Dawn handed Buffy the cup of coffee from the machine, and the pressed the button to wait for her hot chocolate to fill up. Buffy looked at the coffee and sighed. She wasn't thirsty, she was way too worried to be thirsty but it was good to stretch her legs and get out of that room where Angel and Nina were constantly having couple 'moments'. They acted concerned for Spike but they were really more occupied with each other. Not that she could blame them. Neither of them had cared for Spike much before he was a human, so it stood to reason they wouldn't care now.

The Slayer sat down on a nearby chair and sipped the rank coffee. Willow said she would call Buffy when results of the locator spell presented themselves. Until then she was left to worry and wish she hadn't been such a moron. If she had paid more attention to Spike in the first place, instead of concerning herself with the fact that Angel was human now and that meant no curse, things might have been a lot different. Spike wouldn't have run away, she wouldn't have taken him back to his house and left him alone to be kidnapped. If he had stayed in the hospital, he would have had a much better chance in being safe.

"Buffy," Dawn said softly as she sat down next to her, cup in hand "none of this is your fault. None of it. So, stop blaming yourself. Spike...he'll be alright"

She shook her head "No, vampire Spike would have been alright. The newly human variety? Not so much, Dawn"

Her sister reached over and slid an arm around her shoulders "Even so, he's smart. I mean, we might not give him credit for it, but he is smart"

Buffy agreed with that. Spike was smart, but that didn't mean he could fend off a demon attack. Smart didn't get you anywhere when things were baying for your blood. She didn't want to think that way but her mind wouldn't listen. It kept running off a list of worst-case scenarios. It just seemed a cruel twist of fate that Spike would get his life back only to have it taken from him hours later. God, she hated this world sometimes.

She kept her eyes focused on the coffee in her hands "Know what I regret?"

"What?"

"That...I could never figure out how to love Spike"

Dawn frowned "What'd you mean?"

"Like...even now, when I'm with him...I can't say I love him. With Angel it was so obvious to me, you know? He was my first love. Everything felt right with him. It had to be love. Then it all went wrong. With Spike...I knew him before he was good. I saw him kill first, ask questions later. I knew Angel as Angel, and not Angelus. That's why; after he came back from hell...I could still look at him and love him. But with Spike..."

Dawn nodded "You knew him as an evil vampire first, good guy Spike later"

"Right. And I'm the Slayer. I'm supposed to fight evil, not build a relationship with it," She sighed "and sometimes, even after all he's done – I can't help it – I still feel like Spike is the enemy. Like he's someone I could never love"

"Maybe you're looking at it wrong. Maybe you love Spike but in a different way" Dawn suggested carefully "I mean, he's not that guy anymore. He hasn't been for a long time. Spike...he's way different to Angel. They both have a terrible past, but Spike has to work even more for redemption in your eyes. I think he knows that he has to work harder because when you met he was a different man"

The Slayer nodded "I want to say it. Sometimes I feel the words on my lips, like when he smiles at me, I want to say it but it just doesn't come out. I never even used to think about it before I told Angel I loved him"

"He was your first love, like you said," She reminded her "You're older now; you're a lot more cynical. Stands to reason you question the important things before you blurt them out"

Buffy turned to Dawn "You think I'm cynical?"

Dawn laughed and kissed her sister on the temple "Little bit"

Buffy pouted and was about to reply when her phone started to ring. Instantly, she straightened up, pulling away from Dawn and yanked the phone out, holding it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Buffy, it's me," Willow's voice came grainy down the line "It took me a while, but I got a lock. Something powerful was trying to cloak his location. It kind of reminded me of..."

---------------

"...The First!" Spike spun around "You're The First"

The figure in the shadows laughed amiably. Spike couldn't actually make out if it was trying to impersonate his mother but from what he could see, it had taken on a female form. He stood slowly, his legs weak and shaking. The pain in his face kicked up a notch and he groaned, holding his head. Spike wished he had those awful glasses Buffy had forced him to wear. At least them he might be able to get a better look at it.

"Knew it would only be a matter of time before you resurfaced" Spike spat, swaying slightly.

"Silly William," The soft voice replied "I'm not the source of all evil. Although, I'm flattered you'd think so"

He squared his shoulder "Oh, yeah? So, what – you're my mum back from her dusty grave? Yeah, right"

"I never said I was your mother, either"

"Then what are you?"

It stepped out of the shadows, into a beam of light coming from a high up window. Spike frowned; it wasn't taking on the appearance of his mother at all. Then how had its voice sounded so similar? Instead, a young woman stood before him. Maybe late twenties in age, soft blond hair tumbling around her shoulders, with icy blue eyes and a sharp, chiselled face. Pretty, for a demon or whatever she was. At least from what he could make out from his blurry vision. What kind of demon looked like that anyway? He didn't know. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"I'm like you," She replied "Or, at least, I'm what you used to be"

Realisation dawned in him. "A vampire"

"Don't you recognise me?" The vampire tilted her head, smiled "Well, it's been a while and I am older"

He folded his arms, ignoring the throbbing in his head "You know what? I don't have all day. Just tell me your evil plans and let's get on with it, shall we?"

She laughed prettily "You're so different now, William. But I like it. Our kind has to change to survive and I think you'll find I've changed too"

"It's Spike," He growled "And I don't give a chuff what you like, or who you are"

The woman smiled "Spike"

The way she said it sent shivers up his spine, there was eroticism to it, like she was reading things into that name.

"I think you'll change your mind when you realise who I am," She glided closer to him.

Spike shrugged "So tell me"

"Alright. You never were one for mystery," The vampire halted in her tracks "were you, big brother?"