Please Read and Review… mainly because I'd like to hear what you think of the story. I'd also like to take a minute to thank everyone for their thoughtful reviews.
CHARACTER NOTE: Isono is Kaiba's chief assistant/security/flunkey kind of guy… you know, the guy with the mustache who's always wearing a black suit. He's the one who keeps calling Kaiba "Seto-sama" even after he loses control of KC in DOMA. And when Kaiba corrects him, he says that since Kaiba was the one who changed KC from a weapons to a gaming empire, Kaiba will always be "sama" to him. Anyway he makes a brief cameo here.
SEKIHO ARMY REMINDER: At the end of the Tokugawa Shogunate, there was a certain amount of chaos in Japan, partly because this once fairly isolated nation had a sudden infusion of foreign (i.e. Western) contact, and partly because after over 200 years the government was starting to break down and there was a certain amount of social unrest. Anyway, the revolutionaries or the Imperialist side) wanted to turn Japan from a feudal society to a modern nation state, unified under an emperor. At this time, there was a peasant revolt, mostly over land and tax issues in many provinces. The pro-Imperialist side encouraged this, as a way of further weakening the Shogunate, and sent Sagara Sozo, among others, to organize the farmers, creating the Sekiho-tai. However, when the Imperialist side realized they were going to win, they also realized that they couldn't afford to keep the tax relief promises Sagara had made in their name. They declared the Sekiho-tai to be imposters, and arrested and executed Sagara and other top commanders. In 1928, the government offered an official apology, clearing their name, and honoring the troop.
MANGA NOTE: Seto Kaiba first sees the BEWD in Sugoroku's shop. He later steals it from Yugi. Yami challenges him to a penalty game. He accepts, but loses when the BEWD destroys itself, because it's torn between him and Sugoroku. Yami gives him the illusion/nightmare of turning him into a card, which sends him to the Duel Monsters' world where he's killed by the monsters. In revenge, Kaiba plans Death-T. He duels Sugoroku, puts him in this death simulation chamber which gives him a heart attack, and takes his BEWD card, and rips it up. At the end of Death-T, Yami shatters his heart to drive the evil out of it. Kaiba is in a coma until he can piece it together.
CHAPTER 29: ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ
KAIBA'S POV
For once, Yami had fallen asleep first. For once, he was the one tossing restlessly. He suddenly spoke into the night's silence, still half asleep.
"Don't ever look at me as though I'm not there… don't make me doubt my own existence. Don't ever do that to me, again," Yami said, his eyes still closed.
I stared at him, slowly absorbing what he had just said… what he had just done. I'd spent the week ignoring him… hurting him… I hadn't done it intentionally, but I'd done it nonetheless. And he'd repaid me by deliberately revealing his greatest weakness. He had handed me a knife, shown me where to stick it, and then closed his eyes in a gesture of blind faith. In revealing his deepest fear, Yami had proven himself fearless. He had dared to say aloud something I hadn't admitted to myself: that like him, I had ceded my rival a power over me.
"I never wanted to hurt you. I never believed that I could," I told him, sincerely.
Nor was I sure I could do what Yami was asking. I was too used to disappearing into my own silence; to retreating within myself as though moving behind castle walls. I opened my mouth, ready to promise, anyway. Before the words escaped, his hand came up and covered my lips.
"No. I don't want to be yet another promise in your life. Just try. That's all I'm asking."
"You are not invisible to me and I will never treat you so, again," I swore. Despite his instructions, despite my intentions, the words were a vow. Another impossible, unbreakable promise. And yet, I relaxed as I felt the familiar hooks of my oath sink their weight into my heart.
Yami fell back asleep, quieter now… and I was alone in the darkness of a bedroom that had never truly been mine.
It had been Gozaburo's. I had taken it over. Some nights, with Yami, I felt like I was exorcising it. Sometimes I wondered why I stayed here, when I had the money to live anywhere. But although it had never been my objective, I had ended up paying a high price for this particular piece of real estate… and I've never learned how to let go of anything that's mine. Ironically, Gozaburo's bedroom held fewer phantoms than most of the mansion's rooms. Thankfully, I had never been in it until he had died.
His office held more memories, although in compensation, it also contained the pleasurable one of him sailing to his death. (Damn. I knew I should have recorded it. I could have shown it to Seto – sort of the ultimate popcorn movie for us.)
But if his bedroom had come to represent a new beginning, his office reminded me of the futility of dreams – and how little I deserved them. When Yami said that he believed in me – that was only because he didn't know me. Who could believe in someone who had killed God-knows how many people when he was Seto's age? Who could want someone who had tried to add his own brother to the list? Yami knew all the facts – or thought he did. But he didn't know that he was wasting his time on someone who was dead inside. I knew. I had presided over the funeral.
I had rarely gone to Gozaburo's office until that day. I had never sought him out. All our confrontations had taken place in the privacy of the mansion that I never referred to as my home. But this time I had no choice. Lives other than mine were at stake, and it seemed that my conscience wasn't quite as dead as my heart.
"They weren't just homework assignments – just a bunch of exercises to see how good I was. And I didn't fail – no matter how many times you beat me up to make me think I did. You're producing weapons from those designs. You're killing people with them." I didn't expect a denial – and I didn't get one.
"For a genius, you're awfully stupid sometimes. Of course I used your designs. What else are you good for?"
"I hope they have a long shelf life. They are the last things I will ever design for you. You can't turn me into your house killer."
"That's exactly what you already are. Don't pretend that I ever did anything more than bring out what was already inside of you. You should thank me for introducing you to the real Seto Kaiba. Now go home and get back to work."
"No." It was all I said, but the finality in my voice caught his attention.
"What do you mean, no? Do you think I can't force you?"
"You have no hold left. What can you threaten to do to me that I have not already done to myself? What is left to take from me, that I have not willingly given up first?" I walked to the window, leaned against the glass, looking downwards. I spread my arms and legs wide, making an X of my body, as if I could meld into the window's surface; as if I could will myself through it… accomplishing my final mission in the time it would take to traverse the tower's 50 stories.
"What's left – my life?" I laughed. "I imagine the glass splintering beneath my touch. I imagine falling, to shatter on the ground below. It's the only thing that soothes me to sleep at night." I turned away from the window, turned away from the only dream I had left, and walked back into the game.
"Do you want me to show you how easy it would be?" I taunted, "Your new weapons genius would have a hard time coming up with ideas with his brains all over the sidewalk, wouldn't you say?"
"What of Mokuba?" he spat out.
"What of him? I broke that link long ago. Under your tutelage, I might add. So you can't use him as a chain to tug on me now."
It was true. When I searched my heart for Mokuba's presence, I could no longer find him. He was gone, as surely as if he had never taken up residence there. A hunger for power, a need to win at all costs had filled the void left by his passing. There was truly nothing left in my life any more, except this twisted chess match. Win or lose, I was going down. I knew it. I wanted to take no one else with me, wanted to cause no more collateral damage.
Gozaburo yanked my face up and stared into my eyes. He released my chin and grunted, "Yes, your eyes are dead, aren't they, my proud heir? And Mokuba looks on you with fear, not love. He still follows you, but that's only because you're all he has left, and he can't bring himself to face the truth. And you're right. He's never interested me before, he doesn't now, and he never will. And I only torture that which interests me.
But you, boy – for better or worse… you fascinate me. So, you think you have no feelings left?"
He slowly unbuttoned my shirt; gently slipped it off one shoulder. I knew what was coming, but it would be a lie to say that I was prepared. It was more that I no longer cared. He looked for an unblemished spot, then brought the tip of his cigar to rest on my chest, almost, but not quite, under the arm. He held it there until he had created another perfect circular burn that I would have to hide. It didn't bother me any more than his words. I had another scar. I had lost Mokuba. They were both facts that I would have to deal with.
"So," he said when he had finished and re-buttoned my shirt, "You think you have won another round. Maybe it's time for the final game. You think I have no lever left? I still have the strongest one. The one that's always moved you – power. I'll give you a chance to win control of Kaiba Corporation itself. If you can take it over, it's yours. Do whatever you want with it – even use it to create your stupid games." He grinned, "It won't do you any good, you know. You'll never play again. I've taken that from you – and you'll never get it back."
"And if I win, you'll just walk away?" I asked skeptically.
He smiled, "No. I'll go through that window instead of you. You can watch."
I nodded. "Agreed."
"For a stray dog I took in off the streets – you seem confident of victory. Don't you want to know what happens to you if you lose?"
"I assumed I had already described it." To my surprise, Mokuba's name almost came to my lips, along with a plea that he be left out of this final game. I squashed the impulse, remembering I had locked him out of my heart to save him.
But Gozaburo was speaking. "No. Your death will be a living one. You'll do as I say, design what I tell you, without question – for the rest of your life."
"First you have to win," I replied proudly. "And you've never beaten me yet."
But I lied. He had beaten me from the moment he used my designs to kill people; he had won the moment I let go of Mokuba. Gozaburo was right. For a genius, there are times when I've been criminally stupid.
I was just as corrupt as Gozaburo; just as much a murderer. He had sold those weapons, but I had designed them… and it would be my legacy that lasted the longest.
But if I was going straight to Hell for my little contribution to the world's misery… at least Hell would be familiar – and I was taking my mentor with me. Whatever the cost he had to be stopped – and I was the only one that could do it. I had to hold on, just a little longer. I might have been a hollow shell, but I had a task to finish before I broke.
In the darkness of Gozaburo's bedroom, I found it impossible to go back to sleep. But I didn't move. I lay there enjoying the feel of Yami's arms. I was far taller, far stronger. Yet I fell asleep each night with my head pillowed on Yami's chest. With his arms around me as if to protect me. With my arms around him; clutching him as if he was the teddy bear I had never had. I was starting to trust that his arms would still be there, circling me in the morning; that he would still be within my grasp.
I must have tensed, because Yami stirred, pulled me tighter into his embrace. "What is it, love?" he asked sleepily. I froze, telling myself he was half asleep; he didn't know what he was saying.
But I was tired of denying to myself that he cared. I was tired of being a coward. Because if I admitted it, I would have to worry about the inevitable day when he would stop caring. And he had to stop caring, because I didn't deserve him. He had to abandon me, because everyone did.
But… he had promised.
He had promised to believe in me; had promised to face life by my side.
And he took his vows as seriously as I. Promises are curious things; at once fragile and binding. I could feel his promise wrap around me, as I slowly let myself relax into its embrace.
"Go back to sleep. It's nothing." I said, as if I was talking to Mokuba. And my attempt at avoiding answering proved just as unsuccessful.
"With you, it's never 'nothing'. What were you thinking about?" he asked, awake now.
"Promises." I answered.
"I meant every word. Let me prove to you how well I mean to keep mine." He rolled me over until I was looking up at him as he lay on top of me. I could feel every inch of his skin melting into mine, his warmth seeping into my heart. It was only then that he started kissing me, slowly, gently… each kiss a new promise; each caress, a new oath. He brushed my hair off my face, looked into my eyes. His own eyes, glowing like crimson embers in the dim light, dropped to my neck… as though he could still see the mark he had given me that first night, the mark that I had carried ever since. It had faded almost to nothingness in the week we had been apart. His eyes turned feral, and he smiled, his thumb tracing circles, as though re-defining its almost invisible contours. His mouth replaced his hand. I moaned into the night at the feel of his teeth on my neck… as if Yami was setting the seal on his declaration; as if he was consummating his vow.
MOKUBA'S POVYou couldn't really call it eavesdropping. I mean it wasn't like I was listening in on my brother and Yami making love. I just stayed by the door long enough to make sure that was the direction they were heading. As I jumped back into bed, I was clear on two important points. Yami really did love my brother… and he didn't understand him.
It hadn't been like the first time, after that first morning. That had been easy. I'd simply told the security guards and my brother's chief assistant to let Yami in when he arrived – and not to notify my brother. They all knew they'd never get in trouble for obeying my orders instead of Nisama's. I'd checked with Isono later. It was pretty funny watching him turn bright red as he reported stiffly that Yami had arrived at noon like clockwork each day, stayed for about ten minutes, and left, with his hair slightly mussed. Yami had kept that up for two weeks, until I had lent him my alarm clock, and Nisama had finally gotten the message, and stopped running to the office at daybreak.
But this was different. This was something Nisama had to deal with on his own – or rather, something he had to learn to let Yami in on, rather than just dealing with it alone – hopefully, before Yami got too badly hurt. And I could see (even if Nisama couldn't) that my brother's desertion had hurt Yami deeply. But I wasn't too worried. Yami might have been looked mad enough to knock my brother into the Shadow Realm – but he didn't look ready to give up.
And in the end… they had both come through, fine.
Yami might not have understood Nisama, but he had offered to stand by him anyway. That shouldn't have surprised me. I mean I knew Yami cared about Nisama, loved him even… and he was the kind of guy who knew how to hang tough… but it was just… unexpected, in a way. No one had ever done anything like it before. Me and Nisama had always been on our own.
Sensei had come the closest, but he'd been trying to ease his own conscience, not help Nisama. And his apology had come too late.
I remembered the hospital room. It was the first time I'd realized that Nisama's Sensei was an old man. He'd been hooked up to these machines. Nisama was standing in front of the bed, looking bored. Gozaburo had killed himself. Sensei was dying of natural causes. I knew how I felt about Gozaburo's death. I didn't know how to feel about Sensei's. And Nisama just plain didn't know how to feel anything, any more.
"I failed you," Sensei said to my brother.
"Don't delude yourself. You couldn't fail me. You never mattered enough. I never put any trust in you, or anyone else."
"That's how I failed. You should expect more from people. You had the right to expect more from me… and you don't even know it."
"Since you're dying, the point seems moot."
"And you survived us all," Sensei smiled. "You're alive."
"I'm in charge. That's close enough for me."
"At least your brother is still at your side."
Nisama didn't even look over his shoulder.
"Yeah, he's still following me around like a stray dog. I don't even notice anymore."
The old man sighed. "Sometimes things are set in motion that cannot easily be stopped. I'm sorry for that as well."
Nisama grunted.
"I hear you've destroyed Gozaburo's weapons factories. That Kaiba Corporation is to be a gaming enterprise instead," Sensei continued.
At first I thought Nisama wasn't going to answer. Finally he said, "I promised."
"I think you have made many promises. At least you were able to hold onto one. Maybe that will be enough. Whatever the reason, I am proud of you for what you are doing. It is a feat worthy of Sagara Sozo – and the Sekiho Army."
"Have your brains become addled as death approaches, old man?" my brother asked, harshly. "Do you believe your own fairy-tales, now? Have you deluded yourself that you've raised a member of the Sekiho Army – here in modern day Domino? When it was your job to turn me into a puppet of the Imperial Court that betrayed them, instead? Not that it matters – if they were stupid enough to believe in the future – then betrayal was inevitable."
Sensei didn't answer. It was an old argument, anyway. He gestured to the worn Black Belt, the symbol of his rank, on the table by his bed. I suddenly realized that for the first time since I'd met him, he hadn't been wearing it.
"I would like you to have that," he told my brother.
"What do you want in return?" my brother asked.
"You've already given it to me. I wanted to say good-bye," he answered.
"A foolish wish. But this seems to be the month for cutting all the ties that bind me. Die in peace, old man," my brother said as he whirled from the room, leaving Sensei's belt behind. He didn't look back to see if I was following…or to see that I had retrieved it.
Now for the first time, Nisama had someone who didn't have to be dying to want to help. I decided it was time Yami and I had another talk, preferably after Nisama had left for work.
"For Nisama, it all comes back to Death-T," I told Yami.
"I know," he answered."
"No. You don't," I replied. "You've seen it, but you've never really lived with it." It was something Nisama had never told anyone, even me. I should have felt disloyal. But I had heard Nisama last night… had heard him try to explain… had heard him mention Gozaburo's name. If he had come that far, I figured that gave me permission to tell the rest.
"It was after Gozaburo had died. I really thought everything would be okay then," I told Yami. "Until I saw Nisama's face. It was after his first board meeting."
"They got what they deserved. The suckers," Nisama said scornfully.
Actually, the Big Five scared me. But nothing ever scared my brother.
"They actually thought I was going to be their figurehead. They actually thought I was just going to let them continue business as usual. Their mistake. Did they really think I'd risk everything for control of a corporation that would come to me if I was patient anyway, unless I was going to change everything? Maybe they've dealt in death for so long, they no longer notice its stench… but I'm choking on it. And I didn't beat Gozaburo just to surrender to his flunkeys."
"Nobody can predict what the Knight's going to do next." I reminded him.
"I just couldn't stand by and do nothing. Not when I was killing people every day. Not if there was a way I could stop it. I know what I've done, and sometimes the knowledge sticks in my throat until I can't breathe around it. Gozaburo was right. After a heart, a conscience is the greatest weakness. And I'm never letting it rule me again."
He was pacing through Gozaburo's office, his voice getting louder with each step. "Those fools didn't get it. If I had lost, I would have lived up to my word. I would have done whatever Gozaburo asked. They didn't believe that. That's why they backed me. Their own greed betrayed them, not me… and their own cowardice. I think they were afraid their top weapons designer was about to kill himself. Maybe that would have been the better, the surer option…" he said to himself.
"Don't say that Nisama!"
"Don't worry, Mokuba. I remember my promises," he said shooting me an angry look. And I knew – he resented me for having exacted the vow that was now keeping him alive.
"In some ways, it was worse than when Gozaburo was alive, because it was supposed to be better," I told Yami. "Instead, it was like I was watching him caught in quicksand. All I could do was watch him struggle… watch him go under. You might have played that first Shadow Game with him. You didn't see what it did to him, afterwards."
As I entered the room, saw him light one of our adoptive father's cigars. I didn't realize any were left after his death, but there were reminders of him everywhere. As deliberately as he did everything, Nisama held the glowing tip to the center of the Blue Eyes White Dragon I had drawn for him; until he had created a small perfect circle of fire; until the dragon had turned to ash.
"What are you doing?" I cried.
"It's time to put away childish things. And what could be more childish than holding on to dreams?"
"Don't say that. One day they'll be yours."
"No. I may be able to collect them, but those dragons will never truly be mine."
"Why are you saying this?" I was scared. I had never seen my brother look defeated before.
"Because it's true. I had the real one today. I stood there looking at a piece of my heart… and it was in some old geezer's hands. I took it back. No one's ever controlling me, or anything that's mine again." He laughed. It was a bitter hateful sound. "Gozaburo was right about me. No matter what I do, I'll never be more than his house killer. That's the real Seto Kaiba. I was stupid enough to think I could hide a piece of my soul in a card, and call it from my deck when I needed it. I was foolish enough to think I could just snap my fingers, and that magnificent beast would come… like my soul would call it home… like I have a heart worthy of housing a dragon."
"Of course you do!" I yelled.
"Didn't you hear me? I had a Blue Eyes White Dragon in my hands. Right before it destroyed itself, I looked in its eyes and knew… it could never belong to someone like me," he smiled. "I thought it was my heart and soul. But it's just one more thing I gave up along the way."
"You're wrong, Nisama. You are a Blue Eyes White Dragon!"
He hit me for the first time since Gozaburo died. As he left the room, I heard him mutter, "They're just pieces of paper… just one more thing that can be easily destroyed."
"I've always known that whatever damage he took, he did to himself deliberately," Yami said quietly.
"That's the worst part. Everything that happened to him, happened with his consent. He's trying to change. I don't know if he can."
"Are you asking if I'll leave? I won't. He looked at me and saw beyond the spirit. I look at him, and see beyond the rage, beyond the pain. I don't know if he can change either. And I don't always understand him. But I do know that like his dragons, he will never give up. And I will never give up on him."
"Do you remember what I told you about the night Nisama got that cut?" I asked. It wasn't really changing the subject. It just seemed that way.
"Of course," he said encouragingly.
"Do you understand why he attacked Gozaburo?"
He looked puzzled. "He was trying to protect you, Mokuba. He was trying to distract your adoptive father."
"Not quite. That's not the whole story. It took me a long time to figure it out. Nisama didn't need to go to that extreme to get Gozaburo's attention. Our adoptive father never really noticed me anyway. All he wanted to know was that Nisama didn't care about me either. Gozaburo lost interest in me the minute Nisama hit me. And that's why Nisama did it. You didn't see him later. All he cared about was that he'd hit me. He knew no one would stop him; that no one would punish him. He was beating himself up on the inside about it. He was looking for someone to finish the job on the outside – and Gozaburo was there."
I looked Yami straight in the eye.
"That's the way my brother is. He plays people. That's why he set up Death-T. He knew you could kill him. That's still part of the attraction. He's his own judge, jury and executioner. That's why he disappeared last week. He figured he didn't deserve you. He's mean to himself. Then he looks for other people to finish the job."
"Don't worry. I won't let him."
"I'm getting too old for promises," I said.
"I'm not to old to need to make them." he answered. "You're not alone – either of you. I'll look after him."
I smiled, "Don't promise to succeed. Just promise to try."
I had told Yami all I knew. I figured he owed me an answer in return.
"Yami," I said hesitantly, "I heard a lot of what you and Nisama talked about… you know, Yugi and DOMA and all."
He nodded, unsurprised to learn that I had listened in. At least he didn't seem mad. "And you want to know…" he said encouragingly.
"How did you learn to get over it?" I blurted out.
"I don't think anyone ever really 'gets over' doing something like that. Knowing you're capable of becoming your worst fears, changes you." He held up his hand to stop my next comment. "But I know what you mean. I've come farther in two months, than Kaiba has in two years. It's hard to explain. Yugi was more than my host. He set the boundaries of my world. And Yugi's world is a generous, charitable place."
He paused. I didn't say anything. I didn't have to. We both knew who had set the parameters of my brother's world.
"I was lucky," he continued. "I had Yugi to teach me how to forgive others. And I guess I learned enough along the way to practice on myself."
"Then why can't Nisama?"
"When has your brother ever been able to learn from anything but his own hard won experience?"
Maybe he knew Nisama better than I thought.
Thanks to Clarity for taking the time to beta this chapter.
Thanks to Maris – I kept feeling like the end of Kaiba's narrative was missing something, but I couldn't figure out what. Then I read your review and realized that now that they are back together, and now that Yami was being patient and supportive when he needed to be – you were absolutely right – he might feel that a little territory marking was in order. So thank you for giving me the idea.
Thanks to Amarin Rose for coming up with the title for this chapter "Escape from Alcatraz" It made such a wickedly appropriate pun, I couldn't resist.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's tempting to get annoyed with Kaiba for being so dumb and dense that he just can't get stuff like friendship or trust (much less love). And when it comes to these things – Kaiba really doesn't get it. But he doesn't get it for some very good reasons. For the first 16 years of his life he's never really been around anyone who had his welfare and best interests in mind. Not only that but he's been responsible for protecting his younger brother from the uncaring (and sometimes downright dangerous) adults in their lives, a trend that continues to the present, at least in his business life. So it isn't surprising that he has such conflicting feelings about trusting others.
Mansion note: One thing that always struck me as kind of funny was that Kaiba stays in Domino. In the manga he's clearly shown as staying in the same house. Which is kind of odd – I mean you wouldn't think that the place has a lot of pleasant associations, and wouldn't a teenage billionaire prefer Tokyo or New York? I wondered if Kaiba thought of it as a spoil of war almost, or whether he wanted to rub it in everyone in Domino's faces how successful he's become.
Gozaburo Note: I've always had the sense that Seto Kaiba accepts responsibility for the things that happened to him as a result of his choice of Gozaburo as an adoptive father. The one exception is Seto's own role in designing weapons. In the manga, he literally cries out that Gozaburo sold his soul to the military. To me, it seemed significant that this is the one time he blames Gozaburo for anything.
RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:
Kaiba and Yami: (AmunRa, Ayuma and Sakura, Clarity, Daje Elle Namte, Darkstar71, Desidera, dimonyo-anghel, elirian 19, Maris, Nachzes Black-Rider, QueenofGames2, SoulSister, Sylvia Viridian, Troubled Talent, YGO EcoGoth) There's a real parallelness (is that a word?) to their feelings. Yami needs Kaiba to touch him to believe in his own body, and Kaiba needs just as desperately to convince himself that this is real. If you believe that love is a matter of both the heart and the body, you could say that they are both experiencing things they believed to be beyond their reach. There's an odd symmetry to them. Yami has faith in Kaiba, where he talks about having to unearth his heart which was buried in the rubble at the base of his duel tower, and even when Yami was a spirit, he was always real to Kaiba.
It's funny, I realized at some point (like really recently) that I'm trying to have each lime show a different aspect of their relationship, to sort of say something different about their characters or where they are at in relation to each other (well, besides horizontally), if that makes sense.
Duels of the heart: (StainofCurare) That was a great point – it really put something I sort of feel unconsciously into words. But that's true – in both Yami's duels with Raphael and Dartz, what he's facing are victories or defeats of the heart. All the duels Kaiba faces are really duels about (or for) his heart. The one that is always most striking for me, that way, is his duel with Noa – where he sacrifices his Extra Dimensional Dragon for his BEWD, knowing that even though he will lose the duel (and with it his life), it's the only card that will enable him to save Mokuba.
Yugi: (AmunRa, Cerebi Motou, Daje Elle Namte, Darkstar71, Desidera, StainofCurare, Sylvia Viridian, Troubled Talent) I was pretty influenced by the manga/anime version of Yugi. In the manga he fantasizes about Anzu's underwear, and borrows porn tapes from Jounouchi (who else?) although he's still young and shy enough to blush when he gets caught. Actually in the anime he curses a lot… well not a lot compared to the triumvirate of Kaiba, Mokuba, and Jounouchi, but still…. The thing I like and respect about Yugi is that his 'innocence' is neither childish or even naive. He has simply made the decision to look for and trust to the best in people. Of course that doesn't mean he could watch Yami get hurt without getting mad – he's a decent guy, not a saint!
Characters in general: (heaven shadow) One thing I've always admired about the manga/anime is that they don't soften the characters, Kaiba in particular, but show him struggling with this stuff, straight from Death-T to Alcatraz, when he finally seems to start to get a handle on what he has to do to salvage his life.
Kaiba and Seto in particular: (Macavity, samurai-ashes) One interesting thing about writing a time travel story was that I get to write about the 13 year old punk (I just love the brat) without having to give up the 18 year old version. And it's fun to contrast them, but I'm trying to keep the sense they are the same person, even while trying to portray them individually (did that make any sense?) I do think though that, particularly in Kaiba's case, they would judge themselves by what the other has done/seems about to do, which is why I think Kaiba would sort of take on any weakness he sees in Seto as proof of his own inherent failings. Also the 13 year old appears only very briefly in the anime/manga, even in flashbacks, so I guess I couldn't resist trying to fill in the dots.
Mansion: (Daje Elle Namte) Yami, Yugi and Sugoroku have been staying at the mansion since about Chapter 7. When Yami says in Chapter 25, that he was debating whether to tell Yugi it was time to return home, he meant that he was wondering if it was time for them to leave the mansion and return to the Game Shop.
Gozaburo: (elirian 19, Troubled Talent) I had never thought about it before, but yeah, I guess for Seto Kaiba fans, Gozaburo is the epitome of evil! I'm not saying that Seto was a saint-in-training before Gozaburo got his hands on him, quite the opposite. He was calculating, untrusting, and except to Mokuba, probably untrustworthy, hard and cold. And in some ways, I think having his relatives steal their inheritance and dump them in an orphanage might have been almost as damaging. In some ways though, that makes Gozaburo almost worse to me – that he took a child that was plainly damaged, and tried to break him further. And so many of Kaiba's battles are about his struggle to free himself from Gozaburo's influence, and I think from seeing himself and the world through Gozaburo's eyes.
Thanks to Yumi no Zencho, I'm glad your enjoying the story.
Note to lil angelgirl: Thanks, it was nice to hear from you. It's funny, when I was in the middle of writing Cards, I couldn't imagine ever finding anything more to say about these guys. I was a little relieved to find that that wasn't true. But it was important to me to make Déjà vu an original story that could stand on its own two feet, so to speak, so it was nice to hear that.
Note to StainofCurare: I had to laugh at your comment regarding "aureoles." My dictionary also defined them as an "encircling ring of color or light. Either way, I guess it's a bit of a stretch. But one of the things I really like about writing is that there are all these really cool words, like anodyne or coalescence or fervent or well, aureoles, that you never get to use in casual conversation. (At least I've never managed to work them in.) So it's fun to finally get to dust them off, and show them around a little.
Note to Cerebi Motou: Thanks. As I said in the ANs I was trying to have each lime sort of be about something (well, besides the obvious). Anyway, I had gotten the first sentence very early, and then had nothing to go with it, until I finally figured out what was going on (beyond the obvious). So that paragraph had one of my earliest sentence, and some of my latest.