A/N: Same disclosures apply as in all previous chapters.
Chapter 4
The sun was streaming in gently, defused by the sheer curtains, through the windows. Lindsay stirred with the continual light on her face. She pulled the blanket up closer to her chin. This was so comfortable and relaxing; she felt so at peace; like everything was right with the world. Slowly she opened her eyes, adjusting to the brightness. Then the memory of the previous evening through early morning came crashing down onto her like a ton of bricks and she became aware of the rhythmic breathing beside her. She turned and looked, there was Danny. His eyes were closed, his mouth hanging open slightly, his hair completely tousled. She was alarmed at first, then grateful that he was still there.
She watched him sleep for a few minutes before getting off the couch slowly, careful not to wake him. She went to the bathroom first, to wash her face. It felt so good to have that warm washcloth clean away the evidence from the night before. She thought about taking a shower, with how good the hot water felt on her face, she could only imagine how good it would feel to her whole body. Her stomach however, had other things in mind as it groaned loudly. She ran a brush through her hair quickly, made a face at herself in the mirror, and then pulled her hair back into a neat ponytail, giving up any hope that it would cooperate today.
She then made her way into the kitchen, picking up the discarded frying pan off the floor, Danny's statement the night before making sense, and setting it into the sink. She started the coffee pot to brew some coffee, and then started looking to see what she had to make them to eat, seeing as how they had actually had breakfast at like 2am. It was the least that she could do right? The guy stayed here all night to make sure that she was safe and got a good, peaceful sleep, she reasoned in her head. A guy who defended her honor the night before, a guy who told she could joke around with, a guy who could get under her skin and drive her to work harder than anyone else she had ever known, a guy who could make her insides --
"Something smells good." A sleepy voice sounded from the archway.
Lindsay whipped around, half alarmed because she had been lost in her thoughts, but, upon seeing him, a big smile erupted on her face. He looked hot, and that was the understatement of the century. His hair was sticking straight out in all directions, and his clothes were a little rumpled. He had that look of someone who had just woken up after passionate night. Seeing Danny like that drove Lindsay wild, her senses were kicked into over-drive, even as she was mentally kicking herself for having those thoughts. She was still with Pacey, wasn't she?
"Coffee and some sort of meal is the least I could do for you." She started, "I mean who knows what would have happened…" she drifted off, "What would you like? I have chicken, some hamburger," she rummaged in the cupboard, "I have some pasta and some meat sauce…"
She suddenly became aware of how close Danny was standing to her. She could smell his cologne faintly in the air, and she recognized the scent immediately. He wore her favorite mens' cologne, Polo Sport by Ralph Lauren. She felt the color rise in her cheeks slowly, though she had no clue why she was blushing. She could feel the heat radiating off his body, warming her.
"Are you ok?" He asked her, his voice barely above a whisper, turning her to look at him at the same time.
She didn't know what to say, she couldn't meet his gaze. She didn't know if she was ok. She was angry as hell at Pacey for saying the things that he had said about her last night and couldn't believe that, even with the alcohol, that he would have ever said those things. It made her even angrier that he had said them to Danny, like he was trying to prove to Danny that the reason their relationship hadn't gone to the next level was because of him, even though Lindsay had told him several times that she wasn't ready to have that kind of relationship with him. Still, Pacey had been there at times when no one, even her family at the lab, was. He helped her celebrate her first birthday in the city by herself, she thought, then chided herself, only because you hadn't shared with anyone that it was your birthday.
Danny's hand went underneath her chin, forcing her to meet his crystal blue eyes. He saw the tears that had welled up, and he knew that her heart and head were torn over Pacey, and as much as he wanted to tell her that she deserved a real man, and to show her what a real man was, he wasn't going to make the decision for her, or make it harder for her, and he certainly wasn't going to tell her what to do.
"I don't know," Lindsay answered him finally, "I don't know." She paused for a minute to wipe her eyes. "The Pacey that I knew would never had said those things, even with alcohol, last night. I'm sorry you had to hear all our dirty laundry."
She tried to drop his gaze but he wouldn't let her. He wanted to make sure that she got every word that he was going to say.
"Last night was not your fault Lindsay. You have nothing to apologize or to be sorry for." Danny intensified his stare into her eyes, "Pacey is the one who should be apologizing to you for everything that happened last night. He is the one who caused this, he's the one who is making you cry." Danny stopped there, partly because he didn't want to subject his opinions of the drunken, undeserving, lying, rat on her, and partly because the phone rang.
Lindsay answered the phone without breaking Danny's glare. She tried to make her voice sound like she hadn't been crying.
"Hello." She said into the phone, "I'm fine." Her voice was as hard as a rock. "No, I really don't want to talk to you right now. I don't really care that you're sorry Pacey, you said horrible, awful things to about me to someone who wasn't involved in the situation!" Lindsay's voice started to rise and crack. "No he isn't Pacey!" There was a break in the conversation. "Pacey, do you have anything new to say, like I'm sorry, or I'm a jackass, or I'm sorry I'm such a jackass?" Lindsay asked, "No…Ok, then I'm going to hang up and I really don't want to talk to or see you again until you do." And with that she hung up the phone.
Danny had his arms open and waiting. She collapsed into them, sobbing. "What is wrong with me?"
Reassuringly, Danny promised her there was nothing wrong with her and again told her that the problem was with Pacey. Their eyes locked, and Lindsay quickly backed out of his arms, alarming Danny.
"I think you should go." Lindsay said quietly, not looking at him.
Danny was confused. What had he done?
"Why?" Danny asked, trying to understand what had happened.
"I just think it's better right now if I'm alone." Lindsay said, again not meeting his eyes, and fidgeting with her hands, "I have some things I have to do, and I just want to be alone right now."
"Ok." Danny said, trying not to keep the hurt he felt out of his voice. Danny knew that she was lying, but also that this wasn't about him. This was about her needing to figure out what was best for her. "Call me if you need anything?"
"Yeah, sure." Lindsay said, still staring at the floor, "if I need anything."
"Ok." Danny said, hurt. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." He walked out of the kitchen, leaving her standing there more so not because he wanted to but because he didn't know what else to do. He glanced back once more before he opened the door and walked out. Once the door was closed, he slid down along side of it, the tears falling from his eyes. Why couldn't he just tell her that he wanted her, that she made the floor fall out from beneath him whenever she was in a room, that he couldn't breath when they were close, and when they worked a case together away from the lab, it made him want to do inappropriate things. Heck, just the thought of them together made inappropriate, but enjoyable, ideas pop into his head. Danny wiped his eyes and stood up. He was going to make this right, he was going to tell her all the things he just thought, somehow, he thought as he went to the only place he could think, the lab.
Lindsay heard the door click shut and fell to the kitchen floor. She didn't really want him to go, but the look that she had seen in his eyes scared her because she knew that she had the same look too. She had fallen hard for Danny Messer the first time she had seen him at the zoo. Over the last year and a half, she had become friends with Danny, but those feelings had never gone away. She never really stopped to think that he could have them too, and today that completely went out the window.
How long she had laid there she didn't know, but she must have fallen asleep. A knock at her front door woke her however. She got up off the floor, and glanced at the clock. It was a little after one in the afternoon. She went to the door, and looked out the peephole. It was Pacey. Lindsay groaned, slid the chain on the door to prevent him from just barging in, and opened it.
"What do you want Pacey?" She asked, exasperated.
"I just want to talk. Can I come in?" He sounded tired and weak.
"There's really nothing to talk about, is there?." Lindsay said.
"Lindsay, I am sorry. I did say that this morning, but you didn't hear me with all your defending of that player Messer." The irritation in his voice was rising.
"Pacey, Danny has nothing to do with this, and if you would have let me explain last night, that might have save you some embarrassment." Lindsay was struggling to keep her voice calm.
"Lindsay, please just let me in so that we can talk. I don't want to annoy your neighbors." Pacey asked once more.
Lindsay thought about it for a minute and then shut the door. Against her better judgment, she slid the chain, opened the door and stood aside to let him in.
As he passed by her, she spoke to him,
"Just to let you know, that number one Danny's not here and number two I'm on call, so if I get called, I may have to leave." Lindsay stood with arms crossed over her chest, pushing the door closed with her foot.
"Understood." Pacey said as he sat on the sofa.
There was silence between them as Lindsay continued to stand, and Pacey sitting.
"You said you wanted to talk, so talk." Lindsay told him stiffly.
"Could you at least sit down?" Pacey questioned her, "It would make this a lot easier."
"I'll sit when I'm ready," Lindsay stated. The truth being that she thought he seemed a little too comfortable after the trouble from the night before and she wanted to make sure that there was something worth talking about. It would be easier for her to kick him out if she was already standing, and she felt more in control when she was standing.
"Fine." He said weakly, not wanting to have another fight to apologize for. "The only thing that I ask is that you don't interrupt me until I am finished. Is that a deal?"
"Deal." Lindsay said, wanting to hear his excuse or apology, whatever he was going to do.
"Thank you." Pacey said, "First of all, I am sorry. I'm sorry about everything that happened last night. I'm sorry that I freaked out a little when I came in and tried to apologize for how I acted earlier. I was upset that Danny was here, just hours after us having a fight. I was upset that another man, one of which you are clearly aware I do not care for, was in your apartment and assaulted me with a frying pan." Pacey paused. "I went out and had a drink or two last night. I wasn't thinking clearly and I just freaked out when I saw that he was here. I want us to work out, but you act like you're waiting for something. Like I'm just here until someone better becomes available."
Lindsay shook her head, disbelieving, but said nothing.
"I can't help but think that everything is more important than our relationship. Work calls, you rush out regardless of what we're doing or not doing," Pacey threw a little jab in, "Why can't you, we just have a solid, quiet night off? I mean, I know there have been days that I have been late or haven't shown up, because of a column that I didn't like or I've gotten into a kick on writing, but I call and I tell you what's going on, I don't hide things. I'm honest like that. I'm not off with another girl." Again, he paused.
"And that's something else. You know that I would prefer you not to work with Messer. It's like you don't care what I want. It's like you like to irritate me by working with him. I hate this feeling that it's you, me and Messer in this relationship. I don't like him and I don't want him around. Is that so hard to understand?" Pacey said, sitting back further on the sofa. "So that's my apology, I'm sorry and it won't happen again. Can we please just forget about it and move on?" He flashed a smile at her.
While Pacey had been talking, Lindsay had perched herself on the arm of the chair sitting diagonal from the sofa. She understood some of the things that Pacey had said, but there were points that he was way off on. There was silence between them, and Lindsay took it to mean that he was done.
"Ok Pacey, you have made you're point, but let me ask you some questions." She stood up again, "Are you sorry for any of the things that you said last night or don't you remember them?"
Pacey stared at her with a semi-blank look on his face. "Of course I am, I said I was sorry for last night didn't I?"
"Pacey, do you remember anything you said to Danny?" She was being persistent on this point.
"No, not really." Pacey said, shaking his head, "But I'm apologizing for it all. It doesn't matter what it was."
"Pacey, see that's where you're wrong. It does matter because it matters to me. It matters that you told things to Danny that were private, between us, because you were drunk and angry. So please don't tell me that you only had one or two drinks last night, unless it was one or two too many." She paused and Pacey started to speak, "Wait, I gave you time to speak without interrupting, please give me the same courtesy."
He nodded.
"I've explained my job to you over and over and over again. I don't get to pick what hours I work. Yes, I have set times when I have to be there, but then there are those times when I have to go in early, stay late, pull a double, whatever it takes to get the case solved. There are nights that I have spent a quiet night at home, and those are usually the nights that you don't show up, and you don't always call that same night. There have been times you don't remember until two or three days later, so please don't give me that crap. And I know I've also told you that I don't get to pick who I work with, or what cases I work. Mac assigns them, that's part of his job and me going to him, saying that I don't want to work with Danny anymore because he's causing problems in my private relationships isn't going to fly. It would cause problems where I work. It would be as if your boss told you to make your column about the cost of prescription drugs and you told him that the only thing that you would write about is traffic because it affects your personal life. It wouldn't fly there and it won't fly where I work. And you know that I can't tell you about the cases because of the legal aspects." It was her turn to pause,
"I've also told you more than enough times that Danny and I are just co-workers and friends. The only reason that he was here last night is because we wanted to get back to the lab early to work more on the case and his apartment is much further away than mine. It was just out of convenience, if you had noticed, he came at you out of the living room, while I came out of my bedroom. Not that I need to say this, but nothing happened." Lindsay breathed deeply, this whole conversation was making her head hurt. "But he is my friend, and you are not going to make me choose between him and you. That's not right and it's certainly not fair." She sat down in the chair that she had been semi-pacing around. "I will not just forget this and move on Pacey, this was big."
Pacey got off the sofa and kneeled in front of her, grasping her small hands in his.
"Lindsay I am sorry." He looked at her, "I know, I'm just asking that we move beyond it."
Lindsay looked in his eyes. They were dark, and empty, like all the light had gone out of them, like they weren't open to read him completely.
"Pacey," she said, gently extracting her hands from his and standing, "I don't know what to do right now…I want to think about it, about your apology. I think what would be best for us right now is a break, until things get sorted out." Lindsay looked into his eyes, and had to control her reaction.
It was as if someone had flipped a switch. There was hurt, anger, and rage clearly visible in his eyes.
"A break?" His voice was low and strangled. "A break?" He advanced on Lindsay so quickly, he had backed her up against the wall. "You want to take a break? After I come over here, apologize, tell you that it was all my fault, when I wasn't the one screwing someone else during our relationship."
Lindsay put her hands up to push Pacey away from her. He was starting to scare her and she wanted nothing more than for him to leave.
"Pacey, I think you should go now. There's really nothing more to say at this time." Lindsay said, trying to keep her voice calm and level.
Pacey grabbed both of her wrists with one hand, forcing them down.
"There's nothing more to say huh? You want a break? Fine." Pacey's voice was low and threatening, "I'll give you a break."
With that he brought his free hand up and hitting her hard across the face, forcing her body to recoil, but he held on to her wrists. He hit her again, and then again.
"Pacey stop, Get out! Please stop. PACEY, STOP" Lindsay was trying to shout, but she didn't really know if it was making a difference.
Lindsay was struggling hard to get away from him, she felt her wrist pop, then snap and she knew it had been at least sprained if not broke. She felt his fist connect with her face, and he let her go, letting her fall to the floor.
She tried to break her fall, but couldn't get her hands out in time. Her head hit the floor, and her mind threatened to give out on her, but she wouldn't let it. She rolled over to face him, her knees slightly bent with feet flat on the floor to push herself away quickly.
"It's over Lindsay. We're through. It was you, your little Danny Messer, and your job that did this did this. I was the victim. There will be no break, it's over and it's all your fault." Pacey spat maliciously at her, "If you tell anyone about this, I will come back and finish the job I started, and I won't be so kind." With that being said, Pacey walked to the door, walked out, slamming it shut behind him.
Lindsay couldn't believe what had happened. Her face was throbbing, her wrist hurt horribly, and she was still frozen on the floor. She thought that the tears would be falling now, but none came. Slowly, she got up. She didn't know what to do, she wanted to call the police but couldn't bring herself to make the call. They all knew her, what would they think if she called in and reported that she was a victim of domestic violence.
She picked up the phone, and dialed the one number that she could think of. The line was ringing and she finally hear the phone click, indicating someone had picked up.
"Messer." The voice was deep and full of accent.
"Danny…" was all that Lindsay managed to get out before the avalanche of tears hit her.