Author's Note: So this chapter would be the "I love Nicole and Asia" chapter and one of the many updates that I told the two I would get out. Yes, I'm slow. Yes, I'm lazy. Yes, I take forever to update, but hell I finally got an update out so you two better be hella proud of me…for just a teeny weenie itsy bitsy second if ya could.

And just so everyone else knows how much I appreciate the continued interest in this fic, my first one at that, I would like to leave you all with this update…

-.-

Chapter 48

Standing outside the door looking in she could see the stand still. The stoic faces, confused looks, and anger that seemed to float through the air as she put her hand on the cold glass door. Pushing gently she entered the small establishment and looked right at Carly. Something had happened, something was going on and it was bigger than her being back.

Someone had entered the building, yet few turned to see who it was, they were all still reeling from what Carly had said as she spoke of the little girl who had somehow snuck her way into many of their hearts. It was strange to believe that Courtney would do such a thing. Anyone who had seen Jason and Courtney together when they were married would never think that two people so in love could do the things they had done to each other. Yet somehow over time they had destroyed each other's worlds in the name of love and now there was no going back, no turning around to fix anything that had happened.

"What's going on," Courtney questioned as she eyed her best friend suspiciously.

"Nothing," Carly spoke as she made to hide her face. "I was just telling Jason and Sonny what an amazing kid Emma is. I think they got the message, so join me and Cassie cakes for breakfast?"

"She is a great kid, but what aren't you telling me," Courtney asked as she was led away from the two mob men and towards the table Cassie had seated herself at.

"I'm telling you everything that you need to know about right now," Carly spoke as she ordered another plate of pancakes. "Just sit and eat. We'll eventually get to everything."

"Why does that statement have me so worried," Courtney suspiciously eyed her friend as she took a seat that had her back to the restaurant.

-

His eyes continually drifted over to their table. He envied their ability to laugh so freely, heads thrown back, small grins on their faces, as all their eyes had a twinkle that would make any stranger think nothing had happened He envied each of them for their ability to seemingly forget what was going on. He wanted to forget, to not remember what he had done, or not done. He wanted to take back every word he had spoken to her, and make it all better.

He wanted to do a lot of things. He wanted to be a lot of things, yet he was none of them. He wasn't the little boy playing in the park. He wasn't the teenage boy in love. He wasn't even the happily married man he had tried so many times to be. No, He was the man who let it all slip away. He was the man left with the shards of a life he could never put back together. Sure everything he needed was right there, but he would never have it.

It was too late for him to have any of the things he realized. He wanted so much and he wasn't sure when it had started. When had he become that man? The one who sat wishing for things he would never have. When did he become the man who wanted to go back in time and change things?

He wasn't sure how he had become that guy, but sipping his coffee he knew he was exactly that, he was a wisher. Wishing for things that would never happen. He rationalized that it was Carly who had put those silly dreams in his head. That all her talk of the perfect family from years ago had stuck with him, but he knew it wasn't true. He knew that Carly had no control over what he wished for, and it started long before she ever started nagging him. It started with her.

The wishing all started with her, the blonde who invaded his sleep. First it had been her hope for acceptance, the need for Sonny to accept what they had, and because she wished it, so did he. Then there was the wedding, he had wanted to give her the world, and he had hoped to give her the world, yet he had failed at that. Then, without him even knowing it he had wanted her to come back to him, he had wished so hard for it. He continued to wish for it year after year, that she would come back, yet somehow over the years that hope hid in the shadows, waiting for the chance to resurface.

He knew that seeing her again made the hopes and dreams resurface, that finding out the bubbly energetic girl who had been staying with him was his daughter. He hated that he couldn't let it go, that after all these years he still wanted everything he had lost with her back. He hated that he wanted her, and that she didn't seem to want him.

-.-

Her hands were gently rested in her lap, one folded over the other as her eyes watched the small circles that her fingers drew over the hand it rested on. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, with strands falling at the sides of her face, effectively hiding the puffiness of her eyes. She had started crying again, for what had seemed like hours, but knew it wasn't so as she had only been waiting on the couch for a matter of minutes.

The minutes ticked by as she waited on the couch. She couldn't exactly process what was going on in her little world, as it was usually so simple. She longed for things to be as simple as they had been months ago. She wanted the simplicity of waking up knowing that the world revolved around her. She wanted to know that it was just her. That she was the baby everyone fawned over, but she wasn't even sure about that.

"What are you thinking about baby girl?"

Lila spun on the couch, fresh tears in the corner of her eyes. Looking up at her father she felt the questions cloud her mind once more. What was she doing? Why did she care so much? It was her life, her family, and nothing some blonde said would ever change that, right?

"Is mom in bed?"

"Yes, She's sleeping off the liquor."

"Okay."

"Is that all you have to say?" Sonny asked as he walked down the last of the stairs to sit on the coffee table in front of his youngest girl. "My little chatter box, silent."

She lifted her eyes to her fathers for the smallest second before more tears fell. She wasn't sure why, but when she looked at him, she didn't see any of her. She couldn't see his eyes on her face, or even her hair resembling his. She didn't have his dimples, his ears, or even his smile. She couldn't see anything about her in him.

"I'm so confused." The salty tears stung her eyes, as she couldn't move them from the gaze of her father.

"I think we all are." Sonny softly spoke as he moved to sit next to his daughter placing an arm over her shoulder.

"I just…I'm just not sure why this is happening. I thought my life was so perfect, that I had everything I could ever want. And now I'm just not sure."

"No one ever said you had to have all the answers."

"But I want answers. I want to know, so bad, I just…I need too. I want to understand why she hates me so much. Why I hate her so much. I want to understand why she hates mom. Why I hate mom yet can't help but love her. I want to know what it would be like to have grown up with Emma. I want to know what it would have been like with my Aunt around. Would we be as close as Kris and I are? I just want to know what the hell is going on." Her hands swiped furiously to dry the tears that flowed so freely down her cheeks as she inhaled heavily.

"Why would you think Emma hates you?" Sonny watched his daughter shrug and burry her face in her hands. He pulled the young girl closer to him as he felt his chest tighten. He knew that Emma was his niece, his sister's daughter, but damn the girl for making his baby cry. "Emma, She's just confused, and hurt. It has nothing to do with you."

"But it does. Emma, she blames me, I know it. I see it every time she looks at me."

"Lila, angel. Look at me," Sonny softly spoke as he tilted his daughters so their eyes were even. "I don't want you to care about what Emma thinks or says. I don't want you to care how she feels. I want you to worry about you. I need you to. I can't watch you fall apart. I've seen too many women fall apart right in front of me. I love you. You're my little girl and I love you, always know that. Know that I care."

The girl let her father wrap his arms tightly around her frail body. She felt his warmth and wanted so badly for that warmth, that love to just make the pain and hurt she felt go away. Yet she couldn't do it. She couldn't help but let the words Emma's ring through her ear. The anger, the fear, the sadness, the conviction, that the blonde spoke with scared her. Was everything the Californian said true? Was she really just the wanna be mob princess in a world that shouldn't even been hers. Was Emma right, had her mother lied to her, to all of them? Was her life just one big lie that culminated in her not even being the daughter of Sonny Corinthos?

-.-

She gripped the messenger bag draped over her shoulder a little tighter as she slowly eased her way forward in line. She was beginning to regret her decision. She was remembering it all. She was remembering her mothers loving stories. The games she would play with her Aunt. Those relaxing days spent at the beach with Cassie. The extravagant shopping spree Michael had taken her on for her fifteenth birthday. She thought of every good moment she had in California before somehow her mind was on him, she was thinking about him and how safe he had made her feel, even if it was only for a moment.

The white flakes fell softly around her gently lulling the small child into a calming sense of security. It was amazement mixed with awe that kept the child walking further into the park. She had never seen such an astonishing thing as cold falling from the sky. She walked along a moment longer before she looked back, sure her mother would be just in her grasp. Not seeing anyone she turned her body fully around as she surveyed the area. She didn't see the tree she was by, or the stones that lined the ground. She didn't even see her mother. She wanted her mommy.

"Mama," The small voice inaudibly called.

She didn't see anyone. No one was coming towards her and suddenly she was cold, freezing to be exact. Her fingers were numb and she wasn't quite sure she had a nose any longer. Her throat was parched and it hurt to breath in the cold. Tears began to build in her eyes as her icicle like toes slide across the frozen ground. She was scared, frightened and she felt alone. She wanted her mommy. She wanted the warm comfort of her mother's arms around her and she just wanted to cry into her arms.

"Mommy." Her tiny voice was muffled out by the wind as her sobs picked up.

Her sobs were the same, always just a little softer and a little more choked out. She was beginning to panic. She was so ready to give up, head down and tears flowing she watched her feet unable to look up knowing that her mother wouldn't be there. The cold winds swept up her jacket causing the small blonde to go falling to the ground, bottom falling roughly on the snowy ground. She let out a strangled sob as she attempted to stand only to fall once again.

-

He walked upon the child, all bundled up in a black winter coat, blue mittens, and a blue scarf wrapped securely around her neck. Here strawberry blonde hair was tied back in two messy pigtails with her hat not more than ten feet to her left. Walking to where the hat stood he bent over and grabbed it, eyes catching a quick glimpse of her face before standing. Her nose and cheeks were a cherry pink from the cold, while her small crystal blue eyes, puffy and bloodshot, were streaming with tears.

His chest tightened a bit as he approached the child. Scanning the area he say no one, not a single person or clue as to whom this little girl belonged to. He felt a tug at his heart as he thought of the kind of parent stupid enough to let such an innocent child sit crying in the snow. Bending down he squatted in front of her, elbows resting on his knees with hands folded in front of him grasping the hat.

"Hi," The man soothingly spoke as he watched the child.

She said nothing as she lowered her head hiding her eyes from him. She didn't think this man was that scary, but her mother had always told her not to talk to strangers.

"I thought you'd like to have this back." He held the hat out to her in hopes she would take it. The girl didn't move an inch. "It's okay, I'm not here to hurt you. Just giving you your hat back."

She looked up at him, eyes still cloudy with tears. He looked like the man in the pictures. Slowly she stood up, walking the step or two towards him and took the hat from his hand. Silently she attempted to put the hat back on her head, but doing so was only a little difficult with clunky gloves on.

"Mind if I help?"

"Mommy said never talk to strangers." The blonde girl mumbled through tear filled eyes despite her slight recognition of the blonde man.

"Your Mommy sounds like a smart lady. My name's Jason." He watched as the little girls eyes lit up just a tad as he said his name. He wasn't sure if it was good or bad, but the girl didn't flinch as he fixed the hat on her head.

"Thank you." He heard the child mumble. He had been hoping she would tell him her name so he could get someone on finding her parents, but she didn't seem to be giving it up.

"So where is your Mommy?" A quick shrug of the shoulders from the child told him she was unsure of that detail as he continued his questioning. "What about your Daddy?"

"Mommy says he has to work to keep people safe." She replied as she began to shake a little. It seemed that the little girl was not as immune to the cold as his own nephews and niece were and seeing the child shiver made him realize just how cold out it truly was.

"I know your Mommy told you not to talk to strangers, but it's very cold out. How about I take you to get some hot chocolate while some people to look for your mom." He extended his hand to the child as he himself stood up. He wasn't sure if the girl would go with him, but there was no way he would leave the girl in the snow.

"Okay." Her voice was tiny and strangled once again but her eyes seemed to have dried up some as she extended her arms up in the air.

Recognizing the motion Jason bent down once more to scoop the child into his arms. He had unzipped his and placed the small blonde up close to his body while wrapping the coat around her. He felt the child rest her head on his shoulder as her breathing began to deepen. He felt the cold material of the girl's coat up against him and could only guess how cold she really was.

It was a sweet sight for any onlooker to see, as they would figure that he was the child's father keeping his little girl warm after a day in the park. Yet that wasn't the case at all. The now sleeping girl in his arms wasn't his daughter, in truth he didn't even know the child's name, all he was concerned with at that moment was keeping the girl warm and finding her mother.

She remembered that day. The feeling of being in his arms, that feeling of safety she had felt while he held her. She remembered it, and she could almost feel it again. She had been so close to feeling it over the weeks she had spent in Port Charles. Looking out at the planes she froze. Maybe she could have it all. Perhaps if she stayed she could have the father she always wanted. Maybe, just maybe her dreams could become reality.