I wake in the hospital crying. ANBU mill about, helpless and clueless. The job doesn't exactly foster social skills. Even if you are in an infiltration you rarely have to comfort a crying woman. It doesn't help that they don't know whether I'm a guest or a prisoner. What could they do? They called for backup.

Shizune rushes in and I was crying on her shoulder before I know it. She pats me on my back and whispers comforting nothings. It's the best she can do without knowing what's wrong, though she suspects. She thinks that I'm crying because I was beaten, because my teammates had died, or maybe because I'd been raped, though she was not so graceless as to mention it.

It's an understandable misunderstanding; what with how few clothes I had left when they knocked me out. I knew what he was going to do as soon as he did, but he's in his prime, while I have a few years left to get to that. He's just all around faster than me, I was fast enough to dodge him but not by any but the barest of margins. My clothes suffered for it.

None of it is true, but I don't disabuse her. I've loved and lost, but if she knew that it'd be bad for my health. Luckily, no one saw me wield Samehada but the enemy, and they don't talk to Konoha. There was no way to tell that it was me either, they likely thought that Kisame ate their jutsu. After all, he still has Samehada now….

Even as I cry, I make myself a promise. I will not return to her. I will not take her from him. With her I felt good, great, better than I've ever felt before, but it was a false high. Mostly. Now that I have distance and clarity, I can tell what was beneath her love. It was nothing but cold calculation, the simple wish to have the very greatest bearer possible. I love her still, but I will not be used by her. I want her, and even more than that I want what she would give me, but my pride will not let me accept that. I might not be able to serve Konoha, even.

I slowly gather what had happened to me from her words and my own guesses. I had been knocked unconscious next to the two survivors of Hinata's attentions. After they had established that the Akatsuki had left, they tended to their wounds and found me as they left. They had literally stumbled over my body, as they had not bother to look for my team. Kisame has never left survivors before now. Besides, they didn't know who my team was, or even that there had been a team.

They knew that someone had been fighting Kisame, but hadn't been close enough to find out who. They didn't know whether it had been me to face him in the end and just been spared, if I had been captured in a water prison, "used", and then spared because of that, or if I had been able to stand up to him, been punished for that, then left with my scars, or if something very different had happened. The second was least likely in everyones eyes. I'm not that strong, and fights with Kisame usually end with the opponent in several pieces. That sword isn't just for show. They had decided to be cautious, as they cannot predict the third. Knowing that I am safe, for now, I drop into a deep sleep. This isn't the coma from before. This time I dream.

I am in a sandstone hallway, fossils large and small embedded on all sides. Behind me is sealed, so I walk forward. After a few steps I begin to notice the carvings. They frame the fossils, and depict them. Not as they are now, but what they would be in life. Maybe what they were in life. All have one thing in common. They are fierce, predators. Most seem to be some form of shark. There in a small inscription beneath them. I feel someone else's satisfaction when I realize that they are dates. It's when I ate them.

I spare attention to myself. I am naked, barefoot. Each step gives a strange, rasping echo, like the finest of sandpaper. When I look down I note that I'm stepping in two channels filled with sand, likely worn from my own footsteps. The channels are nearly a foot deep. All too soon the hallway comes to an end.

There is an alter there, but it is dedicated to no one. There are no pictures, no words, nothing but six items and a fire in a stone bowl. The first I notice is a mirror, but what stares back is not myself. At least, not as I'm used to. My face is sharper, harsher, but not unpleasant. I have Kisame's scars, but soften the eyes they surround. Those eyes are black with yellow rings, those of the predators of the deepest sea. My skin is a deep blue, verging on black, but it suits me. When I look closely I'm covered in millions of tiny, tiny scales.

I step back and admire myself. I look wild, alien, and beautiful. I feel stronger than ever, and look better. My muscles are hard and lean, but a small layer of fat softens the effect. My hair is spiked and kinky, nearly more spines than hair. My breasts are slightly smaller and much firmer, seeming to ignore gravity totally. I'm totally hairless, and my nipples are small and shapely. They harden as I notice the cold, flushing red. They have no scales. If not for my "skin" I think that all of me would look like that, the flesh pale and nearly translucent. All along me are small patches of phosphorescence, glowing a pale jade. They line my cheeks, my jaw, my limbs and my hands. I love it. All of it. I've always been vain, and this does not disappoint me.

First is a pair of gloves. I draw them on then hiss with rage. Magically I'm wearing a full suit of clothes, covering me totally. What skin must be shown, as on my face, is covered with a thick layer of base then blush, making me seem almost totally human. I've contacts to hide my eyes. I draw the gloves off and throw them into the fire. I will not hide myself from the world.

Next is a pair of sunglasses. I grimace, but draw them on. The world dims. I lose five senses I didn't even know that I had. They shatter even as they flicker into ash. What Samehada had given me temporarily was only half of it. I can sense humidity and temperature to an amazing degree, in a way that has nothing to do with touch. I can sense heat, electricity, and things I don't even have words for. I reach out blindly and sip a glass of water.

It's… Indescribable. All my senses come into play. I have no doubt that this is my true element. The water is salty, pleasantly briny in a way that would have me retching before the change. I could go on and on, and this was a simple glass of water. The thought of a swim makes me shiver. I won't hide the world from me any more than I'd hide from the world.

I know what this is even before I touch it. It's a vase of flowers, to represent what I give up. First, a daisy for innocence. Second, acacia for friendship. Elm for patriotism. A bramble for friends, family, my village, my work, my comrades. The land that I love and everything in it. I know what I will be, and Konoha will not accept a Biju. I start to cry as I divine my answer. I marshal myself as it hits me with memories of Sakura, of Shika, but there is no need. They aren't enough. I haven't been happy here, not for a long time.

I havn't gotten along with Sakura ever since I gave up on Sasuke. She never forgave me that. Shika… I loved him, once. And I loved him again. We have a bad relationship, me breaking up and him making up, over and over. Each time hurts a little bit less. Each time I care a little bit less. I'm almost out of care. After InoShikaCho broke up I've never really cared for any teammates, my work the same, and for my family and land… Every bird must leave the nest. What I am, or rather what I will be, never even hesitates. And I sacrifice my remorse. The petals curl as they burn.

On the other side is another vase, representing things very different. Amaranth for immortality. Cedar for strength. Cress for power Gardenia for joy. And proud in the center, Nightshade for truth. As I take them up I can feel a weight lift off my shoulders, all my doubts fall away. I've killed before, both the guilty and the innocent. It doesn't matter to me anymore. I hated killing people and never admitted it even to myself. Not cut out to be a ninja. Now I am. I feel no more guilt for killing a man than for squashing a bug. I smile, and my teeth are small and sharp. Perfect for a predator. Perfect for a shark. I know what I am, and I like it. As I wait to wake I start to plan.