stooped low enough to ask Malfoy if he had any idea where she was, then back here again just in case. I'm near going bonkers at this point, and I've come to the conclusion that 'gallivanting about the city' is probably the only way I'll find the woman." He took a deep breath.
"And yes, I have talked to Lavender. She didn't get it, kept saying it didn't make sense, but then again, she never was extremely bright. Hermione on the other hand…" Ron rolled his eyes as Harry gave him a 'and-you're-just-figuring-this-out look,' before continuing. "Right, anyway, I ended up having to just shout at her that I still in love with my old girlfriend, and then she had the audacity to laugh at me and say, 'Well why didn't you tell me that from the start?' I lost it then and had to leave, but thinking about it now, I could just lose it again. Don't know what I saw in the selfish bint anyway."
Harry laughed and then sighed as he looked thoughtfully into his lemon tea, while Ron refilled his own cup. Suddenly a thought struck him.
"Maybe Ginny knows where she is. Hold on, let me floo her, I think her and Colin are 'catching up,' as she put it." Harry said excitedly and hurried over to the fireplace as Ron too began to cheer up.
"You're not worried about him and Ginny spending time together?" Ron asked skeptically.
"Ron, the bloke's a little too jovial for me to become too worried. Let's just say he doesn't enjoy the finer attributes in a woman like you and I do." Harry said pausing in his antics only a moment as he threw Ron a smirk. Throwing in a handful of floo powder, he hurriedly called for Colin's flat, where Ginny was visiting. The sound of laughter attracted Harry's attention to the couch just to the left of the fireplace, and his eyes landed on Ginny as she and Colin munched on crumpets while they talked.
"Gin," Harry called ardently. She looked over at him with a surprised expression and then smiled as she stood from the Gryffindor red couch and came over to sit in front of him.
"Everything alright, love?" She asked in a concerned tone.
"Fine, only Ron's this close to physically combusting unless he finds Hermione soon." Harry said in a rush using his fingers to indicate just how close as Ginny rolled her eyes.
"Now he wants to know where she is. I assume he read the article from this morning then?" She asked. Harry nodded in response as Ginny smiled. "Right, I think she mentioned something about meeting Blaise for breakfast then. I've no idea where though."
"Thanks Gin, tell Colin I said hello," Harry said before retracting his body quickly from the fireplace. He turned around to find Ron still pacing. He looked somberly at his best friend.
Ron stared. "Well," he prompted.
"She's eating breakfast somewhere with Zambini." Harry mumbled.
"Why the bloody hell is she eating breakfast with him? You told me she wasn't in love with him and that it was all just a pretense to make me jealous." Ron finally grounded out after a moment of intense silence.
"I don't know," Harry said miserably, covering his face with his hands in despair. Ron rolled his eyes and threw a couch pillow at Harry.
"Thanks, that helps a lot. Glad I came to you for help and not Ginny, seeing as she's the only one who's really helped me thus far." He said as he continued his pacing while Harry picked up the pillow and sat tiredly in the black leather couch.
"Alright then, why don't you give this a shot? Close your eyes and think only of where she is, then try to Apparate." Harry suggested sarcastically, still stung at Ron's comment.
"That actually might work." Ron said thoughtfully. Harry chuckled disbelievingly but watched carefully as Ron stopped his pacing, stood up straight, clenched his fists into balls and tightly closed his eyes.
"Relax your stance Ron, if you're too emotional during Appartation, you'll be sure to splinch yourself." Harry advised, rubbing his temples and closing his own eyes. A few moments later, a loud pop echoed throughout the flat as Ron disappeared. Harry jumped to his feet and circled the room a few times, not really believing that it had actually worked. With excitement rushing throughout his body, he bolted over to the floo, calling for Colin's again.
"He's done it, Gin!"
xXxXx
"Is there something wrong with the food?" Blaise asked quietly to my surprise. The food he'd so carefully prepared was in fact delicious, almost as good as Ginny's even. I shook my head and commented that I loved it and wasn't pretending, and then asked him if I looked like I wasn't enjoying it.
"Well you haven't smiled once the whole time you've been here." He trailed off as I frowned again. People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to make all the pain away. Well, I've tried that. I've tried covering up my pain with 'fakeness,' and I've learned that when it hurts this much inside your heart, it always has a way of showing through no matter how many masks you wear. Blaise couldn't seem to grasp this though. He'd never been in love, and lost that love, and until he had, he would never fully comprehend my feelings.
I was fighting a battle that he didn't understand.
"You've probably heard this before," he started softly, slowly standing and walking around the table, kneeling down until he was eye level with me. "But there's a saying that the barriers we build to keep out pain keep out joy as well." I looked hastily at my plate and blinked my eyes. I knew this to be true, but I didn't want to come to terms with it. If I stopped my mourning and for once actually had a good time, I felt like that meant that I would move on all the more quickly. Just for a little while longer, I wanted to remember all that once was and take delight in the memories more than the reality.
"Come now, I'm trying to cheer you up. At least try to enjoy yourself, and if you can't do that, then I guess I'll have to settle with you enjoying the food, I had Ginny give me some key tips, so I know it can't be horrible." He said teasingly. Shaking my head, I chose not to answer but instead looked out the window. I leaned forward in my seat as I spotted a man who had just Apparated onto the street corner, pretending to watch him as I waited for Blaise to say something.
"Look, Hermione, I like you, a lot. In fact I've liked you since third year, but I never had the stones to say anything about it…until now. I know I should move on, because with you it's obvious that I'm only hurting myself and it's always going to be an uphill battle, but I just had to tell you in person. And I've got this tiny ray of hope that maybe you feel the same way." He said as I looked up into his dark eyes, admiring the crystal blue spark in the center of them. Before I could answer him, he stopped me.
"I don't want you to try to tell me in words how you feel." I looked at him with a confused expression. "I want you to kiss me," he said softly as he leaned in closer. "Just one real kiss, Hermione, and I'll know whether your feelings are the same as mine. It's a win-win situation for both of us. You'll have me out of your hair if the kiss doesn't go well, or you'll have my love for you." Lulled by the soothing tone of his voice, I allowed him to lean in further and closed my eyes, awaiting his kiss with a sense of being stuck in the unknown.
xXxXx
Ron left Harry's flat only to arrive at an unfamiliar and expensive looking street corner. He felt no closer to finding Hermione than he had been when he'd asked Malfoy, who had wasted no time in throwing him out of the building just as soon as he could get the words, 'No and I don't care, Weasel,' out of his smirking mouth. The old Slytherin had seemed more vindictive than usual about the subject, though Ron hadn't the faintest idea why.
Looking around in a bewildered state of mind, he took in the moving bricks on the buildings without a second thought, only trying to figure out why Hermione would be here of all places. It wasn't her style, or at least it hadn't been when they had been together. 'Leave it to a Slytherin to completely change her,' he thought to himself. Now all he had to do was figure out which building she was in, then which floor, and then how to convince her that Blaise wasn't the one for her, and that the right person for her was him.
This quest could prove to be a problem to even start, however, as there were at least twelve buildings, evenly distributed on the separate sides of the street, and each one had six or seven floors. Deciding that the best option would be to start at the beginning, Ron walked into the lobby of the first building and asked the doorman if he'd seen a girl with the description of Hermione. Although the doorman said no, a burly looking man passing by said he'd given a girl of that appearance directions to the building next door hardly twenty minutes before.
With the adrenaline pumping through his veins, Ron pushed himself out of the first building and ran with surprising speed to the second. Once again stopping to ask the doorman if he'd seen Hermione, he surmised that taking the elevator would take too much time and, after double-checking that it was doable, Apparated directly into Blaise's apartment, entering a scene that he was all too happy to interrupt.
xXxXx
Blaise got so close to me that I could smell the orange juice on his breath as his nose touched mine. We were just about to kiss when a loud crack of someone Apparating stopped us. I jumped back from Blaise with a yelp, feeling like I'd just been caught with my hand in the cookie jar as my eyes landed on the out of breath redheaded man that I was so smitten over. Blaise too jumped, but with his wand in hand, and as he spotted Ron, his eyes narrowed angrily.
"You've got no right to be here, Weasley." He said calmly, though his shaking hand indicated his fury. Ron, always quick to be on the defensive side, also whipped out his own wand and pointed it at Blaise.
"What's it to you, Zambini?" He growled with much less control on his emotions than Blaise, though his effort was noticeable. I sat speechless, not knowing what to do in the situation except watch with an open mouth and wide, gawking eyes.
"It's everything to me." Blaise quipped firmly, and my eyes flicked over to Ron to check his reaction. Ron's face began to turn a telltale red and I began to grow worried as I realized that this fight might not end all too prettily.
"Since when do you give a damn about Hermione? I know you two were never really together, Harry told me everything. You're not in love with her, but I am." Ron shouted back. Well, this was news to me, what happened to Lavender.
"That's rich! What was all that with Lavender, then?" Blaise retorted right back, voicing my thoughts in an eerie similarity. Ron opened and closed his mouth a few times before answering.
"If I say I'm in love with someone, then I mean it. Hermione broke my heart when she ended things between us," I winced painfully and quickly averted my eyes as he looked at me. "I was rash in my actions and assumed that the only way to fix a broken heart would be to replace the person that broke it. Turns out love doesn't quite work that way." Here I looked up at him hopefully at the soft tone in his voice and found him still looking at me. Our eyes met and the feeling inside me was almost more than I could take.
"And that makes it fair to keep her suffering because of her 'mistake' for over a month?" Blaise shot back heatedly. "I don't have to know her that well to know that she's most likely spent every single one of those nights crying herself to sleep." My face flushed, but Blaise was correct in his assumptions and I felt my eyes tear up as the regret in Ron's face became more evident. All those nights, I could never cry hard enough for him to hear me. Ron turned towards me with a desperate expression.
"Look Hermione, I know I messed up. Please, I want to fix it, just tell me how to fix it." He said, his voice cracking. I let a few tears slip, before hastily wiping them away. I could fill a thousand pages telling him how I felt and he still wouldn't understand so instead of answering, I shook my head. Now even Blaise looked shocked as Ron looked at me incredulously. Blaise commented that he would leave us alone a minute and walked awkwardly back into the kitchen.
"I can't win with you, Hermione. Can't you just talk to me?" He said wearily, putting his wand back in his cloak and kneeling down in front of me as Blaise had done shortly before. Couldn't he see that it wasn't always about winning? Couldn't he understand that talking to him hurt me, it really hurt me, and that trying to talk to him right then felt like I was literally dying? I stood from the chair and did the only thing I was good at when it came to problems; I ran. I made it all the way outside onto the quaint streets before I promptly broke down and collapsed against the brick wall. Sitting alone, crying, in the cold weather gave me time to think things through, but after a couple of minutes, I started to get the feeling that no matter what I did now, it would be too late.
Ron appeared shortly after, panting as he came and sat down next to me. I looked at him questioningly and hastily wiped the tears from my burning face. He said that it'd taken him all that time to convince Blaise to let him go after me. Typical Blaise, he was always protective of me.
"Your article, Mione, it said 'life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.' You can't honestly tell me you won't regret forever ending…us." Ron whispered disbelievingly. It was so hard for me to put it into words, but somehow I eventually got it out to him. I hated knowing that even if it was for one moment, that one moment he'd picked her over me. I reminded him of all the opportunities he had to just tell me how he really felt, or to show me any feeling at all. For one month and seven days, I'd questioned that he'd ever loved me from the start.
"I never stopped loving you, you've got to believe that," he ground out with emotion. "I just stopped letting it show whenever I saw you. I assumed that would be the easiest way to get over you." I nodded in response and said that this had passed my mind numerous times as well, so it was understandable that he'd done this. I mean, I'd practically done the exact same thing with Blaise, and if Ron hadn't interrupted us…I've always loved his horrible timing. Standing up, he turned and offered me a hand, helping me up. I looked up at the sky as I we stood in silence and noticed how low they hung over the city, and how dark they were.
Ron caught my eye just then and I offered him a small smile. As soon as I was sure he had smiled back at me, I immediately began pouring out an apology for ever ending what we had. I promised I would take all the blame for everything, because to me, it made perfect sense that I should do so. Ron just laughed and shook his head, reaching over and brushing away the tears still on my cheeks with his thumb.
My heart sped up when his fingers brushed my skin, and my stomach fluttered as he slowly brought his face closer to my own. He was going at an agonizing pace, but when our lips finally met, it was well worth the wait. One month and seven days of emotion went into that kiss, and when we added that with the passion from all the other years we'd been in love with each other, the kiss was enough to knock me off my feet. Luckily, Ron felt this too, as he pushed me gently against the brick wall that would support both of us. We separated, very much out of breath, but kissing Ron was like breathing air, I couldn't get enough of it. So I reached out, grabbed his red locks with trembling hands, and hurriedly brought him back into the kiss. He had no objections though, and placed his hands on my cheeks, drawing me, if possible, even closer to him.
"You and I never had it easy, Hermione. We've always had to work hard for this to work, and every time it feels like we're going to make it, that's when everything falls apart. But I'm willing to take my chances with you." Ron whispered, his lips brushing against my forehead as he placed a light kiss there. My heart was filled with warmth and gratitude for Ron.
We paused then as we both felt something light, but wet, hit our noses. Looking up, we saw the sky quickly fill up with falling snow flakes. I let out a shaky breath, watching as it came out like a small mist, before slowly spreading out and disappearing in the air.
"Let's go home, back to our flat." Ron suggested with a determined look. I gave him a big grin and timidly offered him my hand. He took it without hesitation and we began the trek home, knowing that even if we got lost, at least we'd still have each other to make it through. The whole walk home, it was like walking on diamonds sparkling in the still falling crystal flakes. It was truly the most romantic moment of my life.
Sure we each had to suffer a little bit to get there, but love and suffering always go together. As they say, 'True love is verified in the moments of trial and suffering.' The truth is, we all hide so that we can one day be found. We walk away to see who will follow, cry to see who will wipe away our tears, and we let our hearts get broken to see who will come and fix them.
Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It's not a day on the calendar, not a birthday, not a holiday, not a new year. It's an event, big or small. It's something that changes us and, ideally, it gives us hope. Hope for a new way of living and looking at the world, for letting go of old habits and old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing that we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the bad things in our lives, there are a few things really worth holding onto.
xXxXx
A/N: I hope you've all enjoyed this story. I think it ended on a good note and turned out different than even I had expected to go. I can't thank the reviewers enough for always reading and letting me know what they thought. I didn't like all the reviews, but they did all help me write this story without totally screwing it up. Thanks everyone!
Cucu4cocopuffs, illusion100, jaydedangel73, Weasel Princess, Gag Hafrunt (helped spot some major errors!), Sugarquill824, Pink Luvin Goddess, Wilty, Natalie, paulalou, Sleepyhead22, Jade Summers, kArlITaLUna, Insane Monkey Pirate, Chow, Magster, .spitxfire., and jaricelle36 – thanks soo much for all your encouragement and corrections to this story, I couldn't have done it without you!
Even though the story's finished, I would still love to hear what you thought about the ending, so please review, and if you're looking for me to respond and you're an anonymous reviewer, make sure there's a way I can send you an e-mail otherwise it's a little impossible.
Sunflour