Please Read and Review… mainly because I'd like to hear what you think of the story…

NAME REMINDER: Mokuba refers to the 13 year-old Seto as Oniichan in his thoughts.

CHAPTER 26: THE TEMPEST

KAIBA'S POV

I couldn't even pretend Mokuba had a nightmare. This time, I was the one who needed him; needed the comfort of his sleeping presence. He was the only thing I needed – my weakness and my strength.

Yet if you asked me if I loved Mokuba, I wouldn't know how to respond. The answer people expected was "Yes, of course." After all, I'd offered up my soul for his. And Mokuba had told me that I loved him. He was speaking the truth… as he saw it. But I honestly didn't know what love was any more; had surrendered the capacity to feel it beyond reclaim. The only thing I could say with certainty was what I had told Gozaburo long ago: Mokuba was a responsibility. Mokuba was mine.

If you asked me if Mokuba loved me, I would be on surer ground. For Mokuba knew how to love.

At first he had loved me as simply as a child loves his father. After all, frightening as it sounds, I am his stability, the constancy in his life. Even now, as long as he is by my side (and I am not trying to kill him), he is content. But I can not pretend that Mokuba has a child's love for me any longer. For he both sees and accepts my flaws and failures – in a way that I can not. No, now I am the one who loves as a child does (if love it is): simply, unquestioningly, uncritically. I look at Mokuba and see no flaws.

I stared at his sleeping face, trying to trace a likeness. Not to me, thankfully, but to the birth parents I had almost forgotten; whose faces I could only see in silhouette. I had been too young to remember my mother, and my father had been home too infrequently. As adept as I am with computers, I have never done a search, never tried to find their images. Although sometimes I have had a faint curiosity: to see if they were as tall as I, as tall as Mokuba would be one day (even now, he'd be at least an inch taller than Seto, if he'd only stand a little straighter.) I wonder if I would find my blue eyes, or Mokuba's wonderful lavender-gray, his tangle of black hair. But in the end, I have never needed to search. I have the best of them in Mokuba.

I remember looking through the plastic hospital bassinet… seeing him for the first time… looking in wonder at this perfect being. He stole my heart without opening his eyes.

Later when my father explained what had happened… how Mokuba had cost my mother her life… I accepted it, as my father, in his adult wisdom, could not. It was an exchange – as if my favorite baseball team had traded one player for another.

But nothing could divide me from Mokuba. He was my world. And my only true failure lay in forgetting that.

At the orphanage, I had never looked for a father. Not for myself, not even for Mokuba. All I had asked for was someone… anyone… who would give us a place to live. Who would allow me to provide for Mokuba. Which was precisely what I had received. It has always tempered my anger at Gozaburo. If he had given me no more than I had asked for, he had given me no less. Any harm to Mokuba came at my hands, not his.

For the first time I wondered what would have happened if we had been adopted by that mythical creature: a loving father? What would I have done, if Mokuba had found someone else to look up to? Someone else to love? Would I have found the strength to let him go? In the end, it did not matter. No magical parent had appeared, and the only threat to our bond had come from me.

And now, Seto was reaching out for a father in his own way – not having learned the futility of the hunt. It was a need I had covered over so well, I did not know it existed, until I had seen the longing in his eyes. A need I would not have believed in, if I had not caught it electronically.

And for the illusion of a parent's love, Seto was prepared to slice out his own heart. Mokuba was his life, but Seto was poised to become Mokuba's death.

Mokuba wasn't in any real danger, of course. I could stop Seto long before he did any damage. If necessary, I would kill him. I considered it, calmly. It had its advantages… at least it would end the threat he presented, once and for all. And Seto had shown me precisely how little I had to lose… and how much. For eliminating Seto would destroy the timeline I had committed myself to preserving. Worse, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be around to protect Mokuba from the chaos that followed. And that would be an abandonment… a betrayal… to rival Seto's.

Mokuba blamed Gozaburo for what I had become, but Seto exposed that for the lie it was. For Gozaburo had been dead for over two years; Seto was here… and running the same headlong course towards betrayal, as if it was my nature to turn against that which was most precious to me. What had been the good of shattering my heart, if evil was engraved on every piece? And if betrayal was at the essence of my heart, how could I offer Yami so stained a gift?

I had spent my life always standing and fighting; never running. Now I was sitting here in the comforting darkness of Mokuba's room, hiding from Yami. There was nothing I could do, up to and including attempted murder, that would lessen Mokuba's regard for me, and no one else's opinion had ever mattered... until Yami. Although we talked about everything but our feelings; everything but what we were doing each night, I had started to hope that I meant more to him than a nightly fuck… until Seto had shown me the hollowness of my own heart, and had reminded me of the foolishness of dreams. And yet, I could not let go of them, even after Seto had proven beyond doubt that despite everything I have tried to do in the years since Death-T, I can never truly escape who and what I am.

Night after night, I avoided Yami, as if by refusing to go next door, I could delay the inevitable moment when my unacknowledged dreams would splinter in my hands, broken into frozen shards by the ice in Yami's glare.

I was being foolish, and I knew it. After all, there had probably never been anything to lose, except in my imagination. I reminded myself of all the times I had angered or disappointed Yami: our first Shadow Game, Death-T, Duelist's Kingdom, Alcatraz. I tried to tell myself this new betrayal didn't matter. I had dueled him enough to know his opinion of me. I would probably never have his respect, much less his affection. Yami had seen into my heart; he had shattered it; he had to know how little was there. I was probably just a knock-off version of his High Priest. Someone to pass the night with, since we seemed to have the same screwed up sleep schedule. He had never offered more. And affection, much less love, had never been part of the package. If love had been on the table, that first night, I would have refused the deal. So, as with Gozaburo, I had no one to blame but myself if I had received no more and no less than requested.

And yet, Yami thought I was honorable… had always thought it really… even when I had given no sign that I had a clue what the word meant. And, in truth, as the world defines it, honor has had little place in my life.

But debt and responsibility I understand. Yami would expect me to tell him of Seto's weakness. And that laid an obligation on me that I could neither avoid nor face. For how could I betray Yami's trust? Yet, how could I confess to him so hideous a betrayal and so shameful a longing?

MOKUBA'S POV

"What's happened?" I asked. "And don't tell me nothing."

"How long have you been awake?"

"A few minutes. Long enough to know you're here, and not in your room… where you belong."

"No. I meant… how long have you known?"

"Through most of it, I guess."

"Even Gozaburo…"

"Not at the time." I shrugged, "When I got a little older, it wasn't hard to figure out. I mean we'd be under the covers, talking. It was cool. It felt like we were somewhere safe. Then before you'd leave, you'd tell me to scream and cry like I was in a horror movie. It was fun, actually… just laying there, yelling my fool head off. It felt great." I smiled. "Gozaburo should have remembered – no one can ever predict what the Knight's going to do. You were worried he'd bugged the room, weren't you?"

"God, Mokuba… I've failed you so badly. How can you ever forgive me?"

"Haven't you heard a word I said? You've never failed me. The fact that I know just how far you went to save me, how much you gave up along the way – that doesn't make your sacrifice worthless. It makes it more precious… at least to me.

Don't you get it, Nisama? I look at myself every day, and feel like the most special, the most wonderful person in the whole world – because that's what I am to you. I feel like I'm going to live each day to the fullest – because it's a day that you've given me. That I'm going to be the best person I possibly can – because that's the only way to honor what you've done. If I regret anything… it's the price that you paid. Now tell me – what's happened?"

He was sitting, huddled into himself; his arms folded across his chest. He looked down and shook his head. I sighed. Sometimes talking to my brother is like playing 'Twenty Questions'.

"Does it have something to do with… well… with my other Nisama?"

He nodded. I didn't bother pointing out that Oniichan's sins weren't his. Nisama barely grasped that Gozaburo's weren't his, either.

"Does Yami know what's wrong?" I asked, wondering how many nights my brother had spent in my room.

He shook his head, eyes still lowered.

"Whatever it is, tell Yami. He'll understand." I would have added that Yami loved him – I mean anyone but my brother could see it – but I wasn't sure whether that would do more harm than good at this point. Besides, as soon as the words left my mouth, I knew how stupid they were. My brother could barely bring himself to talk to me, much less Yami. I mean – I'd just spilled my guts and he'd said about four sentences. Which was probably a record.

My brother's real good at yelling or insulting or even (when he can be bothered) explaining. But talking…. forget it. I knew why, of course. I had heard Gozaburo's words too: "Never reveal a weakness that a potential enemy can exploit. And never forget, boy – everyone is your enemy." The difference was, Gozaburo's words hadn't been directed at me. I tried to think of another way.

"If you can't tell Yami, can you show him, somehow?"

Ahh. I'd given him a problem to solve. He nodded.

"Go back to sleep," he said.

"Not unless you're here with me," I answered; giving him an excuse to stay in my room until morning.

Thanks to Clarity for betaing this chapter.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I really see Kaiba, at the start of Déjà Vu as trying to learn to accept both his past and himself as a person. But I don't think he knows how to do this, any more than he has a clue how to be in a relationship. Mokuba forgives Kaiba for Death-T because he understands that Kaiba sacrificed a good part of his soul to protect him, and he can accept the fact that Kaiba was pretty psychotic by Death-T. That's Mokuba's line of reasoning – but I don't think that Kaiba ever really agreed with it. But I can see Kaiba, in his usually intensely wrong headed way trying to will himself into accepting his past – and thinking he's succeeded. So when he sees Seto making the same error – and worse, neglecting to put Mokuba's needs first – I think it would devastate whatever fragile peace with himself he's achieved.

In the same way, in his quieter, more secure moments, Kaiba realizes that Yami is allowing their feelings to remain undiscussed because he's giving Kaiba the room to sort out his own. But the flaw in that game plan becomes obvious – under stress I think Kaiba would find it very easy to tell himself that Yami really doesn't care, and that any affection he felt was an illusion produced by his own desires – because that's his default position on life, and it's one that has been borne out by his experiences. So feeling alone, and like there's no one he can trust, much less depend on has become the rubric by which he measures all experience, and I think that's something that is very difficult to change.

In a lighter note: at one point I realized I had no idea how Mokuba would refer to Seto when talking to Kaiba! After mumbling, great, what do I do now? To myself, I decided to take a leaf from Yugi's book, and have Mokuba refer to Seto as his other Nisama.

RESPONSES TO REVIEWS

Seto, Kaiba, and gaming: (AmunRa, babymar-mar, Ceribi Motou, Desidera, EcoGoth, elirian19, Kanoi1, laura m, Nachzes Black-Rider, QueenOfGames2, Sarcastic Bastet, servter, Seto's Darkness, StainofCurare, Sylvia Viridian, Tuulikki, Wintersslayer) I can't see Seto and Kaiba talking for any length of time, about anything non-technical. But I do see gaming as being a language that they're both comfortable with. And I agree that Kaiba would make a good teacher in this instance. He wasn't putting Seto through this maliciously… he was honestly trying to show Seto the mistake he was about to make, and realized that nothing short of going through the experience of losing Mokuba (even a video-Mokuba) would make an impression on Seto.

And I agree, I think Seto sees in Kaiba someone he both wants to be and wants no part of. He's rebelling against Gozaburo, and yet he's deeply influenced by him, and has absorbed a lot of his values and outlook – so I think he's be repelled by the parts of Kaiba that seem to show Gozaburo's influence most strongly, but also anything that showed how Kaiba had changed would seem both alien and frightening. I think Kaiba represents a future he both hungers for (the control and possibly the possibility of a relationship) and is almost repelled by.

As for the game itself… it occurred to me – mostly from Zelda how Elf-like video characters are. And it was a lot of fun matching the Yugioh characters to standard video characters. The Son Goku version I was going for is the one from the manga Saiyuki, by the way.

While watching Sonic 2, where you can either be the hero, Sonic, or his evil counterpart, Shadow, it occurred to me how limiting that was… and that both Seto and Kaiba might be driven to create something more true to their experiences. By comparing himself to Yami or Yugi in that saving the world was more likely to be their motive than his, for once, he wasn't putting himself down – after all he is the person who took considerable risks to destroy KC's weapons capabilities. I think he was acknowledging (and reminding Seto) that he will always be someone driven most strongly by his devotion to the people he cares about.

Since I was basing it on actual games, a little, I was pleased to see that it felt like an actual game.

Kaiba and Yami: (AmunRa, Ceribi Motou, Desidera, Kekewey, laura m, Maris, Seto's Darkness, StainofCurare, Wintersslayer) In Kaiba's mind, he's already lost Yami – because he doesn't doubt for a minute that Yami will judge him as harshly as he's judging himself. So he doesn't really see his actions for what they are: in his mind, he's not dumping Yami without a word, he's accepting something that's already happened, without realizing that it's happened only in his mind. And yes, I agree, Kaiba doesn't really feel safe enough to accept what Yami's offering, and has too little experience with being cared for to even recognize what's going on in his own relationship. Yami never pressed the issue because he had decided keeping quiet was a better strategic move. For a while that worked, but it also made it easy for Kaiba, under stress, to ignore the signs, that Yami actually does care. Yami's reactions to these new developments occur over the next few chapters.

Elvish: (Desidera, Ceribi Motou, Nachzes Black-Rider, Sylvia Viridian) Being a total LOTR fanatic, how could I resist? Especially since so many video game characters look vaguely Elvish. That was a good point reagarding Feanor and his ill-fated sons. I was thinking more of the LOTR than the Silmarillion, when I said that Kaiba was too human to be an Elf. And I wasn't implying that he had read (or enjoyed) the LOTR, just that if he was going to have an Elf, he was enough of a perfectionist to research out the proper name to give his character. It was also a bit of a joke on myself, since I used the Internet in the form of an e-mail to my friend Kagi, to get the translations.

Seto and Noa: (Maris) Thank you! I had never considered the similarities between Seto and Noa before, but once you pointed them out, it was one of those real 'duh – of course – why didn't I see it!' moments. Your right there are considerable similarities in both their feelings towards the older Kaiba and Gozaburo.

Writing: (AmunRa) I never took a creative writing course, but it's nice to know I figured out a golden rule on my own!

Character Development, Complexity: (Soul Sister, Yume no Zencho) Thanks! The story line is pretty complicated, and the characters never have just one reason for anything they do – and sometimes I worry about being able to tell the story in a way that makes sense, that not only has characters doing things, but that shows why they feel the things they do, and how who they are guides their choices. So the encouragement is very… well… encouraging.

Note to Ceribi Motou: Thanks, again! Since everything in the chapter was leading up to Kaiba's ending line, I'm glad you liked it. It was probably my favorite too, although I admit to a fondness for the image of Kaiba looking at the ceiling and asking why he has to learn everything the hard way.

Note to EcoGoth: Angst much, Kaiba? That had me laughing out loud!

Note to Hikari Ryu: Thanks for your encouragement.As to length... well, I keep saying that I hope people are in the mood for a long story.