Meredith sat next to Derek thinking of something to say or do. His face was firmly fixed on the operation below as if he was ensuring Dr. Kramer got it right.
Suddenly Izzie appeared in the doorway and she stood looking down. She shifted her gaze to Meredith and she motioned with her eyes towards Derek. Meredith shrugged a little.
Standing up she left the Gallery to stand in the stairway with Izzie.
"He hasn't said a word" Meredith whispered.
"How's it going?" Izzie asked about the operation.
"They're two hours in and he hasn't said a word," Meredith repeated feeling at her wits end.
"Should I just leave him alone" Meredith wondered.
"No, just sit there… and send Lily good vibes" Izzie gave Meredith's arm a reassuring squeeze.
Meredith walked back into the gallery. She hovered for a moment deciding what to do.
Sitting again next to Derek, she slowly placed her hand on his knee.
He didn't look at her.
Turning towards the operation again Meredith tried not to cry.
Then slowly, with no words at all, Derek moved his hand to hers, holding it lightly.
Izzie descended the stair to be greeted by George waiting for an update.
"It's going well so far," She told him.
"You okay… can I get you something?" She looked at him concerned.
"I'm okay"
"I'll get you a coffee George… you have to have something. Are you going to wait here the whole time… you need something, it's a long wait" Izzie was worried.
"A coffee would be good," George agreed as Addison walked up.
"Any news" She said having got herself together. She'd been on the phone with Derek's eldest sister Audrey.
"Going well" Izzie said.
"I'm going to get George a coffee," Izzie said.
"Good idea" Addison replied as Izzie walked away.
"Lily's mother Rose is coming from Australia, so she won't be here for about 48 hours… Derek asked his sisters to stay away…" Addison drifted off.
"You okay?" She said to George.
"It's
just so much" he said.
"I'm scared… and I'm sad… I'm
angry that I didn't know, but how can I be angry when she's in
their with her head wide open" George babbled.
"Bit of that going around" Addison said.
"She went to you" George looked at Addison.
"Doesn't make it any easier" Addison said.
"I feel like I let everyone down"
"What could you do?" George understood Addison's decision. He knew that her hands were tied between being her doctor and her friend.
"Do you think Dr. Shepherd will forgive you?" George asked.
"When he sees straight… and if he doesn't I'll learn to live with that" Addison had made peace with her decision.
Izzie came back with a coffee for George.
"This is for you" She handed the other one to Addison and the three doctors went to sit and pass the time together.
Chapter 63Derek raced down the stairs, with Meredith in toe, and into recovery.
Dr. Kramer filled him in on how things went.
"… But you pretty much had a birds eye view so I hardly need to tell you any of this" Kramer said to Derek.
"Now it's just a waiting game, to see when she wakes up," He added.
"You can give her the news that we got it all" Derek shook his hand.
"You hear that Mush, it's all gone" Derek leant over and whispered in Lily's ear.
He looked up with tears in his eyes and finally smiled at Meredith. The gesture overwhelmed her and she started to sob.
"Hey, Hey, hey" Derek walked over to her and rubbed her arms.
"She's okay," He said.
"So are you?" She laughed through her tears.
Derek kissed Meredith's head.
"She's in recovery, still hasn't come out of the anaesthetic, but it looks good, Dr. Kramer is very pleased and got all the tumour" Addison told Izzie and George who both looked relieved.
"We should go see her," Izzie said standing up.
"C'mon George" She pulled him up.
"I might wait here," Addison said, not wanting to upset Derek.
"You should come, Lily would want that" George said.
Addison sighed heavily and considered his words.
"Okay" She followed the others to Recovery, as Derek and Meredith were coming out, arm in arm, both looked tired but were smiling.
"What are you doing Addison?" Derek asked staring at her.
"We came to see Lily?" Izzie answered hoping to ease the mounting tension.
"She's in recovery Dr. Stevens" Derek continued to glare at Addison.
"Derek please?" Addison said.
"Go away" He said.
"Derek" Meredith tried to defend Addison but he stoped her with one glance.
Addison looked at him, frowning.
"That's disappointing Derek" was all she could manage before leaving the others to stare uncomfortably at each other.
"Oh Mer, that was freaking awesome, that Dr Kramer is soooo good" Christina came out of the scrub room not realising Derek was with Meredith.
"Oh sorry" She said but was still running on adrenalin.
"It's okay, I can relate to the thrill," He acknowledged.
"Is she awake yet?" Christina asked.
"No, but that's not unusual" Derek said.
"They're about to take her down to a room… it's a waiting game now" Meredith filled Christina in.
"OK, I better fly" Christina walked off as if she was floating on air.
"She's weird" Meredith joked.
"I know" Derek smiled at her.
"So" She said.
"So" He replied leaning in and kissing her.
"What was that for?" She asked.
"For getting me? For understanding" He said.
Meredith looked at him intensely.
"I had a little help with that," She said.
"Addison
told me to just be there for you"
"Addison?" He tried to
hide his surprise.
"You took advise from Addison… hold on is the sky falling" Derek pretended to duck for cover.
"I'm just thinking you should cut her some slack, is all" Meredith added.
"Meredith…" Derek looked at her.
"We should go check on Lily," He said as he took her hand and they walked off.
Chapter 64
Meredith walked into Lily's room and stood looking at Derek asleep in a chair.
"He wouldn't go home last night" George came up behind her and whispered.
It was the day after Lily's surgery and she was yet to wake up. Derek the neurosurgeon knew this was not really a problem. Some patients took longer than others to recover from brain surgery. But Derek, the brother was concerned.
"Should I wake him?" Meredith wondered aloud.
"I'm awake," Derek mumbled with his eyes still closed.
Meredith went over to him and squatted on the floor next to his chair.
"You really don't appreciate how uncomfortable these chairs are until you spend all night in one" Derek moved around to stretch his back.
"You should have gone home," Meredith said.
"I spoke with Richard and took some personal leave, just till she wakes up…" Derek finally opened his eyes, and seeing Meredith's face, he smiled.
"Where's my good morning kiss?" He asked. With a half laugh, she kissed him.
"I've got rounds" She said muffled by the fact he wouldn't let her pull away.
She broke free.
"Okay,
leave me then, don't worry about your poor boyfriend who's neck
and back are stiff…"
"Boyfriend?" Meredith hadn't heard
him refer to himself as that. Since their reunion neither had really
called the other anything official, afraid of jinxing it. Lily had
mentioned it in passing, and it had made Meredith strangely happy.
"Is that okay?" Derek smiled at her.
"It is very adolescent, would you prefer Lover," He said with a ridiculous French accent.
"Strangely no… I like boyfriend" She returned his smile before leaving to join the others for rounds.
George entered Lily's room and looked around for Derek.
"Dr. Shepherd is having a shower," The nurse, who was finishing her hourly check on Lily, said.
"You should wait here Dr. O'Malley," She said.
"No, ahhh I'll … I better go… patients I've got patients" George said before scurrying out of the room.
Derek came out of the bathroom.
"Was someone here?" He said having heard the voices.
"Dr. O'Malley… he couldn't stay" The nurse packed up her equipment and left the room, leaving Derek to ponder George's race to leave.
Meredith came into Lily's room at the end of her shift.
"You staying again?" She asked Derek who was watching the TV.
"Shhh" He said pointing to the TV.
Meredith looked to see Lily onscreen on Lifeline, she was interviewing Addison.
They sat quietly and watched the interview.
"She's good" Derek said.
"Lily… or Addison?" Meredith asked.
Derek just gave her a look.
There was a knock on the door. Izzie came through pushing a hospital bed.
"Meredith thought you might at least want a proper bed to sleep on… hey Lily" Izzie pushed the bed in.
Derek looked at Meredith and smiled his thanks.
"Thanks Izzie" he added.
"Has anyone seen Dr. O'Malley?" Derek asked.
Izzie, who was beside Lily, touching her arm and talking to her looked up. She knew George was scared, too scared to face Lily. He had no idea what he should say or do.
"He had to go do some family thing I think" She covered.
Derek knew she was lying.
"You should go home, you look tired" He turned to Meredith.
"You look tired" She responded.
"Ahhh but I have this awesome bed…. Look" He smiled hoping on the bed.
"You're stupid," She teased giving him a kiss good night.
"I'll see you tomorrow" She said, leaving with Lily. Derek leant back on the bed and was asleep in no time at all.
Chapter 65
A well dressed, kind looking older woman walked through the doors of Seattle Grace. Spotting a cleaner mopping a floor near by she went and asked for directions. Following them she boarded the nearest elevator and travel upwards.
Reaching the floor she was after she got off. Again she looked around, but this time she spotted someone she knew. Addison looked at her with a warm smile from across the room. She was surprised to receive no smile in return.
Addison excused herself from the conversation she was having and made her way across the room.
"Rose" She said, and went to hug her.
"Addison" The lady manoeuvred herself out of returning the hug.
Addison was taken aback.
"Take me to my daughter please" Rose, who was usually a soft caring lady, said harshly.
So surprised Addison walked off silently, leading Rose to Lily's room.
Walking in, Addison looked around.
"Derek
must be out for a bit, he's been keeping vigil"
Rose walked
in, placed her bag on the side table and went to Lily's side. She
brushed her hair off her forehead and placed a kiss on her head.
Addison felt uncomfortable.
"Rose I have the impression that you're angry with me" Addison spoke.
Rose turned to her and squinted her eyes slightly.
"Can you think of any possible reason for that?" Rose asked.
"Well I'm sure it's to do with Mark… but considering Derek and I had moved forward I had assumed you did too… and when I rang you about Lily I certainly didn't pick up on this".
"Addison lets get one thing straight, I appreciate you calling my about Lily, but ringing a mother about her ill child doesn't earn you points" Rose spoke softly but with a harshness Addison had never heard from her. Rose had never been your typical mother in law, always considerate and friendly, and above all loyal.
"Rose I wasn't trying to score points…" Addison said sincerely as Derek walked in.
"Mom" He said surprised to see her, sidestepping Addison he walked to his Mother and engulfed her in a warm embrace.
"There's my boy" Rose stood back and looked at him.
The two continued to ignore Addison; exasperated she left without saying another word.
"I'll say one thing for Addison, at least she called…"
"I was going to when I had answers"
"I didn't need answers Derek, I could've gotten them when I was here… from you" Rose said sitting on the edge of the bed and cupping her daughters hand in her own.
"She hasn't woken up yet Mom" Derek walked around the bed to the other side.
Rose looked at him seriously.
"Is that good or bad? It doesn't sound good" She asked.
"Neither really, it's not indicative of any long-term damage" He began to fill his mother in on how the operation went.
"Have you met her yet?" Alex came up next to Meredith as she waited for labs.
Meredith looked at him strangely answering no with her expression.
"I just came from near Lily's room, your boy friends old girl arrived" Alex looked amused.
"Oh" Meredith said surprised… and a little fearful.
"He needs checks every three hours," Meredith told the nurse walking out of a patient's room.
"Hey" Derek was standing at the door.
"I've been looking for you," He said.
"You have?" Meredith had avoided him all day.
"Yeah
my mother is here, I've told her all about you…"
"You told
her about me?" Meredith asked.
"Would you prefer I hadn't" Derek was surprised.
"No, I just…" Meredith was saved by her pager going off.
"Bailey, sorry" She said walking away from Derek.
He sighed, confused. Turning back toward Lily's room he saw George.
Chapter 66
"Dr. O'Malley, are you planning on visiting my sister any time soon" Derek sidled up to George with an air of disapproval.
George looked like a deer caught in headlights.
The truth was that the night before while Derek had slept George had snuck into Lily's room to hold her hand… just for 10 minutes.
But he felt uncomfortable with everyone watching.
"I, I'm on call" George said.
"Aha" Derek looked at him not sure what to make of his avoidance.
"Dr. O'Malley" a Nurse called from a room.
Derek looked at him.
"You can go," He said as if letting him off the hook for the time being and George hurried away.
Derek put his head down and rubbed his temples.
"I just met your mother" Richard walked up.
"I was checking your sisters progress, she still hasn't woken up?" It was more a statement than a question.
"How was my mother?" Derek smiled having noticed his mother's nervousness when he had spoken to her upon her arrival.
"She's concerned Derek" Richard said.
"She's going to wake up, Richard" Derek stated, trying to convince his nagging doubt.
"She's going to wake up" He repeated.
"I'm Dr Stevens" Izzie held Lily's eyes open with one hand, shining a light in it with the other.
"I'm an intern… and a friend" She turned to smile at Rose.
"Nice to meet you dear"
"You
must be tired… you came from Australia, right?"
"It's a
long flight, but I'm okay" Rose was tired though, but she didn't
want to complain.
"I've read her book… she's a fighter" Izzie said looking at Lily and squeezing her arm.
"Her book? It's out?" This surprised Rose.
"Oh, you didn't know, I'm sorry, it launched last week… it's going great…. I have a copy, if you'd like to see it" Izzie offered.
Rose looked at the smiling intern sorrowfully; she was heartbroken that Lily had not even told her about the launch.
"I'd like that" She said sadly.
"I'll go get it" Izzie walked out to get the book.
"Your sister's book launched" Rose said to Derek when he returned to the room.
"I didn't know," She added, running her hand over the cover of the book Izzie had brought back for her.
"I had to get this copy off some intern who barely knows her"
Derek gave his mother a sympathetic smile.
"Have you read it?" She asked her son.
He shook his head.
"Something she's not very happy about, are you Lily?" He said, knowing that even though she slept it was a good treatment to continue to talk to her.
"I've just started it, you know she dedicated it to you?" Rose asked.
"I didn't know that" Derek walked over and took the book, opening it and reading the dedication.
He smiled handing the book back.
"If only I could save her now"
"She'll come out of this Derek… Lily has always done things in her own time" Rose opened the book to a page.
"… I was my parent's after thought… the mistake that interrupted their life. I never felt I belonged in my family, I didn't follow the plan. I tried too I enrolled in pre-med because I thought it would make me fit. It didn't. More and more I felt isolated…" Rose finished reading to look at Derek.
"I didn't realise she felt that way, a mother should know" Tears were forming in her eyes and Derek went and sat next to her.
"She doesn't realise I knew it wasn't her destiny. I had great things planned for her, even when I carried her I used to read her poetry… and here she is a published author. That's why I called her Lily Emmerson… because when I read her Ralph Waldo Emerson poetry she would stop doing somersaults in my belly… it was like she was listening to every word" Rose seemed nostalgic as she told Derek these things. She reopened the book to the end.
"It
wasn't until after all I went through that I could see how much I
was loved. I could remember my mother sitting me down at night to
say my prayers and read me a story. Then as I would drift into sleep
she would quote Emerson and say Hitch your wagon to
a star, little oneIt was her way of giving me
permission to follow my destiny."
Rose smiled and handed Derek the book.
"Read" She said and she
stood to walk over to Lily's side.
"I didn't see that though. It's funny how you have to veer so far off course to find your way home sometimes. In truth my brother summed it up when he offered me another Emerson quote. He flew to San Francisco to help me out of the hole I was burying myself in with drugs. He told me, Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. That's when it all made sense to me… and I realised how smart Emerson, and my brother actually were…"
"Derek" Rose said.
He looked up mid sentence.
"Her eyes moved –
She's waking up"
Derek leapt up to Lily's side and saw her
eyes flicker again.
She coughed, a small weak sound, but a cough just the same.
"Der.." She tried to speak but her voice was frail and raspy.
"Shhh Mush… Shhhh, we're here," Derek said and Lily's eyes trying to focus shifted from Derek to her mother and a small smile formed on her lips.
Chapter 67
"You scared us" Izzie sat on the edge of Lily's bed the following day.
"How do you feel?" She asked.
"Like I've been hit by a bus" Lily said slowly. Her speech was clear but slow. She had to concentrate to not muddle her words.
"You might feel worse than before for a while. That's common. Some people recover quicker than others… but I'm sure your brother has told you all this" Izzie smiled and squeezed Lily's hand.
"Yes… I guess there are worse off people," Lily said and Izzie looked at her.
" I could be Meredith" Lily smiled referring to the lunch Meredith was on with Derek and her mother.
"Ahhh the in law meeting fun" Izzie nodded with amusement.
"Fun!" lily repeated.
Meredith sipped her water uncomfortably and tried to look at her watch without Derek noticing.
"She'll be here soon, she's always fashionable late" Derek said.
"You nervous?"
Meredith laughed uncomfortably.
"Nervous? Why would I be nervous?"
"Ummm because it's my mother, and I'm sure you're worried she thinks you're some sort of skanky home wrecker"
"Skanky… I hadn't thought of skanky" Meredith looked mortified.
Derek laughed.
"Don't worry, she'll love you cause I love you… just like Lily. Our family is big on loyalty"
"What about Addison, isn't she loyal to Addison?" Derek couldn't answer her because at that moment Rose came up to the table.
He stood to greet her with a kiss on the cheek.
"Mother, this is …"
"Meredith… it's lovely to meet you" Rose embraced Meredith warmly.
"You too Mrs Shepherd" Rose laughed at her manners.
" Mrs Shepherd is my mother in law darling, call me Rose" Rose had always detested formalities.
They all sat down.
"Do they serve wine here?" Rose asked.
"Mother it's a hospital cafeteria, what do you think?" Derek replied laughing at his mother's wicked sense of humour.
"No harm in asking… hospitals really should serve liquor, it's the one place you need it most, all that waiting for loved ones who are ill… and all those arrogant surgeons…" They all laughed.
"That's what happens when you've been married to a surgeon as long as I have dear, you get to make all the pompous surgeon jokes you want". Rose smiled at Meredith.
"I'm not offended" Meredith began to relax.
"Derek said your mother was a surgeon so you'd be well prepared for the life you've chosen" Rose looked at the small plastic menu.
"She's not just a surgeon mother, Ellis Grey was very well known and respected" Derek smiled and squeezed Meredith's hand supportively.
"Was?" Rose noted.
"She's ahhh…" Meredith began not sure how much she wanted to reveal.
"She's retired now, and travels" Derek saved the day.
"She's got the right idea, Tom won't retire till they chase him out" Rose said about her husband.
"The only travelling we do is when I join him at conventions. I left him in Australia, he's at a Urology conventio down there, he's the key note speaker" She said.
"We should order mother, I have surgery in an hour… and Meredith is scrubbing in too" Derek said.
"Oh, I'm sorry, let's order" Rose stood first ad made her way to the counter.
Derek hung back to kiss Meredith's cheek.
"What did I tell you?" He grinned at her, leading her towards the counter too.
Chapter 68
"Thanks" Lily said and hung up the phone.
"Who was that?" Derek asked looking at her chart.
"Nosy, Much" Lily replied.
Derek sat on the edge of her bed.
"Fair enough. Dr. Kramer is going to stop by to check on you. Officially I'm not on the case" He looked at her.
"It was my producer" Lily reverted.
"What are they planning, while you're off" He asked.
"They'll just fill with other stories… and my press for the book has been postponed" Lily was disappointed but she knew she had to allow herself time to heal.
"You'll get better" Derek read her mind.
"It may happen quicker than you think, if you just allow yourself time"
"Thank you oh wise one" Lily smiled.
"I haven't read your book yet," Derek said.
"Figures"
"But I did read parts of it… it scared me seeing you on that table…"Derek became emotional wanting to let Lily know what she meant to him.
"I know. I get that" Lily managed through her tears.
"I just want you to know that I feel the same".
"I know that" Lily reached her hand slowly to her brothers.
They both laughed a little at their emotions.
"Derek, don't be mad at Addie" Lily said.
"I should go" Derek didn't want to discuss Addison. He stood.
"Derek…"
"I'll
be back when my shift is over" He left the room.
Lily looked for her buzzer to call a nurse.
"Can you page Dr. Montgomery Shepherd for me" She asked when the nurse came in.
"Certainly" The nurse left to page Addison
"George have you been to see Lily yet?" Izzie ran into George on the fifth floor.
"She woke up yesterday George, you need to face her" Izzie said.
"Izzie, you don't understand?" George looked flustered.
"I do George, I really do, you were scared… you put yourself out there and then she got sick, but you know what George? That's life and sometimes you gotta suck it up and decide… are you going to live in a shell or are you going to experience life the way it was meant to be lived" Izzie signed a form in front of her and pushed it back towards a nurse.
"I say… suck it up George" And Izzie walked away.
"Is the coast clear?" Addison looked around Lily's room to see she was not entering enemy territory.
"Come in" Lily said.
"You look wonderful" Addison hugged Lily warmly.
"You're a great liar… I'm half bald" Lily teased.
"Nothing a comb over doesn't fix I see" Addison joked along with her.
"I'm sorry"
"For what?" Addison asked.
"For
Derek's anger… Izzie told me he got pretty mad"
"I can
handle your brother by now" Addison tried to act nonchalant.
"I
know, but I'm sorry for my part… and I hear Mom was pretty
unpleasant"
"Yeah that one caught me off guard" Addison
admitted.
"Me too, but she'll come good" Lily rested her head back on the pillow.
"You tired?"
"Yeah… I was hoping George would stop by, guess I freaked him out too" Lily said.
"You should sleep" Addison responded.
"I think I got enough sleep recently… I'm tired but I can't sleep"
"I can relate" Addison's thoughts had been keeping her awake lately. Trying to process the mistakes she had made, and the end of her marriage.
"I should go before your mother or brother get back" Addison stood up.
"Let me handle them" Lily said.
"It's good to see you awake Lily" Addison smiled at her.
"It's good to be awake"
"Good night Lily"
Addison walked out of the room and decided to head to Joes.
Chapter 69
Addison walked into Joes and couldn't believe her bad luck.
Sitting in a booth nursing a glass of champagne Rose was looking right at her.
Defiantly Addison walked over.
"Rose" She greeted her.
"Addison" Rose replied dryly taking her last sip and motioning to Joe for another.
"May I
sit?"
"If you must" Rose said.
"Rose…" Addison sat down.
"I'm not sure exactly why you're harbouring this resentment towards me…"
"Addison, please, you can play innocent as much as you want but we both know what this is about…"
"I know what it's about, what I mean is it makes no sense to me" Addison quickly interrupted.
"Let me tell you something Addison, you broke my son… you made my New York loving son pack up his bags and flee his friends and family just to escape you… then not leaving well enough alone you travelled across country to ensure you upended his life again" Rose stared straight at her as Joe put a drink down in front of them.
Addison smiled up at him before looking back at Rose.
"What would you prefer I had done Rose, give up on my 11 year marriage?" Addison asked.
"Sweetheart, you did that the night you hoped in bed with his best friend…. That's what gets me, it wasn't enough for you to destroy his faith and trust in you, no… you had to ruin his longest friendship"
"Mark…"
"Oh I'm aware of his fault in this, Mark doesn't get off Scott free, I tell you if there were ever two people I welcomed into my family, treated as my own, it was you and Mark" Rose shook her head.
"You have no idea what our marriage was like"
"Oh no, I have no idea what it's like being married to a successful surgeon, do I?" Rose asked sarcastically.
"I know what that's like, I know he was busy, but you talk about it… or you get out… you don't have an affair".
Addison had no reply. She knew at every turn Rose would have a comeback. Addison just had to face the fact that she had burnt that bridge.
"You want to believe I ruined your son Rose, truth is he wasn't here pining over me, he wasn't loosing sleep… at least not crying into his pillow, no your sweet son was loosing sleep a completely different way, you see he moved on…"
"I know all about Meredith"
"You do?" Addison was surprised.
"In fact I met her today" Rose said and casting the lowest blow possible she added.
"She's lovely, just what Derek needs".
Addison bit her lip to stop from screaming. Rose herself could hardly believe she's said it.
"Well, let's leave it at that then" Addison said, standing up she placed money on the bar before exiting quickly.
George stood outside Lily's door deciding whether to go in. Meredith and Derek came out.
"George" Meredith said loudly looking at Derek who closed the door quickly.
"You going in O'Malley?" He asked.
"Ahhh I don't know"
"Derek, give us a moment" Meredith said.
"Okay, I'll go meet Mom at Joes" He said kissing her cheek lightly before leaving.
"George… it's been two days now, you really have to see her" Meredith looked at George seriously.
"I know," he said.
"Then what are you waiting for?" Meredith asked.
"I was scared…" George trailed off.
"Life is scary George, that's what makes us real," Meredith said.
"Go in, tell her" Meredith leant in and gave him a supportive kiss on the cheek and for a moment the two dear friends looked at each other in the eye.
George reached out towards the door handle; turning his head to watch Meredith walk away… he turned the handle, opening the door.
"Hey" He smiled at Lily who was sitting up.
"Hey yourself" she gave him a warm grin and reached out her hand for his.
Chapter 70
George joined Lily at her bedside and took her hand.
"I let you down," he said.
"I should have come sooner"
"I know you were here while I was sleeping" Lily looked at him intently.
"You do?"
"I felt you – I heard things – people talking… but I felt you holding my hand, right?"
He nodded.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was going on… I got scared" Lily said.
"It's okay" George replied.
"It's all happened quickly," She added. He nodded in agreement. So little time had passed but he felt like he'd been with Lily all his life. He wanted to say he loved her, but with all she had gone through, he was scared.
Lily was scared too. She was used to thinking of herself. She knew they were in too different places, but she wanted to find a way to make it work.
"I here your doing okay" He said.
"Well, my brother is pretty happy with the way I'm recovering… I have to concentrate to speak… and move, but that's normal… and I'm still getting a good dose of pain meds…" He reached over to help her with a pillow as she moved uncomfortably.
"I should let you sleep," He said.
"Stay with me… just till I'm asleep" She moved over slightly.
George got up on the bed with her, and put his arm around her, and he didn't leave till she was asleep.
"I think I love her," George told Izzie at home as she licked chocolate from a spoon.
She smiled at him with twinkling eyes.
"That's great George… I know I'm in love with her" Izzie cut into a brownie and placed it on a plate.
"She's great, right?" George couldn't wipe the grin off his face.
"She's great" Izzie put a spoonful of brownie in her mouth.
"Who's great?" Meredith asked leading Derek into the kitchen.
George looked nervously at Izzie.
"Lily… George loves her," Izzie said.
"Izzie"
"Well you do! What brother wouldn't want to hear that… better than just screwing her" Izzie turned her back to the sink, missing George's uncomfortable laugh and Meredith and Derek looking at each other.
"It is better than just screwing her" was all Derek said as he and Meredith left the room.
"Night" Meredith called.
"Night" Izzie turned around again.
"Thanks Izzie"
"What! George stop acting like a teenager, Lily's a big girll and he.." She pointed in the direction Derek had gone.
"Will need to deal with it!" Izzie punched George playfully as she went to bed.
"Night Georgie" She said turning off the kitchen light leaving George alone in the dark.
Upstairs Derek and Meredith were getting dressed for bed.
"Your Mom is so funny" Meredith said.
"I'm not used to that… my mom was always so…"
"Serious… probably more like my Dad" Derek finished her thought.
"She asked me to have lunch with her" Meredith looked at him concerned as she pulled back the cover and got into bed.
"She did? When?"
"When
did she ask? Or when is the lunch?"
"Both?"
"She asked when you were in the bathroom, the lunch is tomorrow?"
"So you're going" He smirked.
"What do you think?" She looked at him. What could she say to her potential, one-day, possible mother in law?
"I think…" He started to lift her nightgown up.
"I wish I could be a fly on that wall," He laughed kissing her passionately.
She wanted to hot him… but she settled for kissing him back.
Chapter 71
Izzie was sitting on the end of Lily's bed the next day.
"Seriously… he loves you" A romantic at heart Izzie couldn't contain her excitement.
Lily wanted to be happy. The truth was she loved him too. He was warm, loving and so kind. What couldn't you love?
"Wow"
She said.
"Wow" in her excitement Izzie was missing Lily's
reservation.
Lily
didn't want to move to Seattle. She wanted to get better, and then
she wanted to return to work. And these new feeling were so
confusing?
There was a knock at the door, both girls looked up to
see George smiling at them.
"I'll leave you two alone," Izzie teased walking out.
George walked over and kissed Lily's forehead… and then her lips.
"Good morning" He said softly.
Lily looked at him. She wanted to cry. She had so much to focus on.
So much to loose. So much she could gain. Her heart was torn and she wasn't used to this. She lived life on a whim, she believed in experiencing things… living. But she hadn't banked on love. She hadn't banked on her brain tumour returning either.
Her head hurt and she winced slightly.
"You okay?" George asked concerned.
She nodded. Summoning her strength she spoke.
"George I have something I need to say"
"Yeah me too!"
The two sat looking at each other, each with a completely different thing on their mind.
Chapter 72
"I should go first, it's important," Lily said with sad eyes. She wanted to save him the pain of admitting he was in love with her. She thought that it would be too hard on him because she knew that it was time to set him free… and she knew if he said it there was no way that she would leave.
She was silent for a moment forming the words in her mind.
"George, I'm going home with Mom," She finally said.
"You are, for how long? When?" George seemed confused.
"For good George, it's my home, it's where I work… I'll come back later to wrap up the stories but for now… I have to focus on my recovery" Lily said.
"Oh" it dawned on George and he pulled his hand away from hers.
"I knew this was too good to be true," George said, almost under his breath. Lily wanted to scream NO! That this, whatever it was, was amazing… he was amazing. But she was convinced it was time to let go. They were just in different places and neither one should have to compromise.
"George, I never said it would last forever? You never said it would either" Lily tried to comfort him, fighting her urge to embrace him.
"…And your so busy here, and I have my job, and another book to write…" Lily trailed off.
"Sure, you're right, neither of us were looking long term" George said pretending not to care.
"Well I've got patients, and things… places to be" He stammered trying to make a quick getaway.
"George, I'll be sure to say goodbye" Lily looked at him sadly.
"Don't bother," He said, keeping his head down, he wandered how he had been so stupid, as he hurried out the door.
Meredith entered the cafeteria and saw Derek's Mother waving at her.
"I hear the food here is to die for… and plenty of people do just that" She joked.
Meredith sat down.
"So I got you a coffee… do you drink coffee… what am I talking about you're a surgical intern… you'd probably inhale it if you could" Rose said.
"I like coffee" Meredith couldn't help but like Rose's sense of humour.
"All my children are in medicine… except Lily obviously, did you know that?"
Meredith shook her head.
"Derek is the only surgeon though, just like his Father".
"Derek is close with all his sisters?" Meredith asked wanting to know more.
"Yes… they're all close, though Lily feels they mother her, that's why he wanted them to stay away… breaks their hearts" Rose looked thoughtful and they both sipped their coffee while Meredith relaxed a little.
"Are you always this quiet, dear?" Rose asked.
"I'm a little nervous really?" Meredith decided it was best to admit it.
Rose chuckled.
"I remember the first time I met Tom's mother, she put the fear of God in me, telling me how Mothers and their sons have an unbreakable bond and no woman ever measures up…" Rose looked as though she was in the moment retelling the story.
"She was right you know" She looked straight at Meredith.
"No woman is ever good enough"
Meredith was taken aback.
"But there comes a time when you have to give them over" A smile formed on Rose's face.
Meredith sighed in relief.
"What about Addison?" Meredith dared to ask the question she had been dying to all day.
"Ahhh Addison, yes I gave my son over to her… I invited her into my family, loved her as my own daughter… truth is, I probably still do, that's why it didn't just hurt Derek… it hurt us all" Rose said.
"But she made her bed"
Meredith almost laughed at the irony of that comment.
"It's a shame she wasn't actually making the bed… " Rose joked again.
"We should order I suppose, I'm sure someone is busting a gut, or herniating a disc, or something equally as important… my point there are others who need you more than I do" Rose quipped.
Meredith gave her a knowing look.
"I'm a surgeons wife remember" Rose stood up with a smile and the two went to make their selections.
Chapter 73
"Oh George I'm so sorry" Izzie sat with George in the Locker room.
"I had
no idea she was going back to New York"
Izzie was totally
surprised.
"Who is?" Meredith shut her locker and sat on the bench.
"Not Dr Montgomery if that's what you were hoping" George looked over at Meredith.
"Lily is going back to New York with her Mother" Izzie said.
"Really? Derek didn't say anything" Meredith leant over and touched George's hand supportively.
"I'm sorry Georgie," She said.
He stood up and slammed his locker door closed.
"Why is that whenever people pity me or feel bad for me they call me Georgie. I hate that" He stormed out, passing Derek and Alex coming in.
"What's up Georgie?" Alex called and Izzie and Meredith shared looks.
"Shut up Alex" Izzie said getting up to follow George.
"What's wrong with him?" Derek came over to Meredith.
"Your sister" She said grabbing her bag and giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"My sister?" Derek asked.
"Yeah he's upset about her going home to New York" Meredith began to walk out.
"Lily's leaving – when?" This was news to Derek too.
"So when were you planning on telling me you were leaving?" Derek walked into Lily's room with Meredith close behind.
"What? I have to clear it with you" Lily looked at him.
"No, you have to clear it with Kramer… why are you leaving so soon" He asked looking at her chart from the day.
"Derek, lay off" She rubbed her neck.
"I have heaps to do in New York, the crew is going to film the Addison stuff and feed it back to me to voice… I can concentrate on getting better and just do some work if I'm based in New York" Lily lied. She didn't want to get into it all with Derek.
"There's something else," Derek said. He knew his sister well and he could tell that there was some other reason she was leaving.
"Derek, really?" She scoffed.
"Can you give us a minute" He turned to Meredith and asked.
She nodded before leaving the room.
"God, Derek, why is everything a mystery with you"
"No Lily, why is everything a mystery with you? Why are you in a rush to leave?"
Why do you care?" Lily asked frustrated.
"I like having my baby sister around… see, that's an answer, now what usually happens is you give me one, why the rush?" He repeated.
"Derek please"
"Mush, c'mon" He said again.
Lily looked at him, she wanted him to just drop it, but she could see he was determined.
"There is too much going on in my head… and my heart. I need to get better and I wasn't planning in a big deal with George… but now it is, cause he loves me…" Derek softened and moved to his sister's side.
"… And I love him too… but I can't, he's here in the top Surgical program in the country and I'm in New York, the network's youngest co-anchor having just signed a 3 book deal, who should compromise… who should have to give something up" Lily started to cry. Derek brushed at her cheek.
"Then as if it's not enough already, I just had brain surgery… kind of makes you try and put things in perspective… I have to go".
Derek looked as his sister sadly.
"I get it… you think it's the right thing" He said not sure he agreed with her.
"I do," She said.
"Then… I'll miss you" He kissed her forehead knowing that he couldn't stop her.
"I'll miss you too, I always do" She smiled at him.
Chapter 74
"You need to do something for me, before I go" Lily said as she and Derek parted from their embrace.
"Anything for you, you know that" He smiled warmly at her and she knew how true those words were.
"It's about Addison," She said and Derek's warm eyes suddenly went cold.
"I'm not going back to her," he balked.
"Please, as if… you two have been slowly stifling each other for a long time…. BUT you need to forgive her, it's not fair" Lily looked at her brother.
"She had no choice, I asked her to keep it from you, so truth be told you should be mad at me"
"I'm not"
"I know, but my point is Addison was doing her job… you need to make peace with her, it's the right thing to do to really let her move on" Lily wanted Addison to be able to move one. She knew that Derek and Meredith were in love, but she needed her friend to be able to find some peace too.
"Give her the chance to move on, she can't do it with you hating her" Lily said.
"I see that look Derek"
"What
look?"
"The look you get when Meredith is around, or someone
mentions her name… I know where this is headed…. Good places…"
She reached out and gently squeezed his hand.
"But you need to set Addie straight, you need to set her free… because that's what love is"
He went to speak.
" I know you're not in love with her anymore, but can you look me in the eye and tell me you don't love her, can you wipe the last 11 years, can you take away the chance for the mother of your child to pick up her life and start again…. She doesn't deserve that" Lily looked at him sincerely.
"She doesn't," She repeated.
"Forgive her… and then set her free" Lily knew in order to truly let Addie start again Derek needed to make it clear he was moving forward with Meredith.
"Sometimes the right thing is the most painful… look at me, I'm leaving George…" She trailed off.
Derek said nothing. He looked outside the door, through the glass he saw Meredith and without realising it his face lit up the way Lily had mentioned.
He leant in and kissed his sisters forehead and then silently walked out to rejoin Meredith. Lily smiled after him knowing he would do the right thing.
Chapter 75
A week later
"I can not believe you are leaving" Addison sat on Lily's bed and sulked.
"I feel like my only friend in the world is bailing on me".
"I am " Lily teased and Addison laughed a little.
"You have friends," Lily said.
"Who?" Addison asked.
"Izzie…" Lily tried to think.
"We work together," Addison answered.
"You'll be fine Addie, I'm not bailing, I'll come visit" Lily said as she slowly moved her legs off the bed. Addison helped her stand up.
"So Dr. Kramer said you're doing well" Addison said and Lily nodded.
"He's very pleased, he referred me to Simons back in New York, he's the guy who took Derek's job when he left" Lily zipped up her case.
"Oh yeah, Derek and he had this like, rivalry… does he know that's who your seeing"
"Yeah, he went all like red when I told him" Both woman laughed again.
"But in the end he knows he's the best in New York…. Since Derek left"
"The good ol' days" Addie smiled reminiscing.
"You think?" Lily asked.
Addie looked at her and considered the question.
"I guess not… not always anyway," She said sadly as her pager went off.
"Well I'll see you soon, Take care Lil" Addie hugged her tight.
"You too. The crew will be back next week to film that vision; I'll voice it in New York… I might come back for the last story" She smiled at Addie to reassure her.
Addie mockingly rolled her eyes.
"I'm off to face the halls alone" She acted all dramatic and Lily laughed as she left.
"Mother I am not 2 years old" Lily said as Rose finished lecturing her on her suitcase.
"All I'm saying is you really need to pack more practical in future"
"Hmmm I suppose I really should pack for my next brain tumour" Lily teased her mother.
"Lily Emmerson, would you for once, listen to me" Rose said frustrated.
"I need coffee, you're giving me a headache Mother, can you get me some?" Lily passed her mother some money as Izzie came in. Her mother shook her head, taking the money and leaving the room for coffee.
"I can't believe your leaving" Izzie said.
Lily shrugged slightly. Since telling everyone her plans Izzie had tried on numerous occasions to convince her to stay here with George.
"Things are just all over the place," Lily said.
"And going to New York will fix that?" Izzie wondered.
"New
York is my home, it's where I work, where my publisher is, where my
family is, Izzie, come on, give me a break" Lily tried to
explain.
"Derek's here… and what about George, don't you
care that you're breaking his heart" Izzie pleaded for her
friend.
"Of Course I care, but it's easier to get out now, than a few months down the track when we realise that we are stuck between New York and Seattle" Lily said.
Izzie tilted her head sadly.
"I still don't get it, but I'll miss you" She hugged Lily.
"Can you give this to George and convince him to read it" Lily handed Izzie an envelope which she took.
"I'll try," she said as she left the room.
Alone Lily went to the mirror. She looked back and attempted a fake smile to reassure herself she was okay. It didn't work.
Startling her Rose came back in.
"Here's your coffee" She handed it to her.
"Take me home" Lily said to her mother needing to leave quickly.
"We need to see Derek" Rose said.
"I can't" Lily shook her head forcefully.
She wanted to leave Seattle as fast as she could, before she changed her mind.
Chapter 76
Derek came into the empty room and look around.
He walked back out and spotting a nurse stopped her.
"Lily Maloney, where is she?" He asked.
"She left an hour or so ago, Dr. Shepherd, with your mother, she asked me to give you this" The Nurse flicked a few pages on her clipboard and unhooked a letter for him.
Der,
I'm terrible at saying goodbye to you. Forgive me.
I'll call from New York.
Remember… set her free,
Mush xoxo
Derek looked at the piece of paper disappointed he hadn't gotten to say goodbye to Lily. He re read the last line.
Set her free. The words had been ringing in his ears for a week.
"Hey what's that" Meredith came up behind him.
"My sister left a note… she and Mom are gone" He said.
"She didn't say goodbye?" Meredith was surprised.
"We don't do goodbyes" Derek replied.
"You okay?" She rubbed his back.
He nodded.
"Hey" He said turning to her.
"I've hardly seen you this week," Meredith said.
"I've got something I need to show you… tonight" His eyes sparkled.
"Okay, I'm off in an hour" She smiled at him.
"Good… I have something to fix first" He said, walking backwards away from her. She almost melted at his grin.
"Addison" Addison heard her name being called and her heart skipped a beat. Derek had not spoken to her directly since Lily's operation.
She turned to face him.
"I need to talk to you, have you got time… now" Derek's look was serious, but had softened from the looks of hatred he had been giving her.
"For you…" She half smiled.
"Sure" And the two began to walk beside each other to a nearby waiting lounge.
Chapter 77
Derek took a deep breath as he sat next to Addison.
He had been thinking all week about Lily's request that he set her free. He had realised that it was true, while he was no longer in love with Addison, he certainly still loved her, as his long time friend, confidant and the mother of his child. He had learnt that the bond a child creates is stronger than death.
"I wanted to say I'm sorry," He said.
"You don't have to" She looked at how much it was hurting him and she wanted to ease his pain. It was always like that for her.
"I do, Addie, I really do. You were doing your job"
"And you were being Lily's big brother. You were angry…"
"Stop making this so hard"
"Derek, you and I don't need to say sorry" Addison put a hand on his.
"I do, I have to say sorry for what I'm about to say to you" Derek looked up from her hand to her face and instantly Addison's heart fell to the pit of her stomach. Any minuscule amount of hope that was left in her heart drained away.
"I love Meredith," He said.
"I know" She managed, wanting to come off as if that was fine.
"No Addie, I LOVE her, I love her so much I can't think straight…"
"Stop it, I don't need details" Addie cut him off.
"I get it," She said shaking her head as if trying to stop his words from resonating her mind.
"Addie, I hate to break your heart… it sounds ridiculous but I really do… but you need to know I'm moving forward…"
"With Meredith" She finished his sentence. He nodded.
Addie sat still as the tears welled in her eyes. She began to nod in understanding.
" We had some good times, right, in New York, we were happy"
"We had some great times Addie" He comforted her.
"Sometimes I forget that, it's like I'm not sure, those days, our time have been erased… and you're with her now. I wish I could do things differently… stop you ever coming to Seattle" She said through her tears.
"Sometimes it'd be easier, I guess" He sympathised.
"I'm sorry," He said again.
"That's the thing about you that makes it so hard Derek, you really are" Addie looked at him and she could feel his sincerity. She didn't doubt that he was sorry, and she didn't doubt he was telling her the truth.
"If you need me…" He began.
She looked at him.
"I know where to find you" She smiled. He wiped at her damp cheek, leaning in the two paused to look deeply in each others eyes, then he kissed her cheek before standing and walking away.
Izzie walked to George at the bar in Joes.
She sat next to him.
"How you doing George?" She asked.
"I'm fine," He muttered.
Izzie looked at him and laughed.
"No your not George… and you shouldn't be… you just got your heart broken" She said.
"Thanks for reminding me" He looked up from the bar to her.
"C'mon George, this is me, Izzie, your roommate, your best gal pal" She teased.
"You don't have to lie to me… I'm the one who hops in bed with you just to feel comfort… you can tell me anything" She smiled warmly at him.
"Okay, I feel like crap… I put myself out there and I feel like I've been kicked down, stomped on, chewed up" He looked.
"Feel better?" She asked.
"No" he said.
Izzie fumbled in her pocket for a second, pulling out Lily's letter.
"I haven't read this, so it's either the best thing for you, or the worst, either way I think you should read it" She held out the letter.
"It's from Lily" George looked at the paper for a moment, not moving.
Izzie waved it a bit urging him to take it.
He quickly grabbed it from her hand.
"I love you" She gave him a kiss on his head before walking out.
Now alone he opened the letter.
George,
I'm sorry to write this, rather than say it to your face. But in the end, in my heart and soul I am a writer… and all I really have are words.
I want you to know first and foremost that I love you.
I know that will confuse you since I left. But for me, that's why I left. I love you. You are the kindest, my compassionate person I have ever known, and it breaks my heart to walk away. But for now… I have to. You will be the best surgeon (and I know a few). You are in the most prestigious surgical program in the country… I am some place else. I know if I told you that you would have given it up… but I love you and you shouldn't have too… in the end neither should I.
I'm reading this thinking none of it makes any sense… I should just stay… but I can't.
Remember the shazam, and you will move on. For now I love you, I love you; I love you, Lily xo.
George folded the letter and placed in his pocket. He suddenly felt a little better. Looking up at Joe he ordered another beer.
Derek carefully lead Meredith blindfolded through the trees.
"Where are we?" She giggled.
"I told you at my place" He said.
"Then why am I blindfolded" She asked as he stopped her, the positioned her.
"Because…. I have a surprise," He said removing her blindfold. She gasped at the blanket laid out before her, with candles, food and champagne.
"How
did you do this?"
"A very reluctant cupid… Christina"
Meredith looked at him as if he was pulling her leg.
"No way" She said.
"Yes… and she'll be scrubbing in on all neruo surgeries for a month" the both laughed.
"Sit" He said.
"Derek, this is beautiful" She grabbed a chocolate and popped it in her mouth.
"What's that?" She pointed at the tube under his arm.
"This… is our future, if you want it" he said removing the cap off the end and getting out a roll of paper.
Meredith looked at him surprised.
"I told you once I didn't know what I would build on my land… I do now; I want to build a big house, our home. If you'll move in with me" He smiled at her and her heart leapt.
"If you want it," He said waiting for her to answer.
She looked at the blue prints he had rolled away. She stood up and looked around the property. Then she remembered the night they had gotten back together, when she could picture their children running around.
She looked at him and he stood up in anticipation.
"Yes Derek, I want it… I want it all… with you" She threw her arms around his neck and as they began to both laugh joyously they kissed too.