Chapter Two
"So...here we are."Mark, Maureen, Joanne and Roger all climbed out of a taxi cab. Collins, Angel and Mimi had taken another cab, but they had lost them somewhere on the highway. Mark looked down the street frantically as Joanne paid the cab driver.
"Where are they? Do you think they'll be here soon?"he asked, looking around.
"Who cares? They'll get here eventually,"Maureen shrugged.
"Maybe we should wait for them..."Mark began. Suddenly a short, stout little woman with curly dark hair, big glasses and a strange, colorful outfit came dashing out of the Scarsdale Hebrew School.
"MARK!"she screamed, rushing over. Mark turned around just in time for her to wrap her arms around him. He looked down at her, horrified.
"Uh...hi,"he said awkwardly. The woman pulled away.
"Mark, thank goodness you're here! We thought you weren't going to show up!"the woman cried. Mark frowned.
"We're only five minutes late,"he pointed out.
"That's five minutes of class the kids are missing!"the woman shrieked. Then she sighed, smiling at Mark. "Oh, you've grown up so much, Mark honey! Do you even remember me?" Mark stared at the strange woman.
"Can't say that I do,"he admitted.
"Lorraine!"the woman announced.
"Oh! Right, of course...Lorraine. Uh...nice to see you again,"Mark said.
"Oh, it's been too long!"Lorraine agreed. "You remember my daughter, Nanette, don't you?"She grinned, and Mark forced an awkward smile.
"Yes...yes, I do..."he said.
"You two were so cute!"Lorraine said, pinching Mark's cheek. Roger had to turn away so as not to burst out laughing, and Maureen giggled. That's when Lorraine first acknowledged the others.
"Oh! And who are they?"she asked Mark.
"That's-"
"I'm Maureen Johnson!"Maureen introduced. "And this is my-"
"...lawyer. Joanne Jefferson,"Joanne finished, shooting Maureen a look.
"And that ass hole is Roger Davis,"Maureen added, motioning to Roger, who glared at her. Lorraine looked at them all, confused.
"Well that's wonderful...why are you here?"she asked.
"These are my friends from back home,"Mark explained quickly. "They wanted to help me teach the class today."
"They're Jewish?"Lorraine asked, eyeing Joanne curiously.
"Well, no. But...they're all very familiar with the religion. And they're very good teachers. Maureen's great with kids, and Joanne's really helpful. And...Roger plays the guitar," Mark said lamely. Lorraine seemed to accept this idea.
"All right then! Come in, all of you! The children are waiting!"she said, ushering the four friends into the building. "There's ten of them, six boys and four girls..."
"Wait! There's girls?"Mark asked suddenly. "I thought this was just a class about Bar Mitzvah's!"
"Oh, well it was going to be. But we only have four girls, and we wanted to get their class done as well, so it's Bar and Bat Mitzvah class! Luckily you have your two friends here to help you,"Lorraine said, smiling at Maureen and Joanne.
"Yeah...lucky me..."Mark moaned.
"Now, I want you to talk to them about what it means to have a Bar, and Bat, Mitzvah, Mark. Tell them just how important it is to become a part of the Jewish community! Now go on."And with that, Lorraine shoved Mark into the classroom. Maureen, Joanne and Roger all followed him inside, Maureen shoving Mark further into the room.
There sat ten kids, all of about 12 or 13. Four girls sat in the front of the class, looking very perky and excited. The six boys were all sitting towards the back, looking tired and as if they'd rather be anywhere else in the world. They all stared at Mark, Roger, Maureen and Joanne for a minute.
"...which one of you is the teacher?"one boy finally asked.
"Oh! That's me,"Mark said suddenly. "My name is Mark Cohen."
"Who're they?"one of the girls asked.
"Oh, uh...these are my friends-"
"Hi kids, I'm Maureen!"Maureen interrupted. "And this is Joanne, my girlfr-"
"Lawyer!"Joanne snapped, glaring at Maureen. The kids all frowned.
"Do you usually bring your lawyers places with you?"one girl asked.
"Oh yeah, we're very close,"Maureen said, wrapping her arm around Joanne and giggling.
"Who're you?"one kid asked Roger, who was leaning against the door, looking bored out of his mind already. Roger frowned at the kid.
"What's it to you?"he snapped.
"Roger!"Mark scolded. "This is my friend, Roger."
"He plays the guitar!"Maureen added happily. The four girls were all very excited to see Roger, and kept giggling and pointing at him as he began bashing his head into the wall.
"Shoot me now..."he muttered.
"Roger, stop being an ass,"Mark hissed. "Go...play that guitar you're famous for."Roger sighed, picking up his guitar.
"Gladly,"he said, as he walked to the back of the class. Mark turned to the kids.
"So er...we're here to talk to you about making your Bar...and Bat Mitzvah's,"Mark began, jamming his hands into his pockets nervously. Maureen was walking around playing with all sorts of things, as Joanne eyed the entire class as if they were a bunch of little delinquents.
"Okay...so, who knows what a Bar Mitzvah means?"Mark asked. All four of the girl's hands shot up anxiously.
"It means you're a man!"Maureen called from across the room. Mark sighed, as all the girls sadly put their hands back down.
"I wasn't asking you, Maureen,"he pointed out.
"Well, they weren't gonna answer you,"Maureen replied, motioning to all the boys, who were laughing dumbly as one stuck pencils up his nose. "Look Mark, you're doing this all wrong. We need to get to know each other first!"
"How?"Mark asked. Maureen came up to the front of the class, grinning at them all.
"We're going to go around the class and everybody is going to tell us their name,"she explained. "Starting with you."She pointed to the boy with the pencils in his nose. He quickly pulled them out.
"Uh...I'm Jay."
"Larry."
"John."
"Porter."
"Harry."
"Tim."
"Sarah."
"I'm Jen."
"Laura."
"And I'm Julia."
"Okay, good!"Maureen cried, as Mark squirmed, having the strange feeling that he was at a life support meeting. "Go ahead, Marky, they're all yours!"Mark paused, hardly remembering any of their names already.
"Um...okay. So I thought we'd start by going over why you're all here. Harry-"
"I'm Larry."
"Oh. Sorry. Larry...why are you here?"
"Because Sam's here."
"Oh, right, I–wait, there's no one named Sam here!"
"That's Porter's name."
"Isn't Porter's name...Porter?"
"That's my last name. I like being called Porter instead of Sam."
"Okay, I won't argue. So Porter...why are you here?"
"Because my parents are making my do this."
"You mean...you don't want to make your Bar Mitzvah?"
"No."Mark sighed.
"Okay, well then we should probably-"
"Mark! I have a question!"One of the girls(Mark was fairly sure it was Julia)was raising her hand.
"Uh, yeah?"he asked, pointing at her.
"Is Roger single?"
"Julia, that's not what we're here to discuss-"All the other girls had their backs turned to Mark, gazing at Roger as he played his guitar, looking miserable. Mark sighed. He needed to get their attention...
"Hey Roger! You wanna sit in the front of the class?"
Hey, if Roger were sitting in the back of MY class, I know where I'd be looking!(Though some people don't agree, Pools...lol)So anyways, Collins, Angel and Mimi will arrive in the next chapter, just before the kids drive Mark up the walls. I mean, c'mon...you've got some nerdy guy teaching your class, you're gonna pick on him mercilessly, right? O:-)