Disclaimers in Part 1

The next day, River locked herself in her room. Everyone was worrying over her, frightened that she was having an episode.

"Honey?" Kaylee asked as she knocked on the door. "Our stories are on. You wanna come watch with me?"

"No," came the quiet response from the other side.

"You sure?"

"…yes."

"Well…okay. If you need me, I'm in the engine room, alright?" Kaylee waited for an answer but when she got none, she turned and started for the engine room.

Next up, not long after, was Inara. "River? Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"I'm fine."

"But-"

"Go away, please."

"River?"

Silence. Inara sighed and headed back to her shuttle. Mal was next, and his manner was bit less delicate than that of the ladies. "Little witch, you gonna come out of there to eat or what?"

He was met with silence.

"River?"

"Or what."

Huh? "Huh?"

"You gave me two options. Eat or what. I don't want to eat, so I chose the only other option."

Mal sputtered for a moment in frustration. "Little witch, you come out of that room right now, or so help me-"

"Sir," Zoe said, softly but firmly as she approached him.

"Zoe, she's bein'-" Mal started.

"I know, sir."

"But-"

"Yeah," Zoe said as she pushed Mal aside. "River, sweetie? Do you want us to bring you something to eat?"

"No, thank you. I'm just fine."

"Okay. Let us know if you do, though."

"I will."

Zoe took Mal's arm and dragged him away.

Wash was the last one to try, not long before nightfall. "River?" he asked as he knocked on her door. "My dinos are getting awfully lonely. It's been a good long while since Veronica's tried to seduce Russell, and he's starting to feel neglected."

He was met with silence at first, and he started to get worried before she said, "I don't want to play tonight, I'm very tired."

"Well, okay. If you change your mind, you know where to find me." And he walked away.

The only two people who hadn't tried to get River to come out of her room over the course of the day were Jayne and Simon. After the events of the previous night, there was no way Jayne was going anywhere near that girl. Even if he did feel a little bit guilty about rejecting her the way he did. If she had come out of her room and just stared at him like she was going to kill him with her brain he would have been able to handle it. But the way she was acting, all holed up in her room, with no one knowing for certain if she was having an episode or what, made him feel all manner of terrible.

Simon had tried to get her to come out of her room first thing in the morning and was greeted with a boot to the forehead. So he had sent the rest of the crew to try to lure her out of her room while he slaved away in the infirmary, obsessing over all of River's charts and notes.

River smirked as she let her mind briefly absorb the thoughts of the crew. They were all assuming the worst. She snuggled back under the covers with her cortex screen and bag of protein snaps. After the events of the previous night, she had decided to stay in her room watching The Planets Will Turn until she had discovered the ultimate seduction technique. She had even downloaded old episodes to study.

She had realized early in the day that she had been focusing far too much on characters that were like herself, and not at all closely enough on characters that were like Jayne. She knew now that she shouldn't have told him he was a virgin. He wasn't like Dominic. It wouldn't make him feel manly and powerful. Just scared. Very, very scared.

The only problem was that she couldn't really find a character that was much like Jayne. She sighed happily as she thought of the object of her affection. He really was a unique creature.

River had become quite intrigued by grieving sex. It seemed to be the most basic and animalistic type of sex that she had seen on the show. And, when all was said and done, the least guilt-ridden, which is something she figured would do Jayne good. He wouldn't feel so bad about having sex with her if he thought he was just doing it to comfort her while she was mourning. The only problem was there was nothing on board Serenity that she could mourn over.

She could kill Simon. But she figured that would just cause a lot more trouble than was needed.

The best she could do for grieving sex was sit back, cross her fingers, and hope that someone other than Jayne got hurt badly on the next job. And she didn't think that sounded like the best of ideas.

River turned her full attention back to the screen. She was watching a very old episode. Ginger, Jennifer and Bradley's mother, was still alive. She had been kidnapped by the evil yet sexy Durran Lynch. There was certainly a sexual tension between the two, but River was certain the two would not be having intercourse.

There were few times when River was wrong. This was one of them. She watched in fascination and near-disgust and Ginger kissed Durran and the fell to the floor. River knew all about Stockholm Syndrome, but this was ridiculous. She shut off the show and began to search the cortex for information on Ginger and Durran's relationship before the kidnapping. She couldn't imagine the two would just fall in love and start making out like that without any kind of history between them.

Sure enough, River found that the two had quite a bit of history before the kidnapping. Durran had worked at for Ginger's father, and the two had developed an attraction, which was strongly discouraged by the father. This was beyond perfect. River couldn't believe her luck. This was the perfect situation for her and Jayne. Their relationship would lend perfectly to the sexual tension of a captor/captive situation.

River smiled to herself happily. She knew Jayne was weakening, last night proved that. And she knew he thought she looked sexy holding a gun. Kidnapping Jayne was the perfect plan.
She curled up under that covers and quickly fell into sleep.

Simon sat at the table in the galley, looking over his notes on River yet again. Kaylee had finally convinced him to take his work to a place where she could heat up some of the leftovers from dinner for him. Kaylee set a bowl of soup in front of Simon as he pushed his files away angrily. "It just doesn't make any sense. She's never acted like this before."

Kaylee put a hand on his should, comfortingly, before walking back over to the cabinets to get a snack. "I'm sure everything's okay Simon."

"The only thing I can figure is that something happened last night while we were out. When we got back, she was already asleep. Usually she waits for us."

"What could have happened?" Kaylee asked as she looked for the bag of protein snaps. "She was here with Jayne all night."

Simon started to put things together in his head, and Kaylee realized her mistake when she looked back and saw Simon seething. "Now, Simon, you know Jayne wouldn't-"

"I don't know that Jayne wouldn't do anything!" Simon exploded. "Now that she's 18, he probably thinks she's fair game!"

"I know you don't like Jayne, but he ain't like that," she said, though she was starting to get frustrated over the missing snacks. "Besides, if he had done something River hadn't want him to, do you really think she would have just gone to sleep, instead of waiting for us to get home."

Simon began to calm down. "I guess."

"I know," Kaylee countered. "Hell, maybe she's just mad at Jayne because he wouldn't play with her. So she decided to make him feel bad by hiding in her room all day."

"Doesn't seem like it made him feel bad," Simon said as he slurped at his soup.

Kaylee slammed another cabinet door. "Really? I thought he was acting kind of weird today. I hardly saw him at all, and when I did see him he didn't say two words to me." She opened the last cabinet and found that the protein snaps were just gone. She tilted her head to the side and added thoughtfully, "And it was like he was avoiding River's room today like the plague."

Simon looked up at her from his soup. "What are you implying?"

Kaylee ignored him. "Have you seen the protein snaps anywhere?"

Simon looked at Kaylee, confused, trying to follow her line of thought. "No."

"You ain't eaten any today? Or seen anyone else eat any?"

"No."

Kaylee stared out into space, thinking. "And she was fast asleep when we got home last night."

Simon was completely befuddled. "Yes, you were there with me when we went to check on her."

"And she hasn't come out of her room all day."

"Yes, which is why I'm worried that she's having an episode or something and that none of us can get in."

Kaylee seemed to snap out of it. "Simon, when has she ever had an episode that wasn't accompanied by screaming and crying?"

Simon was silent for a moment. "Maybe it's a new kind of episode."

Kaylee shook her head, smiling. "No, sweetie. It's not." Simon didn't like the slightly condescending tone to her voice, mostly because he couldn't figure out why she was using it. "She went to sleep early last night, she's locked herself in her room, and she's taken all the junk food on the ship with her."

The part was new to Simon. "She has?"

"Yeah, she has." Kaylee gave him a smile that was almost pitying.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Simon, River's not having an episode." Her smile broke from pitying to all out joyful. "She's got a crush!"

Simon almost choked. "She has a WHAT!"

"A crush."

"How do you figure?"

"Simon, I was her age once. Not long ago, in fact. I remember exactly what that first love feels like. God, you get so upset about it, all you want to do is eat until you pass out."

"Okay, no," Simon said, "River does not have a crush."

Kaylee giggled. "Sweetie, she's 18. It's normal for her to form a crush at her age. Hell, I'd be worried if she didn't."

"But who could she possibly form a crush on out here in the black?"

Kaylee just stared at him. "Simon, there are men on this ship other than you."

He considered it for a moment. "Wash?"

Kaylee laughed again. The laughter that usually made Simon so happy was getting on his nerves a little bit right now. "Are you serious?"

"What? They play together all the time, don't they?"

"Yeah, like brother and sister."

Simon smiled, "Yes, the way they play together does remind me of how I used to play with River when we were younger."

"Exactly."

Simon thought a bit harder. "Mal?"

"Yuck! No! She calls him Daddy."

Simon searched his mind, even harder. "Book?"

Kaylee just gave him a 'you're being dumb' look.

He strained his brain to think of anyone else River could develop a crush on.

"Badger?"

Kaylee face went from 'you're being dumb' to 'what are you smoking.

Simon strained his mind so hard thinking that he was sure he'd have a headache in the morning. He'd gone through all the crew. Well, except himself. He looked at Kaylee and started to say it, but she gave him a look like she knew what he was going to say, and if he knew what was good for him he'd keep him mouth shut.

If it wasn't Wash, and it wasn't Mal, and it wasn't Book, then who…

Oh, no. No, no, no. It couldn't be.

Simon twisted up his face in indignation and disgust. Kaylee, seeing that he had finally caught on, smiled brightly.

"No," Simon said. "No. No. No, no, no, no, no." Kaylee only nodded in response.

"It's Jayne!" She exclaimed excitedly.

"What's me?" Jayne asked as he lumbered into the galley and over to the cabinets to look for something to eat.

Simon glared at him furiously and Kaylee announced excitedly, "River's got a crush on you."

Jayne stiffened. "Who told you that?"

"Nobody," Kaylee said. "We just figured it out."

Jayne relaxed a bit, relieved that the crazy girl hadn't taken it to her head to tell anyone what had happened the night before. "Well, good for you." He turned to leave, feeling very uncomfortable in that room. He'd avoided thinking about River as much as he could, but with all this talk about her having a crush on him, the only thing he could think about was that tiny cotton nightgown and he breathless moans.

"That's all you have to say?" Simon asked. "You hear my mei mei is carrying a torch for you and all you can say is, 'good for you'?"

Jayne and Kaylee just looked at Simon, confused. "It's just a crush, Simon," Kaylee murmured.

"And I'll bet Jayne doesn't even return it anyway. Right?" She turned to Jayne expectantly.

Ah, hell. Why'd little Kaylee have to put him on the spot like that? He didn't have a problem with lying, but his mind was already in smutty places and his palms were sweating and he wasn't sure he'd be able to say much of anything that made sense. "'Course not," he mumbled. "Not that I…..she's a fine girl…..you should be proud….," he got out before turning and darting away from the galley.

Kaylee and Simon stared after him. "Well, that was…." Kaylee started.

"Out of character," Simon finished.

Kaylee smiled again, "You know what I think?"

Simon didn't, and he was pretty sure he wasn't going to like it.

"I think he likes her, too."

Yep. He definitely didn't like it.