Please Read and Review. I'm a little nervous about this chapter, so I'd love to know what people think.
Style Note: ITALICS indicate a flashback scene.
CHAPTER 8: THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOWYAMI'S POV
Watching Kaiba wait was like watching a caged tiger. If he had a tail, it would have been thrashing as he paced.
"I take it you've found nothing new," I said.
"You want to know what I've learned in all my research?" he growled. "I can sum it up in one sentence: There seems to have been a priest named Akunadin who served a nameless pharaoh about 3,000 years ago. I didn't bother letting the University of Cairo know that their nameless pharaoh was running around Domino calling himself Yami."
"Akunadin wants those items. Sooner or later, he'll make a move."
"If he hasn't already…" Kaiba said to himself, glancing at Seto. I looked at Kaiba but he shook his head.
"Patience…" I said. "The time is not yet right. I can feel it."
"More mystical bullshit."
Once, I would have taken the bait, would have gotten into another useless debate. But, I had gotten used to Kaiba using his famed rudeness to deflect attention whenever something made him uncomfortable. So I allowed a slight change of subject, asking, "What will you do now?"
"Forget all this nonsense and get back to work. And find something for the little viper to do before he gets into trouble.
I looked across Kaiba's living room. Seto, as always, was with Mokuba and Kouma, ignoring everyone else. Mokuba was nodding at something he was saying.
"Kaiba," I said, "I know he's you, but he's still only a…"
"Don't you dare call him a child," he hissed, his voice low and furious.
"Don't you think he needs some time off?"
"What would he do with a holiday?"
"Have fun, maybe?"
"Believe me, you don't want to know what his idea of fun…" His voice trailed off. A smile, as malicious as any that had ever graced Malik's face, bloomed. "Maybe you're right. Maybe he does deserve a treat," he said as he joined the others.
"I can't hang around here all day. " Kaiba announced to the group before turning to Seto, "I might as well bring you to Kaiba Corporation with me."
"Won't people notice that I'm an almost exact duplicate of you?"
"Who cares?" Kaiba said coolly, drawing an answering smirk. "Come on – I'll show you which window Gozaburo jumped from."
"Cool!" Seto breathed. An unholy gleam lit two pairs of identical blue eyes.
"Man… I just knew Kaiba would be a bad influence on the kid," Jounouchi muttered.
"Actually," Yugi said thoughtfully, "I think they're good for each other."
As usual, I agreed with Yugi. If nothing else, they understood each other, spoke the same incomprehensible language. Seto was disturbed by our attempts at friendliness, seemed to prefer Kaiba's brief, unsparing discourse… and his long silences. They often stood together. They rarely spoke. And Kaiba was the only one who looked at Seto, and didn't see a doomed child.
Although it was Saturday, there was a skeletal staff at the corporate headquarters. As promised, the first thing Kaiba did was show Seto the window Gozaburo had crashed from. Seto was entranced. He had stayed at the window, clearly tracing Gozaburo's trajectory over and over in his mind. In a way, it was… endearing. It was the first childish thing I had seen him do.
Kaiba fiddled restlessly with his computer. He seemed relieved when a phone call broke his preoccupation. He hung up and said, "There's no point in staying here. I need to go to my office."
"I thought this was your office?"
"This is my business office. Kaiba Land is where I design our products." It was clear which one he preferred.
C'mon, let's go," he added. "The kids can play downstairs, and I can get some work done."
He was clearly including Mokuba and Kouma –and probably Anzu, Jounouchi, Honda and Yugi in that category, as well – but not Seto.
It seemed, though, that he felt the need to give his younger self a present, possibly as an apology for dragging him away from Gozaburo's window. He downloaded a file, and tossed the disk to Seto.
"Here. Don't use it as a screen saver."
Seto took the disk silently, without question.
"What is it?" I asked curiously.
"Gozaburo's morgue photographs."
When we arrived at Kaiba Land, the others rushed off to show Kouma all the rides and games. Yugi would have stayed with me, and Kaiba would have allowed it, but his office felt private in a way that his bedroom had not. There was the faint noise of children laughing at Kaiba Land, 80 stories below. I realized that it came from an intercom.
"I keep it on so that I can make sure nothing's going wrong down there," he said curtly, almost angrily, as if daring me to accept his explanation. I said nothing, but I noted that the muffled shouts of glee seemed to relax him.
His chief technician had been waiting. I had seen him before. He was probably more than twice Kaiba's age and almost his height. A broad-shouldered man in a lab coat, with long white hair and a beard. A young (although even he had to be at least 5 years older than Kaiba, himself) game designer was with him. Kaiba didn't bother to introduce them.
It seems that the young man's design had promise, but also several serious flaws. Kaiba went to his work table, called up the program, and was soon swept into a discussion that seemed to be in a foreign language. No wonder he had no trouble with hieroglyphics. I had never seen him so intent, except when he was dueling. And I realized with a shock – I had never seen him so relaxed or happy. Changing Kaiba Corporation to a gaming concern may have started as a labor of atonement, but it was clear he loved it; that his designs were as much a part of him as his dragons.
Almost unnoticed, Seto had joined them. At first he was silent, then he started asking questions and offering suggestions. If the other men felt any surprise at his presence – or the fact that he was an exact, if slightly younger, duplicate of their boss, they didn't show it – being clearly more interested in fixing their program's problems.
Although I had no idea what they were talking about, I realized that Seto's comments were on target. Soon they were listening to him with the same respect they showed Kaiba. I knew enough to know that five years is a long time in electronics. And I remembered that his room, like every room in the mansion, had a computer. I wondered if his instincts were that good, or how many hours he had put in at night to catch up on half a decade's worth of technological innovations. Either way, he was clearly being accepted as part of the team.
Kaiba must have agreed, for he drew away from the group, leaving it a three-way discussion. He noticed my surprise at his withdrawal and shrugged. "We fixed the major problem – at least until the next one crops up. Seto can handle the mop up work. It's a dumb game, anyway."
"What's it about?"
"Some Ancient Egypt role playing bullshit."
"You're producing a game based on Ancient Egypt?"
"Sure, why not? It's a fad now. The game's got great graphics. It'll probably sell reasonably well, if we can work out the bugs. What did you think, we just did Duel Monsters?"
"What's the storyline?" I asked, curiously.
"Pretty standard … collect some items… battle the bad guy." He grinned. "Sound familiar?"
He turned and looked at Seto thoughtfully. "I'll put him in charge of the work group. That way I won't have to bother with it too much."
As he went to his desk, he said to the group at the table, "Call me, if you need anything," but there was no sign they heard, and Kaiba didn't seem to expect a reply.
He sat down, ostensibly working, but I noticed he was looking at Seto, not his monitor. As if unable to sit still, he went to the window. It didn't have the same view, but it was the tallest building in Domino.
KAIBA'S POVHad I ever been that cocky? Not arrogant. I still was that, I suppose. But at 13, I had thought I was invincible. Of course, at 13, I hadn't been broken. Seto could feel the trap closing around him, but he was still sure he could beat it: he didn't know he had already lost the only game that mattered.
Everyone, probably Yami included, thought I hated him. I didn't. I just didn't like him much, either.
I was proud of the 10 year-old who had taken on Gozaburo, and won. Who had used Gozaburo's own pride and desire for revenge to force the most powerful man in the country to give him and his brother a home. No matter what he did to me afterwards, Gozaburo could never erase that victory. And he never realized that each day I kept him focused on punishing me… each day I kept him so consumed with his vengeance that he forgot Mokuba's existence… was another victory in a game he couldn't even begin to comprehend.
A game this 13 year-old punk had finally lost.
When had I started to let go of Mokuba? I had been Seto's age, or slightly younger. It had begun the night I had been caught in his room, soothing one of his nightmares.
"So. It seems you still persist in an affection for that puppy dragging at your heels. He's pulling you down to his level," Gozaburo had said, quiet menace in his voice.
"Possessiveness is not affection," I replied casually. "We had an agreement. Mokuba is mine."
"As long as his presence doesn't become a hindrance to your training, in which case I may have to rethink his continued existence… here. Obstacles are made to be removed, sometimes permanently… if you continue to be a slow learner. In business you need to be cold; to take what you want. There is no room for quieting childish fears."
"Ah, but you don't know what came first, do you? My entrance or his screams. Are you so sure I haven't been following your instructions… and taking precisely what I wanted?" I smiled as coldly as he. "Mokuba is mine."
I stared him in the eye, not daring to break contact as he absorbed what I was saying. I felt something splinter, irrevocably, in my heart. Pretending I was capable of violating the one person I had ever loved, had left me feeling the one defiled. Had left me nauseous and shaken, although I stood as proudly as ever. Whatever the bill for this night's work – I would gladly pay it tomorrow – as long as Gozaburo believed me, tonight. Finally, a rare look of approval, or satisfaction stole into his eyes. There was an answering gleam in mine. I had fooled him. I had chosen my lie well.
"You picked an interesting way of destroying the bond between you," he commented.
"I'm full of surprises. Wasn't that why you bought me, father?"
I was rewarded by his brief nod. After he left, I went to the bathroom and retched until there was nothing left; kept heaving anyway. Then I cleaned up the tell-tale traces.
Inside, my blood was as icy as my smile. Mokuba's life hung on my ability to convince Gozaburo that I had stopped caring about the one person who was my life. How long could I hold out? How long before Mokuba came to believe it as well? I had to escape before I was caught in the snare of my own design.
I had not thought of that night in years, until Seto had landed on my doorstep, a living reminder. I should have tried to escape again – should have just taken Mokuba and run. But speculation was as useless as excuses. I had decided to play Gozaburo's game to the end, instead. I had believed that I was strong enough to hold on to myself; that my promises would be my lifeline. I had made, what I had thought was the right decision. I had been wrong. And the "whys" didn't matter in the face of that failure.
I could have tried another escape. But I hadn't wanted to die, then. And, I had been afraid of leaving Mokuba with a Gozaburo who had been balked of his prey. I never believed that I would become as great a danger to Mokuba as Gozaburo himself. That I would do, what Gozaburo had only threatened – I never imagined that I would try to kill him.
"If you had known that the plan Shadi ruined had come so close to succeeding, would you have done anything differently?"
The thoughts were so close to my own, it took me a moment to realize that Yami had spoken them.
"Why should I?" I jeered, reflexively. "This plan made me into the great Seto Kaiba… delivered Kaiba Corporation into my hands."
But I looked away from his steady crimson gaze. I remembered… Yami now knew what it was like to surrender to your own darkness. And for once, I could not let my glib answer stand.
"It doesn't matter, does it?" I said wearily. "The future is infinite, but the past has only one set of footprints. You can only try to live with the tracks you've left behind."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ummmnnn…. I hope it's clear that this ISN'T going to turn into an incest fic. Okay, now that that's out of the way…
I always picture Gozaburo being too consumed with his battle with Seto to really notice Mokuba – and I think Seto would have been careful to keep things that way. So in a sense, Mokuba's safety relied on Gozaburo considering him to be beneath his notice. But that would only work as long as Gozaburo believed that Mokuba was unimportant to Seto as well. If he realized what a positive and counter-balancing influence Mokuba was to his training, Gozaburo would have used him, as Pegasus later does, or simply removed him.
I think Seto would have needed to see Mokuba – that in a very real way, it's his brother who keeps Seto grounded. And since he would have been working or possibly been watched during the day, that would imply night-time visits.
To me one of the beauties of Kaiba and Mokuba's relationship is that it is both platonic and selfless. But at some point while I was writing this story, I started rambling on about how the reason incest fics are so popular with this particular pairing is because given the intensity of their bond, it's probably easy to imagine a sexual component as well. That's when these two ideas collided, and it occurred to me, that at the top of the list of people who might feel this way was Gozaburo. And it struck me that if Kaiba was caught seeing Mokuba (and I think Gozaburo would have tried to limit contact) this was the one explanation that Kaiba could offer that not only would Gozaburo accept – but which would offer Mokuba some protection, and allow Seto to continue seeing him. And I can see Seto being cynical enough to figure this out, and reckless enough to try to pull off the deception. And as usual, I think Seto would have discounted the emotional damage he might be doing to himself by continuing this particular deception. This is actually the first in a series of intermittent flashbacks scattered throughout the rest of the story, which has Kaiba looking back at events that occurred when he was Seto's age, or a little older. I have to admit, I found it a little disturbing… and I wrote it. What did people think?
RESPONSES:
Yugi and Yami: (Desidera, Red Dragon 4, samurai-ashes, Tokemi) I picture Yugi as being, besides one of the kindest and most decent characters in the story, one of the most sensible and down to Earth. So, I always picture him looking at Kaiba, and sort of shaking his head – and maybe feeling just a bit superior to Yami – like he can't quite get why Yami, (or anyone) who could have Anzu, would be dumb enough to want a lunatic like Kaiba instead! But I also think he would be proud to have the chance to help Yami learn to be his own person, and I think he is humble enough to realize and admit, that at the moment, Kaiba would understand what Yami's going through better than he does.
Kaiba and Seto's acceptance of Yami staying at the mansion: (Amarin Rose) Kaiba, as Yugi surmised, is accepting Yami's presence because it allows him to spend time with Yami, without him having to question why he wants to. But, Kaiba rarely has only one motive for anything he does, and I get to the other reason why he's so accepting, over several chapters. Similarly, how Seto feels about Yami and the crowd at the mansion also takes several chapters to become clear. Although, since it's Kaiba's house, not his, he really doesn't have a say in who comes or goes.
Kaiba and lullabies: (Moonlitspire, Red Dragon 4) I really liked the picture of Kaiba and Seto singing lullabies to Kouma. I was probably influenced by the voice actor playing Kaiba in the subtitled anime, who has this incredibly deep, sexy voice.
Kaiba and Yami, Kaiba and Seto, Yami and Seto, Mokuba, character development, story development: (AnimeFan-Artemis, Anonymous, Cheribi Motou, Desidera, Leland Lancaster, Mistal: The Poisoned One, samurai-ashes) These questions are sort of inter-related. Over the next few chapters, the story moves away from Akunadin a little, to explore what's going on with the group at the mansion, and to set up most of the remaining story threads. I'm never quite sure if it's a weakness in the story, (it's certainly the part that has me the most nervous) – but it's possibly a little over-ambitious. There are a lot of story threads that eventually tie in together, but I'm starting to realize it demands some patience on the part of the reader, because there are a lot of things, including how the characters relate to each other, and how events in the Kaiba brothers' pasts can effect the reactions of both sets of brothers, that need to be set in place. I hope people stick with it and find it satisfying enough to keep interest. And I hope people are in the mood for a long story. By the way, every question raised so, far, actually gets answered along the way (whew!), but sometimes it's a bit of a wait.
Anime/Manga: This story is influenced by both the manga and subtitled anime, at least what I've seen. I always try to merge the actual events in with the story where I can. But, once the story begins, the characters are on their own, so to speak. I just try to keep them in character.
Song: That's What Friends are For: (Moonlitspire) Yeah, it's one of my favorite songs. I was glad I got a chance to use it, especially since, if it hadn't popped into my head, I would have had to delay posting until I DID come up with a title I liked.