Please Read and Review: I'd really like to hear what you think; in a story this long, I'd also like to know if it's still holding people's attention.
STORY RECAP: Since it's been a while since my last post (alasaila ni, which is Elvish for I'm sorry) I thought I'd give a brief summary of the story as it concerns the Sennen Items. If you remember it, please skip to the beginning of the chapter (which backtracks a little, and picks up the story from Seto's point of view, just after Kaiba plunges in the Eye.
AKUNADIN AND SENNEN ITEMS RECAP: Basically, Akunadin's part of the story revolves around the Sennen Eye and Rod. 3,000 years ago, these items were split – with each copy having half of its original power. Akunadin and his master, Zork (who's this sort of ultimate bad guy), have one copy of each. The other copy was guarded by the priests and continued being handed down through the ages until they wound up with Pegasus and Malik, respectively. They were eventually given to Shadi. Since these are Sennen Items, Akunadin and Zork can't just grab the other copies – they must be freely given them or win them in a duel from the legitimate holders – which in this case are potentially Seto and Kaiba. Way back in the beginning, Akunadin had targeted Seto as being his most likely ally in helping him gain control of both the Eye and the Rod. Before Akunadin could approach Seto, Shadi transported both Seto and Mokuba, who were running away from Gozaburo, five years to the future. So basically Akunadin was in a holding pattern until the two versions of Seto Kaiba claim the items. Akunadin believes he has recruited Seto, but Seto (finally) realized the danger Akunadin represented to Mokuba. Once Seto and Kaiba came to an understanding the gang headed to Egypt, where they reclaimed their versions of both items. Kaiba plunged the Eye into his own, plunging himself into the heart of his own nightmares. Yami followed…
CHAPTER 38: REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST
SETO'S POV
It was quite a scene. Kaiba was out cold. I was kind of sorry I could see his face, since it looked so much like mine. The gold eye gleamed weirdly from the wreckage of his real one. Blood was still trickling out of its socket. Yami was sprawled, face down, on top of him. Worse – Mokuba was crying. He had Kaiba's head in his lap. Kouma was sitting next to him, smoothing Kaiba's hair.
For a moment, I thought Yugi was going to follow Mokuba's example and pull Yami into his arms. But somehow, unnoticed in the confusion, Kaiba's arm had snaked around Yami, and was holding him in place. Yugi stopped short. He looked at the hand knotted in Yami's hair, and nodded slightly, as if his twin could see him, although what he was agreeing to was beyond me. The rest of the dimwits were clumped together behind Yugi, making a variety of howling and gagging noises. They looked even stupider than usual.
I hesitated. I should be the one comforting Mokuba and Kouma. But if Ghost Boy was right (on the theory that there's a first time for everything) and Akunadin knew that Kaiba had the Eye now, he'd be expecting me to report in as soon as possible. Besides, it was clear Kaiba wasn't getting up any time soon. That meant someone had to buy us some time – and I was the best candidate for the job.
Mokuba looked up. He eased Kaiba onto a cushion, and put Kouma in his lap instead.
"I'll look after Kouma for you," he said. "Go do what you have to. Kouma and me will sit here together and wait for Nisama to wake up. And I can tell him about all the times you're going to almost kill yourself… and how you'll always come back to us."
I frowned, considering his words. Anzu had joined them on the floor. I looked at Kaiba and Yami for a moment. When looked back at Mokuba, the idiot brigade had reformed around us, like some sort of mutant amoeba.
"It'll be okay. We have friends here, and so do they," Mokuba added, gesturing to Kaiba and Yami. "The gang will help if we need anything."
From where I stood, they'd been pretty useless up to now, but I wasn't going to argue. If Mokuba wanted them, that was enough for me. He got the whole friends thing better than I did, anyway. Kouma added his endorsement to the decision, saying: "I'll be okay with Mokuba."
I nodded and left. It was time to look up dear old Dad once again.
The first words out of Akunadin's mouth were: "It's good to see you, son." I tried not to feel bitter.
"I sense that Kaiba has claimed the Eye. When will you surrender Rod to me?" he asked eagerly.
"When I get around to it," I sneered. "We just got back. Anyway, what's your rush? I thought the plan was for me to get the Rod and then lead Kaiba to you, so you could challenge him for the Eye. Relax, we have plenty of time. Kaiba stuck the damn thing in his eye and promptly passed out. He's not chasing after me any time soon, Rod or not."
"You are wise my son. So, Kaiba is finding the Eye difficult to control." he said with satisfaction.
I grunted. I wasn't about to tell him that Kaiba had shoved it in backwards, just in case it was important. And he was only too happy to believe that Kaiba was his inferior.
"How did you know he'd pick the Eye?" I asked to cover my thoughts.
"Properly used, the Eye can be the more powerful. I knew he'd be drawn to it. He'd want to keep the best for himself."
Although I didn't show it, I was relieved. Akunadin really must have been my father in a past life, because he didn't know shit about Seto Kaiba – either of us – any more than Gozaburo had. I didn't have a clue why Kaiba had picked the Eye (although I was grateful he had, since I like both my eyes just fine the way they are) but I had seen Kaiba's face. Whatever he had been feeling, it sure as hell wasn't desire. If anything, he seemed to have a grudge against the thing. But Akunadin was talking, so I paid attention.
"How do you plan to get the Rod?" he asked.
"Piece of cake." I boasted. "I got Mokuba eating out of my hand. If anyone can get the Rod, it's him. Everyone trusts him, and he trusts me."
"I wish you had stayed in Egypt. I could have joined you there. My power would have been greater on familiar ground."
So Kaiba had been right to want home field advantage. I smiled. Akunadin had just given me the perfect way to buy some time.
"You want familiar? Give me three weeks, and I'll give you an Egypt that'll be so real, you'll be ducking sand storms."
"How will you accomplish that, in the middle of Domino?"
"That's my business. Kaiba Corporation business."
"Ahh, a marriage of magic and technology."
"Yeah, and the best part is, I'm going to sucker Kaiba into setting the stage for his own downfall, himself."
"How will you do that without arousing his suspicions?"
"Simple. Kaiba's planning to turn my video program into a virtual reality game anyway. All I have to do is to tell him to forget it. I'll tell him that I don't think he can do it with only one eye, and I don't want him screwing up my program, because he's too weak to handle the job. That should be enough to get him to the Kaiba Land basement bright and early. Kaiba will be so bent on proving me wrong, it'll never occur to him that this is really a double game – or that he's playing right into my hands."
"You are clever, my son. I approve. We will move on your signal. I must learn to curb my impatience. I have waited 3,000 years for this moment… for my son to finally declare his allegiance to me and embrace the destiny I have chosen for him."
This clearly wasn't the time to point out that destiny was bullshit, or that only a weak fool would accept a fate someone else had laid out for him, instead of making his own. I concentrated on looking dutiful, which admittedly wasn't one of my better acts. Luckily, like most people, Akunadin saw only what he wanted to see.
"To think boy, you are the one who will finally fulfill my plans… who will finally earn my forgiveness. Do you understand debt and obligation?"
I almost didn't bother replying. I was pretty sick of hearing about his beef with his son; and Akunadin wasn't really talking to me anyway, but to a guy who died 3,000 years ago. Akunadin was looking at me expectantly though, and we were supposed to be allies – no, we were supposed to be father and son. And his question seemed safe enough to answer.
"It might have taken a while, but I've got that one down cold, father."
He brushed the hair off my eyes, reached down to hold my chin in his palm. I stood still and let him. He looked at me.
"After 3,000 years, you are finally my son."
He was trying to manipulate me. I was deceiving him. Given what I knew about fathers and sons, I'd have to say his statement worked for me, too. But I was suddenly sick of Akunadin's convictions… and my own. It was time to go home and remind myself that there was an exception to all the rules.
It was late when I got back to the mansion. The first thing I saw was Mokuba sitting on the steps. He spoke quickly.
"Kouma's okay. He's asleep." He held up a walkie-talkie. "The monitor is on in his room, and I've been checking on him. Nisama and Yami are both awake. They were out of it for hours. Then Yami finally opened his eyes and said, 'We made it back home." Mokuba smiled. "Nisama woke up at that and growled, 'What the fuck did you expect? I told you I knew the way.' They're upstairs now, resting… I hope."
I nodded. "Thanks for looking after Kouma for me."
His smile widened to a grin, "Don't mention it. That's what brothers are for."
I went straight to their room and walked in without knocking. I don't know if I was trying to embarrass them, but what I saw was worse than if I'd caught them fucking. Yami was sitting up in bed, leaning against the headboard. Kaiba was lying down, his head in Yami's lap. His eyes were closed, and Yami was stroking his hair, almost absentmindedly. They were both worn out. But they also looked kind of… peaceful. For the first time in my life, I seemed content. I looked away. It was as intimate as if I really had caught them banging each other.
It was… nice. Five years is a long time to wait, but I wouldn't mind a having a future that had a moment like this one in it.
I slammed the door, making them jump. As Kaiba turned to look at me, I noticed that the pyramid pattern on his Eye was facing outward.
I knew what they were probably thinking, so I said it first, "I've been to see Akunadin." I didn't quite mean it that way, but I threw the words out like a challenge. If anyone was going to trust me, it would be Yami, so I was pleased when Kaiba spoke first.
"Good," he said wearily, closing his eyes again. He looked like shit. It was the first time he had shown any weakness in my presence.
"He knows we have the items?" he asked, eyes still closed.
"Yeah. He knew before I got there. He was pleased to hear that you didn't have a clue how to control the Eye. Don't worry. I didn't tell him you were stupid enough to put it in backwards."
I smiled at the slight flush on his cheekbones. Another first.
"You've got three weeks to figure out how to work the damn thing." I told him.
"How did you manage that?" Yami asked.
"He wants a place that feels like home for the upcoming battle. I bought the time by promising a simulation of Ancient Egypt that'd fool even him."
"It's important that we meet him on our territory, not his." Yami warned.
It was Kaiba who answered for me. "We will. He might think he's getting Egypt. But, what he's really getting is a man-made illusion – a Kaiba Corporation hologram. We'll be in Kaiba Land the whole time – inside the game we designed. You couldn't ask for a sweeter deal."
Yami smiled. "It's oddly appropriate. Think of how often Kaiba Corporation has been the venue for our battles."
He stroked Kaiba's hair again. "I suppose it would be too much to expect you to take it easy for a day or two, Koryuu?" he asked.
It took me a minute to realize that Yami wasn't talking to me. I didn't bother to hide my laughter. Koryuu, huh? I would have thought he'd have at least graduated to being called Ryuujin. But I have to admit, I wouldn't have minded hearing Yami call me 'Koryuu' in that tone of voice.
"You heard Seto." Kaiba said, ignoring me. "We only have three weeks. And there's a lot of equipment to set up, if we're going to make the Kaiba Land basement into a virtual Ancient Egypt. Seto's not bad, but he's not me… yet. When it comes to holograms, the punk's just another wannabe."
I should have known he'd find a way to get me back. But the day must really have taken its toll. His tone was almost… fond.
YAMI'S POVKaiba's head was in my lap; his eyes were shut, hiding the golden one. I stole a quick glance at his chest, measuring its rise and fall. It was foolish. The faint pink of his lips told me that he was alive. But I needed confirmation. I had never seen Kaiba look so peaceful.
I smiled and shut my own eyes, then opened them, and hissed in surprise. Kaiba's head was still in my lap, but now his hair and skin had been kissed by the sun. Now we lay on linen sheets, as smooth and fine as the silk that they had replaced.
I had been wandering in Kaiba's memories all day. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that one of my own had surfaced.
"You had no energy left. You knew that. Yet you attacked anyway. You could have died today!" I screamed at the figure in my lap.
"Yes," my High Priest answered, his eyes still closed.
"Is that all you have to say?" I demanded.
"What would you have me say in its stead?"
"That you'll take at least a minimum of care with your life. That you won't rush in so recklessly. That you won't throw your life away protecting mine."
That made his eyes snap open. I had forgotten that they were just as intense a blue.
"I'm never reckless. You value my life, and I would never treat anything you value cavalierly. But you are my pharaoh. You are Ra's representative on Earth, invested with his divinity. You can not expect me to put your life above my own. I am your High Priest. You can not expect me to blaspheme against the will of the Gods. It will be my honor to die for you."
"Enough talk of death for one day," I replied, stroking the incongruously soft hair that had flopped down to shield his eyes, once more. "Go to sleep, Seto, and let us pray that tomorrow will be gentler."
As if in answer to my command, his breathing slowed, and his eyes drifted shut again.
I looked at the sun-streaked hair, the now veiled blue eyes. He had the calmness of a warrior whose strength had never been misused. The certainty of a man born to his faith, his time, and his place… as my vassal and champion.
I looked at Seto, and wanted Kaiba. I wanted the one whose love was unmingled with his duty… whose love, however unspoken, was untainted by reverence. I wanted the one whose wildness had lured me close; whose vulnerability had captured my heart.
I closed my eyes and opened them, relieved to see that the sun streaks had faded from his hair, relieved to see the tension stealing back into his figure, relieved to see that it was Kaiba in my arms. He clutched me, as though grabbing me back from the past, murmured my name, 'Yami', as though giving it back to me. I smiled and held him closer, happy to be back where I belonged.
Then Kaiba started thrashing in my arms. This was more than his usual restlessness. For the first time since we been together, he was having a nightmare. "Anubis," he muttered.
I froze. We were back in the present. Why was my lover dreaming of the God who weighed the souls of the dead at their passing? The God who fed those unworthy to the monsters that lay in wait to feast on their victims?
"It will be all right, Seto. I'm sure that Anubis' judgment will be more merciful than your own. Go to sleep," I said, as I had said 3,000 years ago. "Let us hope that tomorrow will be gentler."
He eased into a deep, dreamless, slumber… my name replacing Anubis' on his lips.
SUGOROKU'S POVAfter yesterday, I wasn't surprised that Seto was the first Kaiba in my kitchen. As usual, he was wearing his duel disk – the one Kaiba had given him. He loved seeing the cards come alive. This morning he was busy slipping cards in and out, trying different combinations. Even a quick glance told me it was Kaiba's deck, not his.
Seto frowned as he slipped the three Blue Eyes into position, added the polymerization card. Even the sight of his Ultimate Dragon didn't distract him. "Why are there only three? I keep feeling like one is missing. It should be here with its brothers – just like the four of us."
For once, I had nothing to say.
"There were four." As usual, I hadn't heard Kaiba come in. He nodded in my direction saying, "The old man held one. I destroyed it."
He had succeeded in shocking Seto. "Why? That card was part of your soul… of our soul… you know that."
"And you know that the game can't be played without a sacrifice. Or maybe I was just clearing away the dead wood." Kaiba said, a hint of weariness in his voice.
Seto's eyes widened slightly. "They weren't just homework assignments, were they? That's why he kept punishing me -- to make me think I'd failed... to convince me that my designs were useless to him. And that's why he never let me sleep... the bastard wanted me too confused and tired to figure out the game within his game. And I fell for it."
Kaiba nodded. "Three months and four days, from the day you ran away, you'll figure it out. You're some designer. Five years later, your weapons are still out there killing people. Everyone loves good old Kaiba Corporation products."
"Stop it!" I yelled. "It wasn't your fault – either of you. You were a just a child!"
Two pairs of identical blue eyes turned towards me, rejecting any excuse, any attempt at consolation.
"My childhood officially ended the day I challenged Gozaburo," Kaiba stated flatly. "That was the day I seized control of my destiny; the day I declared my right to guide Mokuba's. Having thrown off childhood's restrictions when it suited me, I can hardly claim childhood's innocence, now."
"You didn't know," I insisted.
"What the hell difference does that make?" Kaiba spat out. Seto finished his thought, "I should have known. I knew Gozaburo. I knew what he was capable of. But I was so tired…"
"Yes," Kaiba responded.
"How many people did I kill?"
"Kaiba Corporation weapons in general, or just the ones we personally designed?"
"Me…" he whispered.
At last count, approximately 543,857 according to best estimates; with an injury total about three to four times that amount."
Seto's face was as hard and as still as Kaiba's.
"I killed 543,857 people because I wanted to sleep?"
"Yes."
"Shit."
Seto closed his eyes. When he opened them, they were as lifeless as Kaiba's sometimes were… as if he could only atone by stripping himself of his own vitality.
"Whatever it costs… he must be stopped," Seto stated.
Kaiba's smile was as keen and as cutting as a sword.
"He was…" Kaiba's low voice was huskier than usual. "I can never undo the damage I caused. But I will never stop trying. I swear it."
Seto nodded, relaxing a little, letting some energy leach back into his eyes. Then he frowned, as something occurred to him.
"I thought I saw the diagrams when I was embezzling money. Over three months… it'll take me that long to figure it out?"
Kaiba nodded again. A slight shiver escaped him before he rigidly controlled it; before he forced himself to stand his ground; to look his younger self in the eye. I was glad that I was an early riser. It had given me a chance to see Mokuba's Nisama; to get to know the man Yami had fallen in love with.
Kaiba braced himself for Seto's next question. But his younger counterpart was silent. Possibly all the mercy had not yet been beaten out of him. Or maybe, even his endurance had limits.
Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks to everyone who asked about the delay between updates. I really appreciated hearing that people were still interested in the story.
I think that considering how deeply Kaiba regrets developing weapons for Kaiba Corporation, and his own analytical and exacting nature, he'd make it his business to find out exactly how many deaths he had caused. Madam Hydra explored the same idea in her beautiful story, 'Moving Forward'.
Quite a while back, laura m, asked, since so much of the story concerns the ancient past, and we've heard Yami and Shadi's impressions of the High Priest, whether we would see a flashback of Yami and Seto. After I got done thinking of all the reasons that wouldn't work, this scene came into my head and I saw all the reasons it would not only work, but be necessary. So it was a long wait, but here's a look at Yami and Seto in the far past..
It's funny – if you asked Akunadin if he loved Seto, he'd say yes – and it's probably the closest to love any version of Seto has known. And as Seto (the High Priest version) muses in the manga, Akunadin is the one who cared for him, taught him his sense of right and wrong and honor, and guided him – although Seto doesn't at that point realize that Akunadin is his father. But I also think it's a selfish kind of love – because Akunadin loves Seto as a reflection and an extension of himself – he loves Seto only when Seto seems to be fulfilling Akunadin's own dreams, which is different than valuing Seto for who he is.
RESPONSESPrison image: (Darleneartist, Desidera, Maris) Kaiba projects the image that he doesn't care about anything but power and winning, but I think the truth is just the opposite. He cares so deeply about the (as he puts it) few things that are crucial to him, that building walls around his heart, must have seen (given the circumstances) the only way to survive – which is why his illusion left it unclear if he was locked in, or locking the world out. But Yami has always been able to get past Kaiba's defenses – or rather to make Kaiba question himself, and want to move past them.
Kaiba: (AmunRa, Bishonen no Miko, Ceribi Motou, Darleneartist) I wanted to show Kaiba in a place where he was beyond his defenses, where there was nothing but his kind of elemental self; and where he had no need left for evasions. I wanted to show a part of Kaiba that he probably hasn't acknowledged since he was a very young child, if then. I think he would start to rebuild his walls almost immediately, but I also think he would remember this moment, and remember that Yami not only saw him as he is, but accepted and loved him for it.
Yami: (Darleneartist, Wintersslayer) In the manga and anime, Yami is always pushing Kaiba to reach his potential – there's a real sense that he won't settle for Kaiba being less than he can. But that's Kaiba's goal as well, and Yami isn't asking for anything from Kaiba that he's not already trying (often misguidedly) to accomplish as well. For me, one of the reasons Yami and Kaiba are believable as a couple is that Yami is one of the few people capable of loving Kaiba, not despite his flaws, but almost because of them – because they are part of what makes him the person he is, which is why he reminds himself – but I could not ask him to stop being Kaiba.
Note to Akito: Thanks. This chapter was one of my favorites, because I was glad to finally get them to a place where they were beyond everything but each other, and where all the real world considerations couldn't intrude.
Note to AmunRa: Thanks! It's probably the closest I'll ever come to writing poetry, but I wanted Kaiba to be kind of almost dreamily wondering what love was, and if he was finally experiencing it.
Note to animaster-sonja: Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
Note to Bishonen no Miko: Yeah I thought everyone (characters, readers and me) could use a little calm.
Note to Ceribi Motou: Your comment really had me smiling regarding repetition while getting laid. And I agree there's something irresistible about Kaiba with his defenses down.
Note to Darleneartist: I hadn't thought of it that way, but Kaiba does soften his soul room at Yami's request. Thanks for pointing that out.
Note to Desidera: I've never read 'Faust' but I loved that line: those who never stop trying can be saved.' That really sums up how I feel about Kaiba.
Note to Maris: Thanks – that line was one of my favorites as well.
Note to Wintersslayer: Thanks I was hoping the repetition would sort of build up a nice rhythm, so I'm glad you liked it.
Note to x-parrot: I hadn't noticed it, but you're right – Yami never bats an eye at the macabre things Kaiba says. And thank you: 'angsty, yes; weak never' pretty much sums up how I see Kaiba.
Note to Zak a.k.a. YGO Ecogoth: Yes! I did miss your reviews. I'm glad the story makes you want to draw.