Who I Am

Okay, this chapter is better than the last. I would have left the last one out if it didn't throw the whole plot out of whack! Oh well. . . Enjoy!

Chapter 9

Lost Innocence

I woke up to the feeling of a hand caressing my hair. I opened my eyes to see Vernon sitting at the edge of the bed, running his fingers through my hair. His eyes were a bit glazed, but he wore his suit just the same. Same old Vernon: he was going to work, hangover or none. (Like he took my virginity, my consent or none.)

"I'm going to let you stay home today. I'm sure you're tired from your first time."

I nodded. It was good to know he could be nice every once in a while. Vernon kissed my temple, gave me another pat on the head, and left me.

I spent most of the day in bed, wallowing in self-pitty. I had never felt to helpless in all my life. I was weak. . . nothing. . . This was all my fault. I deserved what had happened to me. I was a nobody trying to act like a somebody. My newfound confidence from Ron's kiss wasn't real. I was still the geek in glasses who got pounded by jocks on a daily bases. Nothing more. . .

Another realization had struck me also. I was never going to have what I wanted. I would never have Ron no matter how good I looked in a tight shirt and contacts.

Maybe this was the real reason Mom killed herself: she realized the man she loved didn't love her back. She had been married to him for nearly five years and he never had real feelings for her. Somehow she was able to figure out his real motivation. . . I felt her pain now more than ever.

The next day I got up and went to school for the hell of it. I pulled on a white collared shirt, some jeans, and even took out my contacts to replace them with my old glasses.

I stood at my locker, taking out some books for my next class when Ron finally confronted me.

"What happened, Harry?"

"What do you mean?" I replied stiffly.

"You went back to before. . . Your clothes and glasses they. . ."

"Nothing happened." I slammed the locker and began to my math class.

"You liar. Tell me!"

I shook my head and quickened my strides.

"You still hate me, don't you?"

"Please. I could never hate you."

"Then what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing that concerns you. I don't see why you care anyway."

"Why shouldn't I care?"

"You don't want me or love me." I moved walking to a quick jog.

"That doesn't mean I don't care about you!"

"That doesn't matter now! You can't help me anyway. . . Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for class." I took off at a sprint now, leaving Ron in my wake. I didn't want his pity anymore.

I was outside during lunch, as usual. A hand reached out and took my jaw gently. It was Draco. I almost growled at the sight of him. I was so not in the mood.

"Am I still getting the cold shoulder from you?"

"I don't care about you anymore. I have more important things on my mind."

"Like what?" Draco scowled at not being more important than anything else. Typical of his character.

I looked away, not quite sure what to say here. There was no way I would tell him the truth.

"I get it. I'm still being shunned. Tell me when you feel like giving me another try." Draco winked and placed a small peck on the cheek. I felt my mouth drop. Draco being understanding? Hell just froze over.

Draco left me to think . . . or whatever I had been doing. However, I was soon interrupted again. A shadow fell over me and I turned to see Ron leaning over the table. My frown deepened.

"What?"

"I just want to talk, Harry."

"And I don't. You can leave now."

Ron sighed and sat down next to me, completely ignoring my command. "Ever since we met, you have always been next to me. You are one of the most open people I've met. Sometimes I can't get you to shut up. Why won't you talk to me now?"

I didn't speak. Maybe I could get him to leave me alone the same way I did with Draco.

"Well, if you won't talk now, how about later?"

My mouth staid closed.

"How about tomorrow over dinner?"

My head whipped around to face Ron. "Are you asking me for a date?"

"Not really. I just want to see if I can wheedle it out of you."

A/N: I think that's my shortest chapter. . . Oh well! Please Review!