She's A Man Baby A Man
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the charmed characters they all belong to Aaron Spelling Productions except Melissa.
Authors Notes: This is my series of charmed going from series two to seven all stories will be different as that on the show except seasons two and three which will class as one year because of Dan and Cole the will continue as normal.
Note: My stories will be a little different but still have the same outcome so the episodes fit together all the characters on charmed including Andy who didn't die Darryl Triad Source will be recurring characters as will Cole who works for the Triad I'll be using spells from the show and some I create myself in these stories they'll be a little different but still have the same affect and better sounding.
Extra Note: This episodes the same as She's A Man Baby A Man except for a few added and changed scene's like Piper turning into a man not Prue Cole being the Succubus's victim not Owen Grant also Avril Lavigne plays at the end not the Cranberries to reflect the scene and Darryl finds out about the sister's and Melissa plus a pivotal moment in Piper and Leo's relationship happens.
Episode Two
Clubroom Thursday Seventeenth October
Sitting by the bar Phoebe talks to Piper.
Phoebe: I don't believe it it's two am and there's a heat wave going on how comes it's so hot in here when there's no sun?
Piper: Tell me about it Avril Lavigne's playing an animal benefits concert on Saturday and P3's goanna be a million degrees.
Picking an ice cube up Phoebe rubs it down her neck Melissa notices what she's doing.
Melissa: Um Phoebe if you keep doing that me and Piper will have to bust out some man repellent on you.
Two guys stare at Phoebe.
Piper: Alright people move along there's nothing to see god sis are we're goanna have hose you down?
Phoebe: Hey it's not my fault I can't help feeling highly excited right now not that I'd mind been hosed down with water or anything It feels like I'm on fire here feel my forehead.
Melissa touches her forehead.
Melissa: (Concerned) Whoa Phoebe you are burning up here let me get you some orange juice you don't mind I step behind the bar Piper?
Piper: No go right ahead.
Going behind the bar pours out some orange juice takes a premonition blocking potion she made earlier out her pocket trouser pocket and secretly puts it into the glass giving it to Phoebe.
Phoebe: Thanks Mel.
She drinks it and coughs.
Piper: You alright sis?
Phoebe: Sorry the juice must've gone down the wrong hole or something and no I'm not alright smething's happening to me something freaky I think I'm turning evil.
Melissa: (Shocked) What? Whatever gave you that idea?
Phoebe: I don't know right now I feel hot aroused even I've been having these sex dreams and its not like I haven't dreamed about sex before its just this is different it feels real swanky penthouse, love den, candles, satin sheets.
Piper: We get the point sis.
Phoebe: And every night it's with a different man who's telling me how me how irresistible I am and then we well lets just say we could win the gold cup in the Hugh Hefner Olympics.
Melissa: And you think your turning evil cause of that? Has it ever occurred to you Phoebe it could just be a normal sex dream?
Phoebe: What killing the man at the end you call that normal?
Piper: That's how your dream ends? Killing the guy?
Phoebe: Each and every night I told you something's wrong with me.
Melissa: How do you kill them?
Piper: Oh come on Mel your not worried right?
Melissa: With you and your sisters as you so are I wouldn't put anything to pass Phoebe?
Phoebe: I slip my tongue down their throat and suck on them a like a demon would oh god is that what's happening I'm turning into a demon?
Melissa: No I don't think you're turning into a demon but you probably dreamed about one.
Piper: Excuse me?
Melissa: Being one of the three worlds most powerful witches Phoebe's premonitions should grow like Prue's telekinesis did from squinting her eyes to hand movement having dream premonitions about innocents is probably an advancement of her power.
Phoebe: Do you think so?
Melissa: Mostly like yeah maybe you should ask Leo to talk with the Elders see what they know about it.
Phoebe: Tomorrow yes not now it's too late.
Piper: Hey why don't you go home take a long cold shower have a good nights sleep and see how the morning brings.
Phoebe: Okay then guys goodnight.
Getting up she walks out the club.
Melissa: Night Phoebe pleasant dreams I hope.
Phoebe's Bedroom
Phoebe's asleep dreaming of a guy lying on a bed.
Guy: I can't believe we're doing this you've gotta be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
Woman: (Seductively) tell me more.
Guy: Either I'm dreaming or falling in love oh man I am falling in love.
Woman: (Seductively) am I Irresistible?
Guy: Hell yes.
Woman: (Seductively) Polly wanna kiss.
Guy: Mmm.
The woman slips her razor-sharp tongue down the man's mouth and kills him Phoebe wakes up screaming sweating Prue Andy and Piper hearing this wake up and ruin into her room.
Prue: (Worried) Phoebe what is it? What's wrong? Phoebe?
OPENING CREDITS
I am the Son and the Heir
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
See I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone.
STARRING
PRUDENCE DONNA HALLIWELL
PIPER MARIE HALIWELL / RICHARD GRANT
PHOEBE JAYNE HALLIWELL
MELISSA HALE
LEONARDO THEODORE WYATT
ANDREW TRUDEAU
COLDRIDGE BENJAMING TURNER / BELTHAZOR
DANIEL GORDON
DARRYL MORRIS
GUEST STARRING
DETECTIVE SMITH
DARLA / SUCCUBUS
JAN
FLETCH BARTENDER
ABIGAIL
ELDER RAMOUS
ELDER CECIL
ELDER ROLAND
San Francisco City Evening
Fading in various scenes of San Francisco bay and city are lit up whilst Man eater by Daryl Hall and John Oates is playing.
Chorus
Whoa oh here she comes watch out boy she'll chew you up whoa oh here she comes she's a Man eater.
Whoa oh here she comes watch out boy she'll chew you up whoa oh here she comes she's a Man eater.
Attic
Coming in with a glass of water Andy sees Prue and Piper sitting down whilst Phoebe's looking in the Book of Shadows.
Andy: Here you go Phoebe.
He hands her the glass, which she takes.
Phoebe: Thanks Andy.
Piper: You alright sis?
Phoebe: No I'm not that poor man he didn't stand a chance.
Prue: Yeah Piper told about your dream thing is that what happened?
Phoebe: It is same place same woman different guy.
Andy: Have you guys called Leo yet?
Piper: Yes but he's not answering typical so we called Mel she should be here any minute.
Melissa orbs in with her hair up in a pony tail she's wearing a three piece pyjama set comprising of white vest white pink rose bud trousers cardigan light pink dressing gown and turquoise slippers.
Prue: Hi Mel sorry to wake you but Leo wasn't answering and we didn't know who else to call so.
Melissa: Its okay Prue that's what I'm here for you had the dream again didn't you Phoebe?
She nods her head.
Melissa: Did you see who it was?
Phoebe: No I only saw the woman slipping her tongue down the man's throat.
Andy: Maybe it's got something to do with this heat wave going on.
Phoebe: No it's got something to do with this dream premonition rather.
Melissa Don not worry Phoebe I'll go up there and ask if they know what demon it is.
Phoebe: Thanks Mel.
She orbs up to Elder Land.
Piper: We may as well all go back to bed seeing as it could take Mel a long time getting the info.
Prue: Good idea sis hey Phoebe we could stay with you until you fall asleep if you want?
Phoebe: Would you guys? That'll be great thanks.
Leaving Andy and the girls go to her bedroom.
Outside P3 Friday Eighteenth October
Getting out of Prue's BMW X5 the charmed ones go to walk inside the club a person crouching behind a car take close up photos of Prue then leaves.
Piper: So how you feeling this morning sis?
Phoebe: Not good I still feel hot like last night.
Pue: Don't worry Phoebe once we're inside and seen Mel we'll know what's going on.
Phoebe: Alright yeah so going of the subject how was your date with Andy last night?
Prue: Amazing Pierre's was lovely the food exquisite the dancing Mmm even the part where Andy accepted me with no make up or perfume on.
Phoebe: How romantic wish I could find a guy like that though I can't believe you lost your perfume and cosmetics like that.
Prue: Well its not surprising things get mislaid with all stuff we've got in the house.
Prue: Tell me about it I haven't seen Leo since the Emilio Smith incident I'm thinking of splitting with him anyway.
Prue: Not been nasty Piper but you knew about all this when you fought out who Leo really was being away long periods comes with the turf.
Piper: And seeing your girlfriend more than once a month comes with the turf.
Phoebe: I know things seem dire now sis but I'm sure you and Leo will work it out.
Piper: I can't Phoebe it's too complicated.
Coming downstairs they look for Melissa.
Clubroom
Prue: Mel you in?
Hearing someone out side the restroom Melissa comes out newly dressed her wet hairs divided into two downside ponytails and she's gotta toothbrush in her mouth Melissa's wearing an above the knee creased effect skirt held together by a belt a short grey printed vest with a green check flannel shirt tied around and medium high PVC cowboy boots.
Melissa: Oh hey guys sorry I'm not ready yet I've only been back an hour so if you don't mind waiting I'll just be a few minutes.
Phoebe: Take your time that's okay.
Melissa: Alright so you feeling any better this morning Phoebe?
Phoebe: Like I told my sisters not good I still feel hot from last night.
Piper: Did you find anything out?
Melissa: Yes I did the Elders think my theory on Phoebe's dream being a premonitions right the woman you saw killing the man was a demon which means your powers advancing.
Phoebe: Really? Wow any idea why I feel so hot?
Melissa: They reckon it's because you're linked to the demon psychically.
Prue: Do they know who it is?
Melissa: Yeah when a female witch renounces all human emotions and makes a pact with darkness to protect her from heartbreak she becomes a Succubus a sexual predator who seeks out powerful men who become helpless against her magic when she feeds on their testosterone with her razor-sharp tongue.
Piper: Err that's sickening is there a way to vanquish her?
Melissa: Yes everything you needs in the Book of Shadows.
Phoebe: Great lets go save this innocent then.
Melissa: You can't Phoebe sorry he's already dead.
Prue: Oh great now what do we do?
Melissa: Just because an innocents dead doesn't mean you can't save the next one with Phoebe linked the Succubus you'll be able to see who that is.
Piper: Yeah only if we know where she is first.
The gang see Andy coming downstairs.
Prue: Andy hey what you doing here?
They both kiss each other.
Andy: Coming to see you and your sisters I called Buckland's but your assistant said you'd hadn't been in yet and there was no one at the house so I figured you'd be here.
Phoebe: So what can we do for you lieutenant?
Andy: I'm not sure this morning Darryl and I received a case file, which when reed looked suspicious I thinks its got something to do with Phoebe's dream premonition and was wondering if you'd give your prospective on it.
Piper: Sure let us see what it is.
Andy hands Piper the file she and the others look at it.
Melissa: Says here four men have died ever since San Francisco's been hit by the heat wave four nights ago.
Andy: Yeah Darryl and I are certain the murders will continue but we've no suspects oh here's a photo of one of the victims.
He shows them it Phoebe recognizes the man.
Phoebe: Oh my god that's him that's the guy I saw in my dream premonition.
Andy: Oh right the medical examiner said cause of death was several cerebral trauma though he's not sure how the man's testosterone was drained.
Prue: That probably happened when the demon slipped her tongue down the guy's throat does him and the other victims have anything in common?
Andy: Yes they were all members of a dating agency called "Fine Romance" Darryl and an detective are staking the place but they've too many clients and potential victims for us to keep track of if the patterns continue more people will die which we'll not be able to stop will you help us out please?
Piper: We'll see what we can do Andy.
Andy: Thanks now don't go getting hurt okay? Find out what you can then slip our way before you vanquish whomever it is the brass's watching us on this one.
Melissa: Will do.
Andy: Okay guys.
Phoebe: I'll show you out.
She leads Andy out the club then comes back in again.
Melissa: Well now we know where the Succubus hangs lets get down to business alright Phoebe Piper go to the dating agency see whether Phoebe can get a flash on the demon if she's there Piper freeze her until we figure out what to do meanwhile Prue and I will go to the manor and look in the Book of Shadows for the vanquishing spell.
They all leave and go their separate ways.
Outside Fine Romance Dating Agency
Lieutenant Trudeau inspector Morris and detective Smith are sitting in a police car outside Fine Romance they see Phoebe and Piper walk inside Smith starts taking photos of them.
Smith: Oh man look at those two there hot.
Darryl: Just do your job Smith okay.
Smith: I am inspector see I'm taking photos of potential suspects and those two if you ask me are potentials.
Inside Fine Romance
Inside Phoebe and Piper walk up to a desk.
Darla: Welcome to Fine Romance my name's Darla how may I help you?
Phoebe: Yes my sister Piper here would like to sign up to your agency.
Piper: (Whispering to Phoebe shocked) PHOEBE!
Phoebe: (Whispering to Piper) Well I had to think of something Piper okay? You stay here will I try to scope out the demon.
Piper: (Whispering to Piper relenting) Fine.
Phoebe disappears whilst Piper continues talking with Darla.
Darla: Well Piper it's your lucky day we're running a special one year unlimited internet access to our video library with a money back guarantee of $3,500.
Piper: Jesus you can buy for that much.
Darla: Trouble with the opposite sex huh? I can always tell the frustrated ones.
Looking round the room Phoebe bumps into Cole.
Phoebe: Oh god I'm so sorry (Smiling) Cole.
Cole: (Smiling) Phoebe hey.
Phoebe: (Smiling) what you doing here?
Cole: Same as you it would seem I've just signed up.
Phoebe: (Shocked) you've signed up? No way.
Cole: Really how so?
Phoebe: Well your gorgeous you don't need this place to help find a date with your looks you can have any woman you want.
Cole feels unnerved by her comment.
Cole: (Smiling) wow I didn't know you had such faith in me Phoebe.
Phoebe: (Smiling) what of course I do.
Just then she gets a flash via the Succubus of her going after Cole.
Cole: (Concerned) you alright Phoebe?
Phoebe: Fine yeah-sorry Cole if you'll excuse I've gotta go.
She walks back over to Piper who is talking with Darla still.
Darla: Congratulations Piper your days of troubled free men are over I'm sure we'll see you at our mixer tonight?
Piper: We'll um Phoebe hey your back did you find out what you needed?
Phoebe: Oh yeah I sure did (Whispering to her worried) the demons after Cole.
Piper: (Whispering to Phoebe concerned) what oh no.
Phoebe: Yeah I know lets go.
They leave the agency and walk next door to an alleyway.
Alleyway
Piper: Phoebe what we doing here we should be getting back.
Phoebe: Not until Cole's protected from the demon which we can't do without her seeing him but I know someone who can MEL.
Hearing there call she orbs in.
Melissa: Hey guys how did go?
Phoebe: Not good unfortunately the Succubus's after Cole.
Melissa: (Worried) what oh god.
Phoebe: Yeah I know listen could you do us a favour and cloak Cole so the demon doesn't see him?
Melissa: Sure what does she look like?
Piper: We don't know yet.
Melissa: Oh dear.
Phoebe: What do mean oh dear?
Melissa: Well unless I know who I'm cloaking the innocent from I can't shield them but that doesn't mean I can't cloak myself and keep an eye on him.
Piper: Great oh here he comes
They see Cole come out of Fine Romance and get into his BMW convertible.
Phoebe: if anything happens call us alright.
Melissa: Got it.
Piper Here's my cell phone.
Piper gives it to Melissa cloaking herself she follows Cole.
Front Lawn
Getting out Piper's jeep she and Phoebe walk towards the front door Dan's washing his car Piper waves her hand at him he does the same.
Piper: Hi Dan.
Dan: Hey Piper.
Phoebe: Okay sweetie we've more important things to worry about than Dan right now alright.
Opening the door they walk inside the manor to the lounge where Prue's looking through the book.
Lounge
Prue: Ah your back hey how did it go?
Phoebe: I got a flash of the Succubus attacking Cole Mel's out protecting him she'll ring us later with update meaning the demon will either strike at the mixer tonight or before then what about you find anything in the book?
Prue: Nada there's no spell to vanquish her however there's one to attract and destroy her with fire.
Piper looks at the book.
Piper: A flaming death for yours truly you sure we should be doing this?
Phoebe: Piper we've gotta catch this thing before it kills again.
Piper: (Relenting) fine what's next?
Phoebe: Obviously we need to attract the Succubus by casting the spell and since Piper was the one who signed up at the agency she should do it then once the demons attracted to her she freezes the room and we go from there.
Attic
Prue: Right the book says you need to draw a symbol of a man in white chalk on the floor and place lit candles around it with you sitting in the middle saying the spell makes sense since its men she goes after.
Piper draws a male symbol on the floor then lights some candles and places them around it sitting in the middle with Book of Shadows she reads the spell out aloud.
Piper: BY THE DRAWN FORCES OF HEAVEN AND HELL BRING TO ME THIS WOMAN FELL REND OF HER, HER FOUL DESIRES SO THAT SHE MAY PERISH LIKE A MOTH TO FIRE.
Fire burns around her sisters.
Prue: See I knew it wasn't you Phoebe your okay.
Piper: (Speaking in a man's voice) But I'm not.
The two of look at Piper shocked to she's a man.
Phoebe: oh sweet lord Piper?
Prue: Looks like we've a new problem here.
Piper: (Sarcastically) you think.
Outside Piper's Room
Prue's talking to Piper who's hiding inside her room.
Prue: Piper please comes out.
Piper: Not until the spells reversed.
Phoebe Sweetie it's been over an hour (Whispering to Prue) Do you think she's touched herself?
Piper: I heard that thank you.
Prue: It's my fault Phoebe I should've known the spell would turn the recipient into a man.
Phoebe: Prue it's no one's fault okay? None of us know this would happen and the book gave us no warning about anything or that there was a reversal spell because it will wear out after she's attracted the demon.
Piper: Don't worry me isn't going anywhere.
Prue: Piper you don't have much of a choice okay the Succubus goes after men and since the dating agencies the place where she picks up her victim's you can go there and sign like earlier.
Piper: No way sis.
Phoebe: People's lives are at stake here Piper innocent men will die if you don't do this and Mel can't protect Cole and vanquish the demon that's our job anyway there's nothing to be embarrassed about we won't laugh okay?
Piper: Promise?
Prue: Yes now will you please open the door?
Piper: (Relenting) Fine.
She opens the door but then closes it again.
Phoebe: Piper what's wrong?
Piper: I can't do this.
Prue: Sure you can sweetie you don't have to date anyone just make yourself seen and available I'm sure if Leo were here he'd the situation.
Phoebe: Trust us one the Succubus's attracted to you and we've vanquished her you'll be a woman again.
She opens the door.
Piper: That's easier said than dine.
They walk downstairs to the hallway.
Hallway
Prue: Okay now the goal to being a man is confidence got it the walk talk handshake.
Phoebe: And sports guys like that to.
Piper: Right.
Prue: Sincerity is also a key.
Phoebe: But what men really like is clothes cars and money according to Cosmo.
Piper: Phoebe that's not helping.
Phoebe: Sorry.
Prue: Right now it's time for the walk all you have to is visualize a guy you like other than Leo of course and emulate him.
Piper: A guy I like got it.
She walks up and down then turns about.
Phoebe: The guy you admire is Richard Simmons.
Piper: No not him Colin Firth you know The Importance of Being Earnest Bridget Jones Diary Love Actually I love him in those movies considering romantic comedies are my favourite films.
The girls hear the doorbell ring.
Phoebe: Okay I'll get Andy and Morris's file whilst you two answer the door and try to figure out what attributes the Succubus will be attracted to.
Piper: (Shocked) you serious?
Phoebe: Yes it'll be practise for the dating agency just think Colin Firth okay.
Piper: Okay Colin Firth, Colin Firth, Colin Firth.
She opens the door and sees Dan standing there.
Piper: (Shocked whispering to Prue) Its Dan.
Dan: Hi sorry to bother you but my freezer broke and I wondered if you had some ice I could borrow?
Prue: Oh sure Dan um this is this is a friend of ours um Richard, Richard Firth.
Piper/Ritchie: Ritchie for short.
They both shake hands.
Dan: It's nice meeting you Ritchie.
Dan and the girls hear Phoebe scream from the kitchen.
Phoebe: Prue I need you in here quick.
Prue: Coming I'll be right back with that ice Dan.
Piper/Ritchie: (Whispering to Prue) Oh no, no, no, no wait.
Prue: (Whispering to Piper) He's a good man sis alright.
Prue goes to the kitchen.
Dan: Have we met before? You look familiar?
Piper: Hmm.
Dan: So you've known the sisters long?
Piper: Sure yeah I'm like the brother they never had.
Kitchen
Prue's talking to Phoebe
Prue: Phoebe what happened?
Phoebe: I just had another Succubus vision Mel's right Prue I really am connected to this thing I see what she sees feel what she feels like I've no control over it.
She gets another flash.
Prue: (Worried) Phoebe?
Phoebe: It happened again I saw oh my god I think she's pregnant or ready to hatch.
Prue: You mean there's goanna be a whole brood of them killing men?
Phoebe: Unless we stop I think that's exactly what her plan is we need Mel.
Prue: Okay you call Mel I'll get Dan's ice.
Picking up the cordless Phoebe phones Piper's cell whilst Prue gets Dan's ice.
Hallway
Dan's talking with Piper/Ritchie still.
Dan: So is Piper seeing anyone?
Piper/Ritchie tries to copy Dan's moves.
Piper/Ritchie: Not really no.
Dan: So she is seeing someone?
Piper/Ritchie: I'm not sure he's an angel who's never really there for her Piper rarely sees him because of his job his bosses don't take kindly to their employees having relationships don't you just hate men like that?
Dan: I wouldn't know that's never happened to me.
Piper/Ritchie: Oh ha how about those niners?
Prue walks in with the ice.
Prue: Here's your ice Dan.
Dan: Oh thanks Prue.
Prue: You're welcome okay now bye, bye take care and tell Jenny we said hi.
He leaves.
Prue: So?
Piper: We've got problems huge problems.
Cole's Apartment Living Room and Kitchen Area
Standing in a corner cloaked Meliss watches Cole Prepare himself for Fine Romance he puts on his shirt combs his hair slaps on some aftershave does a little turn grabs his car keys and walks out his apartment.
Melissa: Even thirty-four years younger you sill look cute.
Piper's cell rings uncloaking herself she answers it.
Melissa: Hello?
Phoebe: Hey Mel its Phoebe I had another flash I saw eggs sacs I think the Succubus's pregnant or ready to hatch how's Cole?
Melissa: Fine the demon hasn't attacked yet and he's just left his apartment what about you?
Phoebe: We fought the spell to attract and destroy the Succubus which Piper cast and turned into a man.
Melissa: (shocked) what oh my god.
Phoebe: Yeah I know Prue Piper and me are going to the dating agency.
Melissa: good you three do that I'll try getting in touch with some contacts of mine see if they can help with the vanquishing spell.
Phoebe: Okay bye.
Melissa switches the cell off and orbs out.
Video Area
Sitting down Piper/Ritchie's doing his/her videotape.
Piper: I think it's the smaller things I look for in a relationship you know like listening to your partner kindness respect I mean as far as I'm concerned there's nothing sexier or hotter than someone who respects herself because if she respects herself then she respects others.
Jan: Can I just say for a man Ritchie you're really in touch with your feminine side?
Piper/Ritchie: You've no idea.
Outside Fine Romance
Lieutenant Trudeau inspector Morris and detective Smith are there.
Smith: Boy a guy could do some serious damage in there you know just drop the pretence and go in all caveman.
Andy: You're really something you know that Smith.
Smith I know that's what the ladies tell me man it's boiling out here or what.
Darryl: Yes it is.
Smith: I think I'll go inside and do a little investigating.
Andy: whoa, whoa you're not going anywhere.
Smith: Oh come on lieutenant it's a mixer right so I'm goanna mix things up a little.
He gets out the car and walks inside.
Inside Fine Romance
Prue and Phoebe are there.
Phoebe: Do you think the Succubus got Cole? I mean if we're too late.
Prue: You would've had a psychic flash of her killing him and since you haven't we're not.
Phoebe spots him.
Phoebe: Oh there he is you know maybe I should take him home and keep him safe.
Prue: You and him along at the manor?
Phoebe: I'm just goanna talk to him.
Prue: Well you can talk to him over there now go on.
Phoebe goes over to Cole.
Phoebe: (Smiling) Cole hi.
Cole: (Smiling) Hey Phoebe.
Video Area
Piper/Ritchie: So what you're saying is now my videotapes available to all your clients plus with internet access I'll be able to meet girls soon as possible.
Jan: Mr Firth something tells me you could be meeting woman soon as tomorrow this is one great tape.
Piper/Ritchie: Really? Wow I didn't I'd appeal to so may women.
Jan: I'll just go and put this on the newly requested line.
She leaves the room Piper gets up and looks over at the video files skimming through them she notices one on Dan.
Piper/Ritchie: (Shocked) Dan? I didn't know he signed up.
Taking the tape Piper/Ritchie puts it into the VCR and switches it on.
Dan: I can't do this I'm sorry.
Jan: Oh come on Mr Gordon your sister paid for this of course you can do it.
Dan: This isn't me.
Jan: Just give it a try, try speaking from the heart what do you want in a woman?
Dan: What do I want? I don't know I'm old fashioned I guess I want the girl next door someone who's good hearted with a great personality and looks to match the kind of girl that when I leave for work in the morning I wait just a little till she leaves then catch a glimpse of her dark hair and that great smile hoping someday she'll notice me watching her and smile back.
Piper/Ritchie smiles at him then switches the videotape off and leaves the room.
Mixer Room
Cole's talking with Phoebe.
Cole: Do you wanna get outta here and take a walk somewhere?
Phoebe: I'd love to Cole but I can't.
Cole: Why not? (Thinking to himself) She must be after a demon.
Phoebe: It's hard to explain you know boy it's hot in here isn't it?
Cole: Yes it is I'm goanna go get us some drinks I'll be back in minute
Phoebe: No Cole wait.
She gets a new flash.
Phoebe: Oh no she's here Prue Piper.
Cole: Phoebe what's going? You okay?
Phoebe: No we need to get outta here fast if you could just stand there and stay in my sight for a minute.
Cole: Okay.
Prue and Piper meet up with Phoebe.
Prue: Phoebe what's up?
Phoebe: (Whispering to Prue) the demons here I felt her.
Piper: In this room?
Phoebe: Yes
Prue: We need to get outta here fast.
Piper: I agree.
Coming up behind Phoebe detective Smith grabs her wrists.
Smith: Hey where you going honey?
Phoebe: Excuse me?
Smith: I'd like to like to talk you in private.
Phoebe gets a new flash.
Andy: Hey let her go Smith what the hells the matter with you?
Prue: Okay someone had better do something now.
Reacting Piper/Ritchie punches Cole out.
Prue: (Gasping shocked whispering to Piper/Ritchie) you crazy Ritchie?
Darryl notices Cole on the floor
Darryl: That's it you're under arrest for assaulting a DA.
Angry at his suggestion Piper/Ritchie punches him.
Smith: And now you're under arrest for punching a cop.
He handcuffs him/her.
Andy: I really don't think you should be doing that Smith
Phoebe: This is bad guys really bad.
She gets another flash.
Phoebe: Oh god it's getting worse.
Prue: What is?
Phoebe: (Whispering to Prue) the Succubus she isn't attracted to Cole anymore she's attracted to Piper.
Prue: (Worried) Oh no.
Police Interrogation Room
Prue and Phoebe are sitting on the table with Melissa who's met up with them.
Darryl: You want me to release him? He punched a DA and a cop.
Andy: I'm sure Ritchie didn't mean it Darryl.
Phoebe: Look four men have died in the last nights four nights but not tonight why?
Prue: Because of Ritchie that's why.
Melissa: And if he stays in jail other innocent men will get killed.
Darryl: I suppose you want me to release Cole to right?
Phoebe: No don't he's still a potential victim long as he's here he's safe.
Andy: Alright.
Lounge Saturday Nineteenth October
The girls and Melissa are talking.
Piper/Ritchie: I'm surprised we men ever get anything done round here all I seem to think is sex its non stop very debilitating.
Phoebe has a thermometer in her mouth.
Phoebe: Tell me about it.
Melissa: Hopefully it'll be over soon.
Phoebe: Hey Piper did you fix the air conditioning?
Piper/Ritchie: Yeah I just had to clean the airflow filter clog must've thrown the breaker or something.
Phoebe and Melissa look at her/him.
Melissa: Hmmm.
Prue walks in.
Prue: Okay that was the dating agency on the phone seems your videotape broke some kind off house record twenty hits this morning your hot Piper.
Piper: (Smiling) why thanks Prue.
Melissa takes the thermometer from Phoebe's mouth and checks the temperature.
Melissa: A hundred and two point five degrees relatively normal for a Succubus.
Phoebe: But not me the flashes are getting hotter and stronger most likely because the demon missed her nighty feed she didn't get Cole or Piper the Succubus needs to kill again I can feel it.
Prue: So what do we do?
Piper/Ritchie: I'll set up dates with the twenty that called and tell them to meet me at P3 at six pm one pf them has to be the demon surely.
Melissa: but what about Avril Lavinge and her band aren't they coming in to do a sound check before tomorrows benefit what if you scare them away that'll be good for business.
Piper/Ritchie: Don't worry I'll nail the demon before they get there.
Prue: Oh you're goanna nail her right so this whole man thing this sort of short-circuits the whole maybe I should my sisters wiring now doesn't it? Just step on right in and take over.
Melissa: (Laughing) Yeah she's definitely becoming a new Piper didn't start till you told me she sucker punched Cole.
Piper/Ritchie: Hey Phoebe had a problem and I fixed it okay.
Phoebe: (Angry) Oh you bet your butt you did you nearly broke his jaw.
Piper/Ritchie: Excuse me I saved Cole's life look you're the one who said I should practice been a man so I acted on instinct and tell you the truth the moment I hit him I felt powerful strong like somehow that made me a man.
Prue: You wanna know how to be a real man? Just look at Dan honest kind good hearted the type of guy who'd risk being late for work just to make you smile not some bully who walks round thinking one punch's goanna change anything.
Phoebe: Hey how do you know that about him?
Prue: I was looking for Piper after she'd done her videotape when I couldn't see her I browsed through the video files and saw Dan's tape and put it on.
Melissa: Oh gods what's so great about Dan Gordon? I mean look at his hair can you say greasy.
Piper/Ritchie: Hey that isn't a nice thing to say about him Mel especially when he has other good qualities I mean look.
They all look out the window at Dan.
Phoebe: Oh yeah nice body great tan.
Piper/Ritchie: Awesome truck.
Prue: You know sis I think you really are becoming a man.
Outside P3
Smith's trying to look through his binoculars.
Smith: Ow man look at that I can hardly even sea out to it and you let him walk.
Darryl: Try looking at the club for a while sooner we catch the perp sooner your reassigned.
Smith: Fine.
Clubroom
Prue Phoebe and Melissa are walking downstairs.
Phoebe: I hope the Succubus gets here fast because I'm dying here.
Melissa: Okay phoebe focus on the plan Piper lures the Succubus into the alley then freezes her.
Prue: And she bursts into flames got it.
Phoebe sees Piper/Ritchie.
Phoebe: Uh did Piper just check out that girl's butt?
Melissa: I think she did.
Prue: Whoa that's so weird.
Over at the bar Abbey and another bartender Fletch are working.
Fletch: Hey Abbey you called Piper yet?
Abbey: Yeah she's not home.
Fletch: Well she'd better get here quick Avril Lavigne and her band will be here soon.
Sitting down at the bar Piper/Ritchie orders a drink.
Piper/Ritchie: Budweiser please.
Abbey: Coming right up.
She pours the beer into a glass Leo and a woman appear next door.
Leo: Natalie look we shouldn't be doing this.
Natalie: Why not Leo you saved my life I'd be dead right now if it wasn't for you so please let me buy you a beer.
Leo: I'm sorry but I can't accept gifts from charges.
Hearing this Piper/Ritchie snout to herself.
Piper/Ritchie: (Thinking to herself angry) Yeah right like you haven't had enough from me already.
Abbey gives Piper/Ritchie his drink.
Abbey: That'll be $2 please.
Piper/Ritchie hands the money over.
Natalie: Here's $10 I'll go find us a table oh mike mine a white wine.
She leaves Piper/Ritchie speaks to Leo.
Piper/Ritchie: Hey.
Leo: Um hey.
Piper/Ritchie: You don't recognize do you?
Leo: Sorry no should I?
Piper/Ritchie: Yeah I uh work here with Piper Halliwell name's Ritchie, Ritchie Firth.
Leo: Leo Wyatt nice meeting you so you know Piper huh?
Piper/Ritchie: Yeah we go way back I've know her since catering college.
Leo: Huh Piper and I dated a few times actually although now I'm not so sure it's a real confusing time to be a man.
Piper/Ritchie: Really? How so?
Leo: Before Piper I hadn't dated anyone in a long time but the first moment I saw her she lit up the room all of my feelings went out the window and I didn't know what to do I had a job to do and unfortunately been with her couldn't be apart of that but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop thinking about her so I screwed up the rules anyway.
Piper/Ritchie: So you love her then?
Leo: I'd do anything for here but my job takes me away from her a lot and Piper doesn't like that.
Piper/Ritchie looks a little upset.
Piper/Ritchie: Yes she told me about that it's not the fact she doesn't love you Leo it's just hard when there's so many obstacles in the way.
Around the club Prue Melissa and Phoebe are looking for Piper/Ritchie.
Prue: Where's Piper I can't see her I mean him it's so crowded in here can you sense her/ him Mel?
Closing her eyes Melissa concentrates on Piper/Ritchie's location.
Melissa: Got her she's over at the bar with Leo.
Phoebe: Leo? What's he doing here?
Phoebe gets a flash.
Prue: Phoebe what is it?
Phoebe: The Succubus's here I'm seeing what she's seeing.
Melissa: Where is she Phoebe?
Phoebe: She's here somewhere oh no she's just spotted Piper wait isn't that the woman from the dating the one who videotaped Piper?
Over at the bar Leo and Piper/Ritchie continue talking.
Leo: You know a while ago I'd have given up my job for her.
Piper/Ritchie: She wouldn't have wanted that Piper knows how much helping people means to you and that's what counts.
Leo: I suppose its goanna work out is it?
Piper/Ritchie tries answering back trying to contain his/her emotions.
Piper/Ritchie: (Upset) probably not
Prue approaches them.
Prue: Piper hey looks.
Leo: (Shocked) Piper? Oh my god you're a man?
Prue: Sorry Leo but we don't have time to doddle okay the Succubus's here its Jan from the dating agency the one wearing the red dress.
Piper/Ritchie: Right we'd better go.
Leo: Wait let me help you.
Piper/Ritchie: No Leo its fine Mel's helping us besides shouldn't you be getting your friend or charge Natalie a drink?
The two of them leave Leo having a disappointed look on his face Phoebe meets up with Jan.
Phoebe: Hi Jan right from a Fine Romance?
Jan: Yes have we met?
Phoebe gets a new flash and realizes it's not Jan.
Phoebe: its not you.
Alleyway behind P3
Piper comes in.
Darla/Succubus: Hello Ritchie.
He/she turns round seeing her.
Piper/Ritchie: Huh? You're not Jan.
Piper/Ritchie tries freezing her but he/she can't.
Piper/Ritchie: What happening? Why aren't you freezing?
Darla/Succubus starts enchanting Piper/Ritchie.
Darla/Succubus: Because you're falling in love with me that's why you want me you need me tell me I'm irresistible.
Piper/Ritchie: You're irresistible.
Darla/Succubus's about to use her razor-sharp tongue on him/her when Melissa orbs in with Prue and Phoebe seeing her Prue flings the demon away from Piper/Ritchie getting up she starts running away from them.
Prue: Whoa Piper freeze her.
Not being under the Succubus's lore thanks to Prue Piper/Ritchie successfully freezes her this time.
Phoebe: Alright what the hell happened? Why didn't you use your power the first time?
Piper/Ritchie: I don't know I tried using it but it wouldn't work and then I felt like I was uh.
Melissa: Impotent?
Piper/Ritchie: Okay a little advice about men Mel when we fail at something generally we don't like hearing that we're
Melissa: Impotent?
Piper/Ritchie: Yeah!
Prue: Okay why isn't she bursting into flames? I thought once Piper attracted and froze her she'd be dead?
Phoebe: I don't know the spell should've worked.
Darla/Succubus unfreezes.
Prue: Oh no.
Smith Andy and Darryl show up.
Smith: Hold it right there.
Darla/Succubus knocks him out Darryl and Andy look shocked.
Darryl: Alright stop right there or I'll shoot.
He sees her razor-sharp tongue about to get him and shoots her.
Darryl: Okay what the hell was that thing? And don't any of you give me that you don't wanna know crap.
Melissa: That was a demon Darryl.
Darryl: (Shocked) A what?
Phoebe: (Shocked) MEL.
Melissa: Oh come on Phoebe he would've found out about us sooner or later besides he won't tell anyone trust me.
Darryl: If that's a demon then you four are?
Melissa: There witches I'm a white lighter.
Darryl: (Miffed) Huh?
Andy: Long story I'll you later but for now whatever that was its dead right?
Phoebe: Not quite Andy sorry.
Coroner's office
The coroner Dr Woodson's looking over Darla/Succubus.
Dr Woodson: Toxicology won't be back till next week but the preliminary blood panel showed something odd this woman's endocrine system has high levels of testosterone.
Smith: Testosterone? How's that possible?
Dr Woodson: Won't know till the autopsy but if it turns out to be accurate you've definitely got your killer.
Smith: I'm telling something's really weird about this shame she was a real babe.
Dr Woodson leaves the Succubus wakes up sticks her tongue down Smith's throat killing him he screams.
Attic
Prue Piper and Melissa are looking through the Book of Shadows.
Prue: I don't understand the book said the spell would attract and destroy the Succubus by making her come to us and burst into flames.
Piper/Ritchie: Well she certainly came but she didn't burst into the flames and worse still I'm a man what I don't understand is why I wasn't able to use my powers on her?
Melissa: Because you were attracted to her Piper that's how she kills her victims remember the Succubus lures them with her magic and they become helpless against it.
Piper/Ritchie looks out the window.
Piper/Ritchie: You know men are just as afraid of being rejected as woman are that's why Leo avoids me he knows I reject him because I don't see him enough and Dan won't tell me he likes me because he's afraid I won't like him.
Prue: And you'd know all this?
Piper/Ritchie: Of course I'm a guy aren't I?
Phoebe walks in.
Phoebe: Guys the Succubus's alive I felt her kill again.
Melissa: Okay we still stick with the original plan we just need to find her first.
Piper/Ritchie: Why wasn't I able to get her?
Prue: We can still finish this sis.
Piper/Ritchie: How? I mean she knocked me out guys what if she puts me in a trance again and makes me feel weak in the knees so I don't feel like the need not to be rejecting as though it'll devastate her.
Phoebe: Oh great we're dealing with a sensitive man-killing demon.
Piper/Ritchie: Well we're obviously missing something so you three keep looking while I go take a leak.
Prue: Don't forget to put the toilet seat down.
Piper/Ritchie: Yeah, Yeah.
Piper/Ritchie walks out while Phoebe looks in the Book of Shadows.
Melissa: Anything in there?
Phoebe: No nothing at all.
Prue: Wait a sec what if the reason why the Succubus didn't burst into flames is because we reed the spell wrong what if it only attracts the demon but doesn't destroy her?
Melissa: Then you'd need to do that which you could do Prue using your power once Piper froze her.
Phoebe gets a new flash.
Prue: Phoebe what is it?
Phoebe: The Succubus she's here in the house.
They hear a noise like something breaking.
Melissa: (Worried) Piper?
They rush into the bathroom.
Upstairs Bathroom
The girls come in to find Piper gone.
Prue: Where'd she go?
Seeing a broken window Phoebe points to it.
Phoebe: Look.
Darla/Succubus's Place
Darla/Succubus and Piper/Ritchie are there.
Darla/Succubus: I watched your tape over and over again the things you said I
Piper/Ritchie's on the bed.
Darla/Succubus: You can't resist me.
Attic
Prue Phoebe and Melissa are there talking.
Melissa: (Worried) Okay guys we've gotta find Piper or she's dead (Thinking to herself) and if she's dead I'll be to.
Phoebe: I'm connected again and seeing Piper she's alive.
Prue: Where is she Phoebe?
Phoebe: The same place the other victims were but I don't know where that is wait a minute Mel could orb us there I mean all you've gotta do is thinks of Piper and bam we're there.
Melissa: Not if the demon sees us and kills Piper straight away before we've a chance to save her.
Prue: Hey what about talking through her the Succubus I mean if you're connected to her then she's connected to you.
Phoebe: What you talking about?
Melissa: The psychic connection you've gotta reserve it and project it back at the demon so Piper can resist her then she can freeze her and we orb in Prue does the rest and she's history what's the Succubus saying?
Phoebe's flash.
Darla/Succubus: Tell me you want me.
Piper/Ritchie: I want you.
Phoebe: She wants Piper to want her.
Prue: Okay Phoebe talks through her tell Piper she doesn't want her she'll never want her tell her.
Phoebe's flash.
Darla/Succubus: Tell me.
Phoebe: You're a woman not a man.
Phoebe's flash.
Darla/Succubus: You're a woman.
Piper/Ritchie: I'm a woman.
Darla/Succubus: What?
Phoebe: You can resist her Piper only a man is powerless against you.
Melissa: Good Phoebe keeps it up.
Phoebe's flash.
Darla/Succubus: You can resist her Piper only a man is powerless against you
Piper/Ritchie: I can resist you in fact I'm rejecting you.
Darla/Succubus's Place
Darla/Succubus: What? You can't resist me I'm irresistible.
Piper/Ritchie: Not to me your not bitch.
Darla/Succubus: Nooooooo!
Piper/Ritchie uses his/her power against the Succubus freezing her and gets of the bed.
Attic
Prue: Well?
Phoebe: (Smiling) It worked she's frozen her.
Melissa: Good lets go.
Melissa: orbs her Prue and Phoebe over to Piper.
Darla/Succubus's Place
Melissa orbs in with Prue and Phoebe.
Piper: (Angry) Hey what took you so long?
Phoebe: Whoa sorry we couldn't get here sooner Piper but we had to disable her first you okay?
Piper/Ritchie: I will be once she's vanquished.
Melissa: Well she's not lost any of her temperaments hey?
Prue: Uh oh.
Using her power the Succubus bursts into flames and Piper becomes a woman again.
Piper: Thanks its good been a woman again.
Hall Of Elders Up There
In a large room wearing white lighter robes Melissa stands before the council of Elders.
Melissa: I don't see what the problems here.
Elder Roland: (Angry) the problem Melissa is you knowingly told a mortal about the charmed ones and yourself.
Melissa: I'd no choice okay Darryl saw the Succubus's razor-sharp tongue come out her mouth what was I supposed to do lie to him? Sprinkle him with memory dust making him forget even though it's not full proof?
Elder Ramus: That's usually the idea yes.
Melissa: But why? I knew him in the future even before I was a white lighter and he knew the charmed ones before me and never blabbed to anyone who they really were.
Elder Roland: That maybe Melissa but the rules here are different to that in your future a white lighter never tells a mortal who they or their charge is.
Melissa: There not my charges okay I only stepped in because Leo was unavailable anyway I don't see why you're having a go at me when I helped Piper's sisters save her life.
Elder Ramous: We're not having a go at you Melissa just stating the facts so you're more careful next time seeing as you're only a student lighter.
Melissa: Fine now you've given the pep talk can I go please?
Elder Roland: Yes you may.
Melissa: Thank you.
She orbs back down to earth.
P Three
Sitting by the bar Prue's talking to Andy they don't notice someone take Prue's empty wine glass and put it inside their bag.
Prue: So how's Darryl fairing?
Andy: Shocked to say the least but he's dealing with it slowly.
Prue: Listen Andy we're so sorry about.
Andy: hey it's not your fault Prue okay Mel said Darryl would've found out sooner or later about you guys at least I don't have to lie to him anymore.
Phoebe meets Cole by the stairs and talks to him.
Phoebe: (Smiling) Hi.
Cole: (Smiling)
Phoebe: Listen I know leaving you in the police cell was horrible and my friend Ritchie punching you and you probably never wanna see me again but it was for your own good Cole someone bad was after you and.
Cole: Phoebe you're babbling.
Phoebe: Oh sorry.
Cole: No that's okay it's a good thing you were just looking out for me I like that in a woman.
Phoebe: (Smiling) Really?
Cole: (Smiling) Definitely.
Over by the bar Piper wearing an above the knee red spaghetti dress and three inch heels talks to Leo with an uneasy feeling.
Leo: Don't worry Piper Mel will be fine I'm sure of it.
Piper: I know its just she's been up there two hours and I'm worried they might have ago at her?
Leo: Why? She helped your sisters save your life which the Elders would be grateful they can't have a go at her for that.
Piper: Yeah but she did tell Darryl about her Prue Phoebe and me maybe that's not allowed.
Leo: Well at least the heat waves over you must feel great been back in heels again.
Piper: I do yes.
Leo: Looks like you learned a few things about being a woman by being a man.
Piper: Actually I did I learned we're different which is good but we're also similar in many ways you know we all feel the same emotions it's just when we don't communicate about them we read between the lines and screw things up listen Leo about us I
Leo: What?
Piper: (Upset) we've tried everything to make this relationship work but its not there's too many obstacles in our way and.
Leo: (Upset) Please Piper.
Piper: (Upset) No Leo let me speak I can't take it anymore the constant not seeing each other and the rules breaking thing I don't want you losing your wings because of me I couldn't take that.
Leo: (Upset) But I love you Piper.
Piper: (Upset) I know and I wish to god I didn't have to do this but we can't go on like this our relationships doomed to fail and we need to stop before it gets worse.
Leo: (Upset) Piper please doesn't do this.
Piper: (Upset) I'm so sorry Leo.
On stage Abbey appears in front of them.
Abbey: Ladies and gentlemen please welcome on stage Avril Lavigne.
The crowd cheer as she starts singing Happy Ending.
Avril Lavigne: Oh, oh, oh, oh so much for my happy ending oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Verse
Let's talk this over its not like we're dead.
Was it something I did? Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging in a city so dead
Held up so high on such unbreakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew and I thought we could be.
Chorus
You were everything, everything that I wanted we were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it.
And all of the memories so close to me just fade away all this time you were pretending so much for my happy ending.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Verse
You've got your dump friends I know what they say.
They tell you I'm difficult but so are they.
But they don't know me do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me all that shit that you do.
You were all the things I thought I knew and I thought we could be.
You've got your dumb friends I know what they say.
Chorus
You were everything, everything that I wanted we were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it.
And all of the memories so close to me just fade away all this time you were pretending so much for my happy ending.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Verse
It's nice to know that you were there thanks for acting like you cared.
And making me feel like I was the only one it's nice to know we had it all.
Thanks for watching as I fall and letting me know we were done.
Chorus X2
You were everything, everything that I wanted we were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it.
And all of the memories so close to me just fade away all this time you were pretending so much for my happy ending.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
X2
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh so much for my happy ending oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
As she finishes the crowd cheer Piper kisses Leo's cheek and gets up he looks downhearted as she goes over to her sisters Piper doesn't notice Melissa nearby eyes watering having listened in on there conservation the camera fixes on her and fades.
The End