Disclaimer: I still don't own Grey's Anatomy or its characters. I'm just leasing them for a little while…I'll turn Patrick Dempsey in all shiny and clean when I'm through. My husband won't let me keep him.

A/N: Wow, I am so pleased that all of you GA buffs like my little story, and that you think I've done pretty good with the characters! What a great compliment for a newbie! I might fumble with the medical jargon in this part, but the main focus is on the emotions of the situation. I hope you'll overlook any medical snafus. I watched the episode again last night, and caught a few mistakes I'd made (like Bailey's hubby's name). Thanks for the heads up! Now, I reeeeeally can't wait for next Sunday night! Everybody's "feelings" for each other will be put to the test, I predict – and the music will rock! Oh - the drama! Enjoy this second part!

Time, As We Knew It

Part 2

The world crashed back in on Dr. Derek Shepherd, like a tidal wave breaking on a cliff's point. The screech of the monitor, the nurses jumping to attention – he was vaguely aware of Dr. Yang coming to his aide.

"Pressure's bottoming out, doctor!" The anesthesiologist nearest Derek frantically started pumping on Mr. Jones' Ambu-bag manually.

Derek moved out of the way so the nurse could administer stimulant to his patient's heart, per his instruction. Since he was trying to keep the skull flap stable, all he was able to do was bark instructions and hope to God Bailey's husband was as tenacious as she was.

"Yang! Be ready with the paddles if the Epinephrine doesn't kick-start his system." Derek's voice had regained its authority, even if his heart hadn't quite dislodged itself from his throat.

"Another bleeder?" Yang asked as she pumped the stimulant directly into the patient's heart.

"Has to be…a clot dislodged or…that's it, c'mon Tucker," Derek coaxed, as Mr. Jones' heart started beeping regularly, his pressure climbing back up.

"He's stabilizing again," Yang said.

"Good, and I think I've found that bleeder," Dr. Shepherd breathed.

With this catastrophe averted, for the time being, Derek tried to concentrate on getting Mr. Jones sutured back together – while his heart and mind worked feverishly through all the horrible possibilities going on just down the hall. With Meredith.

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"I'm going to put this lead sheath over the patient and your hand, Dr. Grey. Okay?" Agent Young didn't really care whether or not Meredith agreed, all he was concerned with was making sure this hospital didn't loose a few floors to a bomb detonation.

Meredith didn't answer – just remained still and tried to slow her breathing. Easy breaths, that's what Derek had told her. That day in the supply closet…she'd felt like she was loosing control. Then, he'd been there and it all seemed to fade slowly back into focus. Derek Shepherd seemed to have that effect on her, she'd noticed. Meredith cautiously obeyed when the bomb squad told her to move fluidly with the gurney. They were going to start down the hall, toward the teaching auditorium – and she couldn't jostle the table, or make any jerky movements.

How about when I hear something click? Then can I move?

"Dr. Grey, I want to you tell me immediately if you feel any movement of the shell – anything, do you understand?" Dr. Burke asked, as the gurney slowly moved between the doors of the OR.

"Where is Cristina?" Meredith asked suddenly.

Burke paused for a moment, as if the question caught him off guard. "She's…in OR 3 with Dr. Shepherd. I told her to go see if she could help him get things moving faster."

Meredith just stared down at the patient, not meeting Burke's eyes.

"Meredith?" he asked.

"She kicked me out of bed this morning," she said softly, as they inched their way down the dark hallway.

Burke furrowed his brows, "Kicked …you out of bed?" Realization dawned on him. "The thing she had to do. It was kicking you out of bed."

Meredith glanced up at her resident, her face was growing ever so slightly paler.

"I had a feeling when I woke up this morning. I…I didn't want to come in…to work."

Dr. Burke felt the patient's neck to check his pulse. It was thin and thready. His skin was growing cold – probably the blood pressure was dropping.

"Why didn't you want to come to work? You have an internship at a prestigious teaching hospital…," he said absently, wondering how much more waiting this man was going to have to endure, before he died from shock.

Meredith looked down at the patient's face. She thought back to the dream she'd had that morning – ominous and tense. It was one of those dreams where you aren't sure whether you're really dreaming. The ones where you're caught between sleep and awake – but the feeling is definitely real. She'd been standing in what she thought was an OR. But, there was no patient, no bomb squad – it was silent. Derek was there…watching her. She'd been crying, as if some horrible reality had just set in and she just couldn't deal with it. The only problem was, at the time- she didn't know what reality was pressing on her soul.

Now, as the gurney (and what seemed like her fate) rolled down the hallway, inching nearer to the teaching auditorium, Meredith wondered if this was what her dream had been telling her. A few moments had passed before she realized Dr. Burke was staring at her.

"I had this feeling that I might die today." She stated simply.

Dr. Burke opened his mouth – then closed it. For once, he didn't have an answer.

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Dr. Shepherd finished the last suture on Mr. Jones' skull. Quickly he ordered the man be taken to ICU for recovery and that Bailey should be informed. For a moment, he wondered how Bailey's labor was coming. Surely she should be about ready to deliver. Addison would take care of her – she was good at taking charge of situations, even if that situation was someone like Miranda Bailey. He tore off his gloves and operating lenses and pushed his way out into the corridor – making a bee-line for OR 2.

Dr. Yang was on his heels. "Dr. Shepherd! The bomb squad wants us out of here! Especially since the surgery is over!" It was a futile argument though, Shepherd hadn't even slowed – and truth be told, Cristina couldn't be dragged away. Her friend was in there with that bomb. Not to mention, her boyfriend.

"I don't give a damn what that bomb-squad squirt says," Derek yelled back. "I'm going to help…if I can." It's Meredith. I have to do something.

"Right. Screw the law," Cristina said as they went into OR 2.

It was empty, save for the few bloody towels and sheets on the floor. Derek's heart stopped, literally.

Surely not… God. No…

But Cristina recovered first. "Oh man, Dr. Burke must have allowed them to move the patient down to the auditorium."

"They moved them! Why the hell would they take that chance?" Derek blurted, running his hands frustratedly through his dark hair and turning on Cristina.

She blinked at his vehement reaction, "Uh…I'm guessing they wanted to get the bomb farther away from your OR. The auditorium must be a safer place if it bl-…"

"Just – stop! It's not going to blow!" Derek spat at the intern. He turned on his heel and ran down the corridor, Cristina right behind him.

"I can't believe they would take that chance and move her – move them!" he growled as the rounded the corner. "Burke has lost his mind taking that risk."

Cristina chose to remain silent on that point. Maybe… some part of her agreed with that.

Derek Shepherd nearly ran right into the glass that separated the gallery from the operating theater. He was breathing hard, and it wasn't from the exertion of running. He felt his heart pounding impossibly harder within his chest.

In front of him, an odd conglomeration of people had gathered in the operating theater. There were bomb squad personnel strategically placed around the center of attention – Meredith. Some had equipment with them; others were pushing in what looked like blast shields. Dr. Burke was standing next to Meredith, clad in body armor and looking far too nervous.

Derek's eyes stilled on Meredith's form. She looked pale –alone. Obviously terrified, yet there was as stillness about her. It was almost calm. Derek suddenly wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight – until life and time all faded away. He wanted to get in that room.

But, as he and Cristina made their way to the door, two burly officers blocked them, saying that they couldn't go in and disturb the delicate procedure. Cristina called one of them a jerk-off – but all Derek could do was to place his skilled hands on the window and watch.

It occurred to him, suddenly, that he'd spent a great deal of time watching Meredith Grey. He'd watched her work, deal with patients, deal with her friends. He'd watched her sleep, watched her cry – even watched her loose control – only to gain it back again leaning on his shoulder. Now, he was watching her stand there, facing him and looking down at her patient – unaware of the war raging within his soul.

Derek had never felt so useless in his life. He was used to fixing things – even if in the past, during their relationship, he was well aware that he was the one doing the breaking. Should he have made different choices? Shouldn't he have latched onto a moment and told her how he felt? Is this how it was going to end?

Dr. Shepherd closed his eyes.

The truth was…Derek Shepherd didn't know what the hell he wanted…and now, he may not have the chance to do anything about it.
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Meredith Grey could hear Dr. Burke talking, guiding the instruments around her hand to get to the ammunition under her fingertips. He was opening up the wound enough to assess the stability of the bomb, and perhaps, disarm it. Agent Young was talking him through what had to be done once the end of the shell could be seen.

She automatically did what she was told, but didn't really think about it. All she could think about what how her dream and her day had come full circle to this point in time - this one point in time. How had she reached a point in her life, where she didn't feel like she had anything to hope for? All because of a relationship? Surely she was made of better stuff than that - and that her existence (or continuation there of) didn't depend on whether McDreamy chose her over his wife?

There had to be more to her than that…right?

C'mon Meredith. You didn't stick your hand in this guy's chest, with a bomb…because you have some kind of a death-wish. Because Derek chose Addison, doesn't mean you have nothing to go on for…that's just stupid!

Meredith swallowed thickly. Dr. Burke made the last cut and the shell was now barely visible. Agent Young had crept up behind Meredith, and was telling Burke how to disarm the bomb – when the agent who was pumping the patient's Ambu-bag, jostled the table.

The table jerked, causing everyone to audibly gasp. Meredith's hand accidentally pushed on the shell and it slipped sideways a quarter of an inch, actually becoming more visible through the wound tract.

Everyone stood stark still – the oxygen seemed to be sucked from the room.

But it was quiet. At the moment everyone jerked with the table, Dr. Shepherd had also jerked against the glass of the viewing area. He'd seen the agent loose his balance momentarily – and the table shift. In that millisecond, every memory of his and Meredith's relationship flashed before his eyes.

He'd loved her – and still did. He'd known that…but in all of the confusion and new feelings he'd experienced as his and Addison's relationship changed, he hadn't let himself acknowledge that fact. He still may not have known what he wanted – but he knew the feelings for Meredith were definitely strong.

And now, he might have to watch her die, and there was nothing he could do.

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Meredith seemed to sense his presence suddenly, and locked eyes with the man she loved on the other side of the glass. There always seemed to be something barring the two of them – his seniority, her internship… his wife. Meredith found that funny. The glass was just another barrier. Derek's blue eyes pinned her – he looked horrible. His scrubs, which normally look rumpled and lived in, were now almost manic looking – stained with sweat. He still had his surgical cap on, but she could tell he'd been running his hands through the sides of his hair. His face was pained.

Dr. Grey knew the look that a patient gets when death was about to over-come him. She'd seen it often enough – she'd seen it on the face of the patient on the table before her. But she also knew the look that a doctor gets during surgery, and he knows it's a hopeless case.

Dr. Shepherd, miraculously, didn't have that look in those blue eyes she loved. He wasn't giving up on her.

A single tear escaped Meredith's eye – tracing a path down to her chin. She'd seen this in her dream…only at the time, should couldn't place the look on Derek's face, and she didn't understand what her heart was trying to tell her. Now, it was all clear.

"I know that in the operating room, you're the boss Dr. Burke. But in this case, I'M the head honcho, and when I tell you to cut a wire…I mean cut it!" Agent Young's voice was frustrated and angry.

"How can you be sure that's the right wire?" Dr. Burke was sweating now as well, his hand with scissors hovering over the now exposed end of the shell.

"Because, unlike you, I've actually trained for this!" Young barked.

Burke hedged, "I don't like this. We situated this thing right next to Dr. Grey's thumb…and if we cut too fast it could shift, pushing her hand off the bleeder that is currently stopped, keeping this man alive!"

"Where as, if the damn thing blows up… the guy dies anyway!" Young retorted.

Meredith was caught between the yelling, and in that moment, a decision crystallized in her eyes. Derek saw it, and for a moment, wondered how much it would take to crash through the observation glass.

In one swift movement, Meredith Grey took the scissors out of Dr. Burke's hand – and cut the waiting wire.

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"I can't believe you did that," Dr. Yang said for the fifteenth time. She and Meredith were sitting in the locker room.

The bomb squad had since cleared the hospital. After she'd cut the wire – and everyone remembered to breathe again – Dr. Burke successfully completed the repairs to their patient. It was still unknown whether he'd survive the trauma, lack of blood and shock – but at least "death by internal explosion" was not one of the factors.

Burke, however, had exploded on Meredith once they cleared the room. He said he was seriously considering ending her internship for disobeying orders and making rash decisions. She'd listened, and did not offer a rebuttal. Ultimately, Cristina had come to her rescue, pointing out, not so subtly, that he'd been too busy getting into a pissing contest with the bomb squad agent to do anything…and Meredith had done was what necessary. And Dr. Burke couldn't really argue with that logic.

Meredith leaned her head back against the lockers. She'd slid down to the floor when they first came in, after fielding a million questions from a million different people. She'd been ushered out of the auditorium so quickly, she hadn't even been able to say anything to Derek. He'd just been standing there, watching her being lead away – his trademark half-smile on his face, as another nurse came to him with Mr. Jones' charts.

"Meredith." Cristina's voice made her open her eyes. "What made you…you know…do it? I mean, you could have cut the wrong wire. You could have blown up – blown us all up. And then I would have had to kick your ass as a ghost for making me miss completing my internship and becoming a famous and successful surgeon."

Meredith smiled faintly. "What about Dr. Burke?"

"Wha? – Oh, I don't worry about him…he's too stubborn to die." She snarked. "And if he did, he'd just help me kick your ass in the afterlife…or whatever there is after this," she gestured with her hands around the room.

"I did it because I realized something," Meredith said softly.

"What?" asked Cristina.

Meredith looked at her friend, "I realized that there is something to keep going on for."

Cristina glanced at her, before pulling her hair back up into a messy pony-tail. "If you're about to spout all the romantic crap about how your love for McDreamy will keep you going, and how he's your reason for living – I'm going to hurt you."

"No," Meredith couldn't help but smile, "I'm the reason."

Cristina gave her a look.

"Look, I don't know what's going to happen between him and me. I know I love him, yeah…but I realized that throwing myself an eternal pity-party wasn't the way to continue my life since our relationship ended. I've got my job…and my friends (she glared when Cristina snorted) and time moves on." Meredith looked over at her friend as she threw her coat on, preparing to leave.

"Yep. Time moves on…you can look forward to the single life of one-night stands of great or really crappy sex, fifty-cent shot nights - and the fact that when Bailey is back, you can be assured that your ass will be chewed if you have another 'I want to stay in bed' day." Cristina said as she walked past Meredith.

"But," she added as she stood in the door, "If you have another "death" feeling…tell me. I'm going to be calling in sick that day."

Meredith smiled and closed her eyes again. She heard the door open, but figured it was just George or Izzy coming to check on her again.

"You should really be getting some rest." Derek's voice was smooth and a little horse, and was the sweetest sound Meredith had heard all day.

"I'm fine." She said, looking up at him as he sat on the bench on front of her. His hair was tousled just enough to be messy but also irresistible. The lines on his face showed the stress from the day, but his eyes were warm and sympathetic. As always.

For a moment, she wished he wasn't there. His presence was intoxicating, and not what she needed.

"That's what you always say, Mere," Derek answered as he moved to sit next to her. He wanted to be near her; as if to reassure himself that she was okay. He felt her shift uncomfortably, but it didn't deter him. He needed to make sure she was really there and whole, for himself, if nothing else.

He watched her stare at her hands for a moment. "Why did you do it? Why did you put your hand inside that man?"

She shrugged, "Seemed like the best idea at the time."

"C'mon Meredith. You know what I mean. You could have ducked with the others, Dr. Burke told me what happened. He said you tried to talk the EMT girl out of running, but all the while, you were slipping your hand into position to take her place. You knew that bomb was unstable! Why did you have to be the one to do it?" Derek's voice became strained, as the frustration, fear and stress of the day seeped back in.

Meredith sighed and met Derek's questioning eyes. "Maybe I had something to prove…to myself. Maybe I had to prove that I could do it, or that I needed to feel something other than disappointment these days…or maybe I didn't even freaking think about it! It just happened!"

Derek swallowed. "Meredith, I realize things have been tough for us. I'm sorry…you never think the consequences of your decisions can effect so many people when you make them."

Meredith nudged him lightly, "Well, you do what you think is right at the time. Deal with the consequences later, I guess."

"Like you cutting that wire?" Derek leaned in toward her, pinning her eyes again and willing her to understand what that moment had done to him inside.

Meredith looked into his eyes – the world seemed to slow. For those few moments, the warmth that she used to feel being near him resurfaced, melting the aches and pains away. She held his gaze until the air buzzed and she forcibly willed herself to break the connection.

"I did it because I realized I wasn't going to be able to relive the time that you and I shared, the same way again … the time we knew is gone."

Derek nodded slightly, but allowed his hand to reach up and brush a lock of hair out of Meredith's eyes. His touch on her skin was feather-light, but the gesture was filled with memory.

"So what do you think time will bring for us?" he asked, his voice lightening somewhat.

Meredith Grey bestowed a soft smile on the man she loved, as she pushed up from the floor. She stretched and made her way to the door.

When she stopped and turned back to him, Derek was standing and leaning against the lockers – watching. He returned her smile with a handsome lopsided grin, and a twinkle in his eye.

"I don't know." Meredith said. "I guess we'll just have to find out."

-END-

Please READ and REVIEW. Let me know what you think!

A/N: Well, I hope you like it. I tried to end it how the show might do it – leaving the relationship of Meredith and Derek still troubled, but hopeful…and companionable. I have no idea how next week's part II will end, but this is just my guess. Well find out soon!

I really hope I did the characters justice in this, and I'm sorry for the length. It kinda got away from me. Hopefully you enjoyed my first Grey's Anatomy fic, and perhaps, after I get to know the show and characters more – I'll try my hand on another story with our favorite doctors and interns!

Keep it real! Thanks for the wonderful reviews!