Who I Am

Chapter 4

New Look

Within a fifteen hour period, my look had completely changed. I found a black tee-shirt in the back of my closet and placed a white and black striped collar shirt over it, then some jeans. Again, no glasses. I wasn't going punk or anything; I just needed to ditch the geeky look. Neither one was really me, so maybe both would work. (But once you really think about it, two wrongs don't really make a right. . .) I took a step back from my full-length mirror and smiled. The black shirt was a bit snug, but it helped show off my curves in a way. Very sexy. This was already much better than the white button-down and kakis. . .

I hope Ron likes this look better. . . I sighed deeply at this thought. I clearly wasn't giving up on him very easily, even if he didn't want to be more than a friend to me.

Speaking of which, I took the shirt from yesterday and stuck it in my backpack for in caseRon wanted it back. I then slung it over my shoulder after getting all dressed and such, and then went to beg Vernon for a ride. I grabbed a mug and poured myself a cup of coffee. Vernon was already finishing his cup while he read the newspaper. I leaned casually on the counter next to him, not caring how flirty I looked. I was desperate.

"Hey, Vernon." I smiled.

"Hmm," he grunted and didn't even look up from his paper.

"Think you can give me a ride today?"

My step-dad looked up (finally) and his face fell. His eyes swept over my body quickly. I could tell what Vernon was thinking: "This is. . . New." Something suddenly showed up in his eye that I hadn't seen before. But before I could identify it, the look was gone. "Okay, Harry. Just don't be late. I leave in ten minutes." He turned back to the paper and took another sip of coffee.

"Thanks Vernon." I smiled and grabbed a piece of bacon from the plate next to him.

"Welcome Harry." There was a short silence, then: "You look good, by the way."

I nodded with a smile. He'd never really complemented me before. . . "Thank you, Vernon."

"I don't mean that in any sexual way or anything . . . You just--"

"I get you." I nodded again and took another sip of the hot, black liquid. "Change can be for the better, eh?"

He nodded back. "Yeah, the glasses didn't really suit you. Shows off your green eyes better. . ."

I raised my eyebrows. Now it sounded sexual. Vernon caught himself and looked back down at the paper. Soon, however, his strict manner was restored. "Get to the car. I'll see you in a minute."

"Yeah."

"Hey, Harry!"

I turned and saw Ron coming down the hall. I waved back as if nothing had ever happened the night before. When he caught up, he was smiling.

"I didn't think that was you at first. You look good, man."

I smiled back. "Thanks."

"You took my advice on the glasses, huh?"

"Yeah, these contacts were a bitch to get in though. Especially when you have a step-brother banging on your door the whole time." We both laughed at this.

He was looking past me, avoiding my eye contact. Ron must have seen something because his demeanor changed suddenly and he put his head down slightly, scratching his neck. "Don't look now, but Draco's looking at you."

"Really?" I glanced to my side opposite of Ron to see Draco, leaning against his locker with an odd look on his tanned face. I laughed slightly. "Be damned!"

Ron kept his head down, hand rubbing against the soft white skin of his neck. "I just wanted to say. . ."

"Hm?"

"Well, I'm sorry. . . About last night."

I laughed and shook my head. "It's all fine, Ron. I don't mind, really."

"I don't believe you."

My head snapped back around to him.

"I shouldn't have done that to you. I shouldn't have . . . you know . . . unless I was really interested in you. I shouldn't have lead you on or. . ."

"It's fine, Ron." I laughed again and pushed his shoulder slightly. He continued to scratch at his neck. I realized how his head was turned; his blue eyes were looking at me up and down. The scratching was just a cover up for what he was really doing: checking me out. It was as if he had never seen me before.

"I'd also appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone."

"Got yah." I said. To be truthful: I was expecting that. "Are you looking at my ass?"

Ron's face reddened immediately. I laughed. "You look good in red. Matches your hair."

"Suddenly, you're the comedian in this relationship?"

"I've just. . . Come out."

"In one night?"

I just shrugged. "It had to happen sometime. What? You want me to be a recluse for the rest of forever?"

Ron didn't answer for a moment. He had stopped scratching (most likely because I knew what it was all about now) and was looking straight ahead. "I'll see you at lunch." And that was the end of that conversation.

Ron was definitely looking at me differently since last night. I didn't blame him. But, it was almost as if that kiss made us switch bodies, like our souls had made an exchange through the soft skin of our lips. I was the quiet one who didn't want to be noticed, he was the comedian who always knew what to say. That had all changed after one little kiss. He didn't know how to look at me or talk to me. I knew exactly what I wanted now: him. I didn't care how I showed it anymore. I didn't care who knew it. I wanted to be with Ron. . . .

But what did he want? Did he want me too? I wasn't sure anymore. I thought I did, but clearly, that wasn't it at all. But maybe it was and he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore? Maybe it scared him last night? It had gone differently for the both of us it seamed. I had awoken to new feelings, so had he, but we both reacted conflictingly. I was ready and willing for more, he was terrified.

I pulled at my collar. It was a bit tight, much like the rest of the shirt. It was about noon and I was waiting outside at the picnic tables, looking up at the sky and realizing how well they matched Ron's eyes. . . No one really sat with me. Ron had a couple of times when he had no one else to sit with. Draco was inside of the cafeteria with all of his jock buddies, as usual. This supposition was soon contradicted, however.

BAM! My head was suddenly smacked from behind with a text book. "Harry!"

"What?" I sighed and turned to face right into Draco Malfoy's tanned face. "Um . . . Hey?" I said timidly.

"Hey." He swung over the bench and sat beside me. "Listen, before they start to miss me, I was wondering if you wanted to come over and see me tonight."

I pulled one of those faces that looked like I'd just swallowed a lemon, rind and all. "Are you asking me out?"

"No! No no." He said this a bit too defiantly if you ask me. "I just. . . Well, we haven't had much time to get to know each other and all so. . ."

"You never gave me a chance to get to know you."

"Well, I'm giving you a chance now."

I frowned. So. . . Ron had been right. Draco was interested in me. Should I give him a chance, after all he had put me through? "You mean, after four years of abuse, you expect me to welcome you with open arms?"

He just watched me for a moment (trying to come up with one of his smooth come backs, no doubt). I gave him a half sneer (trying not to look too cocky about my achievement) and turned back to looking at the sky.

"Oh, c'mon. Don't be this way." I felt Draco's hand touch my shoulder and I shrugged it off.

"I've heard that line before. Only it was. . . Lavender Brown, right? Caught you making out with Parvati Patil, didn't she? I may like guys, but I'm not exactly a girl, all right? I'm harder to sweet-talk and I'm not easy." I said this without looking at him. Instead, I concentrated on the blue sky above, dotted with white clouds and seagulls.

"It's a good thing I don't give up easily then."

I pretended not to hear that last comment. "I should have known. . ." I thought out loud.

"Should have known what?"

"That you were gay. My gaydar needs some polishing."

"Gay? Me? Where—?"

"You just totally outted yourself. 'Good thing I don't give up easily then?' Seams you jocks really are a bunch of muscles with no brains. . ."

Draco took me by the front of the shirt and held me up to his height. I looked straight into his grey eyes.

"Go ahead, hit me. See if I care." This boldness was uncalled for. I was asking to be mutilated?

"I'm not going to hit you," Draco leaned forward. Just before our lips could make contact, I turned. My eyes searched the grounds for someone, hoping no one saw. . . Or was I hoping they did see? That they would come and help?

"Look, I'm not interested, Draco. Just go back to your friends. I don't want someone who's been threatening me since we met."