Okay, here's the next chapter. I'm off to London tomorrow (yay!) and I don't know how long it will take me to settle in, but I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible! Please read and review!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you can not hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder

And we'll run for our lives

I can hardly speak

I understand, why you can't raise your voice to sing- Snow Patrol

Ryan knew something was wrong before Kirsten and Sandy asked him and Seth to join them in the living room. He had spied Sandy coming back up from the beach late last night sneaking back into the house. When Sandy had turned towards the pool house, Ryan saw that his eyes were red and swollen, and his clothes were soaking wet.

Ryan hadn't seen Kirsten since the morning before, Sandy kept saying that she was having a rough couple of days and was still sleeping. His first thought was maybe she had fallen off the wagon, but Sandy wouldn't be covering for her if that was true. He didn't know what was going on, but something was definitely wrong.

Kirsten appeared at dinner, in sweats with her hair hastily pulled back into a ponytail. She barely touched her dinner, and kept exchanging glances with Sandy who gave her reassuring smiles. She didn't really say anything, listening as Seth talked about something that had happened between him and Summer that day at school, and smiling at the appropriate parts, but Ryan could see that she wasn't listening. Neither was Sandy, who kept staring at his wife as if she would disappear right before his eyes.

When the dishes were cleared from the table, Sandy asked both the boys to join him and Kirsten in the living room.

"There's something we need to tell you," he said and he reached out for Kirsten's hand and gave it a squeeze. Ryan looked at Seth, who shrugged. Whatever it was, Seth had no clue either. They took a seat in the chairs across from the couch, where Sandy and Kirsten sat, hands clasped between them. Ryan looked expectantly at them, and Kirsten looked at Sandy who nodded almost imperceptibly.

"I haven't been feeling very well," Kirsten started. "I went to the doctor's yesterday…"

"You aren't pregnant are you?" Seth interrupted. Kirsten shook her head, and a few tears fell down her face.

"You're sick," Ryan choked out. Kirsten's eyes met his and she nodded slightly.

"I have cancer, ovarian cancer," she replied softly.

Ryan's first reaction was to scream. To throw things against the wall, and curse anyone who would listen that it wasn't fair, that they were just getting settled again, and that of all people Kirsten did not deserve this. They did not deserve this. But he took a deep calming breath, because the last thing that Kirsten needed was to have to deal with his hysterics. He was about to ask Kirsten more about what was going to happen, and what this meant, when he heard the glass break and he whipped his head to see Seth standing there, having just thrown a vase against the glass door.

Seth had jumped from his seat, grabbed the vase that was on the table behind him, and had thrown the vase over his parents' heads and into the French doors behind them. Sandy had ducked, throwing his arm over Kirsten to protect her, thinking that Seth had thrown the vase at them in some sort of misguided anger. But he had looked up when he heard the glass shatter.

"Oh honey," Kirsten had breathed, letting go of Sandy's hand to stand up and hold her son. Seth shook his head, pacing around the back of the couch and wrapping his arms around himself. Kirsten ignored his protests and pulled him close to her and held him for a second before leading him back over to the couch to sit down next to Ryan. Seth pulled his legs close to his lanky body and began to rock slightly.

Ryan wasn't aware that he wasn't breathing until Kirsten's soft voice broke through and she laid a gentle hand on his arm and gave him a sad smile.

"Take a deep breath, honey," she suggested. Ryan let out the shaky breath that he had been holding and looked up at her. Next to him, Seth was still resting his head on top of his knees and trying to withdraw into himself.

"What does…um…" Seth shook his head and tried to get his thoughts in order. "What happens next? What does this mean?" He looked from his mother to his father who shook her head slightly and took Sandy's hand in hers.

Ryan barely listened as Sandy explained that they were going to fight the cancer aggressively, surgery to remove as much of the caner tissue as they could, combined with chemotherapy. Kirsten was to go in for surgery in a couple of days.

"Monday?" Seth's head shot up. "Why so soon?"

"It's to see the extent of the cancer," Sandy explained gently. "So that they can start trying to beat it as soon as possible."

"I know this is a lot to take in," Kirsten said. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry to put you all through this." Ryan looked at her incredulously. Why was she apologizing? As if it was her fault?

"Kirsten," Ryan said, and Kirsten turned to him. "Please don't…this is not your…" He shook his head. How many times had he apologized for things that weren't his fault only to have Kirsten tell him not to take responsibility for things that he had no control over? It was his turn.

"We're going to get through this," Seth said suddenly. "Right? It's going to be okay? Right?"

"Right," Sandy said grabbing Kirsten's hand. She was incapable of answering Seth, because she didn't want to promise something that she wasn't sure was possible.

They talked a little while longer, in soft tones, sitting in the living room before finally Kirsten admitted she was exhausted, and Sandy ushered her upstairs to get some rest.

It wasn't until Ryan got into the pool house that he felt the tears rolling down his face and wondered how long he had been crying.

Ryan couldn't sleep that night, tossing and turning in his bed until finally he got up and padded across the yard to the kitchen to get himself something to eat. He wasn't surprised to find Kirsten sitting on a stool sipping a cup of tea and looking through picture albums. He knew that no one in the house was probably getting any sleep. Ryan figured he was bound to run into someone in the kitchen, and though he thought it would be Sandy, it wasn't a shock to see Kirsten sitting there instead.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," she replied giving him a small smile. "Couldn't sleep?" He shook his head reaching into the refrigerator. "Me neither. I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep. I can't turn my brain off."

"What are you looking at?" He asked pulling out a bowl of grapes and carrying them to Kirsten who plucked one out and into her mouth. He climbed up onto the stool next to her and leaned over to see.

"Pictures of my mom," Kirsten pointed to a picture. "Before she got sick." She unsuccessfully stifled a sob and shook her head.

"You're going to be okay," Ryan whispered. She nodded. "Are we going to be able to see you after the surgery on Monday?"

"Yes," Kirsten said. "They're going to do the surgery, and then afterwards, while I'm in recovery, Sandy is going to come back with me to talk with the doctors, and then you two can come back to see me."

When Ryan told this to Seth, Seth began to fill a bag to take to the hospital to give to his mother. Movies and books went in that Seth thought she might like. He asked Sandy what her favorite kind of lotions and shampoos were, and he went and got bottles of each and stuck them in there too. It kept Seth occupied, kept him from thinking about what was going to happen, and the fact that his mother was sick, and it might not be okay.

That weekend, before the first surgery, before they knew the extent of the cancer, before they heard percentages, and chances, and before Kirsten got really sick, they had a picnic on the beach, just the four of them. Seth didn't complain about having to spend time with his parents, instead he was like a small child, and attached himself to his mother. When she was in a room, he made sure that he was in the same room sitting within her reach. They spent the day down at the beach, Kirsten lounging in the sun with Seth, while Sandy tried to convert Ryan into a surfer.

They all went to a movie Saturday night, and Sandy suggested playing a game, to which everyone, including Seth, agreed to, but Kirsten got so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open, and Sandy wrapped an arm around her waist and led her up to bed. It was the first prediction of what was to come, and Seth and Ryan had quietly put away all the pieces that had been carefully set out and instead played PlayStation, while Sandy sat up in his bedroom reading, keeping an eye on his wife.

During Kirsten's first surgery, Ryan sat next to Sandy, who would not take his eyes off of the door leading back to the OR, and Seth who would not look at the doors to the OR. When the doctor finally came out and told Sandy that Kirsten was in recovery, and he could go sit with her, Ryan stood up and Sandy gave him a kiss on the forehead and told him that he would be out soon to let them know what was happening.

When Sandy walked in, Kirsten's eyes fluttered open and she gave him a small smile.

"Hey there," he said crossing over and giving her hand a kiss.

"Hey yourself," she replied. Sandy pulled the chair up next to her bed and sat down.

"How are you feeling?" He asked running a hand through her hair and resting his hand on her cheek.

"I'm okay," she replied. "Just tired. Are the boys here?"

"In the waiting room," Sandy told her. "Waiting impatiently." Kirsten nodded, and the door opened and the doctor came in and sat down in the empty seat across from Sandy and sighed.

The sigh, Kirsten knew from dealing with her mother, was not a good sign. Sandy knew took, judging by the way that his hand tightened around hers.

"It seems to have progressed farther than we had hoped," Dr. Thomas said gently. "It seems to have progressed past the early staging into more advanced stages." Sandy knew that with ovarian cancer, it was hard to catch it in the early stages. He had spent every moment that he wasn't with Kirsten in the past few days pouring over websites and books that had to do with ovarian cancer.

"What happens now?" Kirsten asked tiredly.

"We're going to schedule another surgery and try to remove as much of the cancer tissue as possible," Dr. Thomas explained. "And then Kirsten will start chemotherapy."

Kirsten barely listened to the rest of what he had to say, preferring not to hear how low the probability that she would beat this was, knowing that it wasn't good was enough, and she didn't need to hear the actual numbers. Sandy listened, his attention never wavering, and nodded and thanked the doctor quietly as he left, with instructions to call if they had any more questions. He was about to open his mouth to encourage his wife, when she shook her head.

"Go get the boys," she said softly. Sandy leaned over and gave her a soft kiss before obeying her and going out into the waiting room to retrieve his sons.

Sandy stepped into the waiting room, and Seth and Ryan hopped to their feet and knew from the look on his face that the news wasn't good.

"Is Mom okay?" Seth asked immediately, and Sandy nodded.

"She's okay, tired, but okay. She wants to see you guys," Sandy replied.

"The cancer…it's progressed, hasn't it?" Ryan asked quietly. Sandy turned to him, and Ryan saw the worry in his guardian's eyes. He saw the fear, and felt his own fear start to build.

"Yes," Sandy said just as quietly, wondering how Ryan got so perceptive. "It's progressed farther than they had hoped." Ryan nodded, turning his head away and ignoring the urge to throw up. Seth ran a hand through his curly hair, and fell back onto the chair behind him.