Summary, Warnings, and Disclaimer: /looks worried/ Well, I don't own the Apocalypse, but I wonder if I might have just set it off by getting these guys together… Erm, right, warnings… Relena-torture. And some actual plot. PH3AR TH3 PLOT!
/…/ Duo to Shin
/:…:/ Shin to Duo
… Ryou to Bakura
:…: Bakura to Ryou
… Yugi to Yami
:…: Yami to Yugi
Well, I learned to love myself,
And I don't need no one else,
And when a love moves on
'Cause it gets cold,
And another moves in and fills the hole
I'm one more hopeful lyin'
On the bedroom floor, no sense tryin'-
And when the whole thing drops
You lose your nerve,
I HOPE YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!
-Matchbox 20, "Sad and Lonely
Relena hummed happily to herself as her chauffeur pulled up next to the nice two-story house where her detectives promised her true love waited. With a brilliant smile, she kissed dear old Thomas on the cheek, and stepped out of the limo.
As they changed for P.E. in the boys' locker room, Quatre brushed a hand over his heart.
"Hey, Trowa?" he asked, turning to his partner. "Have you ever gotten the feeling that you're missing out on something really interesting?"
When Shinigami went to see who had arrived, and then came tearing back into the living room at a speed that put the F-49 (1) to shame, the last thing Bakura expected him to be doing was grinning wildly. Shouting that the Apocalypse had come, perhaps, judging by his sheer velocity, but not grinning like a pyromaniac who had just been given a barrel of napalm for his birthday.
"What's going on?" the albino asked warily.
If that was possible, the grin grew even wider. "Relena's here," the yami said simply, leaning back against the doorway.
Heero blanched, rising from his couch. "Then why are you smiling?" he asked with a glare.
Shin didn't say anything, but the grin just got bigger and bigger. The Japanese boy finally nodded in understanding as two fangs gleamed in the sunlight streaming through the window.
He smirked. "Do it."
The American sprang into action, grabbing Heero by the arm and pulling him over to the couch where Duo lay watching in bemusement. Gently lifting his light's head, Shin pointed at the space left empty with a silent order. As Heero sat down in the indicated spot, the yami carefully set his hikari down, just as the doorbell rang.
"What are you doing?" Bakura asked as his own arm was grabbed, and he was propelled towards the hallway.
"Setting the stage." The grin had faded, leaving only a look of intense concentration. "Now, go answer the door, would ya? She can't see me… yet." Bakura moved to obey, as Shin tossed him an anticipatory smirk and practically bounced from the room.
Relena looked up with a hundred-watt smile as the door opened, only to have the smile falter as the boy who answered the door turned out to be a complete stranger. "Er… hello. Um, is Heero here?" she asked, her confidence withering under the steady gaze of eyes the precise color of dried blood. "Or… is this the wrong house?"
If it was, she was going to- okay, not kill, because killing was bad, but at least make her detectives very, very sorry for being wrong.
The boy studied her for a few more seconds, face impassive, before speaking. "Are you Relena?" he asked, and she nearly jumped in surprise at the soft British accent.
"Y-yes?" Relena winced as her answer came out as a question.
He nodded, stark-white bangs falling over his eyes, and stepped away from the door. "Please, come in."
The pacifist hesitated, but eventually stepped inside, feeling oddly like a little girl who has just amused her elders. She flinched as the door closed quietly behind her, and lengthened her stride in an attempt to get away from the creepy boy.
If she'd noticed the predatory grin on the albino's face as he followed her down the hallway, she would have been far less at ease.
Ahead, light streamed out of what the architectural plans said was the living room and into the dark hallway. Putting a bright smile on her face, she stepped through the doorway, expecting her love to be waiting for her on the couch, or perhaps rising to greet her with a smile of his own.
Well, he was sitting on the couch, but he didn't look happy to see her. And-…
She saw red. "Maxwell, what the hell do you think you're doing?" she asked the horrible American in a hiss, as she saw his head lying in her Heero's lap.
He blinked, looking at her with those exotic amethyst eyes she hated so much. "I honestly don't know, though I imagine I'm about to find out," he replied mildly.
The momentary flash of surprise at his out-of-character behavior fell away beneath a wave of indignation. "Look, you little-" Relena was cut off as a hand tapped her on the shoulder and she turned around.
"Now, princess, I can't have ya insultin' my hikari, now can I? At least, not without some severe… repercussions," the apparition said with a cheerful smile, one that incidentally revealed two gleaming fangs. The crimson eyes seemed to glower balefully at her as Duo Maxwell's doppelganger cocked his head to the side. "So cut it out, why doncha."
At that point, Relena Darlian Peacecraft, Prime Minister of the Earth Alliance, chose what was likely the most intelligent course of action to take.
She fainted.
For a few moments, all the gathered company did was stare at the crumpled pile of pink, frilly clothes and limbs. Then, the titters started. Then the chuckling. And finally, the sheer, gut-wrenching laughter of those who are truly enjoying themselves.
"Did… you… see… the look on her face?" Shin gasped out, leaning back against the wall, and sliding to the floor as his laughter-weakened muscles proved unable to hold him up.
"You mean the 'I've-died-and-gone-to-Hell-and-the-Devil-hates-pastels' one?" Bakura asked, sinking into his chair. "Who could have fucking missed that? It was priceless!"
Duo listened to their triumphant crowing, trying in vain to hold in the giggles that simmered behind his lips. Above him, a residual grin of true enjoyment still creased Heero's face, and the hikari was struck by the sudden thought that he really should smile more often. It made him look so much less… remote. Aloof. Untouchable…
The American didn't quite frown, though a puzzled crease appeared between his brows. The draining he'd received at the hands… well, tendrils… of the Shadow Magic must have been affecting him more than he'd believed. His mind drifted away, tugging at the strands of the perplexing Gordian knot that had inspired that opinion.
Elsewhere in the room, a still-snickering Shinigami knelt next to the swooning princess and lifted her to her unresponsive feet. He started to drag her in the general direction of the front door, and quickly found the cure for his laughter as he needed all his breath to move her even a few feet. "A little help here?" he wheezed. "Miss Prissy-in-Pink could stand ta lose a few pounds..."
Bakura sniggered, rising out of the chair he had only just sat down in. "Miss Prissy-in-Pink?!" he asked incredulously, grabbing one arm and looping it around his shoulder.
Shin shrugged unselfconsciously. "Hey, it was the first thing that came to mind that wouldn't make Kitty-Quat angry."
"The little blonde kid?" Bakura frowned. "But he isn't here."
The other yami snorted. "Oh, trust me, he'll find out somehow. He has his ways…"
The albino chuckled as they stopped at the front door. He let the girl slip to the floor for a few seconds as he opened it, and together they manhandled the unconscious body down the walk. Shin winced as he caught sight of the brilliantly pink stretch limo in the drive. Leaving Relena with Bakura for the moment, he walked around the car and knocked on the driver's window.
The window rolled smoothly down, revealing a wrinkled, white-haired black man. "Yes?" he asked in a quavering voice. "Can I help you, young man?"
The braided boy smiled nervously. "Well, I'm afraid Miss Peacecraft was… overcome by emotion, and fainted. Could ya perhaps take her home, maybe make sure a doctor sees her? Just to make sure she's all right, of course."
"Oh, dear, not again…" The old man, Thomas, by his embroidered nametag, sighed. "I'm afraid this happens quite a lot. The poor child is so high-strung…"
Shin nodded quickly, running with the opening. "I know what ya mean. She really should settle down before she hurts herself." Or forces someone else to hurt her, he added mentally.
Pleased by their understanding, the chauffeur was happy to help them load Relena's dead weight into the limousine.
Nearly forty-eight hours after the raid, Commander Damon was pleased to find everything going smoothly. All families of the deceased had been notified, replacements for the equipment that had been destroyed had been requisitioned, and the cover story that the rebel terrorists were responsible for the destruction of the historic house was circulating nicely.
With a happy sigh, he straightened the pile of papers on his desk. There really was nothing better than a job well done…
Commander Damon, please report to the briefing room, the intercom blared tinnily in his ear, and the man winced. He really needed to remember to get that damn speaker fixed someday. He stood as the cool voice repeated the announcement, and stepped out of his office, locking the door behind him.
Entombed deep within the drawer of his desk, the Sennen Eye glowed faintly in the darkness. Soon, its time would come, but until then… it could be patient, and wait as it was- safe, hidden, and most of all, forgotten…
(1) The F-49 was the last true fighter jet ever built by the American military before the mobile suit design became preferred for warfare in A.C. 161. It could reach speeds of Mach 5, and possibly beyond, but it was impossible to test due to the limited endurance of its human pilot.
A/N: /sinks into a gooey puddle on the floor/ Oh, thank Allah… it's finished…
Not quite. You still need to do review responses…/looks up at the clock/ Damn! There isn't time… Sorry, I'm writing this in study hall, sort of, and class is almost over, so I guess you'll be getting this sometime Sunday…
Review Responses:
Our thanks to: cheerful-pinkstar; HANDHELD Uber Rei Model 05; Hn; Kaaera; Kaori; Kara Crane; Ravensblack; and Silver Thorns, A Bloody Rose.
AlterEthereal: /looks innocent/ Sadistic? Me? I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about…
/chuckles/ Ah, yes, the cuteness… Yet another reason for fanfiction. In what other universe could our dear Hee-chan be cute?
Crysania Fay: /cocks head to the side/ Is that better? You do realize I would never bring that shirigawa onna in if I was going to do anything but torture her, right?
Hikaru: /is sympathetic about the computer/
Are the 1x2 bits getting better?
Shino Ryu: /eyes glaze over/ Yesss, masssterrr…
Skeren Dreamera: /grins as a whip cracks in the background/
Triste Nanashi: /winces/ You have my sympathies, friend… I thank God every day that my school is still relatively prep-free.
So, was the Relena-torture up to your expectations? Don't worry, it isn't over yet.
Ultra Rodimus: /eyes gleam/ Ah, yes, the I-Hate-Relena club…
And thank you so much for the info on the cards. I think I'm going to wait to start that story until after I finish this one, though.
/brightens/ Hey! It's Halloween! Happy Halloween, y'all! /grins/ 'Scuse me, I need to go put my Duo costume on… Yes, I really am going as Duo-kun. And the costume I put together is pretty damn good, if I say so myself. The only wrong with it is that Duo's a midget, and when I put on the boots, I'm standing at about six feet… /sweatdrops/ Anyway, jaa ne! Enjoy the candy!
31 October 2004