Disclaimers in Part 1

Jayne awoke, his head feeling fuzzy and his body a little sore. He was so distracted by the unfamiliar feelings that it took him a few moments to realize his surroundings were unfamiliar, too.

"What the hell?"

"Morning, sleepy head," a little voice said to his left. He turned his head to see River, sitting in a corner, a gun dangling from her hand. "I'm glad you're awake. Was scared I'd given you too much drugs.

Drugs? What? "Wha's goin' on?" Jayne slurred.

"Kidnapped." River explained simply.

"We been kidnapped?"

The girl giggled. "Not we. You."

Jayne was having a very difficult time wrapping his mind around the conversation. "Huh?"

"I kidnapped you."

Jayne first response was to get angry and try to strangle River, but he found his body wasn't exactly functioning.

"Drugs still wearing off," River stated, as she stood and moved over to the little cot he was laying on. "Will be awhile yet until your body catches up with your brain."

Jayne grunted, trying to figure out exactly what was happening. He looked up at the crazy girl. She wasn't wearing that cotton nightgown this time around, but the dress she had on wasn't much bigger. He groaned. With the thoughts that had been going through her brain lately, who know what she might try, especially with him being all doped up.

River giggled again and Jayne was slightly unsettled, knowing that she had heard what he was thinking. "Not going to rape you," she stated, then stopped, thinking. "Well, that is….unless….do you want me to?"

"No, I don't want you to rape me!" Jayne shouted.

"Good," River replied. "Didn't think so. Wouldn't be much fun anyway."

Jayne just grunted again in reply as she walked away, glad she had seemingly dropped the subject. "We can just wait until your fully functioning properly," she finished.

"Hey, now, I thought I made it pretty clear the other night that this thing wasn't going to happen."

"I know. But wrong circumstances. Attempts were calculated incorrectly." She turned to stare at Jayne. "I've done all the math. This conclusion is the most logical."

He closed his eyes and wished this wasn't happening. It wasn't like he really needed to be egged on in his fantasies of her. It would be really nice if she wasn't feeding the fire. He felt himself getting tired, and before he drifted off, Jayne heard River saying, "Just go to sleep now, my Jayne. We can have intercourse when you wake up."

Jayne drug-hazed dreams were filled with long white limbs and chocolate hair, and the fact the he awoke to those long limbs wrapped around him and that chocolate hair in his face didn't really help matters.

He thought his head was clearer than the last time he woke, but he wasn't making any move to push the girl away, so he figured he must still be slightly under the influence.

He tried to move and found that he could. At least, he could if his arms and legs weren't strapped down. Damn, the moon brain was really serious about this sex thing. He lifted his head to look around the room and found that they were in the second shuttle. Only there was sunlight filtering in through the windows, so he knew they weren't docked on Serenity.

Gorram, the crazy girl really had kidnapped him. River shifted on top of him, and Jayne felt the cold metal of a gun sliding along his skin through his t-shirt. He swallowed nervously as he started to enjoy the small weight on top of him less and less.

"Jayne," she whispered breathlessly against his neck, and Jayne found that despite the slight trickling of fear, the way she said his name still turned him on.

Without waiting for him to reply, she went on, dragging the gun even further up his body. "Did you know that fear and sexual desire are very closely related?"

All Jayne could do was swallow hard as River went about proving her point. She pushed the gun under his chin and started rubbing herself against him. "Adrenaline. Endorphins. Dopamine, seratonin. All active in the brain during the chemical reactions caused by fear and by sex." She nipped at his chin before suddenly jumping off of him and smiling down at him loopily.

"Jesus," Jayne groaned.

River giggled as she skipped to the other side of the room. "See? You are frightened by me and aroused by me. We must do this. We must have sex."

Despite the fact that he was more turned on than he could ever remember, Jayne decided he had to do the right thing. Poor little girl had never even been with a man before. Deserved better than a guy like him.

Before he realized it, River was standing over him and punching him in the face. "Don't think like that," she ordered. "My life, my choice. I choose you."

"Gorramit, girl, it's my choice, too. And I choose no," he growled out at her.

River just looked down at him, her hair curtaining her face, before smirking. "No you don't."

"What the hell do you mean 'no I don't'? Of course I do, I said it, didn't I?"

"You said it," River agreed. "But you didn't mean it."

She walked away from him and started to mutter, but he wasn't sure if it was to him or to himself.
"Doesn't make sense. He desires her, yet he doesn't act. He fears her, he is attracted to her, yet he refuses to take her."

She spun around to stare at him. "Would it help if I shot you?"

"What?" Jayne screamed. "No, it wouldn't ruttin' help if you shot me!"

River rolled her eyes. "Not in any vital organs. Just a graze. To get the chemicals moving."

"No, I don't want you to shoot me."

River considered this for a moment. "Will you have sex with me if I don't?"

"No."

River took aim. "Then I have to."

At that moment, Mal and Zoe burst through the door. River looked up at them, but kept the gun aimed at Jayne's leg.

Mal and Zoe looked back and forth between Jayne strapped down to the makeshift bed and River holding a gun on him.

"Well," Mal said after a few moments, "what's goin' on here?"

River just looked at him seriously. "Playing games."

"Well, they don't look like the most enjoyable type of games, little witch."

Zoe glanced toward Jayne and stifled a small laugh. "Looks like Jayne's enjoying 'em, sir."

Mal looked over at Jayne with a look of confusion which quickly turned to disgust. "Dammit, Jayne! She's got a gun trained on you and you're all…you know!"

"Standing at attention, sir?" Zoe supplied.

"Zoe," Mal warned.

"Two sides to the same coin. Fear. Lust. Same chemicals, same reactions," River explained glumly as she dropped the gun.

"Yeah, Mal," Jayne quickly started. "What she said. Same thing. Can't really help it."

Mal looked between the two again, not liking what was going on one bit.

"River, you want to explain why you kidnapped Jayne?"

"Already told you. To play games."

Mal sent Jayne a death glare. "Really? What kind of games?"

River stared at the ground sadly as she placed the gun in Zoe's outstretched hand. "Didn't get to play any. You came too soon."

"Well, that's just too bad," Mal said, barely containing his anger at the confusing situation.

"Not his fault," River said as her head shot up. "Drugged him. Against his will. Brought him to the tower, tried to reverse roles. Turned the knight into Sleeping Beauty hoping he'd still turn her into a real girl."

Mal and Zoe looked at her in utter puzzlement and Jayne just groaned. "Right," Mal finally said. "We can talk about it when we get back to the ship. Zoe, you take Inara's shuttle back, and take River with you. I'll take this one." He turned to Jayne and smiled. "Jayne and I need to have a little chat."