Chapter Three: When We Practice To Deceive…
Suiza's biker bar had paneled wooden walls, a polished wooden floor, leather-covered booths, some round tables, and a long walnut wood bar that had numerous drink-making machines behind it along, with an octagonal, tiled mirror. Various imported and domestic liquors and beers were lined up in front of the mirror. Glasses ranging from beer mugs to wine glasses to goblets dangled from wooden racks that hung above the bar.
The paneled walls were covered with Route 66, Budweiser, and Harley Davidson merchandise, an assortment of T-shirts, banners, hubcaps, pennants and other biker and motorcycling items. One half of one wall was decorated with pictures of the Leathernecks. Oolong would have liked to see more of the bar, but the air was drowning in cigarette and cigar smoke. The smoke was making his eyes tear.
Suiza's friends, both Leathernecks and non-Leathernecks, were dancing, drinking, or smoking. Scam was currently trying his luck on the mechanical bull, a gift from one of Suiza's friends who owned a country/western bar. Everyone either cheered Scam on, or shouted hopes that he would fall off at anytime.
Handyman was rubbing his reddened cheek after surviving a slap to his face from a young woman that he had bothered. "You'll want me one day!" he swore to the young blonde, as she stormed away from him.
Handyman angrily walked outside for some fresh air. After Scam had finally fallen off the mechanical bull, he too followed Handyman outside, and Blue and Bigfoot joined him.
Suiza led Oolong to the bar, and he casually sat down on one of the red leather bar swivel stools, as he noticed Sassy gesture Suiza to come to her. Sassy was on the other side of the room, lighting one of her Camel Turkish Jade Light cigarettes while waving to Suiza.
"If she's pregnant," Oolong told Suiza, "shouldn't she quit those things?"
"She should; we've all gotten on her about it," Suiza told him. "She's already tried to quit though several times, but with the stress she's been under lately, she just managed to cut down. Well, at least, she isn't smoking the full-flavor menthol cigs anymore. Course I'm in no position to judge her; I quit smoking cigs just five years ago, although I'll still occasionally bum one from one of my friends. Cigars are more my thing now, especially the flavored kinds. You ever want to smoke one, Blue has some really good strawberry blunts on her at the moment."
"Suize, word with you please!" Sassy begged.
"Comin', Sass, comin'," Suiza told her. She gave Oolong a companionable slap on his shoulder. "Be back, Ooos."
Oolong watched her sashay over to Sassy, and he couldn't help but stare at her round, firm bottom that wiggled gently as she went to the other side of the bar. His timepiece then beeped again, and the frantic pig dashed outside with Puar on his head.
"Oolong, how much longer are we going to be doing this?" Puar wailed, as they were shivering the chilly night air. Puar, still in her helmet form, was looking up nervously at the stars.
"Not much longer," Oolong promised her. "Man, I wish now that I hadn't cheated in shape-shifting school now! Something told me that I was going to regret it one day. If Suiza were to find out that I was a pig, oh, she'd never want anything to do with me again!"
Fortunately, a few minutes had passed, and Oolong was able to change back into his human form, but he did not do so just yet.
"How much longer do you think that you're going to deceive her?" Puar wanted to know. "She doesn't seem stupid, Oolong. She would-"
Before Puar could finish speaking, she noticed a strange sight on the side of the bar half of the building. A huge, lumbering bear was smoking a cigar, and a Siamese cat with piercing blue eyes and dark black tail, feet, ears, and face was licking her paws. A brown, warty, toad with glowing brown eyes tried to caress the cat's long, silky tail with his tongue, but the feline swatted at the toad with her paw and accompanying claws. The Siamese meowed angrily at him, and the toad quickly hopped away before she could pounce.
The toad then hopped over to a weasel, which was rooting through the garbage. The toad croaked some words, and the weasel made a few weasel-like sounds of approval. The Siamese cat was now washing her face, as the bear easily pulled out another cigar from nowhere and began smoking again. From the distance, Oolong and Puar could tell that the cigar smelled of strawberries, and they saw the bear hand it to the Siamese, who took it into her paws and smoked a few puffs before giving it back.
The weasel in the trashcan found a half-eaten turkey sandwich, which he tossed to the ground for his friends to share. The Siamese cat sniffed it experimentally before she took a nibble, but the bear seized it and took a giant bite. The bear then made growling, gurgling sounds that sounded the closest thing to bear laughter possible before giving the sandwich to the Siamese, who was hissing at him in disapproval. After the Siamese calmed down, it began to slowly nibble on the remaining turkey.
"That looks good about now," Puar sighed. "I'm hungry, Oolong, I want something to eat. Can we go get some of that catnip?"
"Yeah, you go ahead," Oolong told her; he had no desire for catnip. "I'll just take a turkey sandwich. Maybe I can share one with Suiza…nothing like food to bring a babe closer to you."
"Spoken like a true pig," Puar groaned, as she and Oolong transformed themselves back into the human man and the helmet and went back inside.
"Hey, Suize, can I ask ya somethin'?" Sassy inquired, putting out her cigarette.
"What's up, Sass?" Suiza wanted to know.
"Does Oolong know that you are a pig?"
The new blush on Suiza's cheeks were not from the heavy makeup. "Not yet."
"He's only seen you in human form, hasn't he?" Sassy asked.
"Yep," Suiza replied.
"How long do you plan to go on letting him think you're human?"
"For as long as I need to, Sass," Suiza said snappishly, and Sassy drew back.
"Hey, take it easy!" Sassy protested.
"He isn't gonna accept me, if he finds out that I'm really a pig," Suiza told her.
"Then you're better off without him," Sassy told her. "Look, Suize, so you were born a hog, big deal. We Leathernecks know what and who you really are, and we love ya anyway. You're twenty-seven-years-old, and you own your own businesses, and you graduated in the top ten of your class from Transfor Merr Shape-Shifting Institute. You've got plenty to offer a man and much to be proud of."
"That might be, Sass, but you and I both know better. Most men go by looks, and how many men would date a non-human? I know I should tell him, Sass, but let me do it in my own time, okay? No need to reveal myself to him, if I know that he's not going to work out."
"Well, if he doesn't, there'll be another guy 'round the corner," Sassy assured her, patting her pregnant tummy. "I can understand what you're going through though; you've only been broken up with Teal for one month, and my ex-boyfriend, Chuck, ditched me the moment he found out that he knocked me up! That prick hasn't so much as offered me a dime of support or even took any time to think about the baby."
"You oughta hit him for child support, Sass," Suiza told her.
"Can't sue him for anything 'til I get this bun out of my oven. Already named him though. Gonna call him Bruce, I think."
"Bruce would be good," Suiza agreed. "Listen though, Sass, I gotta get back to my date. He's going think that I'm being rude." She waved to Sassy and left.
"Have fun, Suize; give me all the details later!" Sassy called to her.
"Milk?" Lester, one of the bartenders jeered to Oolong.
"That's right," Oolong told him gruffly. "One milk and one OJ."
"What do you think this is-a breakfast bar?" Lester told him, but he gave Oolong what he wanted. After Lester left, Oolong set his "helmet" on the bar and the helmet grew an arm and a mouth and began to gulp down the milk.
But Puar the helmet had to cut her drinking short when Suiza came back, and all Suiza saw was a regular motorcycle helmet on the bar. Suiza put her arm around Oolong companionably and squeezed his shoulder.
"Sorry to have left you for so long, handsome," she said throatily to him. "Just had to ask Sass something. So, anyway, do you wanna dance?"
"Sure-sure, I do," Oolong stammered, as he tried to slide confidently off of his bar stool. But that ploy failed, because he would have fallen flat on his face, had Suiza not caught his arm. She laughed.
"Don't worry, Ooos, you're not the first one to fall off of these stools, although you're the first one I know who's fallen off sober. You're not really much of a drinker, are you? I saw your milk and OJ."
Oolong was visibly relieved. "Nah, no offense," he said as gruffly as possible. "Beer and stuff are just not for me."
"A teetotaler, eh, or close to one? That's all right. Least one of us will always be sober. Well, anyway, let's dance." Suiza led him out to the open space between the bar and tables, and Oolong let her take the lead.
"Hey someone put on a hard rock CD!" she called to her few employees.
"You can hard rock with me anytime, babe," an oily voice called smoothly from near the door. Oolong and Suiza turned around to see a group of rough looking, leather-clad human bikers hanging around in and outside of the entrance to Suiza's bar.
Suiza cursed, and Oolong paled in his human form. "Who are those guys?" he asked Suiza. Oolong especially stared at a tall, broad muscular man with a bright blue-green Mohawk on his head, a shade of hair color that matched his piercing eyes. He also had two gold nose rings, a worn leather vest that displayed his muscle-bound arms, and faded black jeans resting upon scruffy black leather boots.
Suiza sighed heavily. "That guy," she told Oolong, pointing slightly towards the Mohawk man, "was my ex-boyfriend, Teal, leader of the Rumblers. We broke up a month ago, and he's been trying to get me back since."
"Hey Suize!" Teal called confidently. "What's with the clumsy loser? Don't tell me your tastes have worsened since you left me! I hate to see that happen."
Suiza pulled Oolong closer down to her. "He's twice the man you are…a real man. Go home before I call the police!"
Oolong flinched at her referring to him as being "twice the man". How would he ever be able to tell her the truth?
"Him a man? Right! He make look manly, but he's probably no more than a pig!" Teal jeered.
Oolong blushed in his human form against his will. If Teal knew the truth…
"Yeah, well if he is a pig…he's MY pig!" Suiza told Teal boldly. And with that statement, she pulled Oolong down to her and gave him a sudden, steamy kiss on his lips. Oolong melted; he couldn't help enjoying the moment, even though they had just met.
But a certain beeping from his wristwatch warned him that the moment couldn't last for long.
Oolong's heart froze. What was he going to do now?
Suiza's biker bar had paneled wooden walls, a polished wooden floor, leather-covered booths, some round tables, and a long walnut wood bar that had numerous drink-making machines behind it along, with an octagonal, tiled mirror. Various imported and domestic liquors and beers were lined up in front of the mirror. Glasses ranging from beer mugs to wine glasses to goblets dangled from wooden racks that hung above the bar.
The paneled walls were covered with Route 66, Budweiser, and Harley Davidson merchandise, an assortment of T-shirts, banners, hubcaps, pennants and other biker and motorcycling items. One half of one wall was decorated with pictures of the Leathernecks. Oolong would have liked to see more of the bar, but the air was drowning in cigarette and cigar smoke. The smoke was making his eyes tear.
Suiza's friends, both Leathernecks and non-Leathernecks, were dancing, drinking, or smoking. Scam was currently trying his luck on the mechanical bull, a gift from one of Suiza's friends who owned a country/western bar. Everyone either cheered Scam on, or shouted hopes that he would fall off at anytime.
Handyman was rubbing his reddened cheek after surviving a slap to his face from a young woman that he had bothered. "You'll want me one day!" he swore to the young blonde, as she stormed away from him.
Handyman angrily walked outside for some fresh air. After Scam had finally fallen off the mechanical bull, he too followed Handyman outside, and Blue and Bigfoot joined him.
Suiza led Oolong to the bar, and he casually sat down on one of the red leather bar swivel stools, as he noticed Sassy gesture Suiza to come to her. Sassy was on the other side of the room, lighting one of her Camel Turkish Jade Light cigarettes while waving to Suiza.
"If she's pregnant," Oolong told Suiza, "shouldn't she quit those things?"
"She should; we've all gotten on her about it," Suiza told him. "She's already tried to quit though several times, but with the stress she's been under lately, she just managed to cut down. Well, at least, she isn't smoking the full-flavor menthol cigs anymore. Course I'm in no position to judge her; I quit smoking cigs just five years ago, although I'll still occasionally bum one from one of my friends. Cigars are more my thing now, especially the flavored kinds. You ever want to smoke one, Blue has some really good strawberry blunts on her at the moment."
"Suize, word with you please!" Sassy begged.
"Comin', Sass, comin'," Suiza told her. She gave Oolong a companionable slap on his shoulder. "Be back, Ooos."
Oolong watched her sashay over to Sassy, and he couldn't help but stare at her round, firm bottom that wiggled gently as she went to the other side of the bar. His timepiece then beeped again, and the frantic pig dashed outside with Puar on his head.
"Oolong, how much longer are we going to be doing this?" Puar wailed, as they were shivering the chilly night air. Puar, still in her helmet form, was looking up nervously at the stars.
"Not much longer," Oolong promised her. "Man, I wish now that I hadn't cheated in shape-shifting school now! Something told me that I was going to regret it one day. If Suiza were to find out that I was a pig, oh, she'd never want anything to do with me again!"
Fortunately, a few minutes had passed, and Oolong was able to change back into his human form, but he did not do so just yet.
"How much longer do you think that you're going to deceive her?" Puar wanted to know. "She doesn't seem stupid, Oolong. She would-"
Before Puar could finish speaking, she noticed a strange sight on the side of the bar half of the building. A huge, lumbering bear was smoking a cigar, and a Siamese cat with piercing blue eyes and dark black tail, feet, ears, and face was licking her paws. A brown, warty, toad with glowing brown eyes tried to caress the cat's long, silky tail with his tongue, but the feline swatted at the toad with her paw and accompanying claws. The Siamese meowed angrily at him, and the toad quickly hopped away before she could pounce.
The toad then hopped over to a weasel, which was rooting through the garbage. The toad croaked some words, and the weasel made a few weasel-like sounds of approval. The Siamese cat was now washing her face, as the bear easily pulled out another cigar from nowhere and began smoking again. From the distance, Oolong and Puar could tell that the cigar smelled of strawberries, and they saw the bear hand it to the Siamese, who took it into her paws and smoked a few puffs before giving it back.
The weasel in the trashcan found a half-eaten turkey sandwich, which he tossed to the ground for his friends to share. The Siamese cat sniffed it experimentally before she took a nibble, but the bear seized it and took a giant bite. The bear then made growling, gurgling sounds that sounded the closest thing to bear laughter possible before giving the sandwich to the Siamese, who was hissing at him in disapproval. After the Siamese calmed down, it began to slowly nibble on the remaining turkey.
"That looks good about now," Puar sighed. "I'm hungry, Oolong, I want something to eat. Can we go get some of that catnip?"
"Yeah, you go ahead," Oolong told her; he had no desire for catnip. "I'll just take a turkey sandwich. Maybe I can share one with Suiza…nothing like food to bring a babe closer to you."
"Spoken like a true pig," Puar groaned, as she and Oolong transformed themselves back into the human man and the helmet and went back inside.
"Hey, Suize, can I ask ya somethin'?" Sassy inquired, putting out her cigarette.
"What's up, Sass?" Suiza wanted to know.
"Does Oolong know that you are a pig?"
The new blush on Suiza's cheeks were not from the heavy makeup. "Not yet."
"He's only seen you in human form, hasn't he?" Sassy asked.
"Yep," Suiza replied.
"How long do you plan to go on letting him think you're human?"
"For as long as I need to, Sass," Suiza said snappishly, and Sassy drew back.
"Hey, take it easy!" Sassy protested.
"He isn't gonna accept me, if he finds out that I'm really a pig," Suiza told her.
"Then you're better off without him," Sassy told her. "Look, Suize, so you were born a hog, big deal. We Leathernecks know what and who you really are, and we love ya anyway. You're twenty-seven-years-old, and you own your own businesses, and you graduated in the top ten of your class from Transfor Merr Shape-Shifting Institute. You've got plenty to offer a man and much to be proud of."
"That might be, Sass, but you and I both know better. Most men go by looks, and how many men would date a non-human? I know I should tell him, Sass, but let me do it in my own time, okay? No need to reveal myself to him, if I know that he's not going to work out."
"Well, if he doesn't, there'll be another guy 'round the corner," Sassy assured her, patting her pregnant tummy. "I can understand what you're going through though; you've only been broken up with Teal for one month, and my ex-boyfriend, Chuck, ditched me the moment he found out that he knocked me up! That prick hasn't so much as offered me a dime of support or even took any time to think about the baby."
"You oughta hit him for child support, Sass," Suiza told her.
"Can't sue him for anything 'til I get this bun out of my oven. Already named him though. Gonna call him Bruce, I think."
"Bruce would be good," Suiza agreed. "Listen though, Sass, I gotta get back to my date. He's going think that I'm being rude." She waved to Sassy and left.
"Have fun, Suize; give me all the details later!" Sassy called to her.
"Milk?" Lester, one of the bartenders jeered to Oolong.
"That's right," Oolong told him gruffly. "One milk and one OJ."
"What do you think this is-a breakfast bar?" Lester told him, but he gave Oolong what he wanted. After Lester left, Oolong set his "helmet" on the bar and the helmet grew an arm and a mouth and began to gulp down the milk.
But Puar the helmet had to cut her drinking short when Suiza came back, and all Suiza saw was a regular motorcycle helmet on the bar. Suiza put her arm around Oolong companionably and squeezed his shoulder.
"Sorry to have left you for so long, handsome," she said throatily to him. "Just had to ask Sass something. So, anyway, do you wanna dance?"
"Sure-sure, I do," Oolong stammered, as he tried to slide confidently off of his bar stool. But that ploy failed, because he would have fallen flat on his face, had Suiza not caught his arm. She laughed.
"Don't worry, Ooos, you're not the first one to fall off of these stools, although you're the first one I know who's fallen off sober. You're not really much of a drinker, are you? I saw your milk and OJ."
Oolong was visibly relieved. "Nah, no offense," he said as gruffly as possible. "Beer and stuff are just not for me."
"A teetotaler, eh, or close to one? That's all right. Least one of us will always be sober. Well, anyway, let's dance." Suiza led him out to the open space between the bar and tables, and Oolong let her take the lead.
"Hey someone put on a hard rock CD!" she called to her few employees.
"You can hard rock with me anytime, babe," an oily voice called smoothly from near the door. Oolong and Suiza turned around to see a group of rough looking, leather-clad human bikers hanging around in and outside of the entrance to Suiza's bar.
Suiza cursed, and Oolong paled in his human form. "Who are those guys?" he asked Suiza. Oolong especially stared at a tall, broad muscular man with a bright blue-green Mohawk on his head, a shade of hair color that matched his piercing eyes. He also had two gold nose rings, a worn leather vest that displayed his muscle-bound arms, and faded black jeans resting upon scruffy black leather boots.
Suiza sighed heavily. "That guy," she told Oolong, pointing slightly towards the Mohawk man, "was my ex-boyfriend, Teal, leader of the Rumblers. We broke up a month ago, and he's been trying to get me back since."
"Hey Suize!" Teal called confidently. "What's with the clumsy loser? Don't tell me your tastes have worsened since you left me! I hate to see that happen."
Suiza pulled Oolong closer down to her. "He's twice the man you are…a real man. Go home before I call the police!"
Oolong flinched at her referring to him as being "twice the man". How would he ever be able to tell her the truth?
"Him a man? Right! He make look manly, but he's probably no more than a pig!" Teal jeered.
Oolong blushed in his human form against his will. If Teal knew the truth…
"Yeah, well if he is a pig…he's MY pig!" Suiza told Teal boldly. And with that statement, she pulled Oolong down to her and gave him a sudden, steamy kiss on his lips. Oolong melted; he couldn't help enjoying the moment, even though they had just met.
But a certain beeping from his wristwatch warned him that the moment couldn't last for long.
Oolong's heart froze. What was he going to do now?