Boldly going where others had gone before and meekly going where few have been.

I don't own any of these characters or situations, this is done purely for fun, and so far its been fun.
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Juuban part 6

****************

"Can I have my cure now?"

[Dammit, why is this important now, I like the way I am.]

[it's a matter of free choice.]

"Wait, I don't understand, you're Sailor Sun. I know it. How ..." Pluto said, becoming a little unnerved at this turn of events and forgetting her sore jaw.

Ranma interrupted angrily, "Look lady, I don't know what your problem is. I just proved to you I was who I said I was, or in this case who I wasn't." Ranma took a breath, "You put me through three years of hell for nothing, now give me of my cure. Now."

Sailor Moon looked unsure, a promise was a promise. She summoned her Crescent Moon Wand and prepared her 'attack'. After a brief light show in which the wand was summoned, Moon in a dramatic way, so much so, that it made Ranma cringe inside, announced,

"Moon Healing Activation!"

Ranma felt the magical energy flow around her, then in her minds eye see saw something, something she hadn't seem before. It was a crystal that she new instinctively represented her soul with something inside of it, magic? It was this something that protected Ranma from most of the healing energies that Moon was flowing through her. However Ranma notice something did change, something like a - hoop that had encircled the crystal moved and turned side ways. Then the energies from Moon stopped.

Ranma dismissed the crystal in her mind but kept in available for some reason she could not fathom. She also noticed she was still a she.

"I'm sorry I guess it just didn't work." Sailor Moon said apologetically, while in the background Pluto breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's all right," Ranma said off handily, feeling strangely and very relieved that it failed, "I think something was going on at my end."

Then her eyes narrowed at Pluto.

"You stay outta my life, if I suspect, SUSPECT that you have done anything else to me after today. I will hunt you down and hurt you. Badly." Ranma's tone brook no argument.

With that Ranma turned, but not before one last look at Neptune and Uranus that thrilled her spine for some reason, then hopped onto a tree limb and was gone.

**************

Ranma finally made her way home, entering the living room that doubled as her sleeping quarters through the window and sighed, she was tired and felt more than a little put upon. Looking at the time she realized that it was later than she expected, more more like earlier, as in 3 A.M. earlier. [Why does all the weird stuff have to happen to me?] Without further thought, Ranma collapsed on her futon and thanked whoever was in charge at that moment that tomorrow wasn't a school day and quickly drifted off to sleep.

****************

She was crying and in a great deal of pain.

Gone, all gone.

Those were the only thoughts that repeated in her mind at first. There were others, but in the first few hours of shock, they were the only ones that mattered.

Why did they hold me back? Why wasn't I allow to stop this? Why? Oh Serenity, why?

Her pain increased. Sobs escaped her being. It was pain. Emotional pain. Physical pain she could deal with, she has taught to deal with it in the past through her training and missions for the queen. Now it was all dust, nothing was left.

Nothing but duty.

"Seal them away." were her last orders, Sailor Sun would do it.

She flew in space toward a vortex looking thing and sense what she had to do. She didn't mind, she didn't care. She would seal the Negaverse away from this universe, hopefully forever.

She entered the wormhole, and stopped midway through, and concentrated. Gathering her energies, she prepared herself, for she knew there was no way to survive this. Nor did she want to. Feeling the fabric of her universe and those of the Negaverse on the other side of the wormhole she pulled energy from both sides where it met in a warp bubble that she formed within her body. The energies were collecting at a horrific rate, one solar mass was quickly reached and surpassed, as was two, three..

[Twenty,] Sailor Sun though [twenty will do it.]

Five...

[Oh Serenity, why?]

Ten...

[Why did you hold me back?]

Fifteen...

[Why didn't I just do it? I could have saved everyone.]

Sixteen...

[I swear in any of my next lives...]

Seventeen...

[... I will not let this happen again...]

Eighteen...

[... I swear this on the memory of Serenity...]

Nineteen...

[... and the Moon Kingdom.]

Twenty.

She knew nothing more.

*****************

Ranma awoke, tears streaming from her eyes.

[Oh Serenity, why?] was her first thought of the day.

Ranma wiped her tears and proceeded into her morning routine. She rolled her futon with care all the while trying to contain the emotions within her. Emotions from a dream that threatened to overpower her as she leaned her back against a wall and stifled back a sob. Controlling herself Ranma made her way to the bathe, in spite of the lateness that she went to bed, she was still up early as was her habit. Upon entering the bath she shucked her clothes and wash her face with cold water from the sink, trying to wash the tears out of her eyes. They washed out, but the emotions that brought them there were still in full force. [Dammit, these can't be dreams.] Ranma's thought back to last night, back to what that scout, Pluto said and shook her head.

[No. No way. Besides I did prove it last night that I was not this Sailor Sun.]

[but your knew the words, only Sailor Sun would know them]

[Then why didn't I changed... it always worked... before? Huh?"

[see, parts of you are fighting this and holding you back]

[What the hell does that mean?]

[it means that parts of you are trying to prevent you from changing]

[I don't think so...]

[what about the dream?]

[...]

[you felt the pain, you were there, you know your were. why fight it?]

[I don't even know why I thinking about this, it was a ... dream, wasn't it?]

[not so sure are you now]

[I'm not sure of anything right now]

Ranma sighed heavily, it seems that her life was forever destined to be a weird magnet. She upended the bucket of warm water over her and proceeded to wash his body. His body? Waitaminute. Ranma bolted up from the stool that he was sitting on an took a good look at himself. Himself. A small part of Ranma was dancing around in joy, the vast majority was horrified.

[Oh god, I really didn't want this!] a female voice in her head spoke for the majority.

[we sure the hell did. it's about damn time i say] a tiny male voice shot back

[No! NO! no, no, no, no, no, no, no!]

[yes!]

[I'm happy as a girl! Oh, what in the hell possessed me to want to change that?]

[it's because Pluto took your choice from you. you didn't really know what you wanted - and now you know less.] a third voice stated calmly.

[I gotta change back! I gotta change back! I can't stand going back to being half of something all the time.]

[try!] the male one said.

[NO!]

With that thought Ranma splashed herself with cold water from the spigot and reverted back into her female form.

[Thank god!]

[... until you get hit with warm water again. then what are you going to do?] sarcastically said the male voice.

Ranma sat there and pondered. What is she going to do. For so long it didn't matter if she was a boy or girl on the streets and now that she can change, then it hit her... when did she started looking at her birth form as a curse?

[I don't know.]

Thinking back to last night, skipping over the part with Happosai and his pack of loons, she scrutinized the part where Moon did her healing bit. A crystal. Ranma remembered seeing a crystal in her minds eye. Closing her eyes she pictured it there, floating in space glowing brightly... her soul? There was something else, something inside of it that she should touch but knew she didn't for some reason, something was holding her back. Beside the crystal was a hoop like object.

[That's the thing I saw being moved during that healing thingy Moon did.]

Mentally picturing grabbing the hoop, she maneuvered it over the crystal where in was originally and left it there. [That's where it was.] Ranma then, hesitantly filled a bucket with warm water and then doused herself with it.

She didn't change.

She broke into a big grin, only to have it stolen by a thought from the male voice.

[i wonder if it works the other way?]

Ranma sighed. She had to know.

Reverting to her male state, he sought out the crystal within him. He could see it, but couldn't see whatever in was inside the crystal he saw as a she and that the hoop was missing all together. Changing back, see check it again and seeing everything as it was before, brought the hoop down upon the crystal, locking herself into her female from.

[Guess it only works when I'm a girl.] Ranma sighed again, this time with a strange relief. She finished her bath and dressed. It was Sunday and she decided after the events of last night she would take it easy, which translated into just working out for one hour instead of the usual three.

***************

All during her workout she was too distracted, too much has happened in the last 24 hours, some good and some not so good. First was adopted into the Yonai clan, which was good, no not good, great she corrected. Then Happosai turns up alive after healing up for three years wanting her to join his group of masters so he could retire. That was a mixed bag, good that she felt less guilty about killing him, and only so-so about his offer. Then she meets up with the Senshi who claims that she was one of them and basically finds out that the reason she got cursed in the first place was because of Pluto. That pissed her off thinking about that, so much so that Ranma missed a landing and ended up on her rear.

"Ranma, is there anything wrong?" Akiko asked, concerned that this was the first time she had seen Ranma fall like that.

"Good morning Granny, " Ranma replied, dusting her rear, "No, nothing is wrong, I think."

"You think?' raising a eyebrow above one of her piercing hazel eyes.

"Yes! No." then quieter, "maybe."

"Would you like to talk about it?" Akiko inquired.

Ranma learned, since staying here, that talking about a problem does help. Especially if the person you are talking to actually cares about you. Ranma thought about it and made her decision.

"I would love to talk about it... but, just not right now. I'll think I'll go for a walk and figure somethings out first.

Okay dear, but don't be afraid to come and talk with me about it when you're ready." Then she added with a smile, "After all, we're all family now."

Ranma smiled back at that comment and in-spite herself hugged the older women.

*******************
As Ranma went for a morning stroll toward the park , several thoughts ran thru Ranma's head. None of them good. Doubts filled her from her time on the street, it didn't matter to her then if she was a boy or a girl, now she prefers being a girl, was that the right choice? Then there's Pluto screwing in her life. Manipulating and narrowing her choices down so she could only have that one.
Then there is Happosai screwing with her mind, she didn't know what was real anymore.

And what about her dreams? She had spoken to Michiko about her dreams many times, and Ranma no longer thought that her dreams were delayed stress from her time on the streets as Michiko suggested, but something else. Ranma was afraid of that train of thought, because if it lead to where she thought it lead, then that would mean what Sailor Pluto had said last night was true. And every time she thought about it the tickling in the back of her head would increase.

Ranma sighed, and decided not to thing about this anymore until she reached the park.

Ramna sat on the soft grass by a small lake in the park, trying to come to terms with how she was feeling. Being early in the morning there was hardly anyone around to disturb her, and that was fine with her as she sat and thought. She wasn't too sure of anything right now except for two things: Happosai messed with her head and Pluto messed with her life. She was starting to feel like she didn't know what was real or what wasn't real, with that another internal debate began:

[Happosai made me think there were people in danger, it was so real.]

[what's real?]

[What's real? Real is ... real.]

[you don't know that anymore, for all you know we could be in the Amazon village and you just think your in Juuban.]

[That's crazy! Cologne would want me male to 'stud' with Shampoo, she wouldn't...]

[she just wants you. she always said you were the best in your generation. imagine that, a mere male being the best. I think she would keep you as a girl so you could fight along side their warriors against the musk and make strong little Amazon babies.]

[But what about this morning? I changed... ]

[what about this morning? maybe she'll figure she'll get more bang for the buck. you siring kids and bearing them as well. covering her bases, that what.]

[that's crazy! how would she know I would go along with anything like that?]

[you can't lie to yourself - you know your starting to be attracted to guys now, as well as girls, don't deny it. your what they say "swinging both ways"... and besides if this isn't real it would make it easier to get you to do what they want.]

[Yeah, but I only "swing both ways" when I'm a girl, or at least I think I do. This morning when I changed I was so ... revolted. I don't think I could go back to being a guy even part-time anymore.]

[Try!] said a small male voice in her head.

[Great, now I'm having a three-way conversation now.]

[You have to try! That's how you were suppose to be.]

[let's handle one thing at a time, put that issue aside until we deal with this one first.]

[ ... ]

[What about what happened last night.]

[maybe last night was your subconscious trying to tell you something. cologne was mentioned by name along with pressure points]

[... true...]

[and how about that thing with pluto, huh? a female warrior, a female warrior that has been manipulating your life for the last three years. maybe something is trying to tell you something.]

In spite of the coolness of the morning Ranma started to sweat. She had just thought of some very unpleasant ideals and was unnerved where this train of though was taking her. Frustrated, and a little frighten she pounded a fist into the ground beside her, unknown to her a ripple in the fabric of space traveled downward and set off a series of events deep in the Earth that caused a small earthquake that rattled windows all over Tokyo. The slight tremor went unnoticed by her and many as she shook her head and mentally pressed forward.

[No! I can't start thinking this way. If I start questioning everything around me I might as well be dead. I got to trust something - so I'll have to believe this is all real until I know for sure otherwise.]

[maybe... what about the block on your memory Happosai mentioned last night. what are you going to do about it?]

[What can I do?]

[hmmmm....]

[I could summon Happosai, and have him have a closer look at it.]

[why the hell would you want him anywhere near your head after what he did?]

[He is the one who pointed it out to me, if there is something going on, maybe he can help me.]

[i don't know about this...]

[I got to try something or I'll go insane.]

[i think you're already there.]

On that, Ranma sat quietly for a moment not thinking of anything.

[I'm going to call him.]

[i still think it's a bad ideal]

[You got any better ones?]

[ ... ]

[Thought not.]

Fishing through her pocket Ranma extracted the rod that Happosai gave her the night before. Studying it for the first time she noted it was small, about an inch and a half long and had a glassy like look and feel about it. Taking it in her hands, she held her breath and broke it. The rod broke with a slight popping sound, not the snap she was expecting. Ranma sighed, and waited.

*******

It was not a long wait as Happosai walked, not bounded, but walked up to Ranma who was still seated by the lake looking at it. He wore a nice three-piece suit, a wide brim hat and very nice shoes. Ranma raised an eyebrow at his approach, but did not comment about his attire. She had more important things on her mind.

"Have you decided?" Happosai greeted Ranma

"About your offer? No. I been having too much else going on to think about that. I want to talk to you about what you said last night, about the memory block." Ranma getting to the point.

"Oh, that." Happosai deflated a bit, "I don't know why you're so worried about that. It will go away by itself."

"I want to know if anyone else has been messing with my head, okay? I didn't want to, but I called you because you're the only one I could remotely think of that can help me."

"Very well." sigh, "Let's have a look."

Ranma sat there while Happosai went behind and started probing her head. Ranma felt the tiny fingers of Happosai touch here, poke there and flow a finger up from the top of her head to the base of her skull. While doing this he would make such comments as "Hmmm", "this is unusual", "what's this" and "interesting". It was all starting to get on Ranma's nerves.

After awhile he stopped and sat down beside her cross legged. His face the very picture of concentration. Ranma wanted to, be restrained herself from asking anything. A moment later Happosai looked up at Ranma and said, "It's the dardest thing. I really can't make heads or tails of it."

"Then you can't help me?"

"I didn't say that, I would like to call master Charles, he is better at this than I am."

"Master Charles?"

"The tall African-American fellow you met last night. He is a master of pressure point techniques and dandy for finding out what's going on in peoples head, I suspect he's a bit empathic. If he can't tell you, my boy, no one can."

"Ah... okay."

With that Happosai whipped out a... cell phone and punched a few buttons and talked briefly to who ever picked up on the other end. Ranma raised an eye to that.

Happosai noticed Ranma's look, "What? I can't use modern technology? He'll be here in a few minutes." Happosai said while closing the phone and putting back in his suit pocket.

They waited in silence, Ranma wondering for her part, if she did the right thing.

[No. Can't start second guessing myself now.] with that thought, she reaffirmed to herself.

After a bit a tall, well dressed black man strolled up to the pair and address them both in english, Happosai answered him back in english. Ranma blinked at that, and the man named Charles switched languages and began talking in unaccented Japanese.

"Sorry about that, I forgot. My name is Charles and I know who you are, Ranma. Happosai says here you would like me to look at what he discovered about you last night."

Ranma nodded.

"Very well then, let us find a bench or something for you to sit on and I to stand behind. You may like the ground, but would rather not get my clothes dirty."

The trio moved away from the lake further up a slight incline before finding an unoccupied bench beneath a cluster of trees. Ranma seated herself and the bench while Charles moved around to stand behind her.

"I will not do anything to you. You have my word of honor on that however, I must ask, how deeply do you want me to probe?" Charles asked.

"What do you mean?" Ranma inquired.

"It' s just that if I do a deep probe of the memory block, I may knock it loose, and I couldn't tell you what would happen then. If I just do a superficial one, than I may not be able to tell you any more than what Happosai has told you already. You would gain no more useful information than you already have." Charles answered in a very patient and pleasant voice.

"Oh." Ranma thought about it, "How about starting, ah... superficial and see how it goes. If you have to probe deeper we can discuss it then."

"Very well." Charles said and with that put his large hands on either side of Ranma's head, closed his eyes and concentrated.

Ranma felt something weird going on, there were swirling visions of dancing, fighting, training and meeting people she never met before but somehow knew. There was a slight feeling of vertigo, enough to make her reach out for the arm of the bench to steady herself. Ranma was about to say something when it all stopped.

"You are right, Happosai" Charles said in his unaccented Japanese, "this is very curious and doesn't make any sense."

Ranma, with a sudden imaginative thought of being among the Amazon's, panicked for just a moment before reining it in.

"What? What did you find out?" She asked while trying to keep her voice as even as possible, and failing.

"Ranma, " Charles said while putting a comforting hand on her shoulder, "There is nothing to be frighten of. It is just this memory block is something I have never seen before, I may not be able to tell you more than Happosai has."

"Well, what can you tell me?"

"Well it is slowly breaking up, as Happosai said last night you will probably be experiencing some realistic and unusual dreams. That is the first thing that happens when a memory block is breaking up, the memories slip into the subconscious mind and manifests themselves as dreams. I suspect you are already having dreams?"

Ranma nodded, Charles continued.

You are also probably feeling a odd sensation, like a stirring or fluttering in your head from time to time. This is psychological manifestation of the memory block, maybe you should examine it by yourself sometime soon.

Ranma thought, then nodded for Charles to continue.

"The second thing I can tell you that it is effecting a large part of your long term memory. In other words a great deal of your memories has been suppressed. That is the most interesting thing, I would say the amount is even greater than any one person could have in a normal life-span."

"How long?" Ranma ventured.

The master known as Charles thought deeply about the question before answering. "I would say to accumulate the mass of memory I am detecting, you have well over a thousand years of memory tucked in there."

Ranma blinked, then "How can that be, I'm only 16 years old?!"

"I'm just telling you what I found Ranma." Charles said patiently, "Not, if I could explain it."

Sigh, "Okay, sorry. Please go on."

"Now when someone's mind has been altered by pressure points or other means it leaves a trail. I found Happosai work easily enough and I assure you that you are not suffering from any of his work now or will in the future. This blockage shows no signs of someone ever tampering there, even though it is way too deep and carefully placed there would have been some traces left of the actual adjustment."

Ranma thought about that and asked, "How can you be sure?"

"Well Ranma, the ki lines in and around the memory block are consistent with your natural ones and are undisturbed.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, there are two possible conclusions, one someone with greater knowledge of ki manipulation and pressure points has done this to you, leaving no trace or the only other possibility is...

Ranma just stared at him at this point.

"Ranma," Charles continued, "I fear the only other way you could have such a blockage in this way, is if you were born with it."

********

Ranma thanked Happosai and Charles for their time and decided against a deeper probe for the moment. Before parting Happosai gave Ranma another summoning rod before him and Charles went on their way. She was walking around the park and was thinking deeply about the revelations. And the tickling, she almost forgot. It's been there for so long now that she hardly even acknowledged that it was there anymore, maybe the time has finally come to have a close look at it.

With that, she concentrated on that spot of her conscience and mentally turned it over in her head. The results were as she feared, exactly as she expected.

A flood of thoughts, images, and... and... memories assaulted Ranma's mind. So fast that it almost brought her to her knees. Ranma broke from her mental self exam and breathed hard and she steadied herself against a tree.

[Whoa. What in the hell was that.]

Everything you were, and am.

[Oh great, another self debate.]

This is not something you can fight with your fists, you must solve this from within.

[You mean I have to learn to deal with the memories of some long dead Senshi in my head?]

Those memories are yours, not anyone else's... why else would you have them?

[How do I know that? With all the weird things that have happened to me, not to mention the mind altering pressure points that are out there, how do I know its real?]

You can think of more reasons to avoid the truth....

[Hey! I'm not avoiding anything. It's just that if I not sure what is the truth and what's real. How do I know that this is not all some plot by that manipulative bitch?]

That's not it, but if you start to question every little thing that has happened in the past you won't accept anything as being true.

[I just want what's real!]

Does it look or feel unreal to you?

[No. But, hey! If it is real, why didn't I change last night when I said that phrase?] Ranma thought that last one rather smugly.

Because your afraid, the very small part of you that fear this and is holding the greater part of you back. that is the part you must deal with.

[I ain't afraid... much. So, I have a "small part" that's afraid - how do I know that small part isn't wrong?]

That is the very doubt that is holding you back, getting in your way and stopping you from becoming what you really are.

[Oh yeah? And what is that?]

Sailor Sun.

[More Sailor crap again.]

Why do you fear it?

[I don't fear it, I just... I don't know.]

Let's find a bench somewhere and look at your soul.

[My soul?]

Bench first, soul later.

Ranma sighed, she was really hating these "self debate" sessions that she had been having lately. Mainly because it made her think of somethings she didn't want to think about. But she realized that she couldn't avoid it or go around it, she would have to go through it.

She soon located in a secluded part of the part a bench under a different cluster of trees and sat upon it. Looking about she noticed for the first time how beautiful the morning was. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the air was cool and crisp from the approaching fall. Ranma breath the refreshing air in deeply before taking her mental debate up again.

[Okay, we're going to look at my soul.]

Yes, the Crystal thing is a representation of your soul, just think about it and it will brought up.

Ranma once again found her center and was gazing at the Crystal in her mindscape.

[Okay what are we looking for?]

See! see the magic that is within your very soul? it is right there glowing from within.

Ranma looked closer at the crystal that was her soul then she looked closer at what was inside of it. Magic. Magic from within, bounded to her soul, she reached out to touch it, and was stopped. Looking at the mental image of her arm she noticed a hand restraining it, she followed the hand up the arm and came face to face with - himself.

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