Feeling Betrayed
Disclaimer applies as norm
This is not beta'd so all mistakes are mine, any1 available to let me know.
So didn't realise its been this long since I posted chapter 1, am so sorry but thanks to SVOC Luva, going through my emails I realised I still have your review so tis all thanks to you that I am continuing!
"O.K, I'm sorry but what on earth just happened. Could it be because like Ryan is ill and delusional from his high fever that he doesn't know what he's saying, seemed to me like he was blaming mum?" Seth turns to Sandy waiting for his input however Sandy doesn't seem to have anything to add.
Silence fills the living room, Kirsten knew something like this would happen she knew that as soon as she had spoken those words and seen Ryan's reaction the words would've gone straight to his heart and would remain there for a long time.
Finally Kirsten stands, straightens out her skirt and starts to walk out the room
"Kirsten honey, where are you going?" Sandy starts to follow her but she turns placing her hand up to stop him
"I am a Cohen, I am going to go and sort this out once and for all. Ryan thinks he's never been part of a family well once I'm through he's going to damn well feel part of this one"
"Ooh go mum, just so you know I think it's going to be harder than you think I mean Ryan's not about the talking now is he"
All can be heard are Kirsten's clicking heels and she storms out of the kitchen, Seth and Sandy follow to the kitchen to watch from the window.
Taking a deep breath she opens the poolhouse door slowly and walks in.
"Ryan?"
Looking around she sees the bathroom door half closed, walking slowly towards it she calls his name again not wanting to scare him
"Ryan"
Hearing a choking sound she rushes to the door and opens it revealing Ryan hovering over the toilet
"Aw Sweetie" Bending down she starts to rub his back in a soothing circular motion
"Kirsten, please leave me alone, I can't deal with this right now"
Spiting into the white porcelain bowl he reaches up to the handle pulling it down as he slowly stands, Kirsten backs off.
"You do know that I am not like your mom don't you, I would never abandon my son"
Ryan abruptly turns to face her, eyes wide like a bull ready to run to the red flag
"Son, which means one I thought you had two of those? You want me to be a part of this family so much but I'm not included don't you see that"
Ryan pushes past Kirsten leaving her standing in the bathroom
"O.K Ryan lets do this your way, you can say whatever you like starting now, tell me what goes on in that heads of yours cos boy I can't begin to understand anything that you're trying to tell me right now"
Ryan gets into his bed pulling the covers tight round his body, Kirsten props herself on the edge being careful not to invade his space. Ryan looking anywhere but at Kirsten
After several minutes of silence Ryan opens his mouth
"Where do you want me to start?"
Kirsten gently grabs onto Ryan's chin pulling it so he finally focuses on her
"At the beginning"
Several more minutes of silence fill the air as Ryan tries to figure out what he wants to say
"Ryan, do you want me to tell you something I learned at Suriak?"
Ryan starts to sneeze and Kirsten goes to the kitchen to grab the box of tissues off the counter, returning she hands him the box.
She walks to one of the doors where she can see Seth and Sandy sitting patiently on the patio chairs, they notice her and sticking up her hand discreetly she gives them an ok signal. Seth's mouth starts to move extremely quickly and Kirsten smiles
After blowing his nose, clearing his throat, sneezes some more he finally answers "What did you learn?"
Turning to face Ryan her face turns serious and she frowns deeply
"I'm Kirsten and I'm an alcoholic"
Her hands clenched at her sides, her lips pursed tightly together, silence.
"Do you know how hard that was for me to say? To realise that I am an alcoholic and dependant on a substance that I always took for granted only I didn't realise just how much I took it for granted, I didn't realise I was losing control.
I take Sandy for granted, I expect him to look after me, be there when I need him and vice-versa"
Moving closer to the bed she notices how much Ryan is deep in thought hopefully she's getting through.
"Just like Seth takes us for granted, he's our son and we will always be there for him and Sandy and I feel the same way about you Ryan, we love you the same as Seth, you are our son.
I'm sorry about what I said I was in denial, it took all of you to make me understand just what I was doing to the family and the only way that I was going to get past it was to get help"
Ryan starts to play with his extra blanket and his cheeks have flushed even more, is that from the fever or finally realising that he does have a family
"I know that your not like Seth, you take things to heart and they stay there for a long time, I know that your mom abandoning you was a major part in your life and something that is going to stick with you probably for the rest of it. Sandy, Seth and I can't change what's happened in your life kid but your mom left you here for a reason and that's because she wanted a better life for you"
Kirsten is sitting back on Ryan's bed
Ryan's turn, in a low husky voice he starts to talk
"You never wanted me here, when Sandy brought me home that night you were nervous I could tell, I understand that you didn't know me, I was a stranger and why would you want me near your son, Sandy had brought me home from juvie and in your eyes that meant I was a criminal. Staying that night was the best thing that had ever happened because I realised that I didn't have to turn out like my mom, that I could make something of myself even if I didn't stay at your house again I would have found some way to stay around. And then mom leaving like that was surprising but expected really and as we walked together into the kitchen that comment you said I will never forget 'Ryan's gonna stay with us now' I couldn't have wished for better foster parents and as for Seth, I just can't explain him you all made me feel so welcome but just because I've been her for a couple of years now it still doesn't make me a Cohen, not by a long shot. I'm an Atwood, always will be"
"You may still be an Atwood but to me and Sandy you're a Cohen as for Seth I don't think anyone can explain him Ryan, he's certainly one of a kind" Kirsten smiles and grabs Ryan's fiddling hands
"But what you said at the intervention Kirsten, you're right I wont forget it because I have been hurt so much in the past it's really hard for me to trust people you should know that"
"Honey I do and I'm sorry, I never wanted you to find out, I know your mom used to drink a lot but why should you have to cope with my problem, your just a kid"
"You know what, I'm kinda tired"
Surprised at Ryan's sudden shut down, Kirsten stands abruptly
"Yeah sorry I know your not feeling well I just wanted to get this sorted so if there's anything you need."
"I'll be fine" and with that Ryan turns on his side, back facing Kirsten he eyes fill with tears and silently she retreats from the poolhouse.
Quickly walking past Seth and Sandy and in through the doors, Seth looks to Sandy who looks to the poolhouse
"Well I suppose it's going to get worse before it gets better"