The Cinema was a long walk from our house. I've never been there since we saw the first Terrance and Philip movie and that was a long time ago. I couldn't really afford to go the cinema anyway.

Stan was outside the cinema scuffing his shoes. He was a bit pissed when Kyle said he couldn't come. Said it was a Jewish thing this specific day that he had to celebrate. Stan had forgiven this but it really bugged him.

He was strapped up his own thoughts as I bumped into him. My legs suddenly turned like jelly as he was talking me. But I didn't care what he was saying….

Yeah keep talking Stan…I love your eyes by the way..

"Yeah and that's why Kyle couldn't come... Kenny?" I shout out of my trance.

"Yeah?"

"Are You Ok? You seem different tonight." Stan touched my arm gently and I felt my legs turn into jelly.

"Your dad didn't smack you again did he ken?" Stan touched the bruise that was on my arm so gently if was as if it was touched by an angel.

"Yeah…" I hated it being out into the open but all the excuses I tried to do never work so in the end I had to tell the truth. I shook my head, wishing that Stan would just drop the subject.

"Im ok ok? You just worry about yourself, never mind me ok." I blushed furiously annoyed at the fact Stan had to point it out.

I never used to get smacks, my mom kicked my dad's arse if he did something like that but since he started drinking more and more, and he has started the smacking.

I couldn't concentrate on the film, I just couldn't. My mind was on too many things to be honest. I nervously managed to put my arm around Stan's chair but thank god he didn't notice. My Heart thumped loudly as I felt him lean back in his hair. His soft black hair was sticking out at odd angles, and well… it was kind of HOT!

As the film finished and we went walking home, the sexual tension between us was so intense I just had to do something, we got back to my house in record time and we just stood there, staring at each other eyes.

"Bye ken then, I'll see you at school." Stan turned to go his way through Stark's pond… I had to do something.

"Stan?" Stan turned and immediately like right on cue, my legs turned jellyoid. I stepped forward, praying to god that what I was going to do next wouldn't affect anything. I kept his big deep blue eyes on my own green ones (dunno what colour they have so lol) lazily keeping watch on them. I saw Stan fiddle with his jacket before saying,

"Ken-doll?" Man….. My nickname way back from when we pretending to be "metro sexual" But when Stanny said it it felt so right. And without warning I grabbed Stan gave him a full smooch on the lips before muttering thanks and ran indoors. I peeped through the curtains and saw Stab standing there, and to my immense sadness he gave his lips a quick wipe before going into the night.

I lay silently in bed that night, thinking of that one crucial moment. Why? How? What? Were the questions in my head, what if he told Kyle? Not that Kyle was major threat to me but he did kick some good punches. I punched my pillow, and tried to think of all the good stuff that came out from it. It turned me on and I got to admit… I was positively on fire... I went to sleep finally with a big smile on my face.

I lit my ciggie in registration class, trying to get my mind off Stan. I needed to prove to myself that I had no other feelings for him. My family have always said that they hope that some day, I'll have a family maybe a couple of kids. I remember telling them that I was always gonna do that but now im not so sure…. Did I really really want a family? I tried to find the answer but I couldn't. Yeah, deep down me wanted one. Someone to love, and little kids saying "MOM DADDY'S BACK HOME!"

I turned around sharply, not wanting to face him. No one would actually care if I kissed a guy but at the same time I needed the feeling of someone caring for me. But did I ever get that? Fuck no.

"Kenny?" I sighed, who the hell was that? I turned round and blew smoke everywhere.

"KENNY I HATE SOMKE!" Oh no worries, it was only Wendy. Wendy got on my nerves most of the time. She counts herself towards one of the guys. I mean she isn't A BOY! She's a fucking book worm, that's what she is.

"Yes Wendy? What the fuck do you want as you can see im trying to-"I was cut off by Kyle, grabbing my arm.

"Ken, Stan says to meet him at break behind the bike sheds." I pondered at this… what did he want? A million questions came through my mind; I stared at Stan across the room. Why hadn't he told me himself? Then I knew, he was

Afraid of his own feelings. I looked deep into his eyes but found nothing. No feel no emotion, nothing. That's what it felt. Nothing. He would never be gay Stan Marsh right? Never. I sighed, dragged and inhaled.

Bell went, I sighed. Break was now. What the hell do I do? Just stand there while he says he can't be gay? I couldn't take that kind of rejection... I looked around the playground, people were dancing, joking. That should be me. But I knew that wasn't gonna happen. People like me just couldn't be happy.