A tired, worn out Calvin sighed as he stored his bike in the garage of his home. Lurking in the shadows was a ragged old stuffed tiger, watching and waiting for Calvin. As Calvin made his way for the door to the house, the tiger stalked him, slowly and carefully. The beast's muscles tensed as Calvin approached the door. As Calvin reached for the door knob, the beast leapt out at him, grabbing Calvin in his arms and driving the both of them into a wall. When Calvin's adrenilene rush wore off, he found himself being embraced by a seemingly overjoyed tiger.
"Tell me Hobbes," Calvin snapped, "do tigers naturally have jet packs in their butts, or was that an optional implant?"
"A fine way to greet a compatriot," Hobbes replied.
"Cut me some slack, I played dodgeball in gym today.
"Ah, no wonder you're so cross," Hobbes said sympathetically as he lowered Calvin to the ground.
"Yeah, that's pretty much what happened. Moe and his ugly friends decided to gang up on me and coach didn't care how hard they were throwing the balls. Once school got out they decided to try running me off a cliff in the woods," Calvin said with a sigh, making his way for the kitchen with Hobbes behind him.
"How'd the bike take that?" Hobbes asked as he opened the pantry for a can of tuna.
"Badly. I think my killer bicycle is ready to snap."
"Well, at least you won't be surprised while everyone else is telling the reporters that it was such a quiet bike," Hobbes said as he put two slices of bread in the toaster.
"Speaking of surprises, did you make those pills Mom and Dad are feeding me 'disappear' for today?"
"Indeed I did. Although I must admit, leaving those things under your bed has induced a remarkable change in the monsters living there. They're more mellow and less cannibalistic."
"Yes, but that's the kind of solution you can expect from a genius of my caliber," Calvin said with all candor, between bites of an apple.
"While we're on the subject of genius, what are the odds that you'll be finishing you algebra homework tonight?"
"Precisely zero," Calvin said as Hobbes rolled his eyes, "You have something to say Mr. Oppenhimer?"
"Nothing."
"Besides, I've got better things to do tonight."
"Would better things involve the television and computer?"
"Don't you think that if I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it?" Calvin said as he began to sulk.
"Consider it charity on my part," Hobbes flatly said as he bit into his sandwich.
"You know what's really sad?" Calvin said as he tossed the husk of an apple into a trash can, "You're still the only friend I've got, no matter what you do to me."
"Whatever happened to Susie?"
"What about Susie?" Calvin snapped.
"Nothing, I just thought she was your friend that was a girl," Hobbes said with a mischievious grin. Calvin just scowled.
"Just because I've decided that not all girls are carriers of a contagious plague doesn't mean I'm falling for Susie," Calvin said with as much menance as a thirteen year old could manage.
Hobbes just smirked as he polished off his sandwich.
"Pipe down flea bait," Calvin said after a while.
"Tell me Hobbes," Calvin snapped, "do tigers naturally have jet packs in their butts, or was that an optional implant?"
"A fine way to greet a compatriot," Hobbes replied.
"Cut me some slack, I played dodgeball in gym today.
"Ah, no wonder you're so cross," Hobbes said sympathetically as he lowered Calvin to the ground.
"Yeah, that's pretty much what happened. Moe and his ugly friends decided to gang up on me and coach didn't care how hard they were throwing the balls. Once school got out they decided to try running me off a cliff in the woods," Calvin said with a sigh, making his way for the kitchen with Hobbes behind him.
"How'd the bike take that?" Hobbes asked as he opened the pantry for a can of tuna.
"Badly. I think my killer bicycle is ready to snap."
"Well, at least you won't be surprised while everyone else is telling the reporters that it was such a quiet bike," Hobbes said as he put two slices of bread in the toaster.
"Speaking of surprises, did you make those pills Mom and Dad are feeding me 'disappear' for today?"
"Indeed I did. Although I must admit, leaving those things under your bed has induced a remarkable change in the monsters living there. They're more mellow and less cannibalistic."
"Yes, but that's the kind of solution you can expect from a genius of my caliber," Calvin said with all candor, between bites of an apple.
"While we're on the subject of genius, what are the odds that you'll be finishing you algebra homework tonight?"
"Precisely zero," Calvin said as Hobbes rolled his eyes, "You have something to say Mr. Oppenhimer?"
"Nothing."
"Besides, I've got better things to do tonight."
"Would better things involve the television and computer?"
"Don't you think that if I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it?" Calvin said as he began to sulk.
"Consider it charity on my part," Hobbes flatly said as he bit into his sandwich.
"You know what's really sad?" Calvin said as he tossed the husk of an apple into a trash can, "You're still the only friend I've got, no matter what you do to me."
"Whatever happened to Susie?"
"What about Susie?" Calvin snapped.
"Nothing, I just thought she was your friend that was a girl," Hobbes said with a mischievious grin. Calvin just scowled.
"Just because I've decided that not all girls are carriers of a contagious plague doesn't mean I'm falling for Susie," Calvin said with as much menance as a thirteen year old could manage.
Hobbes just smirked as he polished off his sandwich.
"Pipe down flea bait," Calvin said after a while.