A Poem By: Kate L Treece.
I had you but I let you go,
I tried and failed to be what I should have been.
I let your past slip away,
I made you what you are now.
I blamed you for things you never did,
I gave you the false hope of one day your dreams will take flight.
I should have cared about you, my little one,
I took advantage of the only one of you I had.
I should have seen what my foolishness would bring,
I instead saw something I wouldn't be able to control.
If I lost you, I would sit on the windowsill,
The same place I told you stories of far away lands.
If I lost you, my life would end abruptly,
The realization that you were now gone.
If I lost you, Life would never be the same,
The laughter, the happiness, the innocence, the way you looked up to me would vanish.
If I lost you, the only one close to me,
The life you lead would haunt me till I too was no more than a memory.
If I lost you, I'd fade into darkness,
The weight of sin heavy upon my shoulders.
I had my chance to hold you,
I gave in to my own selfish greed.
I cried when you got hurt,
I didn't realize how much pain you suffered from.
I screamed when you upset me,
I had forgotten about your tender heart.
I fell to my knees in anguish,
I couldn't think of how it used to be.
I thought I knew you inside and out,
I only could guess at your cute little games.
If I lost you, I'd be as lonely as a blue bird,
The horror finally sinking in.
If I lost you, my only source of comfort,
The things we've gone through would seem like a nightmare.
If I lost you, I would cease to exist,
The ability to cry out in loss and pain obliterated.
If I lost you, I'd have lost myself,
The pain of heartache stabbing through my heart.
If I lost you, my heart would break in two,
I didn't know the loss of someone special.
I was afraid to tell you what I had to say,
My rage boiling over.
I couldn't see my most important thing in life,
I betray my closest friend.
I couldn't take my shame,
The tears that fell from heaven.
I wish so many times I could take back the pain,
I never knew that I would never have the heart to replace you.
I had hoped you, my closest friend and enemy, would somehow go away,
I never meant for it to come true, and for me to live with out you.
If I lost you, I'd be nothing,
The nothing that made me the bluebird on the windowsill, waiting for you to return to me.
If I lost you, my world would slowly crumble,
I'd be locked away forever in the tower of despair.
If I lost you, all hope would dissipate from my mind,
I'd be left in the dark for all eternity.
If I lost you, I'd lose my mind creating an illusion from long ago,
I'd never obtain the forgiveness that I never earn from you.
If I lost you, horror would consume my soul,
My life would come to a halt as I waited for my little one.
If I lost you, the guilt would over whelm me,
I knew you wouldn't last forever.
My only wish will never be granted, the wish that one day…
The sin from my past…
Will be erased…
The pain within my soul…
Will diminish…
The sanity of my mind…
Will return…
The rage from the way I treated you…
Will no longer exist…
And once and for all…
The bluebird from my heart…
Will come home for good…
For all I can remember…
The bluebird of my past…
It was just a fleeting illusion…
Of the one I cared about the most…
And of a past I may have never had…