To Know You IsTo Hate You So Loving You Must Be Like Suicide

authors note: yeah, I wrote this by myself, Lauren not Christian (who writes this shit with me) ummm...yeah GaaraXSakura story I think it's pretty good...no lemon or any shit like that...I don't do lemons...so tell me what ya think gaara has like parents in this one and he's not that quiet...so I guess you really couldn't call himm gaara really. Oh well, enjoy!

A guy lounged in his seat, near the back of the room smiled sarcastically, and lazily raised his hand. "I choose Amanda," he said, propping his feet up on his desk.

"You... don't get to choose," the teacher said, pointing his pen slowly at the boy.

Another girl, this time, centered in the room, squealed, parting her pink-frosted lips to show her teeth clenched tightly as she raised her hand perpendicular to her body, and waved it fiercely. "Ooh! Ooh! I choose Brad!"

"No," another girl said, "I choose Brad as my partner."

The teacher looked down at his class list, smiling to himself, while listening to the silence, before he finally looked up at both of the girls. "Ok, that's three requests not getting counted. Anymore?"

No one interrupted the silence this time. "Good, good. Now I can begin to assign." The teacher looked down at his class list, and decided to partner enemies with enemies. He knew very well that the theory of doing so 'would achieve a new look at the disliked person' was very much untrue, and in most cases resulted in bad grades, or one or both the students partnered deciding not to participate. Some people just won't work with others. It's life. So, he had avoided it all year, letting the students chose. And even so, he did get more students participating, but he also hadn't gotten rid of the non-participants, or the bad grades. The school was going under, and if grades didn't start to go up, he and many other teachers could be let go. But he didn't mind- for some reason, he felt like he should go through with his plan. That something would in fact be changed.

As he continued on, and went down the list, he received groans, and "No way!"'s coming from many corners of the room. But he didn't pause, or argue. He just continued, never raising his voice. He knew that his students would understand his intentions, and not continue to scream at him. His students always knew when he was final on a subject- even if they were all failures, and delinquents, who wouldn't make it into college, or ever get a good job. And that's what he loved about them. They always made him happy in some form or way. He respected them, and they respected him.

Most of the time.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me, Mr. Welsh! I'm not working with that fag!" a girl hidden in her hoodie called from the back, "I won't do it! I'm not stepping a foot in his house, and he's certainly not stepping a foot in mine!"

"Sakura... Please," he shook his head.

"And you think you're upset," another boy in the back said, smiling slightly.

"Don't you dare talk to me!" she yelled back at him, "And how dare you say that! You're no prize either!"

Mr. Welsh sat down in his old, broken down wooden chair, and rubbing his forehead slowly as the two continued to fight. "Sakura... Gaara! ENOUGH!" he shouted, from underneath his sweaty hand.

"Oh, but we've just started," Gaara answered calmly, compared to Sakura's raging disagreement.

"No more- why is that you two always are fighting about something? 'Oh You're a fag!' or, or, 'Wash your hair, you filthy douche bag!' and, 'Sakura you're a lesbian!'," Mr. Welsh mocked, standing once more from his chair. "I've seriously had enough- you two are the most foul students I know! And I've been teaching for twenty some I can't remember years! I've had it!"

You would normally see a bunch of students sitting in their desk quietly; shocked at the words Mr. Welsh used being a teacher. But no, no. Not with these students. This wasn't the first time Mr. Welsh had mocked what students would say to each other. He had gone on vents about it many times.

And throughout the year, just about every single vent was about Sakura, and Gaara.

But that final year of high school wasn't their only year of disliking each other. They were next door neighbors, and had hated each other ever since they had met at age eight, when Sakura had moved to Suna from Konoha.

Gaara had been running out of the house, his mother yelling at him to come back in because it was too dangerous, and Sakura was getting out of her mother's car, coming home from a visit to her grandma. Sakura saw him, and like any other boy she would see, she walked straight up to him, and made a comment about how he was gross, and had cooties, and never wanted to see his face again.

That was the first time they had met.

Never having before hand.

And every year after that, as they grew into teenagers, and coincidently would go out at the same time to get the mail or daily newspaper, they would toss insults at one another, and occasionally, Gaara would spit at Sakura if he got close enough. She would return the favor, if not get to it before he did.

They seriously hated each other.

Hated each other enough, if their were to be a neighbor war, much like the American Civil War, and they were soldiers, they would aim good and hard at one another, and take one shot. And only shot. The job would be done, and the other would live another day.

But they could not kill the other, nor have a war. The insults were the daily battle at school and out. And it was the same every day. Nothing changed.

Until the day Mr. Welsh assigned partners for a project for the first time.

"Sakura- I don't care how much you hate him, you're not messing up your grades because you think low of him. Get over to his house, and start that project! Now!" Sakura's mother stood in front of her next to the front door of the house, insisting she go to Gaara's house. 'Work things out'. Pfft, yeah right, Sakura thought, She's really expecting me to step foot in that- that-

"Sakura! I mean it! Now!" Her mother firmly pointed her arm at the door, and opened it. "And don't come back until you've accomplished something!"

"No! I'm not going over to his house! You're fucking nuts!" Sakura shouted, but her mother only raged again.

"If you don't get over there I'm calling his mother- and believe me young lady, she will escort him over here herself! Now GO!"

Sakura groaned loudly, and violently ripped her hoodie down from the wall, and zipped it up as she stepped out onto the cement steps, her feet crunching loudly over the autumn leaves while she stormed down the sidewalk toward his house.

She thought about going around his house and into the alley- taking off for a while. But she knew her mom would be watching her, and possibly even call if she had a suspicious feeling. Plus, she'd be stupid to go into the alley and stay until dark- she could end up dead that way.

Sakura reached his front door, and banged her fist against it until it was opened, revealing a boy, a make-up wearing one on the other side.

"Can I help you," he said, rather than asked, as if it was routine.

"Yeah, where's your dick face of a brother, Kankuro?"

Kankuro sniffed once, and stepped out of the way. "Oh- I see what you're here for. He's upstairs. All yours. Oh, but try not to make too much noise, because mom and dad could be home at any time, and Gaara wouldn't like it if he got caught. Again."

Sakura shook her head, smiling to herself. "Does he help you memorize that too, or just give you random things to say?"

"Random things- But that one seemed to be working lately so I thought, what the hell, it should work on the dyke next door too."

Sakura turned her head from Kankuro, and saw Gaara coming down the staircase, a sketchbook his hand. "Like you'd be getting anything-"

"Oh, no," Gaara laughed, breaking her sentence. "I'm sorry- have I been taking all the girls you're interested in? I'm sorry-"

"-other than dick." Sakura finished. "I even doubt you get that."

Gaara had nothing to say to her. He wasn't a fag, but he couldn't argue it with her. What could he say? gay men love psychos with red hair who are into mass murder.

"Look," Sakura said. "I'm only here because my mother is forcing me- I don't want to be your friend, and I don't want to study with you. I just want to finish the project, and get out."

"Likewise."

Kankuro shut the front door. "Well, I'll leave you too alone..." he slinked off into the kitchen smiling.

"Kankuro I swear!" Gaara shouted.

"I know you do!" Kankuro called back, clearly opened the refrigerator.

"I'm serious!"

"Project!" Sakura interrupted.

Gaara slowly turned from facing the kitchen doorway. "Right. So here's the deal- My parents will be back shortly with company. So we'll have to use my room-"

Sakura groaned, sighing deeply.

"-So I want you to know: Don't touch anything, including myself, and don't tell my parents about the alcohol. Got it?"

Sakura shrugged, and advanced towards the stairs. "Yeah sure- so show me your shithole."

"Hmmm," Gaara smiled at her even if she didn't notice, and continued up the stairs as she followed. "Also... Also," he added, "You look up the information, and I'll write it down."

Sakura stopped, as they had reached the top, and shook her head. "Oh no- you're not tricking me into doing all the work. No way."

"You're misunderstanding- You'll look it up- I'll write it down, including the poster." he said.

"Uh! No... I'm doing some of the poster; I'm not getting a sucky grade because of you."

Gaara paused when he reached his bedroom door before opening it. He sighed. "Fine- do whatever you want. I don't care."

Sakura nodded in agreement. "Good."

With that, Gaara opened his bedroom door slowly, as if to preparing Sakura for a grand ballroom on the other side. "Don't forget my rules," he reminded her as she walked in, stepping over everything that was on the floor, that ranged from sheets of paper, clothing, and in a few spots, paint brushes and pencils.

Her usual response to first entering someone's room would be to plop down on their bed. But she definitely was not going to 'plop' down on Gaara's bed. Never would she. The thought made her shudder with disgust.

She couldn't imagine her skin making contact with the sheets of Gaara's unmade bed, or even touching the pillow, where his, as she claimed, 'greasy head' would lay every night.

And it was true. Gaara had once gone without a shower for a week. He reeked of cigarettes and alcohol, so he was forced to shower before his parents discovered what he was up to, just by his smell. But that was the only time Gaara had skipped a shower in such time. From the on he had taken a shower every day- and his hair was not dirty in the least.

And then Sakura noticed that she had only noticed Gaara's bed. And that was because his bed was the bottom portion of a bunk bed. How fascinating.

"I see you share your room, eh?" Sakura observed, rather than asked.

"Yes I do- I've been trying to convince my parents to let me have the basement... But you know, I'm so attractive, my parents don't trust me having the basement to myself, when I have access to the window."

"Oh, when will you give up?" Sakura said irritably.

"Well," Gaara began. "I don't need the whore's at school to get a blowjob-"

"-No, you just get the one's off the street instead-"

"-Aren't we here to do a project?" Gaara cut in, throwing some things aside. "Because I mean, if you're really that jealous-"

"Jealous! Jealous!" Sakura was outraged. "Who could ever be jealous of you?"

There was a sudden knock on the open doorframe, and a throat was cleared. "Mom's home- and like I said: Don't make so much noise!" Kankuro whispered, and ran away as soon as Gaara glared at him with piercing eyes. As much as Kankuro loved torturing his little brother Gaara scared the shit out of him.

An hour passed- surprisingly, and Gaara had cleared an area on his floor so they could both sit.

Sakura had Gaara's history book opened across her crossed legs, and flipped through pages, looking for the answer to every question Gaara asked her. And the funny thing was, that if she didn't feel like looking for it, she'd just give him a random answer- and then she'd look up from the book, to see Gaara focused on the poster, smiling.

"No, no- that's not the answer. Napoleon died..." Gaara would go on to correct her without ever looking at the book.

Part of Sakura wanted to be mad, thinking, Gaara could do this himself- he doesn't even need me, but the other part couldn't help but laugh. On the inside, of course- she didn't want to falsely send him a hint that she didn't hate him. Because she did- she couldn't have herself thinking about him any other way.

After Gaara finished writing about a paragraph in one corner of the poster, leaving space for a picture, he sighed and handed her the poster. "So, I suppose you want to draw Napoleon Bonaparte..." he said, sounding somewhat disappointed.

Sakura never thought about Gaara being good at anything- even if it was some silly doodles he had plastered on his walls. But she had to admit- she was a little taken back. She had always loved to draw, and thought she was rather good. Until she saw Gaara's sketches. The boy next door's drawings were better. Sakura mentally scolded herself for thinking that, but it was the truth. He was far better than her.

"No," Sakura said, forcing out every syllable, "You do it."

Gaara looked a little shocked a first, deciding whether if she thought he was a better drawer, or if she just didn't want to do the work. But either way, he didn't care. He just wanted to draw something for a grade for once. And then,

"You're better than me- I would just mess it up." Sakura said quietly, looking down at the Napoleon who was posed in the history book. That had to have been the nicest thing she ever said to him. And she regretted it- she still hated his guts.

Gaara slowly pulled the poster back onto his lap, and sat another book underneath it the area where he would draw the picture. "Uh- ok..."

He began to draw, and Sakura continue to yell in her insides, shaking her head, licking her teeth.

Gaara looked up at her, pulling hair out of his face, and behind his ear. "Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked.

"I wasn't looking at you," Sakura retorted.

"Yes you were."

"No I wasn't."

"You were."

"Oooh!" Sakura couldn't stand to be in his presence anymore. It was already killing her. "Do you know how much I hate you!" she yelled, reminding herself his parents were downstairs. "I don't like you!"

"And I don't like you!"

"Then great, you don't need me here, and I can just leave!" Sakura pushed Gaara's history book off her, and onto the floor as she pushed herself up, heading for the door.

Gaara didn't budge. "No you won't," he said. "Your mother will just drag you back."

Sakura paused, her back to Gaara, as she was only feet away from his door that was just slightly cracked open. He was right. Her mother would bring her back. But she couldn't stand to be in the same room with him- it was driving her crazy, being alone in the same room with him. Every time he looked at her...

What was wrong with her?

Sakura turned slowly, intending to say something back to Gaara, to hide the fact that he was right. But as she turned, he was standing right there behind her. She couldn't let her guard down. Show no emotion. That's what her father always told her. If Gaara couldn't see what she was thinking, she would be home free. But at what cost?

And this time it was hard- he was so close to her, just waiting for her insult to be shot at him. He raised his "eyebrows"(or whatever those things are where his eyebrows would be)as if to say, 'Well?'.

Sakura moved closer to his face- she had confidence. She stopped, leaving about less than an inch between the two. Gaara never once stepped back.

"Just stay out of my face, alright?" Of course she didn't mean that in a literal way- because that was the best she had. She couldn't admit that Gaara hadn't done anything wrong. She couldn't admit he had stolen everything from her. And she didn't like what he was giving her in return. And it was stupid- because she couldn't have possibly been giving him the same.

Sakura moved away from him; he hadn't said anything in return. "Let's just get this done." she said, picking up Gaara's book from the floor. "I don't want to be here all night."

Gaara sat down as Sakura did, and picked up the poster, along with his pencil. "We won't finish it tonight."

"Well I'm not coming back here."

Gaara sighed quietly, pressing his pencil onto the poster board. He really hated her. He hated Sakura so much.

And as he made delicate strokes, creating Napoleon's left eye, he thought of Sakura's eyes. They were a shocking green. He had looked at them every day he saw her, even if it was from a distance. Gaara finished both of Napoleon's eyes, and skipped to his hair. Napoleon's hair wasn't anything like Sakura's. Gaara had longed to touch her petal locks, and sometimes, place the strands that constantly hung in her face behind her ear. Just to see if it was a soft as it looked.

Sakura filled Gaara's mind as his pencil moved furiously across the board- he moved right to the lips. As his pencil curved the outlines, he imagined he was touching Sakura's lips. Just barely placing his finger on them, tracing the contours of her beautiful, perfect mouth.

Gaara hated her because he couldn't have her.

"Are you almost finished?" Sakura asked, leaning slightly in Gaara's direction, looking down at his drawing. When she saw what was there, she stopped. There was a long silence; Gaara never replied.

"Are you drawing me?" she asked, appalled.

Gaara brushed lock of fiery red hair out of his face, and looked up at her. "What?" He looked down at his drawing, and saw that the face and hair did not belong to Napoleon Bonaparte. "Oh- uh, no- I, uh-"

"What are you, some kind of stalker!" Sakura shrieked, sending Gaara's head back.

"No, I was just-"

"I can't believe you- what the hell do you think you're doing!"

Sakura continued on to yell at him. Gaara had had enough.

"No!" he said, and pushed himself at her, gripping her arms just above her elbows, slamming her up against the wall that was just inches behind her. "I'm not a fucking stalker, alright?"

Sakura's arms were tightly and painfully pinned against the back of the wall, while she instantly arched her back towards her attacker, trying to push him off of her.

"And I'm not a fag! I'm not a douche bag, and all these other names you call me every fucking day, and my hair, IS NOT, GREASY!"

Gaara's chest rose and fell rapidly, as his breaths reached Sakura's face, their hearts both pounding with speed of fear, and anger.

Sakura at that moment would have unlinked her crossed legs, and kneed Gaara, causing him pain, shoving him off of her, saying, 'Get the fuck off of me!'. But she didn't, and she couldn't. Sakura couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't moved, or why he just held her down, staring at her. She couldn't remove her eyes from his- he had got her again. And there was nothing she could do about it.

Gaara also knew he'd have to do it now, or just forget about her. Forget about all the lust that had built up over the years, forgetting all the hate.

He looked down at her lips, and when his eyes returned to hers, she had widened them- only wishing Gaara would loosing his grip on her, so she could reach out; just touch him...

But he didn't loosen his grip, holding her steady. And just before she could say his name, begging him to do something, he leant forward, and quickly, but carefully placed his lips on hers. Sakura's right leg slipped away from her other, and slowly extended outward, just between both Gaara's legs. She let his mouth linger on hers, and after a few seconds, pushed him away. She couldn't let him. No.

"This is not happening," she said, sucking in her much needed breath. She had stopped breathing.

Gaara looked at her in shock, also filling his lungs with air. Sakura didn't move from where Gaara had pinned her, and she was nothing but prey to him. It was too easy. He continued to move toward her again, slowly.

"This, is not..." Sakura paused again, still breathing heavily, "Happen..ing,"

Gaara kissed her again, resting his hand on her waist when she didn't refuse, his stomach fluttering with enjoyment- even if it was both their first, and they weren't sure what to do.

Sakura took the opportunity of having free arms to nervously reach up his waist, arms, neck, and finally his face. She wanted to feel him against her, but was too wrecked to do anything more. She was afraid.

Gaara pulled away, looking down at the ground, his mouth open, gasping for breaths. "I can't believe I just did that."

you likey? tell me if I should continue...I'm thinking of just stopping here...okay so review...bye..