Thanks to all my reviewers: KellyRoxton (like the intern in the maternity ward, will deliver again soon : ) duj (Bless you! I do try : )Marie (all the chocolate in Belgium has your name on it when I take over the world or at least Belgium : ) BedtimeStory(I would hate to make you wait and will do all I can so you won't : ) toostupidforyou (You are too good to me : ) Miss Fytt (is always welcome at my hearth : ) CareBearErin (How do you feel about virtual Stoly? See below as well. : ) gal-from-the-'hood (Ah hah! I knew someone would want one! Have another froggy : ) Bene Gesserit Witch (I'd rather be audited than to disappoint you. Nothing to do with spiky thimbles and nasty pain box either. : ) me (Thanks! Will do: ) little beloved ( Thanks! I like slow build for Hermione too. Few writers can do justice otherwise. : ) moonfairy (meep! No help for it. I'm just blushing now. : ) Mari Skyrin-Sarker ( I do agree! Thanks: )

Seriously I don't know what to do with all your excessive kindness. Someone say something really horrible please! I'm trying to get the next chapter up ASAP just for you before I start getting bogged down in holly days, or dolly haze if one has tots or is one or both. Can't promise more than one until January but I'll do my best.

Special thanks to CareBearErin for catching a mistake and helping me evict a rogue chocolatier from the hallowed grounds of Hogwarts.

Discovering the Hidden Heart

Part Eight

Inedible Fruits of Knowledge

In a place nearly unknown for fair weather the season would be recorded in local memory as being curiously un-Scots. Tuesday was perhaps the most deliriously perfect day Hogwarts had seen in its long history. Though she hadn't so much as glanced out of a window, Hermione wasn't the least bit surprised when McGonagall announced all classes canceled yet again. After breakfast, she packed herself off to the Room of Requirement determined to make the day productive by finishing her paper on their new spell.

When Hermione entered the room she found a lovely old writing desk complete with a comfortable chair next to a roaring fire. On the back of the chair was a lap throw of the softest alpaca. In the corner stood a bookshelf filled with a stunning array of useful texts including Wizarding and Muggle dictionaries, a historical biography of Salazar Slytherin, a how-to for writing academic papers, and a reference book on origin spells. On the table near the desk was a bowl of fresh fruit, a jug of milk, and a steaming teapot.

A thought hit her with the force of a punch. She had spent seven years at Hogwarts and hardly any time at all in this miraculous room! How could she have wasted so many opportunities to do so?

Then there was Snape. She realized she would miss him more than any of her other professors or her remaining classmates while having hardly scratched the surface when it came to getting to know him. She had always accused other students of wasting their time. How much time had she wasted at Hogwarts rereading the same books, making busy work for herself, or putting in extra hours far beyond the calling of Head Girl? Why? So no one could fault the choice of a Muggle-born for the position? It didn't matter if that was what she had always told herself. She didn't believe her own lies anymore. The truth was she used needing to prove herself as a Muggle-born as a convenient excuse for indulging her obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Who else counted the steps from one classroom to another? Who reread books? Who studied pages of notes they could recite word for bloody word? Who always set a quill in the same place every time, or anything, any number of other items? Who needed things just so?

Hermione was tired of herself. She was sick of her peace of mind rituals, her pointless study routines, and her meaningless rationalizations. She was fed up ordering the world around her knowledge of it. She was exhausted being who people thought she was, which was who she had convinced herself she ought to be. She didn't want to change the world! She didn't need to free the House Elves! She didn't even feel compelled to set a good example for the first years anymore!

What did she want? Well, what did she want other than being locked up with Snape in a library teetering somewhere on the edge of nowhere? Perhaps not any library- certainly Hogwarts library wouldn't do. This room or his office or anywhere for that matter so long as it was cut off from other people like an island and had access to plenty of books that she hadn't read.

It wasn't about Snape not Snape particularly. It wasn't as if she were in love with him or anything. He just happened to be the only company she could bear being around lately. That was a lie. She really enjoyed his company. She didn't care for her company own anymore. Crookshanks had become some strange cat she hardly recognized. He was only tolerable because he slept so much of the time.

Maybe she did have a bit of a crush on Snape. Maybe he knew it, too. Perhaps the whole school knew. It would be so typical for her to have a crush and be the last person at Hogwarts to hear about it.

He did have interesting lips. They looked too cruel to kiss and too sensual not to kiss. Thoughts of kissing him or him kissing her caused her body to respond. Since when did sexual fantasies have anything to do with her life though? She never fantasized about Ron. He was too- predictable. The thought of touching Snape and being caressed by those long, meticulous, elegant fingers- seducing and being seduced-

All right, so she did have some kind of school girl crush on a teacher who happened to be Snape for Gods' sakes! What could be more normal than having a crush on a teacher? Wasn't everyone supposed to crush on a teacher at one time or another? Muggles write songs about it.

He was also a spy and a war hero. Gods! He was a completely acceptable romantic figure! There was nothing at all the least bit odd about her body responding sexually just thinking about him. Snape might not be handsome in the conventional sense. That didn't bother her. Draco Malfoy was the human version of a monopole magnet known to attract the most sensible of women as well as the straightest of men. She didn't even want to think about his father. Malfoys made Veelas drool. They also made her an orphan, worshipped Voldemort, and killed Harry. So much for the goodness of beauty!

Snape was brave, brilliant, and mysterious. She didn't have any real feelings for him beyond friendship and this inexplicable physical attraction. Perhaps that was enough. Maybe it could turn into more. Maybe she didn't need more. Surely there were worse reasons for starting sexual relationships than companionship and attraction. They seemed to be getting along well enough. She had no idea whether she held any appeal for him at all. She knew she fell closer to sex goddess than mountain troll, well, who didn't? She didn't really think her looks would be a deciding factor for Snape. He just didn't seem that shallow. She suspected she might attract Snape with her mind while repulsing him with her age and student status. Perhaps after she graduated she could convince him that her youth was not her fault.

She wanted him. Less than a month from now he would not be her professor. If she wanted him now, she'd want him more after three weeks of thinking about him.

Where did that leave her? Was she going to be Miss Granger throw herself at Occlumency and N.E.W.T.s instead and do nothing to satisfy her more physical desires? Or was she going to be Hermione ever willing to give her all but tired of never getting what she wanted in return, in this case a solid fantasy lover of her very own.

Hermione couldn't change the past. She could make the most of the time she had left here. Perhaps she could even keep one of her requirements after she left this room and Hogwarts too for that matter. She fixed herself a cup of tea then settled in to complete her paper. The fruit and tea kept her content enough to skip lunch. When she emerged an hour before dinner she had a clean copy of her final draft tucked away in her book bag and a new agenda for her future at Hogwarts and beyond.

Before heading back to her room she went to the Owlery. She gave her paper to Hedwig to deliver to Snape. She showered and dressed, put Snape's book in her bag, took dinner in the Great Hall, and then read a while in the Room of Requirement before meeting Snape.

When he opened the door his hair looked exactly the same as it had every time she had ever seen him except for last night. Perhaps he washed it all the time. Now wasn't that disappointing? She rather had liked the idea that he'd gone to trouble with his appearance just for her. Then again perhaps it would be clean again tonight if she only had said something nice about it last night.

"Come in, Miss Granger. I have not had the opportunity to read your paper. I do have a copy of mine which you may take with you."

"I'll read it tonight, sir. I have your book. Thank you letting me borrow it. I took your suggestion and spent some time in the Room of Requirement today."

"Is that why you were not at lunch?"

"I had some fruit for lunch. Apparently it was what I required."

"Nothing red I take it?"

"Just oranges, white grapes, and bananas."

"Did you find any good reading?"

"Lots. It was a brilliant idea on your part."

"I do have them occasionally. However, since you cannot take the books that you find there you may borrow another from me if you would like one to read in your room."

"I'd really appreciate it. I want to part ways with my own books. I know them all by heart. A lot of them are Muggle books. All of them are good reading at the first twenty times or so. I'd like you to have them. Consider them a thank you gift."

"You should keep your books."

"You can always give them away if you don't want to keep them."

"Miss Granger, what color is Blood-Replenishing Potion?"

"Red, sir."

"What color is Heart-Strengthening Solution?"

"That's red also sir. Scarlet red."

"What color is the antidote for Aegean Lap Dragon venom?

"Dark red, sir. I do see where this is going."

"I can help you. If you'll let me I'll consider that my gift for what ever it is you are thanking me."

"You are going to try to make me eat something red, aren't you?"

"It seems the simplest solution."

Snape gestured to a silver covered serving plate sitting beside the tea service. It levitated to the table between them.

"Please don't do this."

"Miss Granger your aversion to ingesting a single color is ridiculous and unhealthy."

"You said this would pass with time!"

"I gave you time."

"What? A few days?"

"I call that generous compared to the time it takes to chew and swallow."

"What's under that lid?"

"Raw beef."

"You can't be serious!"

"What if an enemy captured you and threw nothing but raw beef into your cell?"

"I find your hypothetical situation highly unlikely, sir."

"If I were to lock you up and feed you nothing but raw beef?"

"You wouldn't."

"Now we are getting somewhere. Saying that I would not is tantamount to agreeing that I could."

"I never said that you couldn't or that your first scenario was impossible. I merely said it was unlikely which it is."

"What is the likelihood of you requiring one of the over three thousand known medicinal potions all red in color over the course of your remaining lifetime?"

"I don't need your help with this."

"If you were going to overcome this problem yourself you would have done so by now."

"What incentive could you possibly give me to eat raw meat?"

"Occlumency training."

"You spoke to Minerva?"

"Indeed, I let it be known to her how much you irritated me by keeping me out of your mind while managing to access my own. If you were not her very favorite before her hearing that you are now. I absolutely refused to tutor you further. So of course Minerva now agrees with us that you should receive as many lessons as you would like."

"Thank you."

"You can thank me right now, Miss Granger. Incidently, I could waste your time in our lessons or?"

"I can eat raw meat?"

"Top marks."

"What? No points for Gryffindor?"

"You are afraid to eat red food and dare call yourself a Gryffindor?"

"Fear has got nothing to do with this, neither does getting sorted into Gryffindor."

"What is the color of your House?"

"Coincidentally, red. You do something really decent for me and then turn it into blackmail trying to coerce me to do something else I would find completely disgusting even without my aversion, all for my own good. What do you call that? Slytherin charity?"

"Thankfully there is no such concept. This might be considered an example of Slytherin friendship."

"You intend to use me? For what may I ask?"

"I am already using you. You have become my confidant and willing Potions assistant. Do you play chess? Forgive me for trying to get all the use I can out of you but our time is short."

"This all started as Slytherin repayment of debt. Didn't it?"

"Again, my friendship is poor payment for your relationship with Mr. Weasley but I am all I have to offer."

"In your misfortune of being in my debt you found opportunity?"

"And have exploited it to my benefit."

"Concerning your hypothetical situation I still don't see how it could possibly matter to Salazar whether I eat raw meat or starve to death in the cell of my enemy or here in your office for that matter since I would die of starvation about the same time that I graduate. I'm glad it matters to you, sir. You never owed me anything but can consider any debt you felt you owed me repaid in full and then some by your friendship which I value far too much to end just because I leave school. The benefits that come from befriending a Gryffindor are freely given so exploit away if it makes you feel like a better Slytherin. Furthermore, as much as I might like to thank you I find I can not at this time do so by eating your meat not even for Occlumency, Professor."

She could almost see her last words replaying in his head.

Snape continued to stare at her a while, then reached over and lifted the silver lid. "Strawberry?" The scent diffused into the room. Hermione closed her eyes. She could have been sitting in a field of them, though there were only five, ripe, perfect, and oh so very red, and placed on the plate stems inward forming a star on the dish. She reached out and took one.

She had never so closely studied a strawberry before. This particular strawberry, symmetrical with smooth planes tapering into a dull point, very much resembled the head of a snake. Even its delicate skin peppered with achenes conveyed an impression of snake scales. Once that image took hold in her mind she imagined the snake's eyes open and its forked tongue darting out to taste her in the air around it. It didn't move. It did not look at her or taste the air. This was only the bloody head of a decapitated snake, part of her mind supplied.

"Even a severed head may inflict a deadly bite, " she whispered to herself.

She tossed it away into the hearth shaking and gasping for breath. She looked down at her bloody hands. She smelled the battlefield. She felt as cold as death. Snape was there crouched down and talking to her. She could hear the soothing tone of his voice distantly. She couldn't decipher his words though. They were just sounds that seemed to have no associated meaning. She looked down again. He was holding both her hands despite all the blood on them. His hands were warm. He was warm, so very warm. She withdrew her hands and wrapped her arms around him. She fell into him desperate for his heat.

There on the floor in front of the fireplace Snape gathered her into his lap. He summoned a blanket and magically wrapped her in it so that he could hold her all the while. He put the need to berate himself for pushing her too hard in a conveniently retrievable mind file tagged 'to do.' He crumpled the idea that here was an attractive female who flirted with him, smelled like a luxurious midnight feast, and felt so gloriously good pressed against his body and tossed that away into his mental incinerator. He tilted her head back lifted both eyelids to view her pupils. She was not in clinical shock though certain of her symptoms mirrored that condition. Her skin was extremely cold to the touch. He eased gently into her mind. He found himself in her memory staring at a version of himself on the field of battle in black and white and shades of gray. Her memory of those moments was far worse than he remembered and so much more vivid in other details with all color gone. The scents were overpowering. The creeping stickiness seemed to crawl under her skin. He stared at himself a moment longer feeling the solace she had taken in his company. He eased out again.

"Enervate! Miss Granger?"

"Sorry. I'm so sorry, sir."

He released her and let her crawl off of him closer to the fire. She was shivering still. He stood and wrapped the blanket she had left behind around her shoulders.

"Can you walk with me?"

"I think so."

"Come then."

She stood holding onto his wrist.

"Where are we going?"

"To the infirmary."

"NO!"

She was hyperventilating again looking as crazed as a trapped animal.

"Stupefy!"

He caught her and lifted her cocooning her securely in the blanket with magic. Her dead weight in his arms felt insufficient to account for her. Carrying her was like toting a sleeping child. She looked so young and fragile too. Where had that fierce warrior he had fought beside gone to now? Snape headed for the infirmary wandlessly and wordlessly opening doors before him and warding them in his wake.

A/N- Reviews of any shape or size be they witty be they wise
ranging from 'Stop typing now! Just give it up you silly cow.'
to literary posies sent from sweet lass or kindly gent
make me want to write instead of sleeping soundly in my bed.
Don't need coffee from a tin. Your words are my adrenaline!