Who I Am

Chapter 5

Second

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back toward the sun, feeling its warmth behind my lids. It was a surprisingly warm day for February. . . Valentine's Day was coming up soon for that matter.

I had never really gotten anything for Valentine's. That is, after leaving elementary school for junior high. In elementary school, everyone gave everyone something. We always made these mailboxes out of shoeboxes and then went out and bought a box of cards with our favorite cartoon characters. Sometimes, if we felt ambitious, we taped a peace of chocolate on the envelope. Now, Valentine's was a whole different story. It's the only holiday that really changes with a person's age. We always wear green on St. Patrick's Day, give presents to loved ones on Christmas, and hunt eggs on Easter. But with Valentine's Day the list tends to get smaller of people who get presents, and they aren't quite as simple as they used to be. Peaces of paper with taped on candy were replaced by roses and boxes of chocolates as years past. . . And instead of the whole class receiving these gifts, only your boyfriend/girlfriend got the privilege.

My thoughts were soon interrupted when a hand touched my shoulder. My eyes popped open and I turned to see the source of the unwanted interference. Two grey eyes stared right into mine.

"Draco? What--?" I looked around to see if anyone was around. His usual friends were on the other side of the fence, at the parking lot. They were watching with disfavor in their eyes. For once, those glares weren't just meant for me. "What about them?" I nodded toward the men in their lettermen's jackets.

Dracogave a shrug. "One must make sacrifices to get what they want."

"Meaning. . . ?"

"I came out of the closet and now they hate me for it."

My mouth fell open wide enough that his Mercedes could go through. "You're kidding me, right?" Draco shook his head as an answer. "Holy shit! When did this happen?"

He looked at his watch. "About five minuets ago."

"It'll be all over the place before tomorrow, you realize that?" I queried.

"You wanted someone who's comfortable with their sexuality, right? I'm just taking the first steps."

I stared at him a moment still abashed by the whole situation. Was he really this into me that he would risk his reputation just to be with me? . . . Or did he just want something in return?

"Will you reconsider now on coming to see me?"

I looked down a little. "I don't. . ."

Draco chuckled slightly at my indecisiveness. "I get it. But, do you need a ride?"

My head picked up at the question. "No. . . In case you never noticed: I've never had a ride." I quipped.

He nodded. "I've noticed. But would you like one?"

"Yes." I sighed softly. "I suppose."

"Would you consider coming to my house then?" His hand reached out and took mine. That hand was rough and callous from football and God-knows-what. The moment it touched my skin my head seamed to cloud up. I wanted to say yes.

I turned and looked back at Draco's football buddies. They were pointing and grinning at the two of us now. They clearly didn't get the chance to see a sight like this often.

"It depends. . ." I said softly. "How much did you bet those guys over there that you could bed me?" I pointed again at the cluster of muscle-heads.

The jock looked absolutely abashed at such a statement. "What makes you think—?"

"What makes you think you could take advantage of me just like that? All of a sudden you decide to be friends? You come out of the closet just for me? I doubt you did that at all, really. You just bet you could bed the lonely faggot for what? Fifty bucks? No . . . Two hundred? Just want to see how good you really are, right?"

"It's not like that, Harry—"

"I'm so sure." I turned away and began to look for Ron, see if he was still here, but a hand took my waist before I could get too far. Draco swung me around skillfully and took my head with his free hand. Before I could shout at him to let me go, he kissed me full on the mouth. I knew automatically why all these girls had fallen for him. Draco Malfoy was one hell of a kisser. I fell back, breathless.

However good this man was, though, I didn't feel any chemistry. That was what I had with Ron that other night. That tingle in my lips that spread and covered every cell in my body that night wasn't there this time. Instead, a cloud seamed to separate me from what I really was. I didn't feel like myself anymore. The kiss Ron had given me had made me a better person, this kiss was fighting that person back into the refuge that had kept him concealed for eighteen years. . . I suddenly didn't care who the person with their lips on mine was, I wanted him. This was my lust speaking. It was love that came when I was with Ron.

I looked down and shook my head. "You can give me a ride. I don't really. . ."

A smile broke across his face. He put an arm around my waist and steered me in the direction of his black Mercedes Bens.

"You really came out to your friends?"

Draco nodded.

"And you want to be with me. . . Or do you just want me?" I arched an eyebrow at him and leaned over the armrest.

He looked back at me with a slight sneer. "Both, I guess."

This brought a short silence.

"I heard you and Ron Weasley may be an item—"

"I wish."

Another silence. . .

"No one's at my house, have I mentioned that?"

Apprehensiveness crept in at that comment. "No. . . I don't think you have."

"Do you want to go there now?"

I looked out the window, not answering. I just didn't know. . .

"What if I took you anyway?"

I opened my mouth at this but was unable to get words to come out. I was so unsure of what I wanted now. . . I had felt nothing when he kissed me, but somehow it wasn't enough. Maybe it was just this new feeling of pure lust. Maybe it was the fact that the one person who I had such chemistry with didn't want me back. Maybe I needed a release. . .

A callous hand touched my face, breaking me again from my musings. I had been so lost in thought I hadn't even realized we had stopped. Draco turned me by the jaw and kissed me again, only softer this time. The cloud crept in once again. . .

I wore nothing lying on Draco's sheets as he held me down, kissing me ravenously. He was only half dressed but still had on more than me. The heat coming off of our bodies was so thick even the dresser mirror was fogged at five feet away. Draco kissed my neck and chest as he straddled me as his hands wandered over my person.

We hadn't even had intercourse yet and I already felt I couldn't take much more. He ran his hand down between my legs and I gasped. The cloud suddenly lifted away. I knew what I wanted again. This was too much. I didn't want this. I began to push the man away and sit up. Draco wouldn't let go. He held firmly to my shoulders and waist.

"No. . . Draco. . . Stop," was all I could get out before he took my mouth again.

"Stop?" he whispered. "Why? This feels so good, Harry. I've got to have you—all of you—"

I placed one hand on his chest and pushed him as far away as I could. "It's too much too fast, Draco. I still don't know why. . . If this is all some scheme or if you really want to be with me. I can't risk having my heart broken again so fast."

"Broken again?" he pulled back now and looked at me a bit quizzically. "Is this about Weasley? Did you sleep with him?"

"No. . . We just. . . Kissed." I held up a finger. "Once. He didn't really feel the same way I did about it." I turned away.

"But you love him anyway, don't you Harry?" He leaned back over me and brushed some stray hair from my eyes.

I looked up at him and nodded slowly. "I didn't mean for it to go this far, Draco. I don't feel anything between us and I can't sleep with someone I don't really love. I'm sorry."

AN: Smutty smut. Don't you just love it? Next chap will be up shortly! Oh, and it has been brought to my attention that I accidently left some names wrong in the story. . . The characters were really different from these characters in the begining and had completely different names and sometimes hair-colors. I try to switch them all before I upload the chapter. Sorry about that. REVIEW! I comandeth thee!