Conflicted Chapter 1: Separation Anxiety, an instant star fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star or anything to do with the show or the people who work on the show….but I REALLY wish I owned Tim Rozon, but sadly…I do not. : (

A/N: Ok this chapter is named after a song by American Hi-Fi called 'Separation Anxiety'.

Alright I really don't know who I'm going to pair Jude with. I'm just going to go with the flow here. OK for people out there who doesn't know this, Spiederman is the name of the lead guitarist of Spiederman Mind Explosion (SME) which is Jude's backup band that is on tour with her. He was the guy who told Jamie about the "secret language of females" in the episode when Jude found out about Kat and Jamie dating. Yea that really hot rocker boy. lol He's a big part of my story. Well here's the first chappie….ENJOY!

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Title: Conflicted

Rating: T

Chapter 1--- Separation Anxiety

Some people say, "Love conquers all", but when your famous, things are different The paparazzi and photographers follow you around even when your not doing anything suspicious at all. They can catch your deepest secret on film for the whole world to see. They can even interpret what your doing the wrong way and ruin your image with one stupid assumption. And the thing is, some people believe all they have to show and tell, and sometimes, those people can be your best friend or your producer, or even your sister, and sometimes, those assumptions can be … somewhat true.

Jude sat quietly in her tour bus, headphones on listening to 'Separation Anxiety" by American Hi-Fi to calm her nerves, the lyrics rushing through her head:

No one told me there'd be days like these
I'm sick of sinkin' man I'm on my knees
Tell me again just why you lied to me
It's separation anxiety

Where did I go wrong?
Is what I'm feeling
Some kinda love song
To stop the bleedin'
Get on the right track
We'll never make it back
You go the wrong way
You're goin' my way
All the things I said to you are over now
And I just can't get over you

Since you've been gone I kinda fall apart
I knew you'd leave me from the very start
Tell me again just what you want from me
It's separation anxiety

All the things I said to you are over now
And I just can't get over you

It's over now
And I just can't get over you

All the things I said to you are over now

And I just can't get over you
I just can't get over you

She bobbed her head to the rhythm as she thought about tonight.

"My last show of my first tour, and it's in my hometown," she thought. She was defiantly excited to come back home to Toronto and to see Jamie. Of course, Tommy and Sadie were back from Italy already, and they'd be there too…..

"Tommy." Jude sighed aloud, pulling her headphones off and turning off the music so she could think more clearly.

Things were just so complicated with him. He acted like he wanted her, she heard him say it himself before her birthday party, but when he kissed her in the ally after Shay broke her heart, all he could tell her was to act like it never happened. How could she even begin to think that he could want some kid like her. Some kid…..

That was the problem. She was just a kid. To the eyes of everyone of the world, Tommy would look like some perverted weirdo going after a 16 year old kid when he could obviously get any girl that had a Boyz Attack poster hanging from their wall that was plenty old enough for him.

"Like Sadie for example." Jude ran her fingers through her hair in mild frustration. Perfect Sadie gets everything she wants. What was it with guys and their obsessive attraction to big breasted, blonde, witches who has second motives for dating a guy and it's usually for backstabbing someone else.

"I swear she only wants him for his fame and to piss the hell out of me because she can , and to let me know she will always be the center of attention, even if I'M the famous one" Jude sat back against the wall beside her 'oh so comfortable' tour bus bed. She closed her eyes and sighed, "Sisters and men".

Jude wasn't really that angry at Sadie, she couldn't really blame her, Tommy is a stud. She was actually mostly mad at Tommy. He did go with Sadie WILLINGLY to Italy.

"He probably suggested it". Jude scoffed to herself aloud, turning her head to roll her eyes and look at the clock on the wall.

"5:24". Jude sighed. Spiederman and the guys were all asleep ( guys and sleeping till….forever rolls eyes) and EJ was at the front of the bus, chatting away on her cell phone, making plans for Jude's future appearances. The concert didn't start until 8:30, and Jude was BORED. All she could do was relax a bit, which was VERY, VERY difficult to do on a cramped tour bus in 80 degree weather and your having romance problems, and just think about things.

OK so she wasn't having total romance problems. She had Jamie. Her best friend since…….forever. She had been too wrapped up in Tommy to realize that she actually had feelings for Jamie in a boyfriend kinda way. Only when Tommy got with Sadie did she realize that. Jamie was so sweet to her. She knew that he wouldn't break her heart like Shay and Tommy did ,but she did feel a little weird being with him, as more than a friend. She just didn't feel sparks….not major sparks anyway. But she trusted Jamie's good judgment more than anyones and he cared for her a lot and she cared for him a lot, he would never hurt her. Plus he was into the same music as her and he helped her out with her songs.

"So does Tommy…….ugh…..of course he does, he's my frikkin producer. Psh….my producer, more like my pain in the ass." Jude sighed. No matter how much she tried to think about Jamie, her thoughts always seemed to drift back to Tommy.

Of course she still had MAJOR feelings for Tommy. When she's with Tommy, she feels like the whole world is perfect, and nothing can go wrong.

Jude sighed again. "So cliché ". But she couldn't deny what she felt. This wasn't some school girl crush. This was different. She had had crushes before and this wasn't a crush. She felt a little bit like this with Shay. Like she was crushing on him, but there was a little something more there, and with Tommy, it was ALOT there. But she didn't know if it was love. Maybe almost love, but it was damn near close, she knew that. But Tommy didn't, NO, Tommy couldn't be with her. Not now. Age really is more than just a number.

"Damn age laws," Jude radiated with resentment for whoever thought that law up. If two people were in love, what was suppose to stop them from being together? It just doesn't seem right.

"I mean if I was 10 years old I'd understand, but 6 years difference between 16 and 22. It's not really that much of an age gap if you really think about it." Jude was getting agitated and she hadn't even seen Tommy and Sadie together yet.

"Oh what fun that'll be", Jude thought sarcastically as she rolled her eyes at the image of Tommy and Sadie at her concert, sitting in the corner together, holding each other, making sweet talk and then leaning towards each other………

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Jude yelled in frustration, throwing her headphones against the wall with a soft thud.

"Whoa chick, calm down." Jude watched as Spiederman, she liked to call him Speed, walked past her bed and gave her a curious look as he leaned against the wall beside her 'comfortable' bed.

"What's wrong ?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest, leaning into the wall more. Jude ran a hand through her hair, biting her lip as she looked up at him, his sandy blonde, ear length hair messy from sleeping all day. His blue/grey eyes looking at her curiously.

"uh…I dunno…I…I guess I'm just a little nervous about the concert." Jude stuttered slightly, looking away from his eyes. His eyes seemed like they looked deep into hers and his steady gaze made her nervous. Speed didn't buy it.

"Oh come on, don't sweat it. You're an amazing artist Jude. You've had tons of other shows just like this one and you weren't this nervous." Jude looked up at him, his eyes looking into her, looking for the truth. She blushed slightly.

"He thinks I'm amazing?" Jude looked away from his eyes again, finding interest in fooling with the strings of her faded Chuck Taylor's.

"There's something else bothering you. Fess up or else I might have to throw off your timing on stage in front of everyone by playing the wrong chords." He threatened teasingly. Jude looked up, her eyes wide but a smile played at her lips.

"You wouldn't," Jude threw her pillow at him. He caught it before it hit him. "You'd just be making yourself look bad." She watched as he eyed her pillow mischievously.

"Hmmmm…..you know, I think this pillow would look so much better in a different location." He looked around, a playful gleam in his eyes.

He stared at the bathroom door. " How about in the toilet?" He laughed as made his way to the door.

"Oh no you don't!" Jude instantly jumped off her bed and tackled him from behind, he kept his balance. She tried grabbing for her pillow. He just lifted it up over his head and looked down at her, smiling while his braces covered his perfectly white teeth. She still couldn't reach it even while standing on the tip of her toes.

"Dang how tall are you?" She jumped up for it, still not being able to reach it as he stood up on the tip of his toes.

"6'3".…" He smiled cockily, amused at her failed efforts to retrieve her pillow from him. She was only 5'4" after all.

She huffed, blowing air upwards, ruffling her bangs slightly. She gave him a glare as she crossed her arms over her chest, looking a little pouty.

"Now tell me what's bothering you or your pillow will be making a new friend." He laughed playfully as Jude smiled. Even though he was threatening her pillow, she knew he just wanted to help her. She was amazed at how he knew there was something else wrong. Only Tommy could usually figure out what she was thinking or feeling. That was something that Jamie couldn't do too well. He couldn't read into her thoughts, neither could Shay.

"Well……." She walked over and sat on the edge of her bed, Speed followed sitting beside her, making sure to keep the pillow on the side where she wasn't sitting.

"…..there's this guy that I like and I can't be with him because……" Jude paused. What was she suppose to say….. ? "He's too old for me and he's my producer" or " he's dating my sister". Speed would figure out who she was talking about.

"…because he doesn't like me back." Jude said quickly, hoping he wouldn't figure out that she lied. He eyed her suspiciously.

"Your not talking about Jamie are you? Because if you are, your all wrong, the dude's so in love with you, and I can see why." He gave her a playful wink looking a little smug.

Jude blushed. "Why does he make me feel all embarrassed so much? It's so unnerving. This is my lead guitarist here, he's just trying to make me feel good for the concert. He is really hot though. AHH! Get a grip Harrison, your with Jamie remember? But when Spiederman is playing on stage and he's all sweaty…….AHHH shut up!" She mentally slapped herself.

"No, I'm not talking about Jamie," Jude released a breath of air that she didn't know she had been holding in. She shifted her eyes to look at him. He had a surprised look on his face.

"Well who would it be then……not that I'm trying to be nosey, I mean, if you don't wanna tell me, it's fine," he looked her in the eyes curiously, his sandy blonde hair still a mess, but it looked surprisingly good to be bed hair. Jude looked away again, his stare becoming too much for her.

"No it's fine, your not being nosey. Heck, I'd ask the same thing. But I can't say who. It's just a guy." Jude looked everywhere except for his face. His eyes were just so deep and were the most breathtaking color of light blue you'd ever see in someone's eyes and they had a slight gray tone, making his eyes look like a pale-blue silver. It was like you could see into his soul and like he could see into yours. He certainly looked at her as if he could.

"Well, all I know is that this guy would have to be fuckin crazy to not want you too. You're the coolest chick I've ever met, any guy would kill to be with you….." he looked a little neverous as he paused in his words. "….I know I would."

Jude's jaw dropped as she stared into those stunning eyes. Did he like her? She knew she felt something for him.

"Wha….what do you mean?" Jude stuttered looking directly into his eyes, getting lost in their metallic depths. He placed a hand on her cheek, she leaned unconsciously into his touch.

"I….I think I'm…..falling for you Jude." Jude continued to stare into his eyes, lost to the world around them. She watched as he leaned his head into hers. She tilted her head to the side and met him halfway. The kiss was fiery and it sent shock waves through her body. Only Tommy could do that to her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. Speed placed his hands on Jude's sides and Jude leaned back onto her bed with Speed on top of her as the kiss continued. She ran her hands through his hair and over his back for what seemed like a long time, possibly 30 minutes. Jude finally broke away, breathing hard, lightly moving Speed off of her and sitting up.

"Speed, uh….I'm uh….I'm with Jamie…I mean, I don't wanna hurt him." Jude was breathless. That was one of the most intense kisses she'd ever had.

"Actually that was more like a make out session." Jude thought to herself and looked at him with an ashamed look on her face.

"No it's fine Jude really, I understand," he said honestly. Speed suddenly looked guilty. His face held it's own ashamed expression. He looked at her.

"Uh…Jude I've been meaning to tell you something……." he paused, with a concentrated look on his face, as if he were debating something with himself.

"Yea…..?" Jude looked at him curiously. What could he have to say that makes him feel so guilty? Speed looked her in the eyes.

"Jude, Jamie told me not to tell you anything, but…. I talked to him on the phone last night…..uh….I….he…" he sighed and looked away from her for a moment before placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Jude did you ever think that he might be the one to hurt you?" Speed looked a little upset.

"What could Jamie have told him to make him so upset? Wait….did he say Jamie could hurt me? No….Jamie would never hurt me like Shay and Tommy." Jude gave him a quizzical look.

"No Speed, why do you say that?" Jude looks into his eyes curiously like he did to her. Speed turned away from her gaze.

"Umm…no reason Jude, just….don't worry about it alright?" He removed his hands from her shoulders and stood up.

"It's almost 7. You should get ready for the show." He looked down at her sitting on the bed, her lips were a little red from their make out session and her hair was frazzled slightly. "You look like you just got done making out with someone." he looked amused with himself.

Jude blushed, " Yea, your one to talk. You don't look to smooth yourself either." She laughed when he crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue at her. She walked over to him and pushed him on down the tour bus hallway.

"Get out of here," she said playfully. He turned around to face her and bowed to her.

"Yes Master," he then stood up and saluted her. She laughed again, turning around to get ready for her show.

Speed walked away smiling, giving her one last glance over his shoulder before he went on to the back of the bus, where his bed was. He went to his suit case to get his clothes out for tonight and started to change into his T-shirt and faded, ripped, slightly baggy blue jeans.

Speed continued to the front of the bus where the rest of the guys were already up, eating , and getting ready for the show. He saw Jude, already dressed and ready for the show also, talking to EJ excitedly about being back and being able to see Jamie. She really did like him as a little more than a friend. Speed frowned to himself.

"How can I tell her that her boyfriend is cheating on her with her best friend? It would screw her up big time. I just can't do that to her, especially when she has to perform in a couple of hours. Jamie dude, what are you thinking man?"

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DUN DUN DUUUUUN! Cliffhanger! lol I'll try to get the next chapter up in the next couple of days. I PROMISE that I'll work on it really, REALLY hard and try to get it up in possibly 2 days, but you guys need to put in a little effort ya know. REVIEW PLEASE! And I'm not gunna say, "Don't flame me" because that just makes people to wanna do it even more, so flame me if you must, I can take it. I appreciate ALL comments. Let's just call it creative criticism. lol Welp, like I said PLEASE REVIEW!