Dear Gryffindor House,
Hermione I love you, glad I got that off my chest. I know I say I hate you Neville, but you're the best in class. Slytherin Had 100 points taken from them today for talking. I kissed Voldemort, and I truly love him. Professor McGonagal will you marry me? Gryffindor' s are the best. I cant make potions. Unlike what some of you believe I was in Gryffindor. My hair color is really red, I could be related to the Weasley family.
Next time I see you were going to learn to make sock puppets, yea! Im a pretty princess people. I will be getting plastic surgery next week. My favorite thing to do is fingerpaint. Harry I will always be there for you, to protect. Who want's a hot dog, there fresh. Is my nose big, I think it is. Tonight I will turn into a fairy so if you want to see come to the tallest tower. Im dating Hagrid.
This really to my mommy, can I come out of the closet now? Give me a swirly. I can suck my own thanks so stop asking to.
Sincerely,
Serverus Snape.