Title: Inside My Coffin

Disclaimer: Slash. Suicide. Angst. Language.

POV: Nick

Chapter Ten: Invisible Evidence

I depart from Greg at the front door to the lab. Some how we make it on time. I'm walking down the hall when someone slips their arm around mine.

"Evening, Nicky," Sara says.

"Hey."

"This whole coming in early thing sucks. Especially since it's a meeting with Ecklie." She spits his name out like a bad wine.

"Tell me about it. This is not a great way to start the shift."

"Let's just get it done and over with, shall we?"

I grimace. "If only it was that easy."

We walk arm in arm to Ecklie's office. Warrick and Catherine are already there. To my surprise so is Brass. Greg walks in behind Sara and me. He acts like we haven't seen each other all day. I notice Sara studying us. Confident that she's not going to say anything in the company of the others I sit in an empty chair. Warrick and Catherine stand together talking in hushed voices. Sara starts a conversation with Brass while Greg stands by the door ready to make a quick exit. Ecklie is behind his desk filling out paperwork. The door opens one more time.

"How nice of you to finally join us, Gil," Ecklie says.

Grissom takes a seat in the empty chair beside me. He gives me a reassuring glance that is anything but.

Ecklie closes the folder on his desk. "Now that everyone is here we can start this meeting."

"What's this about, Conrad?" Grissom asks.

"CSI Stokes."

My head snaps up and I glare at Ecklie. "What the hell about me?"

He ignores me. "I know that you are all friends here-"

"I believe that Nick asked you a question," Grissom interrupts.

Sighing, he looks at me. I can read the distaste on his face. Of course, I don't care that he doesn't like me. Is that any reason to hold a meeting about it?

"The sheriff and I have been talking. We both agree that Stokes should be put on a leave of absence," Ecklie explains.

I bit my tongue as I remember Greg asking me about getting that exact thing. Did he mention it to Ecklie? No, he wouldn't. He'd ask Grissom before even thinking of setting foot in Ecklie's office.

"Why do you feel this needs to be, Conrad?" Grissom inquires.

"I believe that Stokes' mental state may well be affected. There are lasting affects from being kidnapped and buried alive. After the incident in the garage the other night I feel that having him working at crime scenes is a liability."

"So you're going to force him to take time off?" Grissom's voice is emotionless.

"I feel that he needs to be away from work and to spend time with a therapist," Ecklie replies in a holier-than-thou voice.

"I've seen no evidence to suggest that Nick is incapable of doing his job." Grissom's voice is still lacking in emotion. I notice that everyone else is uncomfortably quiet. Nice way to stick up for me.

"Are you aware that Stokes is sleeping with a co-worker?" Ecklie questions.

My blood runs cold and I'm sure the color drains from my face. It takes a great deal of will-power not to look at Greg. Looking at him will give it away. Who would have told Ecklie about us? Aside from Greg and me, Sara is the only other person who knows. She hates Ecklie as much everyone else does. She wouldn't have said anything. Sara isn't the type to betray a friend. Not since Grissom had her investigate Warrick.

Grissom glances briefly at me. "What business of that is yours? Nick is allowed a private life like everyone else."

Ecklie frowns. He's not getting the responses that he wants. "You may all leave. Nick, Grissom, you stay. We're not done."

I watch as the others file out of the office. Sara places a hand on my shoulder before leaving. I can see the questions written on Warrick's face and the worry on Catherine's. The door shuts softly behind them, leaving Grissom and I alone in the cage.

"You mean to tell me that you are not concerned that Stokes is sleeping with Sanders?"

My heart stops. How can he know? Who told him? And what right does he have to air my business out in front of my boss? Afraid of letting anger take control and tearing Ecklie's head off I stand from my chair. Without as much as a bye I leave the office. It's not right. If I wanted the world to know about me I would have told them. Ecklie crossed the line. I cross my arms over my chest to keep from hitting something as I walk down the hall. A few feet from the office I walk pass the others. They're all clustered together talking amongst themselves. Upon seeing me they go quiet. I continue on without a word. I don't need them. I don't need any of them.

I let my feet carry me to wherever they wish to go. Pass the various lab equipment. Pass the reception area. Out into the coolness of the night. The air is heavy with the threat of rain. Let it fall. Let it fall like it did the night that little girl's family got murdered. Let it wash me from the world and the memories of all those I counted as friends. Take me away from the pain. I keep walking. Waiting for it to rain. I start pacing the parking lot. Inside my feelings mix together. It's all a matter of time before the rest of them find I've been sleeping with Greg. How will they take it? Poor Greg. He doesn't deserve this. He won't even talk to me about us. Now everyone will know.

The rain finally starts to fall. Tomorrow the world will be cleansed of the sins from the day before. New sins will be there, waiting to be found. Thunder bellows in the clouds. Lightning photographs the sky. I scream at the heavens. With arms wide open I let the rain soak me through. I wish to be like fog and to dissipate in the rain. To disappear from the world.

Following an urge I climb into my car. I listen to the engine roar to life. The windshield wipers keep the rain at bay as I drive to destination unknown. I follow the roads until they lead me to a stretch of desert. The rain has let up a little and I pull to the side of the road. I should be at the lab working my shift. Why couldn't this have been a normal night? Easy, because nothing has been normal since that damn coffin. Ecklie's right. I guess hell finally did freeze over.

My phone rings. Like a robot I answer it. "Hello?" My voice is raspy.

"Nicky, we need to talk. Come back to the lab," Grissom says.

Com back to the lab? I hang up without saying anything. Why should I return to the lab? So that he can fire me? I throw the phone into the passenger seat. It settles quietly beside my gun. My gun. I reach over to pluck it from the seat. The coolness of the metal feels welcoming to my skin. Here's my answer, the one I've been seeking. The rain didn't wash me from the world. This gun, it has the power to take me away. I've seen the power it has. It can take away the memories, the questions. Everything.

I don't check it. I know that it's fully loaded. It always is. I cock it and listen to the click echo in the quiet car. Who would have guessed that Ecklie is right? Staring into the night at the stars as the peek through the clouds I pull the trigger.