Chapter 40

Sonny watched her as she sat on the stool and ate the potato chips. He wanted to rip the bag out of her hands and tell her not to eat them. He however knew that no matter what he said the food would still enter her mouth. He watched as she continued to pop the chips in her mouth as she also took a sip of water. They hadn't said anything since they entered the kitchen, Sonny didn't really mind, he loved to watch her eat, even if it was junk food.

"So what did you want," Carly said as turned her back on him and went to the cupboard.

Sonny remained silent as he watched Carly put the chips away. He thanked god that he didn't have to watch her shove any more of that horrible food ion her mouth. His thanks were cut short when Carly turned around with a Ziploc bag of cookies, chocolate chip to be exact. She set the cookies down and went to the fridge to get a glass of milk. She came back a few minutes later with two glasses of milk. Sonny got a weird look on his face as Carly set one of the glasses in front him.

"What? You didn't think I was the only one that was going to eat a cookie, or two," Carly said as she walked back to the cookies and took a seat in front of them.

"I'm not eating that crap," Sonny said as he pushed the cookie Carly offered him away.

"A cookie won't kill you, and if you don't eat it I can tell Emma that you hate her baking," Carly joked.

"Well since you didn't bake it I guess I won't die," Sonny said as he took the cookie.

"Ha ha, so why did you come by? It's not like Michael is crying wolf again," Carly joked.

"I just needed to see you. To ask you something," Sonny said as he looked across the counter.

"And," Carly said as she put her glass of milk on the counter.

"I'm not sure. I just, I just have so many questions for you."

"About Emma," Carly asked.

"Yeah, and Court. When did, When did you find out Courtney was pregnant."

"When I went out that first time. I was going to try and convince her to come home, but it didn't seem fair."

"You should have tried harder."

"I can't really say that I even really tried to convince her to come back. You should have heard her, the sadness in her voice when she spoke of you, and Jase. I couldn't ask her. She's too stubborn anyway. Kind of like you," Carly added the last part under her breath as it was laced with anger

"Carly, I don't want a fight," Sonny stated as he had heard the anger in her voice.

"Well then tell me Sonny what do you want? Huh, tell me. Do you want me to hold your hand and tell you it isn't your fault? That I'm sorry that I never told you about Emma, that I'm sorry that you had to live the last sixteen years without knowing your sister, and niece. Well I am sorry but not for the reasons you may think. I'm sorry because Emma has to deal with all of this. I'm sorry that you, and Jase were too self absorbed with that little whore you call a wife to even worry about Emma," Carly screamed, her pent up anger getting the better of her.

"Why didn't you tell me," Sonny said relatively calm.

"Why would I? You didn't want anything to do with Courtney. Would you honestly take her back into your life, Jason's life, just so you could know Emma? Do you honestly think that Jason would have kept Sam if he had known he had a little girl out there," Carly seethed.

"Maybe if you had told me that Courtney was pregnant instead of just divorcing me," Sonny replied losing his temper some.

"Me divorcing you had nothing to do with Courtney. It may have looked that way but It wasn't," Carly screamed interrupting Sonny.

"Then what was it about?"

"It was about YOU. You and how big of a self centered self absorbed pig you are," Carly ranted as she threw her arms in the air and glared at her ex.

"Really I thought it was about you and how you felt for Steven. You didn't even give yourself that much time before jumping into your next relationship. Not that I expected much, you did sleep with Alcazar while we were still married," Sonny said as he finally lost his temper.

"I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE. I want you out now," Carly screamed even louder as she tried to keep her composure.

Sonny didn't say a word as he turned and left the kitchen. He walked out the front door and slammed it shut. He stopped short of walking away and stopped at the door. He hadn't planned on things going that way. He had just wanted to talk, that was it, but some how he had done more than just talked. They had argued, and he was angry once again. He leaned his head against the door as he let out an angry sigh.

Carly couldn't move as she stood inside. She was frozen to the spot. She didn't know why she had gotten so mad. What was wrong with her? He had only wanted to talk. So why had she got so bent out of shape? Carly slid to the floor and leaned up against the cabinets as she let her tears fall. She pulled her legs close to her as she tried to understand what was happening to her life.

.-

Emma stood in the bathroom. She had heard the squeak of his shoes as he walked down the hall. She had left the door open a crack and from her position on the floor, on her hands and knees, she had a view of his feet. As he got closer she tipped herself back on her knees. She rested her hands on her knees as she scooted herself back into the sink cabinets. The doorknob began to turn as the door began to open.

He watched her roll into the covers again as he made his way to the bathroom door. It was open a crack as approached the door. He placed his hand on the cool metal of the doorknob as he began to pull open the door.

"What are you doing here?"

Jason spun around to see her, his hand still gripping the doorknob. The woman that could still make his heart beat faster just at the sight of her was standing just feet behind him watching. He watched as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"I thought I heard a noise. I was just checking to make sure no one was in the loft with you," Jason said as he took a quick look at her body.

"Well I can't be alone if you're here," Courtney said as she noticed him checking her out. "So what are you doing, and how did you get in?"

"I told you I was…"

"I meant why are you here, in the loft."

"Oh, I hadn't realized you would be here. I'll go," Jason said as he let go of the bathroom doorknob and began to walk out.

"You still didn't answer my question," Courtney said just as Jason was about to walk out the door. She had wanted to say something sooner, but she couldn't find her voice.

"I'm not sure what I'm doing here. I was just on my bike, driving around and I ended up here," Jason said as he turned to face her.

Courtney slowly walked up to him, tilting her head to the side as she shoved her hands in her pockets. She was completely awake at this moment, something about him just made her feel so alive, like she would never be tired again. Courtney stopped right in front of him with her eyes to the ground.

"Well why did you come up? I mean you could have just driven away," Courtney said as she looked up at him.

Jason wasn't sure if he could take it. He was right in front of her and he was having a hard time keeping his hands off. HE took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. HE wasn't sure what to see. He saw the light in her eyes that used to reassure him that things would be okay, yet there was something off. Something he wasn't sure about.

"Did you come to ask me about Emma because if you did I'm not sure if I can answer your questions. I'm not sure I'm ready," Courtney said as she tore her eyes away from him and took a step back. The closeness was beginning to become too much for her.

"So what if I did. Don't I have a right to know? Shouldn't I have known 16 years ago," Jason asked as his voice rose a little. This was what felt off. She had lied to him. She had lied again about another child of his. HE wanted so much to take her in his arms and say he understood, but truth was he didn't. He didn't understand why she would keep something like this from him.

"Maybe if you had opened your eyes you would have seen it. You would have noticed that while you were playing daddy to Sam's baby girl I was off in California making the hardest decision of my life," Courtney stated.

"It didn't seem that hard. You did stay away all those years, raising Emma while I was here. In Port Charles watching after Michael and Morgan dreaming of what it would be like to have a daughter, a son, a child of my own. God Courtney you knew how much I wanted a child of my own yet you kept me from my own daughter," Jason was now screaming. He wasn't sure why he was screaming, he just was. He had never felt this mad before. He had never been this angry. What made him even madder was that he wasn't sure who he was angry at, he thought it was her, but he wasn't sure anymore.

"You don't think I really wanted to keep Emma from you," Courtney asked as she looked at him. The tears she had been trying so hard to fight back were falling. She didn't want to cry in front of him, she had spent too many nights crying over him already. She quickly dried her tears as she waited for him to answer.

He looked at her with anger in his eyes. She was crying. He had made her cry again. He had promised he would never hurt her again. Yet there she was right in front of him crying. He couldn't deal with this. Not now. He looked at her one last time, anger still visible in his eyes, before he turned around and walked out the door. He needed more time. Neither of them was ready to do this.

She watched him leave. He just walked out. Would they ever get through a conversation without him walking out? Would he have walked out on talking to Emma? Courtney wasn't sure. She thought she had left for the sake of Jason and his relationship with Sam, but she wasn't sure anymore. Did she leave for him, or was it for her?

Courtney had no idea how she did it but she had managed to walk over to the bed. She looked at the messy bed and all she could think of was sleeping as she fell into the bed crying. She wasn't sure. She wasn't sure about her life anymore. She wasn't sure if she had made the right decisions or if she had been completely wrong. She didn't know if Sonny and Jason hated her, she was scared they did. She was even more scared that Emma hated her. That Emma was mad at her for keeping all of this from her, all of them. Maybe her daughter hated her for not calling them when they had been in trouble. She was afraid that everyone was mad at her. She fell asleep that night tears streaming down her face as her worry consumed her.