Chapter Nine: Unwelcome Visitors And News
"Hey, Teal, check out this issue of Playthings! Sashay Sweets is on the cover again!"
Teal whistled, long and low, at the scantily clad model on the front cover of one of the Rumblers' favorite porn magazines. "She's hot stuff, ain't she? And I noticed her boobs are two sizes bigger! More than a handful, or a mouthful, dependin' on how ya look at it."
Beerbell said thoughtfully, as he leaned back in a chair with two shaky legs ready to break off anytime. "You know I just saw this babe in some maternity wear catalog that looks just like her. Who'd ever thought that a pregnant chick could look so hot? Real, dark red hair, pretty green eyes…her hubby's one lucky man! Even read that article about her…she don't sound quite sane though. Claims that she was once some Candy Apple doll brought to life by the same old geezer who knocked her up and married her. What can a hot babe like Candy Apple Roshi see in that old fart? Yeah, sure, Roshi supposedly was one of the world's strongest men, but that was a century ago."
Hatchet scoffed. "More than that! Our parents weren't even around when he supposedly won that Tenkaichi Budokai. Anyway, that old man has to have something to make a doll like Candy Apple want him. What could he have? Money?"
Teal snorted. "He lives on some little-bitty island with an old turtle, a freeloading couple, and some pig…possibly that Piggy that Suiza likes so much. Maybe the old man can still get it up good enough to make Candy Apple want him." And then, he, Hatchet, and Beerbell shuddered at the thought of Candy and Roshi in bed together.
Determined to push that awful image out of his mind, Teal strolled over to his picture window, which had two broken panes, stuffed with rags. He lovingly patted the wall of his tiny, cluttered living room, as he stared out into the murky, churning water that rocked his houseboat, the Suiza, back and forth. The houseboat was slowly crumbling, but it was still steady enough to stay afloat. The marina that was the home of the Suiza, had been deserted for a long time, except for a few poor fishermen and some of the area's worst thugs or thieves. The marina was the perfect place for them, but not even the most daring criminals or would-be-criminals would dare to harass the Rumblers, or invade what was left floating of the Suiza.
Teal had bought the houseboat cheaply while he and Suiza had been together, but until two months ago, he had been using it for only a clubhouse for himself and the other Rumblers. He had recently been kicked out of his last apartment in a housing complex where he had punched out his landlord, who had made the unfortunate mistake of demanding two months' previously unpaid rent. Teal had prided himself on being smart enough to move out before the landlord had a chance to leave the hospital where he had been staying and press charges.
If the landlord ever found him though, Teal knew he'd owe much more money than he did now. And very little income was flowing into his life, as it was, so perhaps the talking kitty could be used for possible ransom…
Beerbell interrupted Teal's thoughts, asking gruffly, "Hey, whose turn is it to feed the kitty?"
"I fed her last time," Hatchet insisted. "So, you do it. And while you're at, change her litter box!"
"I don't do litter boxes."
"Well, I'm not cleanin' it!"
"You morons!" Teal interrupted. "That kitty hasn't been usin' her litter box!"
"What kind of cat doesn't use a litter box?" Beerbell demanded to know.
"Yeah, whoever last had her probably let her pee and crap all over the house," Hatchet added.
"No, you geniuses!" Teal scoffed. "The kitty uses a toilet, she's got to know how to use one, if she's smart enough to talk. And since I don't want cat pee stinkin' up the place, one of ya's gonna take her to the potty."
"Well, Beerbell can take her."
"Hey, I fed her, so you take her, Hatchet!"
"No way! What if she decides to spray on me?"
"It's only guy cats that spray, dummy!"
"They're called tomcats, idiot!"
"Whatever! Just take her to pee!" Teal shouted.
"Fine, I'll do it," Beerbell grumbled. "I always wind up with the grunt work anyway."
"You wind up with the grunt work? Who was the one that had to patch together that crate for a cage?"
"Yeah, well, I bought the cat food, but the kitty wouldn't eat it!"
"Yeah, well, who had to knock her out again, after she tried to claw ya?"
"ENOUGH!" Teal roared. "Look, the fleabag's tied up so tight, she can barely breathe! Just plop her butt on the toilet, tell her to do her business, rinse her off with a hose and dump her back in the cage! Even Suiza's stupid friends, Scam and Handyman, could pull that off."
"I'm going," Beerbell huffed, as he trudged over to the shabbily repaired crate/cage that was Puar's prison. Puar lay on the ground, only half-conscious, as she listened to the scuffing of Beerbell's raggedy boots on the unevenly planked floor. Through one still good eye, she saw Beerbell unlocking the padlock on her cage.
She was too weary to meow or screech a protest when Beerbell seized her by the scruff of her neck. The ropes binding her were so tight, that she could barely breathe; she couldn't even shape-shift. She hung limply in Beerbell's greasy hand, as Beerbell hauled her to the tiny bathroom.
As Beerbell plopped her onto the toilet seat, he barked, "Okay, kitty, do your stuff and get it over with!"
Puar gasped, "Can't…ropes too tight…can't squeeze anything out, not even pee."
"You can pee an' poop alright, kitty; no ropes can stop ya from doing that!" Beerbell insisted. "What you think I'm stupid or somethin'?"
Puar wisely did not answer that question.
Struggling, as much as she could, within the ropes' viselike grip, she groaned, "Please, can't you loosen the ropes a little? I'm not stupid either, and I know that you'll stop me, if I try to escape. Sooner I go, the sooner you put me back and forget about me."
Beerbell considered this. "Fine, furbag, you win. But you better not try ta escape, or I'll be makin' me a new jacket—first made out of kitty!"
"Fine, fine," Puar grumbled, as Beerbell slowly loosened the ropes a little, just enough to allow her to breathe and "do her business". But the bit of precious freedom gained also allowed her to perform another action…
"Hey, what the hell do ya think you're doin'?" Hey, STOP!"
But it was too late, for Puar had used what little ki she had to transform—into a great, hulking wolf with sharp teeth and foaming mouth. She growled ferociously and leapt upon Beerbell, shoving him to the ground. Her new claws tore at his clothes, but did not actually harm him. Still, the sight of this new creature was enough to make Beerbell wet his pants.
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" he screamed.
Teal and Hatchet dashed into the bathroom, but they themselves screamed when they saw Beerbell's attacker. Hatchet's usually dark face drained of color, and his knees shook. Finally, he shoved Teal to the side and yelled, "I'm outta here!" But Teal grabbed his arm and yanked him back.
"What are ya—chicken?" Teal hissed, barely concealing his own terror.
"You ain't afraid of that thing, Teal?" Hatchet cried.
"Hell, no—" Teal started to lie, but stopped, as the "wolf" sprang off of Beerbell's sweat-and-urine soaked body and jumped towards him and Hatchet. A hoarse, high-pitched scream ripped from Teal's throat, as he too urinated on himself.
Puar pushed Teal to the ground, growling and snarling in his now pale face. Several sobs escaped from Teal, as he tried not to move or speak too much, hoping that he would be spared. Hatchet quickly seized a chicken bone off of a messy coffee table and waved it hesitantly at the new enemy.
"Here, wolfie, wolfie, come get this nice bone!" he pleaded in vain.
The "wolf" merely looked at Beerbell and growled louder. Beerbell gulped, knowing then that there was no use of distracting the beast.
"Help me, please!" Teal cried, but fear kept Hatchet and Beerbell frozen in place, sweating, too terrified to try any more heroics.
Puar lowered her wolf face closer to Teal's neck and bared even more of her new fangs. The sharpest of them were within millimeters of Teal's throat.
"Please don't…" Teal begged, as Puar's fangs brushed against his throat.
"WHAP! THUNK!"
"Get away!" Beerbell shouted, as he threw full cans of the frozen beer he used in his weight training at the wolf. One actually hit Puar in the side of her head so hard, that she was forced to scurry off of Teal. Teal, usually known for his quick reflexes, started to arise, but then the end of a frozen can shot directly into his left eye.
"OUCH, YOU MORON!" he screamed at Beerbell, as he clamped his hand over his left eye.
"S-Sorry, Teal!" Beerbell cried, "I was just—". He didn't get to finish his sentence, because Puar-the-wolf raced towards him, still growling and snarling. She pounced towards him, even as he chucked two cans of frozen beer at her.
"HELP!" Beerbell yelled.
Hatchet then yanked the cord of a toaster out of a socket and hurled the appliance at Puar-the-wolf. The toaster socked Puar in the back of her head, and she collapsed to the floor, just barely on her knees. She wobbled to her feet again, but Beerbell flung another can of frozen beer towards her head, and this time it struck her on the top of her head. Her eyes fell shut, and she tumbled, almost slowly, to the floor.
But before she did, her body unwillingly changed back into its original form. Her eyelids collapsed over her eyes, and she went limp.
Hatchet cried, "You mean that she can change her form, like Piggy?"
"Yeah-yeah-yeah," Beerbell panted.
Teal snorted, trying to act nonchalant. "Well, she's not a wolf now, is she?"
"Uh…no, no," both Beerbell and Hatchet stammered.
"Then clean up her carcass and toss her back in that crate!"
"Y-Yes sir!"
Three hours later…
"What the hell is taking that pizza man so long?" Teal demanded to know, as he flicked a cigarette butt out of his broken picture window into the water. "'Less than thirty minutes' that pizza company said! Well 'thirty minutes' was an hour ago!" His voice could be heard, even over the torrents of rain pelting against the houseboat's boards and windows. Swift drops of water flowed through the broken window, but the heat outside was more unbearable than the thunderstorm raging, so Teal and his friends endured the rain entering Teal's living room.
"It is kind of hard to find a houseboat, I suppose, Teal," Hatchet slurred. The numerous cans of beer he had consumed were slowing what little intellect he did have.
"Ya know that the other Rumblers are late, right?" Beerbell asked needlessly.
"Hell, yeah!" Teal yelled over a loud boom of thunder. "Why haven't those guys showed up yet? And the women are late too! Hatchet, you promised me that your woman, Rhythm, would bring us some more booze!"
"She-she should be here soon; her old man at home probably made her late. After all that old fart has to have his booze fix, otherwise he gives her a hard time," Hatchet insisted.
"You oughta stop seeing Rhythm 'til she moves out of her old man's home," Beerbell told Hatchet. "Or at least 'til she turns eighteen; she's only three months away. I don't understand how she can buy booze, even with that fake I.D. you got for her."
"The important thing is that she can buy it," Teal insisted. "But yeah, Hatch, Beerbell's got a point. Rhythm's a hot babe, but she's still jailbait. You've got to be more discreet when you see her, man, I'm tellin' ya. No more public dates, like last week."
"But I wanted to take her somewhere nice, for once!" Hatchet cried.
"To a fancy restaurant right across from that donut shop where those cops hang out all the time? Yeah, great idea, Hatch!"
"C'mon, Teal, she looks like she's twenty-one, really!"
"Look, no wench is worth goin' to jail over—" Teal began, but a series of furious, repetitive pounding on the door interrupted him.
"OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!" a guttural voice ordered.
"Who the hell is that?" Hatchet wanted to know.
"Give us back Puar—NOW!" another voice ordered.
"Someone help me, please!" a usually soft-spoken female screamed.
"I told you to be quiet, woman, until we got Yamucha's furball back! When your stupid boyfriend and his pals give up the cat, we'll let you go!"
"Vegeta, let her go! You don't need to take a hostage to make those cowards free Puar!"
"When I want your opinion, Shorty, I'll beat it out of you!"
"Hey, no one calls my husband that, but me!"
"Be quiet, blondie!"
"Hey, watch your mouth! Remember the last time we fought, and I creamed you that day!"
"Hah, that was only because you had me off-guard that day! But I could defeat you now!"
"Whatever."
"C'mon, Juuhachigou, let's just go get Puar and pound some sense into her captors."
"I get Teal first. After all, it was my best friend he kidnapped!"
"Take it easy, Yamucha. Puar's our friend too.
"Stop the chatter, all of you, right now—" A shrill scream interrupted his voice.
"Shut up, woman, for the last time! You'll go free once we get Yamucha's pet back!"
"Vegeta, let her go. We don't need her."
"Hell, if we don't! You want your furball back, don't you?"
"Yeah, Vegeta, but by taking someone hostage?"
"Look, Yamucha, if you want your furry friend back that badly, you'll help do whatever it takes! It was bad enough that we had to waste our time on that bunch of weaklings that call themselves 'Rumblers'; I only spared all those fools because they were too pathetic to kill! I'll be surprised if they ever leave that pile of human flesh we left them in!"
Listening to the intruders outside the door, Hatchet burst towards the door. "Those bastards have my Rhythm!" he cried. "I'm gonna kill 'em!"
"Wait, you idiot!" Beerbell shouted, following him, but he was too late. Hatchet yanked the door open, and outside stood four very angry, very tough-looking people. One very short man, who had black hair that was upright and pointy as a flame was holding a young, blond, scantily dressed girl over his shoulder. She was kicking and pounding on her captor, but his cold expression betrayed no pain or agony from her feeble attempts.
Hatchet clenched his fists and shook them. "Hey, troll-doll, let go of my woman, or I'll pound ya shorter than you already are!"
A half-smirk appeared on "troll-doll's" face. "Fine, then, try it."
"Ya asked for it!" And Hatchet slammed his fist into Vegeta's face.
"AH, I BROKE MY FIST!"
The half-smirk turned into a full one, and no damage to the face was evident. Vegeta then threw a screaming Rhythm at Hatchet's body, sending her crashing into him. Hatchet barely caught her, but he had no time to help her up, as Vegeta shoved both of them to the side of the doorway and burst into the living room.
"Get him, Beerbell!" Teal ordered.
Beerbell was hesitant to challenge Vegeta after seeing what happened to Hatchet, so he did not move. Finally, Teal gave him a push towards their attacker, and Beerbell gathered what little courage he had left to toss a punch at Vegeta.
Vegeta snorted contemptuously, seized Beerbell's wrist and casually flung him to the side, as if he were a rag doll. Yamucha, Juuhachigou, and Krillin followed him inside, right after Yamucha delivered a hard punch to Hatchet's face, when Hatchet had foolishly released Rhythm to attack him to save what pride he had left.
Panicked, Beerbell tried to climb to his feet, but before he could arise, Yamucha grabbed him by his greasy collar and yelled, "Where's Puar?"
"Oh, ya mean that cat?" Beerbell moaned, with blood trickling down his chin from his mouth. "She's in that crate over there…" Feebly, he pointed towards the crate that held a still-unconscious Puar.
"Thanks," Yamucha told him and threw him to the floor. Beerbell gave a slack grin in response and passed out, as Yamucha left to see to Puar.
Meanwhile, Vegeta had very reluctantly turned Teal over to Juuhachigou and Krillin's not-so-tender mercies. Vegeta, of course, had wanted to pummel Teal himself, being that Teal was the leader, but Juuhachigou and Krillin both loudly protested that Teal had harmed their friends, Oolong and Puar, and they had the right to have a piece of him!
Juuhachigou had already punched Teal several times in his stomach while Krillin had just given him one good hit to the side of his head. Juuhachigou slapped Teal's face hard, but Krillin grabbed her arm, seeing that Teal would not be able to take much more without winding up dead. "That's enough, honey; remember he's weak."
Vegeta scoffed. "All the more reason why you should let your wife finish him off."
"His being weak is supposed to be my problem?" Juuhachigou asked irritably, but she actually complied with her husband's request. She threw Teal's nearly unconscious body to the floor, as Yamucha cautiously crept towards them, carrying Puar.
"She's badly hurt," Yamucha nearly whispered, with tears in his eyes. "Those bastards…" And he gave Teal a swift kick to his ribs.
Juuhachigou and Krillin were near tears themselves, seeing the bloodied, bruised, and mangled body of Puar. Puar was barely breathing, and dried blood coated her fur. Several noticeable lumps protruded from her head, and her eyes were swollen. A loose tooth dangled from her mouth. Juuhachigou covered her mouth in horror, and Krillin gasped and choked on air.
Even Vegeta was having a hard time hiding his emotions. His usually stoic expression changed very little, but rare sympathy shone in his eyes. With unusual gentleness, he picked up an old, ragged shirt from Teal's chair and walked over to Yamucha and Puar. With the astonished Yamucha's help, he carefully wrapped up Puar, covering her as much as he could.
"Th-thanks," Yamucha whispered.
Vegeta grunted a reply, turned on his heel, and walked out of the living room without a word. The others followed him, with Yamucha cradling Puar close to his body, gently stroking her face and praying that he'd get her to Dende's Lookout on time. The rain continued to hammer down upon the rescuers, as Yamucha held his head over Puar's body to try to shelter her as much as possible.
Oolong didn't sleep much that night in his bed. He tried to read his girlie magazines to distract him, but not even the tempting pictures of nearly nude or nude women could ease his guilt or worry. He was too worried about Puar. Krillin and Juuhachigou had just returned, and they said that Yamucha had driven his skycar to take Puar to Dende's Lookout to have Dende heal Puar. When Krillin spoke softly about how badly Puar had been injured, Oolong had fled to his room to prevent anyone from seeing his tears.
The thunder pounding outside did not help matters, but the relentless rain somehow eased Oolong's agony, matching his mood.
"I'm sorry, Puar," he whispered into the dimness of his room. "I won't ever put you through this again, I promise." Several tears still streamed down his plump cheeks, as he added, "I'm going to tell Suiza everything…tomorrow. I won't let this go…on any longer, okay? Screw Teal and his stupid race!"
He then whispered to the image of Sassy in his head. "I'm sorry too, Sassy, but you're right; I need to tell her…will finally get this over with…"
And he fell into an uneasy sleep.
The next morning…
"BRRRRINNNNNG!"
"I've got it!" Oolong cried from his room, as he nearly fell out of bed to answer the phone, hoping it was Suiza calling to check on him. Eagerly, he picked up his phone, which was shaped like a curvy, topless woman stretched out on a couch; the phone had been a free gift to Oolong for renewing one of his magazines.
"Hello?" he asked in a tone between excitement and hesitation.
"Hey, Ooos, good morning. How are ya feelin'?"
"Much better, especially since Puar's been saved."
"Puar's been rescued? So your pals were able to teach the Rumblers a lesson, after all? That's good, though my pals sure are gonna be disappointed they didn't get to cream the Rumblers themselves. Is Puar okay?"
"She will be. And don't worry about me, Suiza; I'll be okay."
"Perhaps…" Suiza began slowly. Oolong didn't like the sudden somber note in her voice. He held his breath, as she said the four words from a woman that very few men like to hear:
"We have to talk."
Oolong gulped. "Sure-sure, Suiza, what's up?"
"Oolong, I'm sorry to tell you this, but after what happened last night…got me thinking…I wasn't right to put you at risk like I've been doin'…"
"Suize, what do you mean?"
"It's Teal, Oolong. After what Teal and those other bastards did to you, well…I can't have you in danger, just 'cause Teal can't give me up. So, I'm getting a restraining order against him, but that doesn't mean that will stop him and the other Rumblers from comin' after you. So, I figured…only way to keep Teal and his bunch from messin' with you and your friends is to…let you go. I'm sorry, Ooos, but it's over…gotta do it for your sake. It's been fun, and just so…you know…I think I was startin' to fall in love with you, but it can't be."
"Suiza, please wait!"
"I'm sorry, Ooos, but I've gotta go. The others are waitin' for me…bye!" And she hung up.
Very slowly, Oolong hung up the phone and sank to his knees. Trying hard not to cry, he banged his fist against his nightstand. His door was partially opened, as Umigame treaded by. Umigame poked his head in the door, noticing Oolong's distress.
"Hey, are you okay?"
A tear escaped Oolong's eye, despite his best efforts. "Suiza called and…broke…up…" He couldn't say anything more, so he settled for punching his nightstand again.
He didn't need to say anything more. Umigame immediately scuttled into Oolong's room and Oolong threw his arms around his neck. Umigame draped his foreleg over Oolong's back, patting it.
Teal was lying in his hospital bed; he was about to be released that afternoon. He was lying in bed, both bored with nothing to do, and angry with Oolong, because he was certain that "Piggy" had to have hired thugs to teach him and his fellow Rumblers a lesson. Who ever knew that a pig and a cat had such powerful friends?
A nurse, possibly the fattest one in the hospital strolled in and announced gruffly, "You have a visitor."
A slinky woman with blue-black hair sashayed into the room, and Teal nearly fell out of bed when he recognized her. "Blue?" he cried.
Blue smiled, but it was not a nice smile. She ran her slender hands through her silky mane. "'Bout time you got what was comin' to ya, Teal-baby! But don't worry, your precious race is still on, 'cause Oolong's trainin' as we speak, and he's gonna win, and when it's all over, you're gonna feel like a real moron, losing to a "piggy". And then afterwards, you're gonna leave both Suiza and Oolong alone, 'cause if ya don't, sweetheart, we'll make sure ya do. So, get well soon…cause you're gonna need to! Bye-bye now, baby!"
"Wait!" Teal shouted. "You mean that you and others know that Oolong's a—"
"Yup, we sure do, and I guarantee you that once Suiza finds out, it won't matter. Face it, Teal, that pig's more of a man than you'll ever be. Ta-ta!" And Blue happily sauntered out of Teal's room, before Teal could say anything else.
Roshi was still at the hospital with Candy and baby Kane, and all three of them were due to come home a day or two. All the Kame House residents remaining were adding finishing touches onto Kane's nursery. A still depressed Oolong was helping Krillin to insure that Kane's crib had been properly assembled. Both were completing a final inspection of the crib when a knock was heard on the Kame House door.
"I'll get it!" Marron chirped, racing out of the nursery.
"All of you go ahead," Oolong said quietly. "I don't feel like going."
Krillin nodded in understanding and patted Oolong's shoulder. As the others slowly left, Krillin leaned over and whispered, "Hey, don't worry too much, Oolong. Look, if it's meant to be between Suiza and you, it will happen, I promise. I almost gave up hope of Juuhachigou ever loving me, but eventually she did, and I've never been happier."
"There's no hope for us," Oolong said with a sigh.
"Sure there is!" Krillin told him. "You know though, Oolong, since you feel that there's nothing left to lose, why don't you just tell Suiza the truth now?"
"I was going to today, but before I could, she ended things between us. Anyway, it's over, Krillin, so there's no point. I'll just go back to being the lonely little pig I once was. Teal sure will be happy."
"Yeah, he will, because that bastard automatically wins!" a female voice hissed.
"Sassy?" Oolong exclaimed.
Sassy, in her dog form, was leaning against the doorway, standing upright. "Look Oolong, you may be slow sometimes, but I never thought you'd be a coward. I'm already mad enough at Suiza for dumpin' ya, even though I understand why she did. The other Leathernecks got on her case too!"
"Why?" Oolong asked. "I thought they'd be happy that we were through."
"Hell no! Sure, we teased ya a lot, but we do that with each other too! Yeah, we make fun of ya sometimes, Oolong, but when Suize started seein' ya, she was happier than we've seen her in a long time! So, we actually like ya for that reason alone! But Oolong, I've got ta tell ya…I had ta tell the others your secret, so they'd quit referring to your nonexistent bladder problem. But don't worry…no one's gonna tell Suiza…we left that part to you."
"They-they know?" Oolong gasped.
"Yeah, and they think it's cool that you're a shape-shifter like us, even though you can only do it for five minutes." Sassy didn't add that Scam had nicknamed Oolong the "five-minute wonder", and that she had severely warned him not to call Oolong that to his face.
"So, we're havin' a barbeque at Scam's apartment today, but Suiza won't be there, 'cause she decided she needed a few days away, so she went to visit her cousin. So, you can come over in your original form, and we'll help you shape-shift for longer periods of time."
"I don't know…" Oolong began.
"C'mon! You want to kick Teal's butt in that motorcycle race, don't ya? And you've got to learn how to really ride a motorcycle. So, whatdayasay?"
"I-I—" Oolong stammered, but Juuhachigou appeared behind Sassy and yanked Oolong towards them.
"He says yes," she interrupted, and Oolong knew there was point in protesting.