(pokes her head in after ages and ages of not posting) I am so so sorry, everyone, for not getting this up sooner! My life has just become one hectic moment after another, and while I know that's not a good excuse, I just haven't had the energy to write in AGES. But I finally sat down and wrote this, and it's a little longer than usual to make up for all the waiting! Hugs to everyone who's been waiting patiently (or not so patiently… I'm surprised no one has hunted me down yet for leaving this alone for so long!) and hope you enjoy this part! (grins)

This is the standard disclaimer… and hopefully it's the last? (Or maybe not so hopefully, if you're really enjoying this story… but all good things must eventually end, right? Unfortunately…)

To Cross the Rubicon
By: pottergal

Chapter Fifteen: The Infamous Talk

It took only a few minutes before the two of them were situated in the relative warmth of Jimmy's lab. Cindy claimed the couch she'd awoken from previously while Jimmy sent Goddard to cover for Cindy in the event that her parents woke up and decided to check on her. She supposed he was trying to issue the command without her overhearing, and even though he failed miserably, she saved him the embarrassment by pretending she hadn't. Instead she fiddled with a set of test tubes that sat on the table beside her and pretended to be engrossed in the chemical simmering on the hot plate.

"It's hopefully going to be a super fertilizer for my mom," she heard Jimmy say as his attention returned to her. "She's always wanted a garden but claims that she doesn't have a green thumb to save her life."

"Have you tested it yet?" she asked, looking up from the green concoction to find him watching her anxiously.

"No," he said, letting his gaze drop. "I don't think it's quite ready yet."

"Ah."

"So…" she began, trying to think of something to break the thick silence that had suddenly settled between them.

"Cindy, I think-"

"Jimmy, I need to-"

The two of them cut off their sentences instantly, as they'd spoken at exactly the same time. Cindy watched as Jimmy blinked a little before shutting his mouth with a faint click and she couldn't help the small giggle that escaped. They sat in silence for a little longer, but Jimmy gestured to her and spoke, ending the awkward moment.

"You first," he said simply before taking a seat in his chair. She gave him a small smile and dropped her gaze to the couch, suddenly rather shy. What did she want to say? 'Let's go back to hating each other because it's the easiest thing to do?' or 'What do you think of me now that you know that I'm secretly in love with you and have been in love with you for as long as I can remember?'

Well, I got my chance to talk to him. Pity I have no idea what I want to talk about, she thought, pressing her lips into a thin line grimly. There's just too much that I want to ask in the first place... I can't pick one thing and have it not seem like it came out of nowhere!

"Now what?" she blurted out at last and began picking at the fabric of the couch, her gaze steadily burning each stitch into memory. When he didn't respond right away, she summoned up courage and looked at him, only to find that he was frowning lightly.

"What do you mean?" he asked finally and she began chewing on the inside of her cheek in thought. "As in, what do we do about today? Or…"

"Mostly," she said with a small sigh. "I wasn't being very clear, and I'm sorry. This day has just been… well, crazy, and there's so much I feel that I need to know." She drew a deep breath at that, attempting to force her mind into a state of calm that she desperately needed right now.

"I think the first thing to ask is what do you want to do about today? Do you just want to forget it?" she continued, her voice dropping slightly as she finished, and she bit her lip. Jimmy's frown deepened at her words and Cindy felt like someone was suddenly squeezing her heart painfully, but she couldn't stave off the anxiety that had befallen her.

"You mean… act like nothing happened? Act like you never told me…?" he said at last, meeting her gaze for the briefest of instances. The look in his eyes made her heart leap slightly, though she couldn't say why, as he seemed to be honestly considering her proposal of sorts.

"Well, I don't know," she said. "What are you thinking?"

"Well…"

He sighed faintly and sat back, his heel tapping lightly on the floor as he thought. "You do realize I could wipe this from our memories relatively easily, right?"

"You… could?" Her breathing hitched once again. "You mean you want to forget?"

He was silent for a while before sighing again and looking up at her. "I'm afraid I can't just do that," he said, sounding slightly regretful, and Cindy felt a pang echo through her. "If I just simply made everyone forget that this happened, I would forget the promise I made to May, and… well, to put it succinctly, it's just not an option for me."

"But…?" she prompted, voicing the unspoken part of his statement, and he looked at her for a moment before continuing.

"But that's not to say that you're exempt," he said and she blinked at him. "I mean, if you wanted to forget all the embarrassing stuff you did today and have everyone else forget as well to save yourself the humiliation, I could do that."

She sat back against the couch, her mind reeling with the possibilities and implications of his words, and something he'd said earlier, just before giving her the antidote, came unbidden to her mind.

Wouldn't it be more meaningful if you were able to tell me all this when you were your regular self?

"Do you… do you want me to forget?"

He started at her question, caught off guard, but she couldn't read the rapid succession of emotions that flitted across his face.

"I don't think it should matter," he said at last. "It's your decision, because after all, you're the only one who can decide if you can or can't live with the knowledge of what you did today. I shouldn't have any influence over it."

His words warmed her heart curiously and she gave him a small smile that made him blink.

"When did you get so smart, Neutron?"

He grinned, a bit of his old cockiness shining through the subdued mask he'd been wearing for the duration of their conversation. "I'm the boy genius, remember?"

"How could I forget?" she said, but her smile soon dropped and she bit her lip.

"I don't know, Jimmy," she said after a moment of deliberation. "That would certainly make my life a whole lot easier, I have to admit, but…" She met his gaze to find him watching her seriously. Her heart practically leapt into her throat at that, and she shook her head slightly.

"I don't want to forget."

"Really?" he replied, his voice slightly hoarse, and she looked away. "Why? You just revealed something that you've kept hidden, something that you most likely weren't ever going to reveal. Why wouldn't you jump at this chance to hit the reset button, so to speak?"

"Because this is life, dummy," she shot back at him, her eyes flashing slightly with growing anger. "There is no reset button on life. When you do something embarrassing you have to deal with it; the same goes for everything else for that matter. You can't take things back, and to be able to do otherwise, like making everyone forget, would be cheating. I'd be a coward if I let you erase my memory, Jimmy, because it would mean that I'm not strong enough of a person to live with the consequences of my actions."

"But you were under the influences of an alien drug, Cindy," he countered, though he did seem slightly unnerved by her words. It made her wonder… had he ever erased her memory before? She had no way of knowing, unfortunately… "I'd say you've got the right to demand a reset."

"You want me to forget, don't you?" she snapped, unable to keep a handle on the anger bubbling up from within her, and he gave her an exasperated look that made her blink.

"Cindy, think about it," he retorted. "Even if I made you and everyone else forget what had happened, I would still remember, right?" She blinked a second time.

"Then why bother erasing my memory at all?" she muttered, though loud enough for him to hear. "If it wouldn't change the fact that you still know that I…" she trailed off as a faint blush spread across his face and he looked away hastily. She coughed, casting around quickly for a different track to take.

"Do you have any other suggestions for a solution?" she said at last, and he shrugged, still not looking at her.

"I kind of already had Libby tell everyone that you two really were just playing a joke on me," he said, his gaze finally coming to rest on something off to her left. "So I guess in a way there's nothing to fix, because no one will think anything of this event in a few weeks."

"Then what are we doing up this late at night?" she asked and his jaw clenched slightly. "Why are you throwing rocks at my window so you can talk to me when we've pretty much got a solution?"

"Why?" he blurted out suddenly, much as she had done earlier. She blinked, unable to comprehend his meaning, and felt her eyes widen slightly when his gaze snapped to her. The sheer intensity and combination of emotions behind the look he'd fixed her with sent her reeling all over again; helplessness, confusion, aggravation, as well as a host of others all swam in his shockingly blue orbs.

"What…?" she managed, finding it difficult to collect her thoughts after his gaze had scattered them. "I don't…"

"Why me? Of all the people to be secretly in love with, why me?" he asked, his voice rising a little in volume as he spoke. "I mean, you fight with me on a constant basis, tease me beyond endurance, embarrass me beyond the point of reason, and just all around hate my very being!" Helplessness became the predominant emotion present, echoing in his expression as well as his words. "How could you do that, continuing day in and day out, and yet deep down…"

He trailed off with a shake of his head, dropping his gaze to the floor and hanging his head heavily. Cindy fought the urge to sigh as she brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she did so.

"I'll never understand girls," he muttered, resting his elbows on his thighs and pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes.

"I already answered your question about why I could be secretly in lo…lo…love with you," she said, forcing the word from her tongue. She might as well get used to saying it, and she'd had no problems with it earlier… "But as for why I could be so mean to you and yet harbor those kinds of feelings? Well…" She sighed again and watched him slowly lift his gaze up to her.

"Think about it, Jimmy," she said softly, working hard to keep her eyes upon him. "I was afraid."

"Of what?" he asked almost instantly, disbelief shining through the multitude of emotions crowding his face. "You're never scared of anything."

"There's one thing almost everyone is afraid of," she said as she met his gaze, almost trying to will him the answer as she clutched her knees more tightly. They waited in silence for a moment, until she finally spoke again.

"And that's rejection."

She let her sentence hang in the air and she dropped his gaze, catching on a brief glance of the realization that dawned upon his features. She could hear him sit back, as his chair emitted a faint squeak when he did so, and then silence reigned once again.

"I have a question for you," she asked finally, feeling his gaze upon her steadily. "I want to know one more thing before we inevitably decide to go back to hating each other."

"You sound like you already know the answer," he said, a touch of mirth to his words, but she refused to look at him.

"And you sound like you know the question," she retorted and heard him sigh faintly.

"Maybe," he said. "Why don't you ask it already?"

She drew a deep breath for courage. "I want to know your real reaction to all this. After the shock, the desire to get me back into my right mind, and all that." She lifted her gaze steadily, fighting to keep it so, and eventually looked him in the eye. "I want to know… how you feel about me."

Their gazes remained locked for as long as the two could keep them there, anticipation making Cindy's heart pound. She felt like her entire body was tingling, her blood pulsing through her ears, and her swallow seemed unnaturally loud. Jimmy was impossibly still, as though her mere question had rendered his muscles useless, but emotion after emotion zipped through his eyes as they softened and hardened repeatedly.

"I don't know," he said at last, squeezing his eyes shut and hiding her only window into his feelings. "This day has been insane, Cindy, and I really don't know what to say to that."

"You could at least try!" she snapped, unable to keep the anger from her voice. "What kind of answer is that, anyway?"

"It's the truth!" he snapped back. "For the love of Tesla, Cindy, I don't know how I feel! Everyone's been asking me that today. You, May… it's been nagging at me ever since you first said anything, but I can't seem to come to a logical conclusion!"

She held up a hand to stall any further protestations and he shut his mouth slowly, breathing through his nose in exasperation. His brow knit into a deep frown and she uncoiled herself from the couch to stand.

Courage, Vortex, she counseled herself as she took a few tentative steps towards him. You're never going to get a straight answer if you back down now!

"Then let me pose the question a different way," she said, watching the exasperation fade from his eyes slightly as he sat back to listen to what she had to say. "What was your initial reaction when I kissed you earlier?"

He froze for the second time and she fought to keep from blushing. He finally shook himself from the stupor and looked at her nervously, shifting a little in his chair when she took another few steps towards him.

"You mean after the shock wore off?" he asked and she almost quirked an eyebrow.

"Yeah."

He grimaced at that and shut his eyes again before muttering something.

"What?"

He opened his eyes to glare at her, as if she were deliberately trying to make him repeat himself. "I said, cartwheels."

Cindy blinked at him, confusion making her stop in her tracks, and he grimaced again before looking away.

"So what does that mean, exactly?"

"It means I felt like doing cartwheels."

Cindy allowed a small smile to bloom on her face; he still wasn't looking at her, but she could see the faint blush spreading across his cheeks. She drew yet another deep breath for courage and closed the distance between them, leaning over slightly so she could meet his downward gaze.

"Humor me one last time," she said and he looked at her. "Stand up, okay?" He frowned but did as he was asked, and stood before her nervously, his hands wrestling with themselves discretely.

"What are you…?"

Before he could finish, she'd wrapped her arms around him and tugged him into an embrace.

He stiffened instantly, as well as uttering a cry of surprise, but when she refused to let go, he began to relax by degrees, until he was actually returning her hug. She felt a flutter of euphoria as she lightly rested her cheek on his shoulder, and he mimicked her move as his grip tightened slightly.

"So now what do you feel?" she asked softly and both felt and heard him utter a low murmur of thought.

"Warm…" he said at last.

"Happy," he added a moment later, and she pulled away slightly so that she could see his face. "But this doesn't…"

He looked so torn that she couldn't help but hug him again, this time tightening her grip enough to make him utter a soft exclamation.

"Quit trying to rationalize your heart, Jimmy," she told him and felt him sigh. She finally let him go, stepping away a little and letting him fall back into his chair. "It'll only cause you trouble."

It'll only cause you trouble...

Jimmy didn't respond, but merely sat and stared off into space, his eyes glazed over with introspection. He let her words roll around in his head as he fought to work through the slew of emotions he suddenly felt. Alarm… that was one of the major ones. But so was that giddy one, the same one that made him feel as though he were floating, or that he should be leaping around and doing cartwheels, or something. It didn't matter what, he supposed, so long as he was doing an action to work off the strange surge of energy.

And at the moment, the giddy one was winning out…

I was right, he thought pensively. I didn't want to admit it, but it seems that against all rational logic I've fallen for Cindy Vortex... the same girl who makes my life absolutely miserable.

But did she really? A traitorous part of his mind began to counter his previous statement, flooding him with the rush he felt every time they sparred mentally. He hadn't realized it, but he really did enjoy arguing with her, as she was the only one who could begin to understand topics he brought up, or rival him in the realm of knowledge.

She was an equal, really, and deep down he'd always respected and admired her for it. It also made him glad, he realized, that he wasn't the only intelligent one in the class, because it gave him a challenge every day and thus something to work for.

Ask yourself this, Neutron, the same part of his mind whispered. What would you do without her? What would you do if she suddenly up and left, vanishing from your life forever?

He felt a strange pang of fear at that, yet it was tinged with a strange longing sorrow. He'd miss her, he realized; he'd miss her more than he'd ever imagined possible. If she left… things wouldn't be right. He couldn't imagine a normal school day without her or having any adventures that were as crazy as the ones he seemed to have when she and Libby tagged along. Those ones also happened to be the most fun…

"Jimmy?"

Her voice called him back to the present and he found her watching him, her face the picture of concern. What a change it was, to see her show something aside from contempt, to finally see beyond all her carefully contrived masks and find someone, well, normal. Part of him had always known that the nicer side to her did exist, having been treated to its rare appearances a few times, but he'd never consciously acknowledged that it indeed was her real personality.

"Are you going to stare at me all day or are you going to answer my question?"

He blinked, shaking himself from the stupor that had befallen him. "You asked me a question?"

"Yeah, and if you had been paying attention, you would've heard me," she said, though he noticed that her words held none of their usual animosity; instead, they were feathery and actually jovial. She was teasing him, he realized, lightly teasing him.

Like she would with one of her good friends…

"And… you're not listening again," she said, her tone still light, and he blinked for the second time. Was he really that out of it? "I guess I've destroyed all normal thought, haven't I?"

"Hm."

She laughed at that; it was a soft, musical lilting that made his insides do a funny flip, which was something they'd never, ever done before. Normally when Cindy laughed, he was either steaming with anger or willing a hole to open up and swallow him to save him from the embarrassment he felt. He didn't start to feel inklings of happiness or the warmth that accompanied it… and if he hadn't known otherwise, he would've sworn there was something terribly wrong with him.

It's true then.

"So are you going to tell me what's on your mind all of a sudden?" she asked, and he was almost positive he'd detected faint traces of apprehension in her tone, but he was most likely wrong. What on earth would she have to be afraid of?

It's not the effect of any kind of chemical, as I wasn't working with anything that might cause anything remotely like this.

"So I… l… l… like you," he stuttered out softly, finally finding his voice, and focused on a point below his feet curiously. He missed the way her face brightened at his words, being as engrossed with the floor as he was. "It defies all logic, but it's the only conclusion I can draw."

"Is it really such a bad thing?" she snapped suddenly, making him frown up at her in confusion. Hadn't that been what she'd wanted to hear all night? "You say it as though you don't want to like me."

"That's not true." The words had slipped from him before he'd realized it, and he shut his mouth from the shock he felt. Where had that one come from?

"It… isn't?" He could almost hear the hope shimmering in her words and found that she was watching him, leaning forwards slightly as she did so, her eyes holding a distinctly expectant gleam.

"I… well, it's just going to take me a while to get used to this," he said and she leaned back on her heels, her expression altering to one of quiet thought. "I mean, think about it. What would you do if you were in my shoes?"

"I was in your shoes once, remember?" she chided gently and his mind flew back to the incident with the love pheromone. "And I tried to take everything in stride then."

As Jimmy considered that previous incident, some part of him felt that he'd been handed a missing key of sorts. A strange feeling had nagged dimly at him then, and he'd simply brushed it aside until finally forgetting about it. But now that he could take the memory out into the open again, things abruptly clicked. He'd always slightly wondered why Cindy would even agree to meet with him, or would act as though she really did want to be his valentine, and now that he knew the truth…

It must've been horrible for her, he thought absently, recalling the way he'd forced her from the lab. To finally have part of your dream come true, only to have it snatched away. No wonder she was especially vicious during those following weeks...

"So it seems we're back to square one," he said and watched as she bit her lip.

"Only this time the question is, what do we do know that we now we both l…like each other?" She was getting better at saying it, he had to admit.

"Yeah."

She sighed at that and began pacing a little, tapping her fingers against her upper arm in thought. He watched her as she traced a tight circle with her steps, her hair reflecting the artificial lights of his lab and her eyes glossed over as she trained them inwardly. He sat back in his chair, not daring to interrupt her contemplation, and merely waited for her answer as patiently as he could.

Heaven knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until some kind of solution was reached and all loose ends were tied off… he'd learned that lesson the hard way.

A mind can really be a treacherous thing, he mused as Cindy completed yet another circle. He'd been working hard at sleep, really he had, but for some reason his thoughts wouldn't quit racing. Nor would they leave off the image of her face, from when he'd seen her in the Ojufemi's living room, with the sun haloing her hair and her skin glowing from the smile she'd graced him with. She really was rather pretty…

Beautiful, you mean.

He sighed a little, but didn't have the energy to argue, so he contented himself by resting his chin in his hand and watching Cindy wear a path in the cement of the floor.

"You come to a conclusion yet?" he asked, unable to keep silent any longer, and she quit walking to shrug slightly.

"Well, that you were right, and that this is going to take some getting used to," she said, emitting a sigh of her own. "I mean, we can't just start acting like a couple, because not only would that cause reactions I doubt we want to deal with, but we haven't even really been friends." She was chewing on the inside of her cheek, he realized, as well as tapping her foot impatiently. "We've been too busy hating each other to do anything else."

"So you're suggesting that we get to know each other a little better?" he asked, starting to wrap his mind around a few ideas of his own.

"Pretty much," she said. "I mean, some might consider us friends, but…" She sighed again, rubbing her eyes in frustration. "Friends would be able to hang out without fighting over stupid things the way we do."

"True," he said, nodding slightly in agreement. "So what else were you thinking? Getting to know each other wise."

"I hadn't gotten that far," she said before looking at him. "You sound like you've already got some ideas going."

"Maybe," he answered before picking at the fabric of his chair absently. "I was thinking… that I wouldn't mind if you wanted to help me with some experiments… but I can understand if you don't want to. I mean-"

"I'd like that," she said, cutting him off, and he blinked when he found that she was smiling slightly. "That's a good idea, and I think I might have another one." He looked at her expectantly and her smile widened a little. "Would you be opposed to coming to some of my T'ai Chi classes with me? It's really an all-level session and the instructors are great. I think you'd enjoy it."

"Sure," he said easily. "I've been kind of wanting to do something like that anyway…" She was beaming now, in a way that made his heart rate quicken. "But you don't have the right to tease me when I screw up, all right?"

"The same goes for you, Mr. Genius," she retorted lightly. "Don't expect me to be much help with your experiments, and don't act all superior when I ask about something I don't understand, okay?"

"You've got yourself a deal," he said, unable to stop the grin that slid onto his face as he extended his hand. She took it and shook it lightly before hugging him shyly. It was a nice change, he admitted, from the death squeeze he'd been subjected to over the day.

"Think you'll be able to sleep now?" she asked as she pulled away, leaving him feeling strangely cold.

"If not, I'll have Goddard knock me out," he said and was rewarded with a light giggle. "Shall I walk you home?" he added after a moment and earned himself another bright smile.

"How could I possibly refuse?"

He smiled at that as they began to walk from his lab, and after a moment's hesitation, he slipped his hand in hers. She glanced at him in surprise, but happiness shone in her eyes, and she squeezed his hand gently, twining her fingers through his. He returned the squeeze, and though he felt awkward, the giddy feeling was back, lightening his steps and making sheer joy bubble up within him.

So this is bliss...

Wahoo! I know, not too fluffy, but I'm trying to strike a balance with my perpetually realistic side and my hopelessly romantic one. They are just children after all, and last time I checked, twelve-year-olds weren't having giant make out sessions. Some might, but Jimmy and Cindy just don't strike me as the type, so I tried my hardest to make it warm and fuzzy and yet true to the characters at the same time. Hopefully I did them justice…

I've got a short little epilogue in mind… let's see if it ever works its way out of me! Review, and I'll love you forever!